supermechasonic Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Hello everyone, I am new here. So, My GF of a little over 2 years dumped me August 1st. Over the course of July we went on a one month hiatus as she was moving to the east coast for school while I was finishing up my last year of schooling on the west coast. She really wanted to remain together, but I was uncertain. The reason being that I had some long held resentments that I had not resolved and it really weakened my committment. But over the course of the month I found it in myself to forgive her and that I wanted to work on the relationship and after I finished school I would move out east to be with her as agreed by us. When we spoke however she felt like I reached my descision too late and so she wanted to be single, "to do her". I tried to convince her but she stayed firm in her choice although she got really emotional. So I was depressed for like two weeks but slowly started to feel better. Lo and behold however , she wanted to talk so I (foolishly?) broke NC. I wanted to prove to her that I could talk to her unaffected and be poised, though it hurt inside. Basically she said that she did not want to be in a reltionship but that unlike her other exs that she still feels a connection for me and that she is open to getting together again down the road and that she wants to know whats going on in my life, yada yada. She enjoyed this conversation becuase I allowed her to vent all her grivances toward me and the relationship. Afterwards she texts me "i love you forever and always" A couple days later she says that she is afraid of losing me forever. About a week and half later I decide to ask her if us reconciling is something she wants to actively work towards or wheather it is something she just wants to leave hanging in the abstract, and she commented that she is somewhere in the middle. The next day she texts me saying she wants to talk so we do. In the conversation she asked wheather I feel that I can handel out differences which sometimes created stress in our relationship. I said yes and explained how. I then asked her if she thought about how sometimes drinking created problems in our relationship (sometimes she would puke which I hated, she would do out of character things, and be meaner to me and looser and even forget things the next day. There where moments when drunk where I felt disrespected and that she was rather disloyal. I almost broke it off with her 10 nmonths ago for this but she cried and beggeed me to take her back, so I did. But I kept resentsments...) . She got kinda offended when I said this but she said she dosent know if she could change and that only time will tell. We then started to talk about lighter stuff and she laughed and was relived. She said she felt sad and relived to speak to me. After this converstaion I began to be more distant with her and I noticed that she started to come around more. We spoke about a couple times and I gave great advice that she really apperciated, but then I would kinda cut the calls short. Then a couple days ago out of the blue she randomly called me (ussually she texts asking to make an appointment on the phone), I was somewhat busy (though I could have answeared it) I called back a couple hours later and she didnt pick up. The next day she texts me saying she missess me. I didnt know how to interpret that ( she said after the break up that she loves me and other things like that, but when I asked what she meant by that, she was unclear and unsure herself) so I just texted "thank you for sharing thhis." A couple hours later she calls me saying how she called because she wanted to invite me out to see her in Novemeber, but i didnt pick up, and that she said that she was disappointed that I am not fighting for her like I said I would and that I am being like a weak fish, etc. True, a couple conversations ago I told her that I would show that I am now more committed to her.I told her that I still wanted to try and rebuild the groundwork for a future relationship but that I reached a point where I realized that I cant convice someone to want to be with me. She didnt like that line and took it as not giving the effort. I told her that this all down to is us not communicating effectively, she strongly agreed. We faced-timed for a little afterwards which went alright. I told her then that I miss her too, but she didnt return it, idk if its becuase she felt rejected when I didnt say it the first time or that she only was willing to say it via text? She said her roomate was returning and that she would call me in the next couple days. I recall her saying that she was home alone because her roomate was out on a date, so I wonder if their relationship is making her jealous? I also wonder if this is about control and power for her. Some of my friends and family SWEAR that is all this is. That is hard for me to believe becuase she and I have always been up front with one another but maybe she changed.... So, in the end, she is still in the middle I guess... So, I am confused. I started to text her today to which she has been texting back warmly. I do not want to be rejected again but I feel like she is giving me some hope so I feel torn. She is at school far from me, guys will probabaly be getting at her so a part of me fears she is just keeping me around until the next person.... The thing that inspires me to go on in this is that she dealt with my uncertainty for a while, so she wants to see me do it in return as a kinda test. That was kinda the impression I got from the last conversation. HELP lol.
lolablue17 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 If you're coming back together, you'll be LDR?
Author supermechasonic Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 Yes and yes to both questions.
lolablue17 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Yes and yes to both questions. I think that in any case, getting back together straight to LDR, is going to make you miserable. Anything that needed to be solved between you, requires spending a lot of time together, daily. I assume that she also thinks of it, that's why she's not totally into it, because she understands the meaning of LDR, especially between you two. Don't you want her to be with other guys while you're just friends, of NC? Well, you surely want it more than a situation which she does other guys while having LDR with you.
Author supermechasonic Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 We are young but not that young, I'm 24 finishing my MA and she is 26 and a half. I just wana know if we have a shoot. I think she is conflicted as you said. I don't want to jump right back in to a relationship though. I want to attempt to rebuild.
Author supermechasonic Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 Well what do ya know, we got back together. It will be LDR for a while and so challenging but she really wants to give it another go. I couldn't be happier. Thanks for the few responses that I got, most appreciated.
EO422 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I did not read the whole thing..but basically she knows you are a GREAT BF...but she wants to go out there and see what else is there thinking there may be something better for her...in any case..just let her go....if she wants you back she will come back..BUT....I thinks it's complete BULL****...my ex did the same to me. I am in your situation so I called it all of, I wasn't going on a "break" and right now I sure as hell don't think I could take her back after being like this to me..so screw them...gunna go find someone else and make them actually REGRET leaving me instead of it just being a fake scenario in her head...my advice may not be the best..but oh how I wanna get back at her so bad and make her feel miserable like she is doing/did to me
Author supermechasonic Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Well I told her that I wanted to talk and we did on the phone. We had some small talk and our connection and natrual and effortless communication left us both laughing in high spirits. Then I decided to get her to address her mixed signals towards me and she basically said that she left me because she was upset at how my commitment was hesitant and that she resented how I left her to deal with life for a month without me there to support her during her big move. She said when she got to the east coast she realized that she can't talk to people the way she can with me and that she compared people to me and that she she felt a lonely hole inside. About an hour after the conversation which went so smoothly due to me articulating my renewed commitment to her, she called me back. She said she spoke with a close friend and that she wanted to give our relationship another try. She said that as we spoke she realized that we couldn't be just friends. She wants to work out certain issues and problems. She said that she knows that she still loves me. I was in total disbelief upon hearing all this!!! Edited September 7, 2015 by supermechasonic
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