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What? no one is attractive anymore?

Samuel_22

By Samuel_22
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Yummm Established Member

Yummm

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I feel ya mate, I've been on about 8 dates in 2-3 weeks and although i've got a couple of kisses and some decent connections, nobody seems that attractive haha!

 

It just means you're not ready, date to meet people, see if you click...if you're constantly looking to fill that void of your ex so soon after the breakup you will end up feeling empty and you won't heal. (I'm telling myself this advice whilst giving it to you!)

 

Positive vibes mate :)

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Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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You can't gauge success on how others view you, it's how you see yourself that matters. Your insecurity is derived from lack of confidence and low self-image as a result of your breakup. All that other stuff is just dust in your eye man, blink it away.
Gems, dude. Things like these are why people look up to you on this board. Keep em coming!
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Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

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Sam, you need to heal man. Don't sweat it. I'm right there with you. The most revealing thing I learned from my Breakup was that I gave "me" up to accommodate my Ex and ultimately lost any semblance of who I thought I was. So now it's about reconnecting with myself, working on myself because in that relationship the "me" disappeared. I need to learn to be independent again because I've been co-dependent for so long. I'm rediscovering lost passions and new found joys beyond the relationship.

 

I feel doing this, working on myself, returning to form, reclaiming who I am will only benefit me when that day arrives and I meet 'her'. You can't gauge success on how others view you, it's how you see yourself that matters. Your insecurity is derived from lack of confidence and low self-image as a result of your breakup. All that other stuff is just dust in your eye man, blink it away.

Gus Grimly, I know exactly what you mean, there are times I become really frustrated, angry, blind to truth blah blah... Well It's good to have friends like you, I am really lucky to have friends like you who have taken my hands and are leading me to the right path, so I fear no evil...It is a blessing, really... I am not going to push myself to find anyone anymore, because I have never done this at all...at the right time and the right place, I will eventually see that someone who is going to be the last one, who will love me and stay with me forever, it ain't late for me, I am still young...I have got a long path a head of me, and I have to focus on my goals for the time being...Gus like always your wisdom and experience, came to the rescue... I am going to focus on something else for a while, how about making some love with my computer games, huh? :laugh: thank you, thank you and again thank you...

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Liono84 Established Member

Liono84

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You don't find other women attractive because the breakup is sill very recent. It takes time. You have to let things be for now. Grieve and accept. Take it day by day, moment by moment. You'll go through a wide range of emotions. Right now, time is the only healer, but after awhile, it comes down to YOU healing YOU, not time.

 

 

I've always maintained this and always will; From my personal experiences, you only get over an ex, when you meet another person/partner and start a new relationship. This doesn't mean you have to be sad about things or not having fun, it just means that you'll in all likelihood still have thoughts about them. When I say get over an ex, I mean 100% get over, to the point where they are out of your mind, completely. (Of course I'm saying this presuming there was no abuse or serious issues involved in the relationship.)

 

 

Don't take any online dating seriously in any way. It's the least likely avenue of finding someone. The odds are very much against you. However, just because it's very unlikely, doesn't mean you should cross it out. You have to keep all options and avenues open.

Edited by Liono84
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bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

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dang everyone beat me to the good advice lol...

 

I second what peeps are saying here. As for looking for attractive people, ok first, I would repeat what others have said: it's because you're still not over it. There are so many hotties out there. Have you tried just taking a walk outside? Maybe go to a mall, or even a grocery store. Women are beautiful. What about clubs? Do you do that sort of thing? If not, maybe you should go out and dance instead of looking on your computer.

 

And I know I said "ok first" but that's about all I have to say. :o

 

 

edit: oh I will say one more thing - You know what is really, really attractive? A girl who won't treat me like crap. A girl who chooses to love instead of abuse. That is so hot. And I know there are girls like that out there. So there are girls WAY more attractive than the previous relationship =)

Edited by bluefeather
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Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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I'm not having trouble being attracted; my issue is that the personalities of the women I've been talking to have all been rubbing me the wrong way. Yes, it's hard to find someone you match up with, humor- and intelligence-wise. But I'm sure my main issue is how easy it seemed between the ex and I. We were comfortable conversing from day one. I don't know if I'll find that again. :(

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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After my breakup I felt the same way. In fact at 30 days I would probably still have felt sick at the thought of being with any other person. At the 2 month mark, I logged into a dating site and instantly felt sick again and logged out. I just couldn't see anyone remotely interesting. None of them are attractive = none of them are what I want = none of them are my ex. It took me 4 months to contemplate dating again. You'll get there, it's not something you can just rush through.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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Zegan it is not that I want to prove anything to anyone, It is that I am tired of being who I am, I am tired of seeing these strange nightmares, night after night after night...I am just tired of sitting at my computer, opening up tarot sites, oracles BS like a maniac, in desperation to see whether she is going to come back or not...I am tired of places that remind me of her, mainly the school I teach...yeah she has left that freaking school but, every nook and cranny of that doomed place reminds me of her, she was my colleague, I am tired of it all, I just need to get rid of it all, and I don't want to start a rebound, I want to get into a serious relationship to forget her for good

 

Wow. OP, please re-read everything you wrote that I've highlighted in bold.

 

 

You seriously NEED to NOT get into ANY relationships with ANYONE for at least the next 8 to 10 months.

 

  • You need to ALLOW yourself to HEAL *emotionally*
     
  • You need to LIKE *who you ARE* as a person BEFORE you enter into ANY relationship
     
  • Reading Tarot cards and Oracles online is NOT the answer to your HEALING
     
  • You CANNOT 'get rid' of it ALL...you have to MOVE PAST IT emotionally
     
  • Forgetting your ex 'for good' is absolutely NOT a valid REASON to get into a 'serious relationship'
     
  • 30 days has NOT been LONG ENOUGH for you to HEAL *emotionally* from your break up

 

 

You either need COUNSELING or...you need to pull yourself together mentally and emotionally!!! Your mentality at this time is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY!:confused:

 

It wouldn't be FAIR to ANY WOMAN for you to start dating them and trying to get into a 'serious relationship' with them, just so you can "forget about your ex-GF for good" - talk about entering into a REBOUND RELATIONSHIP!

 

 

OP, you NEED to take EIGHT to TEN MONTHS OFF from dating and from even THINKING about getting into a 'relationship'...you need to concentrate on your JOB.....you need to be doing activities/hobbies that you enjoy or that brings you satisfaction.....you need to be around family & friends that love and/or care about you....and most of all, you need to LET YOUR EX *GO* - emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

 

Once you REACH the STAGE of INDIFFERENCE with regard to your ex, you WON'T be thinking about her at all.....and you'll be able to GO ON LIVING YOUR LIFE, being SATISFIED with the person that you ARE, *enjoying* your life ON YOUR OWN.

 

When you reach this STAGE of INDIFFERENCE towards your ex, THEN you'll be READY to start dating again and start thinking about finding someone to enter into a loving and respectful relationship with.

 

 

Good luck, OP.

 

 

.

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BriNyc82 Established Member

BriNyc82

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Good points. I still think there's nothing wrong with dating BEFORE that bad taste is washed from you. I think you can still develop a connection with someone before that "happens". And anyway, you're not gonna wake up one day going, "I'm over her!" You'll just gradually lose the anger, sadness etc. until you realize you don't care that much anymore.

 

It's gonna take longer than 2 months. More like 2 years. My advice? Be VERY picky. If we were pickier in the first place, we most likely wouldn't have found ourselves mistreated like this.

 

I have a bad taste in my mouth and I am pushing myself to date b/c while I may not be ready in this very moment to date, I know in life that I want to find someone. I was ready a few months ago and I don't want this A-hole to set me back and prevent me from getting what I really want. I know it's not someone else's job to get rid of the bad taste but maybe if I meet someone worth my time then it will just disappear. Im hoping =)

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Gus Grimly Established Member

Gus Grimly

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I know it's not someone else's job to get rid of the bad taste but maybe if I meet someone worth my time then it will just disappear. Im hoping =)

 

You will, just like I told you previously, it's your now time to be happy. You've paid your dues. The only difference now is that you will be better equipped to make healthier decisions. You know what you will and won't stand for and have the confidence in yourself not to submit to being mistreated in the future. ;)

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Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

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Wow. OP, please re-read everything you wrote that I've highlighted in bold.

 

 

You seriously NEED to NOT get into ANY relationships with ANYONE for at least the next 8 to 10 months.

 

  • You need to ALLOW yourself to HEAL *emotionally*
  • You need to LIKE *who you ARE* as a person BEFORE you enter into ANY relationship
  • Reading Tarot cards and Oracles online is NOT the answer to your HEALING
  • You CANNOT 'get rid' of it ALL...you have to MOVE PAST IT emotionally
  • Forgetting your ex 'for good' is absolutely NOT a valid REASON to get into a 'serious relationship'
  • 30 days has NOT been LONG ENOUGH for you to HEAL *emotionally* from your break up

 

 

You either need COUNSELING or...you need to pull yourself together mentally and emotionally!!! Your mentality at this time is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY!:confused:

 

It wouldn't be FAIR to ANY WOMAN for you to start dating them and trying to get into a 'serious relationship' with them, just so you can "forget about your ex-GF for good" - talk about entering into a REBOUND RELATIONSHIP!

 

 

OP, you NEED to take EIGHT to TEN MONTHS OFF from dating and from even THINKING about getting into a 'relationship'...you need to concentrate on your JOB.....you need to be doing activities/hobbies that you enjoy or that brings you satisfaction.....you need to be around family & friends that love and/or care about you....and most of all, you need to LET YOUR EX *GO* - emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

 

Once you REACH the STAGE of INDIFFERENCE with regard to your ex, you WON'T be thinking about her at all.....and you'll be able to GO ON LIVING YOUR LIFE, being SATISFIED with the person that you ARE, *enjoying* your life ON YOUR OWN.

 

When you reach this STAGE of INDIFFERENCE towards your ex, THEN you'll be READY to start dating again and start thinking about finding someone to enter into a loving and respectful relationship with.

 

 

Good luck, OP.

 

 

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Hellllloooooooo people!!!!!Who says I feel emotionally bad? I had one of my best days at work today, I don't remember being this happy, even when I was with her...God I can't believe it I am the same person who posted this post last night, I have been laughing since this morning, my classes were awesome, God knows how much my students and I have laughed today... well know I think I was not really missing her, I was just afraid of not finding anyone as attractive as she was!!! well I let that go...Thanks to people on this forum, I realized I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, well, it had been 5 years I was not alone a single day, so that made me panic I think...but now, I don't really know I want to start another relationship any time soon, I am enjoying my life, when did I have so much time for my lovely computer games, when did I have so much time to watch a movie at night, I had to send short messages, make freaking phone calls, stupid, corny, hackneyed things I had to do day after day...This is different now, and I love it!!! I might not find anyone as attractive? I will...someone even more attractive, because I looked better than what she was, and I saw her ex today!!! haha can't belive she left me for this guy...Oh God!!! and when I saw her today, she did not look as attractive as I thought she was, had I known she only attracts ugly monsters like him, I would never have made friends with her in the first place :D:laugh:

Edited by Samuel_22
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Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

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People believe me it is all in our minds, well I would like to tell the whole story, her house is near the school where I work, I was done with my classes, came out to head home, that I saw her, hands to hands with her ex (now her boyfriend) I didn't think that was her from distance, and in my head I was muttering about, well she is not attractive either!!! lol they did not notice me, they passed by, and I was shocked, it was her!!!! I had seen her boyfriend's picture, one of my colleagues had taken the picture and shown me, but today, that boy looked even worse! she saw me and released her boyfriend's hand, dunno whether it was for the respect she had for me, or whatever... but in my mind she did not look attractive at all today...was it her make up? or was it that, I had made her look that beautiful in my mind or that scumbag next to her made her look Ridiculous!? dunno any of them... that just boosted my ego...I feel good, and I think she got what she deserved...whether God wanted to prove something to me, or whatever!!! I loved today...

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bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

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Posted
People believe me it is all in our minds, well I would like to tell the whole story, her house is near the school where I work, I was done with my classes, came out to head home, that I saw her, hands to hands with her ex (now her boyfriend) I didn't think that was her from distance, and in my head I was muttering about, well she is not attractive either!!! lol they did not notice me, they passed by, and I was shocked, it was her!!!! I had seen her boyfriend's picture, one of my colleagues had taken the picture and shown me, but today, that boy looked even worse! she saw me and released her boyfriend's hand, dunno whether it was for the respect she had for me, or whatever... but in my mind she did not look attractive at all today...was it her make up? or was it that, I had made her look that beautiful in my mind or that scumbag next to her made her look Ridiculous!? dunno any of them... that just boosted my ego...I feel good, and I think she got what she deserved...whether God wanted to prove something to me, or whatever!!! I loved today...

 

Do NOT forget who you are on this day. That is your true self coming out. You're f'king awesome man. :high five:

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BriNyc82 Established Member

BriNyc82

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You will, just like I told you previously, it's your now time to be happy. You've paid your dues. The only difference now is that you will be better equipped to make healthier decisions. You know what you will and won't stand for and have the confidence in yourself not to submit to being mistreated in the future. ;)

 

Thanks GG!! I sure hope so. I certainly have paid my dues. If I'm unhappy now its not even his doing anymore. At some point I need to look at my life as it is now and face reality. I'm hoping that I not only trust my spidey sense in the future but actually do something about it.

 

I'm tired of being the victim. Time to rise above

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Gus Grimly Established Member

Gus Grimly

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I feel good, and I think she got what she deserved...whether God wanted to prove something to me, or whatever!!! I loved today...

That's amazing news!! It's so refreshing to see you in such good spirits. Now you just have to ride that wave and use it to empower you even further. I'm really proud of you and the progress that you've made thus far. You're a paragon of this community now and a true inspiration to those who are looking for encouragement. :cool:

 

This IS the best day!!

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Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

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That's amazing news!! It's so refreshing to see you in such good spirits. Now you just have to ride that wave and use it to empower you even further. I'm really proud of you and the progress that you've made thus far. You're a paragon of this community now and a true inspiration to those who are looking for encouragement. :cool:

 

This IS the best day!!

Gus believe me man... I can't even believe, I have progressed this much...everyday that passes by, I feel better and better, some may say one month has passed, you have to feel better, my response to these people on this forum is...Not without you! All of you! sometimes I think, what if I had not seen this website, how would I be? you are miracles people... I owe the nice feeling I have to all of you...and Gus you are the perfect diamond of 100 carats or even more here...I never forget a month ago when I joined the community, it was only your words, I could hear...

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Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

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Do NOT forget who you are on this day. That is your true self coming out. You're f'king awesome man. :high five:

High five mate!!!! I am awesome, because I have awesome friends like you!!!!

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