Heartless or am I dumb?

[Hizenburg]

Hey guys and gals,

 

New here first post. So be patient with the long write up please.

 

I'm a college student who has been going out with this gal, an amazing gal at first that is, this being my first long term relationship I don't know if what I did was wrong.

 

I started dating her in high school when I was 17 didn't know much then we got in to little fights nothing serious, she was a very moody gal. I always wished and looked for ways to make her and keep her happy. We saw each other regularly never had any problems with distance. In between our long 4.5 years of a relationship we seriously broke up once before, she started to stray from me and talked to another guy cause of different work and school schedules then. I still tried honestly I did to the point I'd try to come by after a 12 hour shift just to see how she was doing or give her a ride to work and back which was hard to do and 30min 1 way. When we finally broke up then it hurt a lot I never understood why or how I got to this point, I treated her right I even asked my friends about it, they're conclusion it's her fault for distancing and letting another guy in and I was even over doing it. I don't know the details but her and the "guy" didn't work out he was retarded (i don't mean that literally) but he was an *******, he reached out to her even after meeting me (the boyfriend then). But lastly I forgave her and thought she was just naive and we were good again till now.

 

It's been almost and year since that, we were good really good. No problems what so ever till I had to travel to another country for 2 weeks. My parents got me stuck there forgetting August is a time for students and families to return and all flights are booked. At the same time she went to Vegas which we both were to go and I took the blame, it was her moms gift for us to enjoy our time together and I couldn't make it. I was really sad and we talked almost every night for over hours. When I got back I didn't have a job to return to, I thought it would be okay to rely on girlfriend for a bit, a week later we broke up coming. I never asked for much from her either, mostly commute to school together. I paid for 99% when we were together, I don't mean just small things of watching every movie out there, I planned events too. My goal was to always keep a smile on her face :]

 

In the end we broke up, it was the randomest thing. I saw her an hour before one of my classes and she said "I love you" with a big bright smile I didn't give her kisses for that moment as a punishment for being lazy and not coming with me to school. (She too had school but an hour after me, it may seem a lot to ask but I did this for over a whole semester to save gas and spend time) . She broke up with me later on an hour after. She said she needed to focus on school and work. Honestly I was happy inside I thought hey maybe I am a bit too much, I always asked her if she needed help with anything, I was letting her go for her to be happy in the future. We were family, I tried to let her go and I still am but I had to contact her a few times now for dumba** reasons. But the worst part was when my best friend,who's also her classmate told me she went out got drunk with another guy (I asked him "How she was?")

So I confronted her about this, I just had to. On the side note I have to inform you all I have ADD/ADHD everything related to "love,girl,romace,memories" all came back in an instant all day, everyday and I still tried to push through it. I also have a heart condition, I don't know what it is but I have appointments set up.

 

So out of anger and frustration I took the back phone I gave her. Literally I see text messages 3 days after we broke up another guy and her talking like they're in a relationship. Already planning on "doing it" I know I shouldn't have been nosey, boy that hurt too much. She then said she's been trying to let me go every since I said I had a heart problem, she researched and said I won't live that long. Even my doctor (not cardiologist) couldn't tell if anything was wrong with me. So I honestly don't know what to think of this. I feel like she's just lying to me and she said they "talked" while I was out of the country but she was no where near him cause she was in Vegas. To talk like that you'd need to be way more comfortable. Saying things like "I miss you, babe".

 

I started this relationship with a good hearted person whom I fell madly in love with and I still have feelings for, I always cared for.

 

I don't understand guys, I really don't. How can you be this heartless?

I even told her what if nothing is wrong, can't you wait. She doesn't want to, she can't see us together the 3rd time.

[Hizenburg]

Thank you for the reply, I just feel like sh** right now. Just need to keep occupied.

 

Found out they were flirting before we broke up for sure now. Now I don't know if I should let in the hate and destroy her whole damn social life or not.