What would you do if a date couldn't handle their alcohol on the first meet up?

[Siquijor]

 

"It was nice hanging out with you last weekend, but I'm just not feeling it, y'know? Thanks for singing that duet with me when I forgot the lyrics lol...maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime! Take care ~ "

 

 

 

I'd respect you for that text and I'd probably text you back saying so although I can't speak on his behalf or any other man.

 

 

I would eradicate the last part about bumping into each other though.

[No_Go]

Yeah I've seen a family example and don't need to see more...

 

And every time they tank up, liver cells die en masse, and more fat incursion takes place.

[jen1447]

If I can be nit-picky for a second, I'd actually keep the part about the duet and and still lose the bumping into ending. I think that would allow him to bow out w/more dignity as he could take some pride in having had a nice time with you while still getting the message across that it's the last time.

[guest569]

So if he does call (or texts) me, I'm thinking of saying, "It was nice hanging out with you last weekend, but I'm just not feeling it, y'know? Thanks for singing that duet with me when I forgot the lyrics lol...maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime! Take care ~ "

 

I would just stick with the first sentence too, minus "y'know?"

 

I was so put off by a guy who was probably a little worse than that (got very sleazy and weird..) before that I was very keen on him. Never saw him again.. and he couldn't understand why I didn't respond well to his 5am weekday call the next morning confessing his feelings for me. I don't get it, 1-2 drinks max. Go and have a big night out with friends or family, not a first date! He didn't seem to know when to stop, that's not good.

[writergal]

BOZG my friend, don't waste your time pursuing anything romantic with this lush. When someone shows you their true colors -- believe them the first time. Don't give him a second glance. Just respond to him via text, with what you already wrote:

 

 

So if he does call (or texts) me, I'm thinking of saying, "It was nice

hanging out with you last weekend, but I'm just not feeling it, y'know? Thanks for singing that duet with me when I forgot the lyrics lol...maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime! Take care ~ "

 

That's perfect. Let him find AA on his own!

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

If I can be nit-picky for a second, I'd actually keep the part about the duet and and still lose the bumping into ending. I think that would allow him to bow out w/more dignity as he could take some pride in having had a nice time with you while still getting the message across that it's the last time.

 

Y'know, after I read another poster's suggestion that I leave that second part out, I agreed with her and was going to do it...then I thought how I wanted to leave that part in because I wanted to let him know that I had a good time with him when we were singing and how I wanted to let him down gently (as another poster had suggested) instead of just curtly telling him that I 'wasn't feeling it' (I've decided that it's a good idea to leave out the 'bumping into' part).

 

So, he hasn't called or texted me yet, but it's Friday night (and Labor Day weekend no less), so I'm going to think about this...because I want to let him know that I'm not feeling a connection with him (no need to get into detail that I don't want to date him anymore because he drinks a lot; that'll only cause him to ask me more questions and to maybe ask me to give him another chance) but I also want to let him know that I had fun with him, even though he's not my type.

 

 

 

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[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

BOZG my friend, don't waste your time pursuing anything romantic with this lush. When someone shows you their true colors -- believe them the first time. Don't give him a second glance. Just respond to him via text, with what you already wrote:

 

 

 

That's perfect. Let him find AA on his own!

 

Yeah, I'm not going to go out with him again. I just don't want to start anything with a guy who drinks too much. I mean, life is tough enough...and relationships are tough enough being with someone who's well-adjusted, sane and who doesn't have a drinking problem - I can't imagine dating and then entering into a relationship with a person who drinks excessively most of the time...and that they're not even aware of how their own negative actions affect other people. Um, no thanks.

 

 

 

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[Quiet Storm]

Thanks for answering my question, Madjac. But, why do you think they'd want an explanation? Don't you think they would KNOW why I don't want to date them anymore? Are you saying that a person who drinks to excess, acts like a fool for half of the evening (even though he was still respectful towards me) and saw my reactions to his obnoxious behavior would NOT even 'guess' why I would've sent him that text? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm just curious what you think about your statement.

 

 

 

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It has been my experience that many drunk guys think they are charming, funny, smart and attractive when in reality they look sloppy and sound dumb. So it's very possible he thinks he made a great first impression!

[edgygirl]

Haven't read all the posts but for the record I got incredibly drunk on my first date with a guy last weekend, I wasn't expecting that drink to be so powerful. But seriously, that's not typical of me and I don't even like drinking anymore. So, perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt and see if that's his constant modus operandi or not.

[Gary S]

Seriously Black Zombie gul........ and I emphasize the word "black" (ha-ha!)........... anytime you reject openly, just understand that you don't know him well enough to know his attitude, he might lash out and try to reject you back.

 

I would cut contact, or tell him you met someone else and want to see where it goes.

[Zagan]

If I can be nit-picky for a second, I'd actually keep the part about the duet and and still lose the bumping into ending. I think that would allow him to bow out w/more dignity as he could take some pride in having had a nice time with you while still getting the message across that it's the last time.

 

Pride? He no doubt got drunk to start with to sing a duet, being reminded of that would probably be the most depressing part of the message.

[joseb]

Im going to go against the flow here.

Im a take it or leave it kind of drinker.

But ive definitely drank more on some first dates than i would normally, and if i had the added pressure of karaoke id probably be drinking as much as this guy.

 

I had a recent first date with a girl i met on tinder. I expected it to be a quick catchup drink and hadnt eaten before. Well we endedup drinking till the wee hours. Im sure i was more than a little sozzled, but luckily she didnt hold it against me and we had a great second date (where we didnt drink at all coincidentally).

 

Regarding your question, if i got your text, i would think,oh well, she doesnt like me. I very much doubt id think it was related to the drinking unless you had said something about it.

[madjac74]

Thanks for answering my question, Madjac. But, why do you think they'd want an explanation? Don't you think they would KNOW why I don't want to date them anymore? Are you saying that a person who drinks to excess, acts like a fool for half of the evening (even though he was still respectful towards me) and saw my reactions to his obnoxious behavior would NOT even 'guess' why I would've sent him that text? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm just curious what you think about your statement.

 

 

 

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There's a good chance this is how this guy acts when he goes out with friends and probably receives encouragement for it. He may think that he needs to be that way to impress you. Plus you did admit you were having fun and you probably appeared to him like you were having fun (more encouragement). Then to just do a total 180 the next day has to have him a bit confused and may want an explanation. Just a guess though. Like me he may wonder what happened but will just move on saving his pride.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

There's a good chance this is how this guy acts when he goes out with friends and probably receives encouragement for it. He may think that he needs to be that way to impress you. Plus you did admit you were having fun and you probably appeared to him like you were having fun (more encouragement). Then to just do a total 180 the next day has to have him a bit confused and may want an explanation. Just a guess though. Like me he may wonder what happened but will just move on saving his pride.

 

Well, I was having fun; I always have fun when I go to this Tiki Bar. And even though his drunken behavior was beginning to embarrass me and annoy me, I didn't want to be mean, stand off-ish or rude to him because he was still being respectful and nice towards me...so I just continued to converse with him whenever he was alert and oriented enough to have a convo with me.

 

You bring up some valid points regarding his drunken behavior; possibly why he does it and possibly if he would wonder why I don't want to date him anymore. But...I don't want to feel guilty for not wanting to date someone who could be an alcoholic or who simply can't handle his liquor just because he was respectful and nice towards me.

 

I just don't want to date or be with someone like that, no matter how nice or 'fun' they are to be around. I mean, if he asks me for an 'explanation', then I'll tell him the truth, if that's what he really wants to hear. I just don't want to get into a dialogue with someone that I don't ever want to date again, no matter how many excuses he could give me as to why he was justified to drinking that much and to acting like that while on a first meet. But thanks for bringing up a possible reason as to why he might want an explanation.

 

 

 

Seriously Black Zombie gul........ and I emphasize the word "black" (ha-ha!)........... anytime you reject openly, just understand that you don't know him well enough to know his attitude, he might lash out and try to reject you back.

 

I would cut contact, or tell him you met someone else and want to see where it goes.

 

I doubt he'd react that way; but if he does lash out and tries to 'reject me back' or whatever, it makes no difference to me. I know the staff and the manager at this Tiki Bar...so, if this guy tries to make a scene or if he's rude to me in any way, the bouncer will just bounce him outta there.

 

I see what you're saying though. But I think cutting contact is rude and unnecessary at this point. From what I know of him thus far, I think he'll just take my text (or my phone convo) in the polite context that I mean it to be and will probably say something along the lines of what I said in my OP - 'maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime' (this place is pretty popular and since we both go there on occasion, we'll probably end up seeing each other again at some point).

 

 

 

 

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[katiegrl]

BlackOps, you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to date a man, regardless of how much he drank or didn't drink.

 

You had a good time, but weren't feeling it ....that's your prerogative!

 

When this happened to me, and guy wanted to see me again, all I said was "thanks for the invite, and enjoyed meeting you, but just don't feel enough chemistry to go further...good luck and take care.". Or variations thereof.

 

Have you told him yet? Or are you waiting for him to ask you out again, which is what I normally did.....

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

BlackOps, you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to date a man, regardless of how much he drank or didn't drink.

 

You had a good time, but weren't feeling it ....that's your prerogative!

 

When this happened to me, and guy wanted to see me again, all I said was "thanks for the invite, and enjoyed meeting you, but just don't feel enough chemistry to go further...good luck and take care.". Or variations thereof.

 

Have you told him yet? Or are you waiting for him to ask you out again, which is what I normally did.....

 

He didn't text or call me last night but he might today or later on. Actually, I'd prefer it if he never contacted me again lol and that might happen. But yeah, you're right about that I shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to date him again. But because of the kind of person I am, I kinda do feel bad......because, he was nice and respectful towards me. And, he IS fun to be around (when he doesn't drink too much)...but, still. I've seen enough to know that I don't want to date this guy. I would be open to being buds or just hangin out together whenever we happen to bump into each other at this place. If he puts that offer on the table, I'd probably accept it.

 

 

 

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[katiegrl]

He didn't text or call me last night but he might today or later on. Actually, I'd prefer it if he never contacted me again lol and that might happen. But yeah, you're right about that I shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to date him again. But because of the kind of person I am, I kinda do feel bad......because, he was nice and respectful towards me. And, he IS fun to be around (when he doesn't drink too much)...but, still. I've seen enough to know that I don't want to date this guy. I would be open to being buds or just hangin out together whenever we happen to bump into each other at this place. If he puts that offer on the table, I'd probably accept it.

 

 

 

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I know, totally hear ya bout that! For me, just like you, it wasn't guilt so much as I just felt bad and didn't want to hurt feelings, especially when he was so nice!

 

But you know in the long run, when you tell him bluntly, with no *fluff* about you enjoyed singing, etc you are doing him a huge favor!

 

By adding you enjoyed singing or other stuff so as to ease the *blow* ... he may see it as a mixed message, and still think he has a chance!

 

My experience......

 

Fingers crossed he *never* contacts you again! And how often do we say THAT around here...lol

Edited September 5, 2015 by katiegrl

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I know, totally hear ya bout that! For me, just like you, it wasn't guilt so much as I just felt bad and didn't want to hurt feelings, especially when he was so nice!

 

But you know in the long run, when you tell him bluntly, with no *fluff* about you enjoyed singing, etc you are doing him a huge favor!

 

By adding you enjoyed singing or other stuff so as to ease the *blow* ... he may see it as a mixed message, and still think he has a chance!

 

My experience......

 

Fingers crossed he *never* contacts you again! And how often do we say THAT around here...lol

 

It's cool to see that someone else understands how I feel about 'feeling bad' about not wanting to date a guy again - especially when he was nice and respectful towards me.

 

So, I'm also crossing my fingers right along with you, Katie...

 

What you said about him seeing the part of my text that I said I had fun singing with him and that we may bump into each other again - and that he might read that as a 'mixed message' - could be true to an extent. But, since I live right on the coast and this Tiki Bar is a hot spot that a lot of people go to (including me and him), the likelihood of us bumping into each other again is very high...(which is how I met him initially!)

 

I honestly think though, from what I know of him, that he won't even bat an eye at my not wanting to date him anymore. There are a lot of other women who go there and that talk with him and stuff...so he'll just replace me with some of them. Still though, I do hope that he just does a fade on me and doesn't contact me again.

 

 

 

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