DeeLee898 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months. He's 30, I'm 27. Things moved way too fast. He owns his own house (2 actually) and I was (and still am) renting. Both of us lived alone. He decided about 2 months in that he wanted to be around me all the time so he moved into my apartment with intentions of renting out his house. It happened so quickly I didn't even know what hit me. At first he was pretty helpful being that I work and go to school but it has slowly faded. Now the only thing he does is dishes. Also, he pays nothing to live with me and I go negative every month. When I have approached him about helping out he says, "well I'll just love out then. I'm only here to be with you and I don't need to be." The most he's done was buy some toilet paper because I had to take off work for a surgery and I'm less than broke. Two of the months he's lived with me he gave me $100. I pay for most things when we go out as well. It may not be so frustrating if he helped with chores but he watches me try to keep up with everything in the very little spare time I have and doesn't bother to help. He does, however, want me to help him with his houses on my days off. His daughter also stays at my house when he has her. Another thing that's frustrating is the fact that I do help him with manual labor type things and have never once asked for anything nor would I feel right taking anything if he offered. However, he has fixed my car and been paid for it as well as has no problem taking my money anytime. He's a taker, not a giver but pretends to be. Am I over reacting? Sorry if there are typos or its jumbled. I just got to work so I typed this up quickly.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 You're not over-reacting. He's very much taking advantage of you, and has been since he moved in. Is his other property currently being rented out? If so, he has income from that. Does he work? I would put my foot down and tell him he needs to contribute or move out. There are no other options. Don't enable this behaviour anymore. You're clearly not okay with this so don't wait another moment. He saw an opportunity and exploited it in a big way. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Yes you are being taken advantage of. Let him move out. At least ask why you two aren't living in one of his houses. If I were you I'd run a title search on the internet to make sure he actually owns these houses. I suspect he might not. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Yes you are being taken advantage of. Let him move out. At least ask why you two aren't living in one of his houses. If I were you I'd run a title search on the internet to make sure he actually owns these houses. I suspect he might not. I was about to come back and post the same thing. It strikes me as totally bizarre that he would push moving in together and bringing his daughter around so early into the relationship, given that he owns not one but two houses. Why would he not spend time in his own home with his daughter? My spidey-sense was tingling there too.
No_Go Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 OP RUN! I bet money he owes nothing, and lives with you because that's his only option (oh well, for now, until he finds another host). And you pay this mooch to fix your car after he lives rent-free in your home??? See below my experience. I'm sensitive on that topic, because I see the same pattern. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/504300-break-up-live-mooching-boyfriend My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months. He's 30, I'm 27. Things moved way too fast. He owns his own house (2 actually) and I was (and still am) renting. Both of us lived alone. He decided about 2 months in that he wanted to be around me all the time so he moved into my apartment with intentions of renting out his house. It happened so quickly I didn't even know what hit me. At first he was pretty helpful being that I work and go to school but it has slowly faded. Now the only thing he does is dishes. Also, he pays nothing to live with me and I go negative every month. When I have approached him about helping out he says, "well I'll just love out then. I'm only here to be with you and I don't need to be." The most he's done was buy some toilet paper because I had to take off work for a surgery and I'm less than broke. Two of the months he's lived with me he gave me $100. I pay for most things when we go out as well. It may not be so frustrating if he helped with chores but he watches me try to keep up with everything in the very little spare time I have and doesn't bother to help. He does, however, want me to help him with his houses on my days off. His daughter also stays at my house when he has her. Another thing that's frustrating is the fact that I do help him with manual labor type things and have never once asked for anything nor would I feel right taking anything if he offered. However, he has fixed my car and been paid for it as well as has no problem taking my money anytime. He's a taker, not a giver but pretends to be. Am I over reacting? Sorry if there are typos or its jumbled. I just got to work so I typed this up quickly.
glycerine Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I was about to come back and post the same thing. It strikes me as totally bizarre that he would push moving in together and bringing his daughter around so early into the relationship, given that he owns not one but two houses. Why would he not spend time in his own home with his daughter? My spidey-sense was tingling there too. 1 up for the notion of he not owning as much as he says (perhaps he owns those houses but has some mortgage related inconveniences). At this point I'd suppose more people will tell you to dump him. I'd advise the following: 1) There are no free rides in life, the position you're right now resembles those who live with pretty ill, elder people.....except he's not. You'll be doing him a favor having him out of the house. 2) PUT YOURSELF FIRST! 3) You don't have to end the relationship, just let him know that living together is actually damaging the relationship. (a very short relationship btw) If you put him on one of his houses he'll not die of starvation if he's healthy and able to work. To be honest perhaps he'll find some other woman who'll support him. You sound like a good person who needs some company, get a dog instead . Have a great weekend.
Author DeeLee898 Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 Is his other property currently being rented out? If so, he has income from that. Does he work? No, it was but he just evicted them. The other house isn't really livable. He's working on it. He does however, go there everyday since he bought it for an extra building it has on the property which brings me to the next question. Yes, he works. He actually owns his own business which is what he needed the building for. Yes you are being taken advantage of. Let him move out. At least ask why you two aren't living in one of his houses. If I were you I'd run a title search on the internet to make sure he actually owns these houses. I suspect he might not. We aren't because I'm too independent and I wasn't ready to give up my own space. He does own the houses. He still wants me to move into the one he's fixing up but the way things are going I don't see that as a great idea. I would however insist on pulling my weight if it ever did happen I've been to court with him to evict the tenant, the bank to pay the mortgage, and I've helped with remodeling. I have no doubt about his owning the houses. I was about to come back and post the same thing. It strikes me as totally bizarre that he would push moving in together and bringing his daughter around so early into the relationship, given that he owns not one but two houses. Why would he not spend time in his own home with his daughter? My spidey-sense was tingling there too. Yes! I was very uncomfortable with being so involved with the daughter so quickly. Mostly, for her sake. I know how hard it is with "steps" (effectively) and how hard it is to grow an attachment to someone and then they're gone...over and over. He would lose it when I tried to make other plans so they could be alone. Eventually, I just gave in but I still keep a distance and don't let him be all over me in front of her. Thank you to everyone's reply. I know you're all right I just needed to hear it from someone else. I really really appreciate everything I hope you all have a great weekend and holiday!!!
sandylee1 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 He's a total user. I think the 7 months was too soon to live together, but you need to get him out. Tell him you still want to see him ,but living seperately. If he gets offended, then cut him loose. He really is taking you for a ride here. He ain't that special and he's banking on the fact that your so into him that you'll continue putting up with this. You can do better than him. 1
nescafe1982 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Ask him to leave. Your OP betrays that you are not entirely comfortable with how quickly he moved in to your place, and it is also clear that he is not helping pull his own weight in your space. He needs to leave. What you do with the relationship after that is up to you.. with the info in this thread alone, I would be ending it immediately... but that's on you and can be revisited after he moves out.
xcupid Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 And you're in this relationship, because...?
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 When your lease is up, find a new apartment. Move out & leave his stuff there. That would be a good time to dump him. Find someone that's not so self centered.
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