What would you do if a date couldn't handle their alcohol on the first meet up?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I took the initiative and texted the Tiki Bar guy last Thursday and asked him if he wanted to meet up with me on Friday or Saturday night. He texted me the weekend before and we talked about a lot of different stuff. It was a basically fun convo and then it ended with us talking about meeting up the following weekend. Since he initiated the last text convo, that was when I texted him last week.

 

Well, we met up last Saturday night and things started out good. The band played a lot of killer songs as did the jukebox when they went on break. Then, I started noticing that this guy was drinking two beers (or a beer AND a shot) to every one of my mixed drinks. He slowly began getting louder and a bit more obnoxious than I normally would like a guy to behave on a night out. We still had fun hanging out together, but...he was starting to annoy me with the way he was acting. The only good thing about all of this was that he was still always respectful towards me; he didn't make a pass at me or say anything stupid or vulgar or anything like that.

 

The thing is - I don't like dating (or being in a relationship with) a guy who can't handle his liquor/alcohol. If I'm in a LTR with a guy and once in a while he loses his $hit while drinking, that's not a problem. But, I think on a first meet up (or date) that a person should want to (and be able to) maintain their composure and should be able to handle themselves if they're drinking beer or liquor. I realize that sometimes people aren't aware when they've had too much to drink and they start getting loud and slurring their words and such. I've done that a time or two in my life - but NEVER during the early stages of dating or being in a relationship!

 

I'm thinking...since I've seen and have interacted with this guy a few times before our first meet up, that maybe this is how he always gets when he goes out and drinks. I was hoping that this first time of us meeting up that he would act differently and would be in more control of himself. But, in a way I'm glad that he's just behaving the way he always does, regardless of who he's with or if he's on a meet up, a date or whatever.

 

I'm glad because I saw him for how he really is - and how he really behaves when he goes out and drinks. I'd rather see a guy's true self from the get-go than him pretending to be one way and then later on showing the true side of himself that is incompatible to what my preferences are in a guy I'm dating.

 

And so...I've decided that I don't want to date him again. I'd rather date and be with a guy who can handle himself when he's drinking. In general, I don't like being around people who get too loud, obnoxious or sloppy when they drink; not only is it embarrassing being around someone like this, but it gets on my nerves after awhile.

 

He may call and/or text me this weekend (or whenever) to meet up again...and the type of person that I am, I'm polite and don't ever want a person to feel bad (if it can be helped) if I have to turn them down (or say no) for any reason.

 

So if he does call (or texts) me, I'm thinking of saying, "It was nice hanging out with you last weekend, but I'm just not feeling it, y'know? Thanks for singing that duet with me when I forgot the lyrics lol...maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime! Take care ~ "

 

 

 

I want to ask the guys on here a question:

 

If you called (or texted) a woman to ask her if she wanted to meet up with you again or if she wants to go out on a date with you and you got a text like the one above from her, how would it make you feel? How would you respond to it (if at all)? Would you think she was being polite and being nice about not wanting to date you anymore, or would you think she was being mean or snobby?

 

(It's okay if the ladies on here want to say their opinion about my question or about my post!)

 

 

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[jen1447]

I agree with your conclusions and your sensibilities sister. (Glad you're so quick on the uptake too - means I don't have to worry about you! )

 

I'll just add one thing - I've never seen a person go two-fisted spontaneously and for no particular reason. My bet is he was bc that's the way he always rolls. Not a good predictor of future calm and equanimity.

[d0nnivain]

It isn't that this guy can't handle his liquor. It's that he consumes waaaayyy too much of it. That level of alcohol abuse is not something I want in my life.

 

 

I went on an OLD date once. The guy picked a bar & said we could grab a drink before dinner. I said fine but explained that I don't drink when I drive so I'd be having a soda. He said he didn't drink either. Whatever. While sitting at the bar waiting for our table, he had 3 martinis! Normally I wouldn't have cared or counted but that's a lot of booze for somebody who doesn't drink. That was one of the reasons I didn't care for him.

 

 

If you are willing to have a 2nd date, do something that doesn't involve alcohol.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I agree with your conclusions and your sensibilities sister. (Glad you're so quick on the uptake too - means I don't have to worry about you! )

 

hehe...you never have to worry about me, Sistah! Whenever I spot something 'off' or funky about a guy, I'm keen to take notes and to decide if aborting said mission will avoid any further waste of my time or my emotions.

 

 

I'll just add one thing - I've never seen a person go two-fisted spontaneously and for no particular reason. My bet is he was bc that's the way he always rolls. Not a good predictor of future calm and equanimity.

 

See, now that's exactly what I was thinking. I don't mind being with a guy who gets silly and goofy every now and then when we're out drinking and having fun - but, I don't want to date an alcoholic or someone who always drinks to excess and can't control their behavior...especially when we're out in public!

 

 

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[Satu]

Substance abuse is a deal-breaker for me.

 

There is a big difference between someone who enjoys a drink, but can take it or leave it, and someone who's drinking is compromising their health.

 

It sounds like he fits into the latter group.

 

Nah, no thanks.

[GemmaUK]

I'm a woman.

I think your reply leaves too much of a door open - leave it at I'm not feeling it.

 

You don't know that he wasn't controlling himself on his drinking levels.

 

One guy I knew drank 2 plus bottles of wine easy - eg - he didn't die yet.

He also drank pints of port - pints of!!

 

I like a drink but good grief that is OTT and scary if someone can drink that much and still stand up!

[Hopeful30]

Consider him incompetent and irresponsible and never see him again.

[Celeste.Carol]

It sounds to me like you are not into it. He sounds like a fun guy who can handle his liquor and may make a great drinking buddy but not a great boyfriend, if you are looking for more maturity. He was respectful to you while hammered, says a lot. Let him down gently.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I'm a woman.

I think your reply leaves too much of a door open - leave it at I'm not feeling it.

 

Hmm....now that I've re-read what I wrote, I think you may be right! I just added the last part because I go to that Tiki Bar/Restaurant occasionally and if I saw him again, I didn't want him (or myself) to feel awkward.

 

But, I think I'm going to just text (or say) the first sentence and that's it.

 

 

 

 

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[Zagan]

If you sent that text to me I'd think 'I was stupid enough to sing a duet with this chick and this is how she treats me!? where are the gasoline and matches'..

 

Nah seriously, just leave it at 'I'm not feeling it' the rest is irrelevent as this is the only part he will focus on.

[GemmaUK]

I agree with your conclusions and your sensibilities sister. (Glad you're so quick on the uptake too - means I don't have to worry about you! )

 

I'll just add one thing - I've never seen a person go two-fisted spontaneously and for no particular reason. My bet is he was bc that's the way he always rolls. Not a good predictor of future calm and equanimity.

 

I agree Jen.

I dated a guy (the controlling fella if you have seen any of my posts) and 5 months in we went away to go to a party - I had tried to get away from him several times before that...my bad that I hadn't managed it!

 

 

He drank two pints of beer at 4pm.

Two litre glasses of wine and a see though vodka and coke whilst we got ready to go out. I had one vod and coke which I poured and it looked as dark as a glass of coke.

At said party (we arrived at 7pm) he drank 4 double vodka and cokes to my single V&C's. We left the party at 1am.

After the party he got through half a litre of vodka by 3am.

 

He had a great time and couldn't recall a thing...except that he had bought himself many more drinks than was in our round between us. He told me that at least.

I had to stop him from damaging the hotel or people with the fire extinguisher that night.

He was 42 years old.

 

He would drink during the week too and he drove a 60 tonne truck for a living.

Scary.

[Satu]

Today's 'Party Animal' often becomes tomorrow's very sick person, waiting for a liver transplant.

 

Sad, but true.

 

I've seen it happen.

[Zagan]

Ok it was bad form to get drunk on a first date and maybe she has some genuine concerns, but I don't think we need to book him in for a liver transplant just yet.

Maybe he just got lost in the moment.

Maybe he needed to be slightly drunk cos' he knew she wanted him to sing a duet with her! (I'd need to be comatose)

Or maybe he associates social outings as a time and place to let your hair down and have a few drinks (or more) because it's the binge drinking age and so many people do it. The fact that he was not rude in any way or offensive after he was drunk is very telling. So he probably isn't a raging alcoholic with issues. But if it made you uncomfortable and overthink it then yes, he's definitely not for you.

[Art_Critic]

first meetup, gets too drunk... you are just looking at the tip of the iceberg... dump him and no second chances with drunks on first dates/meetups

[Vercetti]

In general stay away from those that drink or hang in bars and clubs. Someone early on in the first few dates that can't maintain composure...Pathetic. Almost pathetic as someone that raves how high their tolerance is.

[nescafe1982]

Agreeing with the consensus here. You can't get locked in with someone like this. He's got some work to do on himself.

 

I'll only add that one time I went on an OKCupid date and accidentally got drunk (on 2 cocktails, mind you). When the guy texted me the next morning and said "maybe we're not cut out for one another," I was embarrassed but totally understood why.

[Gary S]

So if I get drunk, fall down and go boom, you won't pick me up off a da floor?!

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

So if I get drunk, fall down and go boom, you won't pick me up off a da floor?!

 

Of course I would, Gary! Not only that, but I'd get you to a place that sells food and coffee and pump you full of it lol until you were sober enough to walk to the car...then I'd drive ya home, tuck you in your bed all snug (as a bug in a rug haha), kiss you on your forehead and then be on my way.

 

Friends don't let friends drive drunk or stay on tha flo after goin' boom!

 

 

 

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[kendahke]

Having gone through a crazy episode with the guy who nearly drank himself to death over the course of 3 days back in February, I'd say run for the hills from someone who has no working filter when it comes to unleashing the booze Kraken on a first date.

[Gary S]

Of course I would, Gary! Not only that, but I'd get you to a place that sells food and coffee and pump you full of it lol until you were sober enough to walk to the car...then I'd drive ya home, tuck you in your bed all snug (as a bug in a rug haha), kiss you on your forehead and then be on my way.

 

Friends don't let friends drive drunk or stay on tha flo after goin' boom!

 

 

 

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- Awe, you are my lill' buddy :love:

[madjac74]

I want to ask the guys on here a question:

 

If you called (or texted) a woman to ask her if she wanted to meet up with you again or if she wants to go out on a date with you and you got a text like the one above from her, how would it make you feel? How would you respond to it (if at all)? Would you think she was being polite and being nice about not wanting to date you anymore, or would you think she was being mean or snobby?

 

(It's okay if the ladies on here want to say their opinion about my question or about my post!)

 

 

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To answer your actual question, I would not contact you again and move on. But that is just how I operate. But many guys may see it as a personal hit and want some explanation.

[seekingluck]

I'd be wary. I like drinks and have a low tolerance. A big night for me is about 2 drinks. Sometimes I'll go crazy and get to 2.5. So basically anyone who drinks way more than me is the wrong fit. I go to the bars for the experience. I prefer a high end bar with interesting cocktails vs a dive, since I don't care about the getting tipsy part. It is all about the atmosphere and experience for me.

[No_Go]

I learned, unfortunately, that the people that CAN do it and still stand are just alcoholics who have very high tolerance from abusing tons of alcohol on a regular basis.

 

 

I'm a woman.

I think your reply leaves too much of a door open - leave it at I'm not feeling it.

 

You don't know that he wasn't controlling himself on his drinking levels.

 

One guy I knew drank 2 plus bottles of wine easy - eg - he didn't die yet.

He also drank pints of port - pints of!!

 

I like a drink but good grief that is OTT and scary if someone can drink that much and still stand up!

[Satu]

I learned, unfortunately, that the people that CAN do it and still stand are just alcoholics who have very high tolerance from abusing tons of alcohol on a regular basis.

 

And every time they tank up, liver cells die en masse, and more fat incursion takes place.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

To answer your actual question, I would not contact you again and move on. But that is just how I operate. But many guys may see it as a personal hit and want some explanation.

 

Thanks for answering my question, Madjac. But, why do you think they'd want an explanation? Don't you think they would KNOW why I don't want to date them anymore? Are you saying that a person who drinks to excess, acts like a fool for half of the evening (even though he was still respectful towards me) and saw my reactions to his obnoxious behavior would NOT even 'guess' why I would've sent him that text? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm just curious what you think about your statement.

 

 

 

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