SuzieQ42 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 So I've never posted in a blog like this, but I am beside myself on this one... I met my partner because he met my cousin (who is also my roommate) through an online dating app. They tried to date for a couple of months, but never slept together and never began a real relationship. She claims she was never really attracted to him and has no problem with me dating him at all. He told her he loved her (which hurts my ego of course). After they stopped whatever that was, he dated another girl in our circle, and also tried to date one of her closest friends while dating her (questionable behavior). He and I became very close friends during this time. I continued dating, explaining to him we could never be together because he dated my cousin. One night we slept together. It was amazing but I again reminded him we needed to just be friends. 3 days later, he was intimate with (but did not sleep with) yet another one of my closest friends, only to tell me he was in love with me 3 days after that. I felt like I was on a bad sitcom where the guy is out to dinner with two girls at once and is constantly running to "the bathroom" to jump back and forth between them. When I confronted him about this friend he told me I he no right to be upset because we were not together. He wanted to be in a relationship with me, but I was denying him so he was protecting himself. From my perspective, why would he hook up with my friend just as we are starting to break this intimacy barrier? Why would he do the one thing that was already keeping us from being together (creating intimacy with someone close to me)? What does it say about him to have no regard for the close relationships of others by trying to date everyone in a close knit circle? We are not in high school... I agreed to start dating him, exclusively, because I feel more for him than I have ever felt before. I am 30 years old and have always had men falling in love with me very easily. However, I have never really felt a love for someone the way I feel for this man. He makes me feel alive and inspired like nothing I've ever experienced. It's like we have one mind, one soul... We laugh together, cry together, talk for 12 hours in the car with no radio, have the most incredible physical connection ever. I feel like this man could be the man I spend my life with. He also professes his love, claims he would be true in a committed relationship, claims he has no interest in my cousin or friends, claims he has never felt this way before either. Everything is perfect except for this nagging feeling inside of me. I wonder was he just throwing himself at every woman around and I just happened to be the one who liked him back? Was his questionable behavior within a group of friends and family a sign of lack of integrity? Am I simply being prideful that I am with a man my cousin rejected? Will I ever be able to get past this jealousy and ickiness associated with the "I met my love because he met my cousin on a dating site and she wasn't interested?" Could I marry someone who has dated half of my wedding party? Can I /should I trust this man? How can I get over this? What can he do to help me? Should I just give up now? I feel utterly tormented by this... It's only been a month, maybe I just need more time. But I'm also getting to a point in my life where I don't want to spend time with people I don't see a future with. If I can't get past this, I need to say goodbye. It just feels so tragic. Sorry that was so long-winded. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Thank you for any advice...
deadelvis Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I have no advice to give you. But I would like to express my condolences. That is a hard pill to swallow. The real question is can you live with it? In your heart you already know the answer.
jam.over.jelly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 This is a no brainer. He was also in love with your cousin too right? And now he's in love with you. He sounds like a joke to me. No offense. 1
Gary S Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Single guys like lots of women. But when they fall in love, just like women, they can be hooked (amusing he's not the player type). The real questions are, is he the monogamous type? And does he love you? People can only love one person at a time. And finally........this might be the most important question..........how does your sister feel about it? You don't want this to drive a wedge between you and your sister.......lovers come and go, but family is forever.
joseb Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Hes either full of shyte and tells women he loves them in order to sleep with them, or hes got the emotional maturity of a child and doesnt know what love is. Either way his behaviour of trying to jump every woman within reach hardly makes it seem like he's much of a catch. 2
Celeste.Carol Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 How old is this guy? I agree he sounds emotionally immature. It is like the Elvis song 'You ain't nothing but a Hound dog,' or should I say Horn dog. He completely ignored you and your feelings. If he had a strong sense of draw toward you he would not be sleeping with your friends. For yourself, shut the door, he sounds like he is trouble! 1
Versacehottie Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Sounds like he has a big case of bad judgement and impulse control. Doesn't look at the look view or utilize self-control. I don't know if you can change your meet story: I think just say the one line about dated your cousin and it didn't work out, you guys became friends. Rest is unnecessary. Can't help you with how you "feel" about it. That might not go away. I don't think you want to walk away from this guy so try to find ways you personally can get over it. The past isn't gonna change. I would be worried that the bad judgement/impulse control issues are going to strike again in some way or another during your coupledom. good luck
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 No, I would not trust this man with my heart. He bounces around friends and family groups, sleeping with them and telling random ones he loves them. I don't think this guy has any idea what love is. Or he uses that line to hook women, when it has little meaning to him. Sounds like he is always on the lookout for the next shiny and exciting thing,, that his connections are superficial and not based on a true understanding and love for the woman. Sorry, but I personally don't think it will end well for you. 1
Author SuzieQ42 Posted September 4, 2015 Author Posted September 4, 2015 Thank you all for your thoughts. Part of me really wants to give it a chance because he makes me feel more love than I have ever felt before.... He feels he was just dating and did nothing wrong and that he is in love with me like never before, and would be monogamous and faithful forever with me. It seems crazy to trust this because his actions are so questionable. But my heart wants to try. I don't know what will ever make me trust him though. What could he even do to "prove" himself? What can I do to let go? Or should I take this as a red flag character flaw and just move on?
jam.over.jelly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Thank you all for your thoughts. Part of me really wants to give it a chance because he makes me feel more love than I have ever felt before.... He feels he was just dating and did nothing wrong and that he is in love with me like never before, and would be monogamous and faithful forever with me. It seems crazy to trust this because his actions are so questionable. But my heart wants to try. I don't know what will ever make me trust him though. What could he even do to "prove" himself? What can I do to let go? Or should I take this as a red flag character flaw and just move on? It sounds to me like you know your answer already. You realize that he's no good for you yet you are hoping for someone to tell you otherwise, so you can go and be with him. You're only fooling yourself here. Trust me, get out before it is too late. The kind of love you described to me does not sound very healthy, sounds so much like infatuation, and he seems like he's very good at manipulating your feelings. Save yourself this heartbreak and let him go. 1
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