DarkSparkle Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 First off, I apologize for the lengthy post. I've been with a woman for over a year now. We left our partners at the end of those relationships and slowly began a trusting, caring and productive union with each other. She is very giving and uses her time to console others and keep ties fast as I feel she lacked that familial closeness in childhood. I have no ties to any exes nor children from them. She on the other hand has kept all of her high school chums, college friends, and is co-parenting a child from her last one. The male friends in her life have either had crushes on her or want her attention flirtatiously or for moral support. I've started out being wary but soon learned that they are harmless - all except for a hetero couple. The couple are both her high school friends. She was buddies with the girl who has a very controlling personality and the male friend she had a summer long FWB thing. Soon after they stopped seeing each other (it didn't work out but stayed friends), her girlfriend started dating her FWB ex and has been with him since and now has a kid with him. The guy is very smarmy, touchy and constantly jokes. He mostly has females and gay males as friends. My partner is always talking about her girlfriend as flighty, controlling and self-involved as if she is in competition with her. Also, the guy she had a kid with looks a lot like her FWB ex. All the friends know their whole history. They sometimes joke about their summer thing. I am always feeling like the outsider. My partner says it's nothing and to not take issue with her FWB ex, but she makes play dates with his kid and girlfriend says that if the roles were switched and I had were to hang out with my old buddies (and f buddy) she would think it was great. Why do I mistrust her reasoning to stay friends with this couple? The FWB ex once had a gathering and specifically asked for only old pals to be there as well as their partners, but not me (I guess I didn't have longevity yet). As he hugged her goodbye the weekend before the party, he said, ‘see you next weekend’ to her and nodded to me with a challenging look. He checks her out when she isn’t looking and I’ve told her so and she is not sure what to make of it. To clarify, even though I fantasize it happening, it's not logical or fair to tell her to cut off the friendships nor is it feasible since the whole group is "incestuously" linked to one another. I am basically my partner's child's second father now - we are attached. I love her mama dearly as well as the kid. We are planning to move in with each other soon and continue to be a family. I am really starting feel disgust for this guy and his partner makes me uneasy and I don't like my partner's child being around these people. It feels as if my partner feels obligated to be around people and also uses these connections as ways to escape her emotions by being light with them, and to keep the unions strong through the next gen. I don't blame her for any of this. How do I approach this? Even though we have discussed my opinions before, we are talking about this again this weekend.
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