seekingluck Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 (edited) Trying to read on of my work colleagues. Here is the background. TLDR version: Out of state consultant at work seems to be moving beyond regular friendly. Wondering if I am misreading signals. The signals: increased physical contact (hugs, shoulder touches), hints about coming to visit him, compliments: appearance, personality. The challenge: he is a warm person in general. Full version: We have been working together for nearly a year. He is a consultant for my company, and comes into our offices every 6 weeks or so. He lives in another metro area far away. At this point, I have probably seen him in person about 5ish times. At the beginning, I didn't work directly with him often, but we interacted in meetings. Over the past couple of months I have been working more closely with him on some of my projects, and we talk on the phone or in person every 2 weeks or so. When meeting him I thought he was attractive, but not typically my type. Generally I have a congenial working relationship with most people as time goes on, and of course you start to get to know each other a little but more outside of the work context. Now that we have been meeting (phone or in person) more often, many cases one on one, we have gotten to know each other a bit more. More about hobbies, activities, family, and stuff like that during our conversations. He has been very complimentary about me, and I have heard from other colleagues that he has positive comments about me (work stuff). Here is where I am getting a little lost. He has been in town more often over the past few weeks, so I am seeing him more often in person. Some incidents of note: - in a meeting he asked when I was coming to his city to check out his new place - he gave me a casual invite to meet up with him on his vacation (a far away vacation) - he is noticing my hair changes (again he doesn't visit that often) - he is sharing more personal details about his life - he has lots of compliments for me (work/personality type) - he is "touchier" than in the past - hello/goodbye hugs - shoulder touches / shoulder rubs - intentional, incidental contact when passing Personally, I can be touchy when flirting, but also touchy once we have become friends. So I can't use my own scale for this. We are spending a lot more one on one time for projects too. He's attractive, we meshed instantly, we have lots in common, have similar humor, and share cultural references, so fit is good. Things are very easy in interacting with him, and we have both noticed and remarked on it. But I don't want to misread. So what do you think? Does it sound like flirting? Edited September 4, 2015 by seekingluck
mystikmind2005 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Have you told him you are single? and see how he reacts?
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Maybe he is just hoping you will take him up on his offer to "see" his place, wink wink say no more....if you know what I mean.
Jj66 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 It's kind of obvious Why do we complicate things so much? It's not like we haven't been doing this flirting thing since the beginning of civilization.
Author seekingluck Posted September 4, 2015 Author Posted September 4, 2015 Maybe he is just hoping you will take him up on his offer to "see" his place, wink wink say no more....if you know what I mean. Ha! It would be way easier if he lived closer. To visit him, I gotta figure out when my friends/family/etc who live in his city are free so I can make a trip with a primary goal of hanging out with them. If it was a place I didn't know anyone, then I could just make an tourist trips. If I go, everyone would be mad I didn't see them while I was in town! I wish I had work trips to go on.
Author seekingluck Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 It's kind of obvious Why do we complicate things so much? It's not like we haven't been doing this flirting thing since the beginning of civilization. OK OK. You were probably right! Things moved to the next stage today! He invited me to lunch.
Author seekingluck Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Have you told him you are single? and see how he reacts? He told me he was and asked if I was. Then we chatted about dating.
Author seekingluck Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 I thought I'd post a quick update. He is back at home, and busy with his regular life stuff. Post our lunch date we had a few more meeting, and even talked over the weekend about some non work stuff (he recommended me for a job with one of his former colleagues). We had our last meeting this week and said our "goodbyes." This meeting was like many others I have had with him, we get a little sidetracked from the work stuff talking about personal stuff. I even made a joke about it. Anyway, we said goodbye, exchanged real hugs. I told him that I was glad we started to get to know each other. He responded with, next time I am in town we need to meet up -- outside of the work stuff. And then of course wants me to keep him posted on progress on the job he referred me to. I am a little confused. I'd say he is proceeding slowly. But not totally sure how. I like him, not sure I can explicitly tell him that. I know he is busy over the next few weeks, but we will connect over both work and other stuff in the coming weeks. He is doing all sorts of stuff that have more permanence than what I'd call someone who is interested in just a hookup. Looking for common interests. He opens doors. He remembers details. Talks about the people who are important to him in his life. Asks questions about me, my family and the like. I realized this crush is a little different than other ones. Mostly because it isn't a "i find you really attractive crush" (I do find him attractive, but that isn't what draws me to him). What is attractive about him is all the other stuff: his personality, our conversations, the way we've connected and common life outlook. So I want to get to know him better, meet the people he has told me about, experience the stuff he shared... Taking it slow is OK, since I am interested in the whole package! So I guess it'll develop how ever it wants to develop. I know I'll be chatting with him soon!
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