The love of my life broke up with her guy for me, but they still seem to be"together"

[sportslover185]

Ok here is the deal. I am really in need of some help here from ANYONE who has advice. I fell in love with a girl about four months ago, or at least that is when we revealed to each other how we felt. I had been crazy about her forever, but she had a guy. But we started to come very close to each other and before long were in love. Now after four months of making me wait, she has finally broke up with her man. She was with the guy for 2 years, and it's proving pretty hard for her to let go. No one knows she is in love with me, because we have kept it in the dark very well. Her ex doesnt know either. So, he still comes down to her locker every hour to see her and walk her to class. I want her to make it clear to him that she isnt in love with him, but i still think, and i understand, that she still loves him a little bit. i still think that i an entitled to her making it clear to him they are over. She still wants to be friends with him, but i know he wants more. i am afraid that if they spend too much time together, she will begin to feel for him again. i want her to spend less time with him, but she isnt making it clear to him they are OVER. I love her so much and have been waiting SO long to finally have her, but now when she finally broke up with him, its like all that they did was drop the "boyfriend-girlfriend" title. Everyday life seems just the same. I dont know what to do. Do i MAKE her spend less time with him? I dont wanna seem like a control freak, but it KILLS me to still watch them together. I am lost. PLEASE HELP!!!

[Merin]

First you can't MAKE her do anything she doesn't want to do...

 

This is a crappy situation to be in.. I don't want to bum you out here but IMO it sounds to me that she really doesn't want to not be with this other Guy and it's why she doesn't want anyone to know about the 2 of you (especially him) she is still carrying on as if the 2 of them are together and obviously he doesn't have any reason to believe anything different.

 

IME when someone says they want to be with you, they love you, BUT it is to remain a secret thats a big red flag that something isn't right... When people are crazy about one another they want everyone to know.

 

My advice is to have a talk with her... be direct.

Ask her if she is with you (as in YOUR GF)

Tell her you're not going to be her secret....

 

If she's as crazy about you as she says she is, she will get what you're saying and let this other guy know she has moved on.

[ErinErinErin]

Hi there! I think that you need to be completely honest with her about this issue. I tried to let a long time bf down easy after I feel for someone else and it didn't work very well...he was sad about it so I would comfort him and then he would get the wrong idea...

 

For her and you to be together, she has to be completely honest with her old bf and tell him and everyone else about you. It's not that you're being a control freak- you just want to know that you and her are together and not him and her!

 

Try talking to her honestly and let her know that the situation is hurting you...See what happens!

[sportslover185]

But i have told her it hurts me. i think she just really hates to see him in pain, knowing that she is the reason for it. I just want her to get over it and i feel like this- "why is she taking it so hard? i mean she has me now. She should be happy shouldn't she?"

[ErinErinErin]

Well, I can see that she doesn't want to hurt him especially if she is the cause of his grief, but she also has to worry about your feelings!