boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue, obstensibly because he is depressed

[Take_everything]

I have been dating a guy since march. He was the one who was really into me, was over the top affectionate, persued me and asked for an exclusive relationship. It did seem kind of too good to be true. We never fought once and he was super supportive to me through some anxiety that cropped up. He was nothing but a positive, happy guy for me.

 

We started seeing eachother less about a month a go. He seemed fine though, as romantic as ever when we were together, texting all the time. I'm busy with work so I did't worry about it too much. He canceled on me one night, the third in a row and I said we need to have a serious talk about where we are at in the relationship and what we want.

 

He came over the next day and broke down crying saying he's been avoiding me because he's depressed. His father died driving drunk one year ago. He lives with his mom now who has become an angoraphope. He says he has to be strong for her and feels pathetic and weak crying. I don't think he's come to terms with it at all.

 

He never really talked about his dad, a few mentions when he was drinking. I wish he could have shared his feelings with me. I would be there to listen and be supportive. He said he couldn't do that. He said maintaining the front of happines with me was exhsusting and that he couldn't continue being with me. I basicly begged him not to break up with me. He was crying so much.

 

I promised to give him as much time and space as he needed but I didn't do that. A week later after he sent me a few I'm so sorry for hurting you/ I miss you/ I'm so confused texts, I texted him drunkenly that I loved him and he said he knows, but doesn't love me back. I sent him a barage of sad sack text but he said he would talk in person. He keep stressing we will talk in person when he is "emotionally ready"

 

I deleted his number and I'm waiting for him to get in touch. I have a few things to get off my chest and I think a meeting would help. I'm not going to beg for him back or ask him to explain. I just want to talk to him. I'm afraid/secretly hoping he's going to show up drunk at my appartment in the middle of the night. He works in a bar a block away and has done that many times before. Part of me really wants one last time in bed with him.

 

Oh and I saw the ****er on tinder. He liked me.

[ExpatInItaly]

What do you want to talk to him about, exactly?

 

He isn't in a good place right now, surely. I can't imagine the stress of losing a parent and he probably buries a lot of that but it affects him deeply. Unfortunately, that also affected you and your relationship with him.

 

He did the right thing by letting you go. He can't give you a serious relationship, which is what I assume you were hoping for. His Tinder activity emphasizes that point.

 

I know it's hurtful and frustrating, but it will be better if he stays out of your life for now.

[Take_everything]

I want to remind him he is the one that pushed for things to get serious. I told him over and over again we were moving too fast. I was always worried he was just diving into this to distract himself from his unadressed greif. I would have much prefered to take thing slow and let them develop naturally. He was fun and romantic but we weren't emotionaly intimate. I wish we could have been

 

 

Also, I don't really love him. I said that because losing him is so hard, but I don't think our relationship was love

[dumbass2]

"He works in a bar a block away and has done that many times before. Part of me really wants one last time in bed with him."

 

if that's all you want and that is it, then let him know and he'll may be fine with it since he doesn't want a relationship with you. You have nothing to lose unless you think you really love him and want a relationship (don't confuse love for lust), then just stay far away if that is the case or you will be on a roller coaster with tons of drama if that's what you want. He's on Tinder and works at a bar, so there's plenty of women that he sees and can try to go out with. He sounds like he doesn't want to be tied down and try to see if he can find someone better out there.

[ExpatInItaly]

I want to remind him he is the one that pushed for things to get serious. I told him over and over again we were moving too fast. I was always worried he was just diving into this to distract himself from his unadressed greif. I would have much prefered to take thing slow and let them develop naturally. He was fun and romantic but we weren't emotionaly intimate. I wish we could have been

 

 

Also, I don't really love him. I said that because losing him is so hard, but I don't think our relationship was love

 

Hm. And what do you feel you stand to gain by telling him these things?

[BriNyc82]

Hm. And what do you feel you stand to gain by telling him these things?

 

I've done exactly what you just said. You're the one who pushed for this, you pursued ME, you were this, we could have slowed it down or at the very least I could have been open to dating other people, blah blah blah. And ya know what? He got defensive and made BS excuses.

 

This guy probably does feel bad to some extent but he probably already knows it. Nothing good will coming out of trying to show him the countless ways that he hurt you. And if he is depressed and grieving, his pain is worse than yours (as he sees it).

[d0nnivain]

His life is a trainwreck. He's got a lot on his plate. He was looking to you for external validation but he was so upset & depressed over his father's untimely death & his mother's psychological problems, he didn't have anything to give you. He also probably doesn't like himself a lot so he couldn't handle you liking him.

 

 

Getting stuff off your chest by unloading on him is kicking a guy while he's down. Feel sorry for him and hope he turns his life around but move forward with yours & leave him behind.

[Happines]

Well my ex had depression and he used it quiet often as an excuse for his behaviour...think like this...his depression is not going anywhere it will b there all the time sometimes much better sometimes worse...this however should never b an excuse to treating other people badly...you should b happy he left because at one point you would start feeling lonely pushed away and depressed yourself...

 

When you love someone you treat them well even when you are struggling...you don't just say well I don't love u

 

Every time you would have some difficulty he would b on the run as he could not face dealing with issues