ilovemusic3 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'll message back and forth with them, and then they'll just stop talking. What kinds of things am I supposed to say and not say? I ask what they're looking for, what they like to do for fun, what movies and music they like. I tell them I like concerts, bike riding, dancing, swimming. Where do I go wrong?
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Most people are anxious to get off OLD & to meet IRL. If you take to long with the back & forth, they move on because they think you are only looking for a pen pal / e-mail buddy. Or another woman may have caught their fancy. 4
Otter2569 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Personally I get tired of the games, the lame conversation, trying to make conversation, being ignored by women who seem appealing, being hit on by women I could care less about. Also when you finally feel like you are making a connection with someone of potential and they drop off....same thing women experience. Honestly, go for it and ask the guy out. I am getting back into OLD. I dont know what the protocol is but I hate the dicking around. Lets have a drink or meet and see where it goes. I think most people are window shopping and playing but I have had some great experiences so will keep at it. 1
xcupid Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 You're not doing anything wrong. You're just connecting with the wrong guys because you don't have similar interests. If they disappear then that tells you they're not for you.
Siquijor Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 It doesn't sound you did anything wrong OP. It's just there are a plethora of other women on the dating sites meaning lots of competition. They've probably hit on someone else who in their eyes is a better catch. That's the way it is I'm afraid. No doubt, it'll happen to them too at some point.
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Women who put themselves out there are sexy and fun get the responses. Shoot first ask questions later. You will have all the control when you get them hooked....then YOU will have the pick of the litter.
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 In my experience if you write too much and/or appear emotional or getting too personal in messages they drop out. Write short messages and ask them one or two questions. If he doesn't ask you out within 5-7 exchanges max, drop out yourself.
rocketman122 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 from being on too many dates ill tell you a few things. 1-many arent looking to date. they want to hide behind their monitors. they want attention and to fill their egos. a lot of married as well. 2-theres a lot of people OLD and things change very quickly. dont ever take a persons word who says theyll contact you next week and theyll make plans with you because it doesnt always happen. I take what people say with a grain of salt. many said their on vacation, theyll return and theyll contact and arrange a day to meet. sometimes it happens sometimes not. I dont ever make plans if I dont plan on keeping it. and people will flake a few hours before a date. 3-in the US things are different than on the other side. I usually send a message, get a reply with the number and then call. we dont have the email back and forth, then go to texting. we go straight to phone. the bs run around of email texcting is too slow. it happened 2 weeks ago that a woman who was interested in me that I sent a message to, logged in to find me and sent me a message saying she just started a relationship but that her GF really likes the way I look and if id be willing to meet. I spoke to her GF 10 minutes later, set up the date for that evening and we met. things are faster paced here. youre in a tougher situation because many women want the guy to ask the girl out. so unless youre willing youre just waiting for the guy to move things forward. 4-a lot of flakes who change their minds. they get all excited then an hour later find another and their attention goes to them. people playing with all their options. many multidate. I dont. not my thing. but if youre a bit passive then theyll just keep you on the back burner. maybe you have to be more assertive. dont be too soft. I dont know. btw, when you tell them of things you like to do, it sounds very generic and those things should be for the date. keeps things mysterious and keeps him anticipating. besides, those things should be in your profile sao they have enough info to decide if theres potential to continue. the profile is the first filtering mechanism cmon, everyone enjoys movies restaurants trips im adventurous, im laid back, im fun, im..blah blah. I personally look to read about the person. when I read someone writing the word empathic, I really slow down and see if theres potential. its just one word but it says a lot about a person to me. but saying warm, attentive, considerate etc, says about you. not things you like. it doesnt matter what the frik you do with your partner as long as youre with your partner. where or what you do isnt relevant. so bottom line. keep the messages short, if hes interested then hell make the move, otherwise then either hes just writing for attention or is passive and to timid to ask. some guys are very scared to ask women out for fear of rejection. 2
Imprevist Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'll message back and forth with them, and then they'll just stop talking. What kinds of things am I supposed to say and not say? I ask what they're looking for, what they like to do for fun, what movies and music they like. I tell them I like concerts, bike riding, dancing, swimming. Where do I go wrong? It boils down to escalation. Relationships are all about momentum, if it get's stale it eventually dies so you have to be progressing to maintain someone's interest (especially in the online dating world where distractions are everywhere). Online dating sites are about one thing only, romantic interests and yet many people go on here trying to make friendships, for attention seeking, or simply out of boredom and wonder why they get disappointed. Be aware of your intentions and how you are coming across with someone so they won't get a wrong impression and then leave you hanging. If you have more than five solid conversations spread out throughout a two week period and haven't set up a physical date then you are wasting someone's time.
carhill Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'll message back and forth with them, and then they'll just stop talking. What kinds of things am I supposed to say and not say? I ask what they're looking for, what they like to do for fun, what movies and music they like. I tell them I like concerts, bike riding, dancing, swimming. Where do I go wrong? OP, I tend to think of OLD like a forum, with LS as an example. People visit, take away what they want, then leave. Sure, there are interactions but they're, generally, relatively anonymous and without substantive emotional attachment so something else comes up or the person simply loses interest. During the heyday of OLD, some 20 years ago, fewer people had internet access and I found, largely, people who took the time and energy to scan a picture (no digital cameras back then) and create a dating profile and then put themselves out there on the big bad unknown internet were pretty serious about finding someone. I can't point to any real negative experiences, at all, and my LTR's and marriage came out of that era with women I met online. More recently, the last time I dated while exW and I were getting divorced, I didn't see much difference, though things had evolved to a less formal state, where people would, like I mentioned, simply disappear. I came to see this as normal and started doing it myself. Adapt and overcome. The interactions weren't negative in any way and, once I adjusted my perception of people disappearing, life proceeded on unfettered. Nothing is static. It's always changing. Good luck!
Gary S Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I would want to see your profile and see what you write to say for sure. How attractive are you and do you wear makeup? How are your pictures? If you have any challenges, I'd wait 24 hours before replying to each message, playing hard to get can up your perceived attractiveness. Keep in mind that you will always get some rejection, no mater who you are......some guys are married or otherwise not serious, plus there is competition from other women. But don't give up.......you only need to find one good one. 1
PogoStick Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'll message back and forth with them, and then they'll just stop talking. What kinds of things am I supposed to say and not say? I ask what they're looking for, what they like to do for fun, what movies and music they like. I tell them I like concerts, bike riding, dancing, swimming. Where do I go wrong? Why don't you try asking them on a date?
katiegrl Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'll message back and forth with them, and then they'll just stop talking. What kinds of things am I supposed to say and not say? I ask what they're looking for, what they like to do for fun, what movies and music they like. I tell them I like concerts, bike riding, dancing, swimming. Where do I go wrong? Don't worry about what questions to ask ....it will sound more like an interview than an opportunity to connect. Just let your personality shine through....be genuine and real. Message them as if you were talking to them live....
max3732 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'm trying OLD too and a huge turn off for me are the pictures a lot of women put. They have grainy pictures taken from their bathroom or inside their car where I can't even see what they look like. Some people also put great pictures of scenery from their vacation, which does show some of their interests, but often times they don't have any pictures where I can actually see what they look like. That being said, if you're in a conversation with them I think sharing interests and trying to build on that is great. I just had the same problem where I found a girl I thought was attractive and we're having a conversation and I asked for her number to try and meet sometime and I haven't heard from her since. As others have said I think some guys are afraid to actually meet in person or if they're far away maybe they can't imagine driving far to meet you.
joseb Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) btw, when you tell them of things you like to do, it sounds very generic and those things should be for the date. keeps things mysterious and keeps him anticipating. besides, those things should be in your profile sao they have enough info to decide if theres potential to continue. the profile is the first filtering mechanism cmon, everyone enjoys movies restaurants trips im adventurous, im laid back, im fun, im..blah blah. Agree with this. For me the messages need to be fun and just a little flirty. Just saying you like x y z is pretty boring. Now if you said you were at x awesome concert last night or biked some amazing single track and nearly hit a bobcat then i would be interested. Edited September 5, 2015 by joseb
Frank2thepoint Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It boils down to escalation. Relationships are all about momentum, if it get's stale it eventually dies so you have to be progressing to maintain someone's interest This I agree with. Escalation is important, and you should rely on just the man to escalate the messages. I do recommend for a woman to take the initiative in some way. It doesn't have to be outright asking the man out, but providing your number and inviting the man to chat more over the phone, instead of sending messages back and forth, is great tactic.
Lady2163 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 If I am messaging with a man and he is just "so busy" and can't meet for two weeks or more, I know chances are it won't happen. It is difficult to maintain interest through messaging.
joseb Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 If I am messaging with a man and he is just "so busy" and can't meet for two weeks or more, I know chances are it won't happen. It is difficult to maintain interest through messaging. If hes so busy he cant meet fortwo weeks, then he shouldnt be messaging you. So many people on OLD are so full of shyte. 1
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