ConfusedInOC Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever I want that... You will, with the right person.
Merin Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer The ancient Greeks had two words for love: eros and agape. One was sexual in nature while the other was brotherly. I want agape from friends and family. From a woman I'd want, well, guess... I Want A Guy that Loves Me... Amazing Sex... AND Now a Greek salad... damn!
Pocky Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 What you should be asking is if the person you're with wants love and not a general question aimed at a specific gender.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I Want A Guy that Loves Me... Amazing Sex... AND Now a Greek salad... damn! Merin, why aren't guys beating your door down?
Scott S Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer The ancient Greeks had two words for love: eros and agape. One was sexual in nature while the other was brotherly. I want agape from friends and family. From a woman I'd want, well, guess... Actually, the word for brotherly or platonic love is Philia . Agape is love of a divine nature. We Christians use this word to describe God's love for us.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin AND Now a Greek salad... damn! yeah! with the feta cheese, special tangy dressing and the sliced beets. yummmmmm
Scott S Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yeah! with the feta cheese, special tangy dressing and the sliced beets. yummmmmm And of course Cheesburger, cheeseburger! No fries! Chips! No Coke! Pepsi
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Actually, the word for brotherly or platonic love is Philia . Agape is love of a divine nature. We Christians use this word to describe God's love for us. Scott, you're right. I knew I was forgetting something from Bible class back in the day. Perhaps it's due to my lack of Christianity.
Scott S Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Scott, you're right. I knew I was forgetting something from Bible class back in the day. Perhaps it's due to my lack of Christianity. You can always regain it, you know! But that would be another subject thread, I suppose. ______________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be - Yogi Berra
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Thanks... for now I'll opt for the Greek salad of love and sex. Excuse me, intimacy.
lostinmyself Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Later in life you realize that sharing a life with the right person enhances the beauty of everything. I want that too. Originally posted by westernxer I'll take love as long as it leads to sex. AND that! Originally posted by fundamental The question should be "Do women want love?" I have yet to find one that truly wants it. They either want to hold on to you emotionally (#1) without a real relationship, or they want sex without a real relationship. I want both. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I want a man that loves me emotionally and physically. I want someone I am attracted to who can stimulate me on an intellectual, emotional AND physical level, someone that I do the same for.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmyself I want someone I am attracted to who can stimulate me on an intellectual, emotional AND physical level, someone that I do the same for. I'm just tryin' to find a woman who can give a decent BJ. Is that askin too much?
Merin Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Merin, why aren't guys beating your door down? I don't know.. crap!
lostinmyself Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I'm just tryin' to find a woman who can give a decent BJ. Is that askin too much? isn't that part of the sex.... errrr..... intimacy thing? Which brings up the question of tongue rings. yes or no? Oh, maybe I should start a new thread on that one?
Author Mary3 Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 Gosh I typed the letter and woosh I deleted it ! Darn new keyboard... I know what I want : A loving relationship. To clarify , I have been in loving ,long term relationships before..but something happened to the world in the last year ! lol... My friend said :" Act like a Princess and you will be treated like you are a Princess." Not sure if I can act quite like that lol....but I understand what she is trying to say. Looking in the mirror and acting like a Princess...hehe..ok Should I give up wanting love ? Should I think like I dont need love ? I know its inside of me...loving myself first...and I do...have been working many months on doing nice things for myself. Learning alot about myself . Practice.. I just wanted you to know that I dont sleep with multiple men if I gave that impression. Its just that someone seems to pick up that you want something more from them and they sometimes lead you to believe they want that too...in the meantime wanting you to make love to them. Then they show you they really didnt want that and I feel like giving up . Its like a game....But I dont like playing that game.... I absolutely respect myself and I do not tolerate drug users , abusers or alcoholics . I have been free 7 years now from a man who did 2 of the above. I have a way to go but just wondered if others are looking for what I am .... I read an article that said : Get a Pet. They make great companions and they usually don't have issues lol More work I know. I will continue to learn about myself. But I dont like the FWB thing....its pretty common now....Could I be strong enough to see this before it happens ?
HokeyReligions Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I haven't read all the posts so please pardon if I repeat others. Something that has carried down the generations---even with the sexual freedoms the youth of today 'enjoy' ---there are some attitudes that still are present today. Girls are taught by their mother, grandmothers, and fathers (mostly) that men are after sex first and foremost. In some way, if you think about your families I'll bet you can find some "words of wisdom" that were said to you that support that notion. Its usually followed by something like "you'll know when you fall in love - you just know" Those things carry weight in our attitudes and we don't always realize it until we've been through several relationships---sometimes very painful ones---and we fall back on those words we previously ignored in order to get past the pain. That reinforces those words into beliefs and from that point we do and say things (unknowinly) to make the situation or relationship fit the beliefs. It happens all the time. When I was coming up, it was drilled into my head that boys only want ONE thing. Be careful, don't let them, wait until you are married, and on and on. By the time I was dating (and I dated late because my family scared me about this stuff and I was so confused when I was a teenager that I thought all dates had to end in sex) I was only feeding my hormones and I trusted no man. I was at the extreme, but many people do trust that there is emotion and when they get hurt they revert to the thinking that men don't want love or relationships. Men are experiencing that more and more now too because of the sexual freedoms and that the stigma of premarital sex is nearly gone. I was engaged to another man before my husband. I had dated a lot -- one guy I dated for 9 months because he was tall enough that I could wear my highest heels and he was still taller than me. He stuck around for 9 months with no sex--although he tried. I justified it to myself by telling myself he was only after sex. I know now that there was more to it than that or he would not have stayed around so long. He began cheating on me with someone who would have sex with him and it didn't really hurt my feeling too much when we broke up. Anyway, I was engaged before my husband. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time and I used that engagement to justify sex because I was curious. We were together for a couple years and we had a good relationship---except that I never really believed that he loved me because I didn't think men could love. I thought that all men were trapped into marriages by pregnancies. I didn't think that clearly -- it was just something I felt was true but couldn't put into words. We had sex, we broke up. I cried a little and felt sorry for myself for a long time because I had friends who were getting married and I thought that I was just too dumb to figure out how to "make" a man marry me. I continued to date after that breakup and then I moved across country - dates some more and all the guys I dated were not interested in long-term relationships without sex. Then I met my husband and I truly fell in love. I was a mess emotionally because of my preconceived beliefs that guys just want sex. I remember thinking to myself "Be careful Hokey, he's a MAN not a boy and this is going to be different" At that point I started LISTENING to him and not listening for what I wanted to hear -- but really listening TO him and adjusting my own attitude so that he would not be another guy who *I* only saw as a man-who-just-wanted-sex. By opening my own mind and by allowing myself to mature and admit that I and my mother and grandmother may have been wrong (something I had not admitted before) I realized that all my old beliefs were not based on 'truth' or 'fact' and that it was okay to change my views. When I allowed MYSELF to change it seemed like it changed the man I was dating. The issue was MINE all along, and not that I had only found guys who fit the sex-first criteria that I formerly believed in. I took some time to think about past 'relationships' and realized that they were just as capable of love and of wanting love as was I. It may seem silly, but it was a real revelation to me at the time. I was writing a lot back then and one poem that I wrote at that time ended with this line: Toil not with his heart, for it breaks as easily as your own. When I got that through my head and my heart my whole world changed. This all happend during the two years my husband and I dated prior to our marriage. I had some twinges of those old 'beliefs' during the early part of our marriage, but I snapped out of it quickly because I didn't want to use that as a crutch to not face problems---and it would have been very easy to use that and give up. It's hard to change. So I would have to say, in answer to your original statement that Yes, men need love and want to be loved just like women do, but not always at the same time! Sometimes men DO just want sex -- sometimes that's all women want too, but there comes a point in most people's lives where they want more.
fundamental Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmyself I want that too. AND that! I want both. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I want a man that loves me emotionally and physically. I want someone I am attracted to who can stimulate me on an intellectual, emotional AND physical level, someone that I do the same for. And that is a good thing. I want both as well. It seems that some people want one or the other when they can actually have both.
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 You should read He's Just not that into you.. enough said
alphamale Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by Angeleyez2583 You should read He's Just not that into you.. enough said that book is a total crock of bullshyt meant to pander to female insecurities and sell books in high volume. very little in it applies to reality.
lindya Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale that book is a total crock of bullshyt meant to pander to female insecurities and sell books in high volume. very little in it applies to reality. I haven't read it, but judging from the comments on here it's along the same lines as the infamous Rules book. ie, if a man doesn't treat you like some sort of angel/princess 24 hours per day every day, then you should ditch him and move on because he really doesn't care about you. These books can present some reasonable general advice about having respect for yourself and moving on from people who aren't prepared to put any effort into their relationships with you. They can also be a bit destructive, though. We all, male and female alike, have to take a few risks in life and in love - and that requires caring enough about someone to to occasionally ignore other people's advice and break other people's rules. If it's the right person, they'll adore you for doing this. If it's the wrong person, I guess you'll come back to this forum to post a "help, I broke NC" message -and receive a barrage of responses either consoling you or proclaiming righteously that "yes you ARE that needy idiot you suspect yourself to be!" There IS no infallible book of rules to live a successful life by. We can only muddle along using a combination of home-spun-philosophy, animal instinct, logic and emotion. All of which will contradict eachother 99% of the time.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Yes, many men really do want a real, loving relationship, that includes not only making love (as opposed to just sex), but the closeness, the friendship, the togetherness, and the trust and love that goes into a meaningful relationship. I know I do. I just haven't found the right woman that I think I could be happy with forever or extremely long-term (or if I did once in the past, it was only right one-way, and not nearly mutual enough considering her actions - btw, always watch the actions, as words are cheap). Most men, however, also really like the physical aspects of sex, and while "making love" in the context of a meaningful loving relationship is SO very much better, "sex" is still a lot of fun when the other is not available. It's not really that complicated. Men want most of the same things that many women do. It's just that when they don't have that, and when they don't see it as being available to them or are not with anyone they feel that way about, the physical needs don't go away, and SOME men will seek out someone to have sex with, even if they are not feeling all of those things they need to feel to make a loving relationship work. I have known some women who do that too, it isn't just men, and last I checked, it does require two people. So to recap: meaningful loving relationship and "making love" = amazingly mindblowingly wonderful great sex that is just sex with someone you really like but who you are not deeply in love with = very good any sex = good being alone and no sex = sucks That said, I'm generally not one who will go looking for sex outside of a meaningful relationship, but I'm also not going to lie and say that I'll necessarily turn it down every single time when not "in love" either. It just depends on the situation. I don't believe in using people, and I'm always honest about my feelings (i.e. I will not say things I do not mean - ever).
Jtizzle Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 they obviously do, if LL Cool J said he NEED LOVE then he want and need it
alphamale Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by lindya There IS no infallible book of rules to live a successful life by. We can only muddle along using a combination of home-spun-philosophy, animal instinct, logic and emotion. All of which will contradict eachother 99% of the time. I agree LINDYA. There are no hard and fast rules but we must have some type of framework.
westernxer Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale that book is a total crock of bullshyt meant to pander to female insecurities and sell books in high volume. very little in it applies to reality. I agree... it's just pop culture. As if you needed a book to tell you something you could figure out on your own.
Author Mary3 Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 Thank you Hokey and everyone else who takes the time to write and give amazing insight and opinions to someone ( me ) who is sharing a painful aspect of her life right now. I do love to read these posts and give my insight as well especially on posters who have broken up and don't want to let go ( I was once there too ) I am very greatful this site exists and if Love Shack does not know how much I and many other new posters and seasoned posters appreciate this very AWESOME site to help each and every one of us as a combined team of advisors then ,I just want to say Thank You Love Shack Somewhere I read that women who " Live in the 60's and hold out on sex until they marry are a rare breed " I think that each of us can honor and protect our bodies and give away a special part of ourselves on an indivual basis , based on what is right for each and everyone of us. I do know it would be hard for a man to wait 8 months for sex but there are men who have, who do , and they waited for their own indivualized reasons. I think the confusing factor is : Sex feels good. Sex feels even better if someone cares about you. Sex feels amazing when that person loves you . I prefer saying Making Love....it just sounds more nicer... We should all hope for that but then we have those who dont want a relationship but still need sex. We have those who are in a relationship and the sex is poor or non existant. We have those who have great sex but cheat on their partners for special attention needs. Whatever the case , the whole physical aspect of making love and the caring that goes with it , is Priceless
Recommended Posts