bibi123 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 My ex and I haven't seen each other for almost 9 months. I decided to go NC after we broke up. He ignored me and immediately jumped into dating while I had to go through the pain but I have learned lots of positive things through that journey. Now 6 days ago, as I was heading to my office, I saw a car similar to his. I later on noticed a text msg saying "yes that was just me who drove passed you as you were crossing the street". I deleted all his contacts but knew it was him b'coz I thought I saw him. So my reply was friendly while I still asked if it was him, and he confirmed that he's kept my phone number. After a few messages he sent me an apology on the next day, sharing how he was so sorry for hurting me, he explained that he's felt terrible about the way he treated me and often do till now, that he had to pursue therapy for some depression he's had after losing his dad. I know he can be a very proud and stubborn person (at least based on the proud behavior he displayed when he broke up w/me but also the way he suddenly ignored me while being rude). So I was shocked to get such a text from him which also felt weird b'coz I honestly didn't know what to say then. But I took my time and told him how I truly appreciated him sharing that with me, let him know that we all've done things and there was no need to feel terrible. Took another day for the conversation to be comfortable again.* He said that he wishes I find someone better than him but his communication gravitates towards wanting me back. Now being in Germany, he plans to meet me when he's back. I am actually comfortable meeting him; I thought we both loved each other, he introduced me to his family, met mine, did lots of activities together and with our 2 families, our chemistry was amazing until he suddenly turned cold. Shall I give him a chance? Was he just mesmerized by how fit and elegant I looked when he saw me crossing the road? Or maybe because he truly realized he made a stupid decision?* My plan is to simply have a great time when we meet (since I don't need a closure) and see what he'll have to say later. Has anyone had experienced this? I'll appreciate you sharing your opinions
Christos Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Short answer: NO! Middle answer: HELL NO! Long answer: He doesn't love you, he just needs a back up plan, and you are it. Of course, since you are a woman, you have already made up your mind to go back to him, and you just want us to agree with your decision. And after you get hurt again, you will come in this forum again, to cry and ask for support. Oh, and don't flatter yourself, he wasn't mesmerized by your body. Men will hit on anyone when they are alone. Sex needs and all that. 1
HandsomeBoh Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I don't understand? Why would you so suddenly claim that shes just a back up plan to him? I think the guy has shown some evidence of genuine effort, though of course it will be up to OP to evaluate that. He's received counseling for depression even though you say he's a really proud guy. He apologised and continues to apologise, even though as you say, hes really proud. I suppose you'll have to see how he behaves when he meets you. I think you may possibly have a really good guy here... 1
Christos Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 (edited) I don't understand? Why would you so suddenly claim that shes just a back up plan to him? I think the guy has shown some evidence of genuine effort, though of course it will be up to OP to evaluate that. He's received counseling for depression even though you say he's a really proud guy. He apologised and continues to apologise, even though as you say, hes really proud. I suppose you'll have to see how he behaves when he meets you. I think you may possibly have a really good guy here... Well, i obviously claimed it because i am a bad, bitter person, so jealous and envious, and want to destroy the OP's life.... Seriously though, what kind of genuine effort? If this is considered genuine effort, then no wonder women get hurt... No, the proud thing to do, is to never bother the person you so rudely threw away again. The proud thing to do, is when you really believe that she deserves better, to leave her alone. What he did, is just throwing some bones and seeing if she is desperate enough... But it's ok, it's the OP's life. She can do what she wants, i just shared my opinion. Edited September 4, 2015 by Christos 2
Gus Grimly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 No, the proud thing to do, is to never bother the person you so rudely threw away again. The proud thing to do, is when you really believe that she deserves better, to leave her alone. Agreed, and also the best thing to do for yourself, after being thrown away by someone is to never have anything to do with them again. It's called self-respect and integrity. My most recent devastating breakup made me realize I need to take a stand and stick up for myself, to stop being a doormat by giving second, third, fourth, fifth etc chances. Now, if you blow it, it's over. No second chances. I'm worth more than to be treated like garbage. 4
bluefeather Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 My plan is to simply have a great time when we meet (since I don't need a closure) and see what he'll have to say later. What do you mean by "simply have a great time"? Are you interested in just having a fling with him? Because if you are, then I'd say that is possible. If you are looking to get back into a relationship with him, however, I agree with Christos. 1
Christos Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 What do you mean by "simply have a great time"? Are you interested in just having a fling with him? Because if you are, then I'd say that is possible. If you are looking to get back into a relationship with him, however, I agree with Christos. A fling is possible, but dangerous. Who's to say she won't grow attached to him again? And why, after 9 months of so rude behaviour, she is willing to have a fling with him, instead of the thousands of other available men in her area? Is she so lonely and desperate, that she can forget all about self-respect and ignore all dangers just to have a fling? 1
lollipopspot Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Of course, since you are a woman, you have already made up your mind to go back to him, and you just want us to agree with your decision. And after you get hurt again, you will come in this forum again, to cry and ask for support. So, do you stereotype so simplistically because you are a man?
Christos Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 So, do you stereotype so simplistically because you are a man? Funny thing is, what i said is true. She said she has a plan to give him another chance. So why ask for our opinions? She already has her "plan"... Hmmm???? And i am sorry, but i have noticed this trend in women for many, many years, to stop stereotyping now. Stereotypes happen for a reason... Women always follow their at-the-moment feelings and rationalize later.
Samuel_22 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 My ex and I haven't seen each other for almost 9 months. I decided to go NC after we broke up. He ignored me and immediately jumped into dating while I had to go through the pain but I have learned lots of positive things through that journey. Now 6 days ago, as I was heading to my office, I saw a car similar to his. I later on noticed a text msg saying "yes that was just me who drove passed you as you were crossing the street". I deleted all his contacts but knew it was him b'coz I thought I saw him. So my reply was friendly while I still asked if it was him, and he confirmed that he's kept my phone number. After a few messages he sent me an apology on the next day, sharing how he was so sorry for hurting me, he explained that he's felt terrible about the way he treated me and often do till now, that he had to pursue therapy for some depression he's had after losing his dad. I know he can be a very proud and stubborn person (at least based on the proud behavior he displayed when he broke up w/me but also the way he suddenly ignored me while being rude). So I was shocked to get such a text from him which also felt weird b'coz I honestly didn't know what to say then. But I took my time and told him how I truly appreciated him sharing that with me, let him know that we all've done things and there was no need to feel terrible. Took another day for the conversation to be comfortable again.* He said that he wishes I find someone better than him but his communication gravitates towards wanting me back. Now being in Germany, he plans to meet me when he's back. I am actually comfortable meeting him; I thought we both loved each other, he introduced me to his family, met mine, did lots of activities together and with our 2 families, our chemistry was amazing until he suddenly turned cold. Shall I give him a chance? Was he just mesmerized by how fit and elegant I looked when he saw me crossing the road? Or maybe because he truly realized he made a stupid decision?* My plan is to simply have a great time when we meet (since I don't need a closure) and see what he'll have to say later. Has anyone had experienced this? I'll appreciate you sharing your opinions NO NO NO NO Because: Men usually love women in hindsight when too much distance has been built, women alike, but women can tell you ''I love you'' at the moment and really mean it... the reason this guy feels he is in love is that too much distance has been built and now he wants to come back, once you get back, you will be fine for 2 months, you will wonder why you broke up in the first place, then the same old problems will resurface, or even worse, you will start unpacking your baggage from the previous relationship, and things go to the dogs again NO Because: This guy has already shown you his true color, did he even feel sad when he dumped you? I bet he also criticized you for your being sad, didn't he tell you it's easy and you shouldn't be sad at all? huh? he will do it again, it is easy for this guy... NO Because: Cyclical relationships are doomed!!! before anyone attack me and say hey this is not always true, I have seen people get back together, and even marry one another, YES! but out of 5 people I knew who were on cyclical relationships and now are married, 3 have got divorced, 2 are still doing well, but my opinion is that, it is because they have got married.... 2
Author bibi123 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Thank you so much guys for sharing your opinions. No, I am not desperate. When he suggested to meet, I told him there was no need to but could use his help to pick some hiking gear at an REI store since I have an upcoming trip to British Colombia. I thought this would be a good reason to see each other. We went on a few trips before but this is a long backpacking trip for me (he's the ideal person to go shopping for that type of stuff, which works for me - and he's ok with it). Edited September 7, 2015 by bibi123 1
Author bibi123 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) NO NO NO NO Because: This guy has already shown you his true color, did he even feel sad when he dumped you? I bet he also criticized you for your being sad, didn't he tell you it's easy and you shouldn't be sad at all? huh? he will do it again, it is easy for this guy... .... Yes I've thought about all this; I surely do not want to go back to where things fell apart. The reason why we broke up was that he started talking about having kids and I started feeling some type of pressure from him pertaining to how to raise children together (religion issue). He hid that from his family but recently told them he was the "wrong one". My confusion made me assume he might have lost attraction & simply used that as a good reason to quickly end up the relationship. I told him there was no way this could be an issue as we already discussed this. "I would rather not have kids with someone who doesn't accept me as a Christian". It was not that ugly but the frustration and disappointment were definitely there. I think my statement came up a little strong as well, even though I calmly said it. When he left my place that morning after breakfast, we shared a long tight hug as usual but things progressively went distant (no call for 2 days, then me texting with no response from him...then him telling me to stop contacting him b'coz it was over). He got cold and rude after that that I had to cancel his birthday dinner reservation and all the surprises the following week as he ignored my calls. That's where I realized it really was over. **The romanticism and chivalry were daily there, we both more than liked each other but actually never said "I love you" to each other*** (type of people who say it when they mean it I guess). Edited September 7, 2015 by bibi123 1
Author bibi123 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Funny thing is, what i said is true...Women always follow their at-the-moment feelings and rationalize later. Yes there's some truth is this but we now text with no pressure b'coz we're not in a relationship (I could reply 2, 3 or 6 hours later if I want to, so there haven't been any at-the-moment feelings at all. I go with my business and he goes with his. So I will not even bother contacting him when he is back because he will text to confirm. I know he will. The advice I am looking forward is as to what to think of when I'll meet him.
Caslina Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 For men who doesn't understands why women wants to meet again someone who broke their heart. It's vanity. Although deep down we tell ourselves that we are over that guy we will never get over someone who throw us. It hurts our self esteem. Nothing would relieve that than the man saying "Oh you're actually so pretty and amazing. I am so stupid". This is what women who has been dumped hopes for ..some day..the guy will realize this. Hence, she must meet him. This is also for some men. To OP, you should only meet him to show that you're okay, your life is great, you have a wonderful bf that treat you great. Get whatever validation that you need and leave with dignity. Don't go there again. you will hurt yourself again. 1
aboucher21 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 If you are on here asking what you should do, it's clear you shouldnt get back with him. 1
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