Author edgygirl Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 edgy, unless you are psychic, you really have no idea how he was (or is) feeling. I have been on dates, where I was having a really good time, laughing, joking, easy conversation, even made out at the end (too much to drink), just like in your case. But I felt zero *romantic* chemistry with the guy! But hell, with all we had in common, he could have been a great friend. We had friendship chemistry. Bottom line, has he asked you out again? It's the weekend now, surely if he had felt the same *chemistry* you did, he would have, don't you think? I realize you're beautiful and awesome, but that does not guarantee a guy is gonna feel the same romantic chemistry you did. It's not that I think I know it all, he told me that he felt tons of chemistry, not only on the date itself but also on the texts after, and it was quite clear to be honest. In all honesty it's hard to find people you can talk about your fave subjects and intellectual things for hours. Now, of course I don't know what he is feeling now. Thing is I did get too drunk (misjudged the strong drink) and am not sure what I said in the last half hour together... I think I said stupid things to be honest but I am not sure. I believe he mentioned meeting again because I remember myself answering drunkenly something like "we will end up in bed if we meet again" and laughing. Ugh! What an idiot. I shouldn't have posted about this here, I don't have all the facts of what happened to be honest. Maybe my boldness and drunkenness turned him off or so. There's no way to know.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I'll give a guy's perspective. he texts me saying he went out with someone the night before and all he could think of was that she was about 1% as hot or smart as me He said this because he only sees you, and other women, as conquest. He probably didn't get a chance to make out with her, like he did with you, so he's sends this message to keep you reeled in. He pointed he'd love to but is busy this week for family stuff. Generic disinterested message that both men and women send to someone they aren't interested in. Concatenate the previous quote with this one, means he isn't interested in putting in much effort. He had texted me lightly in the next 4-5 days after our date, but nothing since yesterday in the morning. So we haven't talked for over 24 hours and he hasn't made plans. For the record, I do not initiate texts but I always respond him when he does. Because you do not initiate texts, he's doing the typical fade. He figures you are a lost cause concerning getting naked. It's just my experience that whenever I show a lot of interest, it cools men off. Have you considered finding that happy medium between not initiating and too much interest? It may keep a man interested. 1
Author edgygirl Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) For some reason all guys I've dated in the past year were lawyers but none of them texted me this often so not sure which one you're talking about I am still dating another lawyer, and although he's consistent I don't feel things progressing and we don't meet that often so I'm not inclined to feel passionate about this relationship unless he steps up his game. He's also super busy lately as he's been in charge of a few trials, something he didn't do before. Ha - can't ask this guy that, unless he keeps writing after labor day which he's prob spending with his son, but I won't initiate. edit: you made me think, you might be right about my new non-initiating contacts policy. It's something I've been conflicted about lately. They might also be thinking I'm not that into them when I only respond and never initiate. What happened to that one lawyer you were seeing that was texting you 50x a day? BTW - I think you're old enough now to stop playing games. So drop the mindset that initiating "cools men off" and reach out to him. Send this - "You were on my mind. Looking forward to what u plan for our next date. ;)" Edited September 5, 2015 by edgygirl
jam.over.jelly Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 edit: you made me think, you might be right about my new non-initiating contacts policy. It's something I've been conflicted about lately. They might also be thinking I'm not that into them when I only respond and never initiate. Ahhh, I was just expressing my concern about this in my thread. I never initiated, then the guy who has been texting me for 3 weeks didn't text me first for one day, so the next day I bit my tongue and texted him first, he was very responsive, and the day after that he got back to contacting me first again. So i'd say it's a give and take, some guys might take it as you're not that interested if you only respond and never initiate. 1
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Here's a tip...if a guy works on you that hard and pushes for some scoobie'in at the end of the night is a no brainer what he is out for. So the cousin and the irritating chick both got what they wanted.....got laid. Not all women want a relationship, she wanted to bang him. As for my experience, a very interested man sets up a date on the first date or the next day. But then again, I'm an aggressive woman, and know how to flirt, be feminine sexy, intrigue, if getting him is my goal. You have to work it sister....men like to be wooed too. 1
Gary S Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Well he's not the sharpest tool in the toolbox, talking about another woman. You can give him a week. 1
Keenly Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 You could just call him and ask him if he wants to go out.
Author edgygirl Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 But then again, I'm an aggressive woman, and know how to flirt, be feminine sexy, intrigue, if getting him is my goal. You have to work it sister....men like to be wooed too. Hmm... I'd say I am the same way Everyone says I'm amazing at winning people (socially speaking), and that I'm a natural PR-like person. But frankly in a way I am not THAT interested in him because of the different goals thing. He's just the most interesting guy brain-wise I've met in the last months so he kept me wondering.
Author edgygirl Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 True. But women like to be pursued and wooed in the beginning. Let's see, I'll give it a week as Gary said, if I am still thinking about him then and he still hasn't contacted, I might say hi. You could just call him and ask him if he wants to go out.
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Hmm... I'd say I am the same way Everyone says I'm amazing at winning people (socially speaking), and that I'm a natural PR-like person. But frankly in a way I am not THAT interested in him because of the different goals thing. He's just the most interesting guy brain-wise I've met in the last months so he kept me wondering. You are wasting your time and his.
Keenly Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 True. But women like to be pursued and wooed in the beginning. Let's see, I'll give it a week as Gary said, if I am still thinking about him then and he still hasn't contacted, I might say hi. Okay, well you have fun with sitting on your hands waiting then. 1
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 1. Don't get drunk on dates or you won't find a serious man who will take you seriously 2. Don't date men who get "really drunk" on dates 3. Don't make out on the first date while drunk
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 And yes if a man is interested he will ask you out on the date or very soon after, within 24 h
Poppygoodwill Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 You're over thinking it I'm afraid. If he really wanted to see you again, he'd be making a date - even if it was for after labour day, just to be sure he didn't miss out on you. If I were you and I wanted to see him again, I'd give him one more chance and take control of it. Invite him out for a specific thing on a specific evening this coming week. If he declines, and doesn't suggest an alternative, then he's not interested and he's trying to let you down gently. I dated a guy for a while with whom there was amazing chemistry - intellectual and physical - but who I realized, over time, was able to generate that kind of chemistry with a lot of women. He loved women and he wasn't looking for anything deep, so it was easy for him to whip up a sort of shallow kind of chemistry with many different women. Took me a few months of crazy making behaviour with him coming in close and fading back week on week until I finally forced the issue and we broke it off. So I'm saying you are probably dodging a bullet if he fades away fast rather than drags it on.
xcupid Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Interesting that you have this impression too. I will look for clues into this. Might be he is just looking for something casual, who knows. As I said above, I am not head over hills as we don't have the same goals, but his brains caught me off guard as I swoon over intelligent guys. Truth be told he did tell me this week will be busy with family, so it's not like he's being totally aloof about it. Different goals is a red flag. You wanting a baby and he doesn't is another red flag. This sounds like casual at best. Keep looking.
Redhead14 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Is it normal for a man to not make plans for a second date shortly after if he enjoyed the first one? And how long is it acceptable to wait for a guy to at least hint at meeting plans (in case he's too busy for some reason), or make concrete plans? I went on a date last Friday and we had instant chemistry, time flied, we talked non-stop, there was attraction and we did end up making out. Unfortunately we also got really drunk and I am not sure about what has been said before the goodbyes, I recall though him saying something about meeting again. We texted a bit the next day but he didn't make any plans with me. On Sunday morning he texts me saying he went out with someone the night before and all he could think of was that she was about 1% as hot or smart as me. I was not offended, (he doesn't owe me anything, we just met and makes sense he'd keep going on dates) I was actually flattered as I feel the same about him in comparison with some other guy I've been dating. He had told me about an exhibition he saw and I mentioned I was going to another one during this week and he could join. He pointed he'd love to but is busy this week for family stuff. He's (long-time) divorced with a son and early 50s. He had texted me lightly in the next 4-5 days after our date, but nothing since yesterday in the morning. So we haven't talked for over 24 hours and he hasn't made plans. I understand Monday is a holiday and he has a son etc... but I am a little meh that he hasn't mentioned making plans at all. Am I to assume he's not that into me after all? Or am I overthinking as it's a long holiday weekend and it makes sense for him to be busy with his son? I am feeling a bit... shall I say... disrespected (?) but maybe I'm just overthinking? What do you guys think? For the record, I do not initiate texts but I always respond him when he does. It's just my experience that whenever I show a lot of interest, it cools men off. Its only been 24 hours and its a hokiday weekend. Stop obsessing and go out and do somwthing fun. Disrespected? Thats an overreaction to a spre tacular degree. It was one date, you weren't intimate. If he calks, he calls. Wait it out. If its week fom now, listen to what he says was going on and decide if you are even still interested by then. If its Tuesday, great. After the holiday would be fine.
katiegrl Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) Its only been 24 hours and its a hokiday weekend. Stop obsessing and go out and do somwthing fun. Disrespected? Thats an overreaction to a spre tacular degree. It was one date, you weren't intimate. If he calks, he calls. Wait it out. If its week fom now, listen to what he says was going on and decide if you are even still interested by then. If its Tuesday, great. After the holiday would be fine. Red, it's been a week, not 24 hours. Their date was LAST Friday, not yesterday. Look at the date of her first post..... and her words "went out on a date last Friday." Edited September 5, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Gary S Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Red, it's been a week, not 24 hours. Their date was LAST Friday, not yesterday. Look at the date of her first post..... and her words "went out on a date last Friday." - okay then, he's probably not interested or has a screw loose, it's time to move on and date other guys.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 edit: you made me think, you might be right about my new non-initiating contacts policy. It's something I've been conflicted about lately. They might also be thinking I'm not that into them when I only respond and never initiate. Ahhh, I was just expressing my concern about this in my thread. I never initiated, then the guy who has been texting me for 3 weeks didn't text me first for one day, so the next day I bit my tongue and texted him first, he was very responsive, and the day after that he got back to contacting me first again. So i'd say it's a give and take, some guys might take it as you're not that interested if you only respond and never initiate. It's really disappointing that this day and age, with easy access to dating advice from magazines, television, and the Internet, some women still are reticent to initiate with a man they know is interested. It's not something arcane. Men want validation of interest just like women do. 1
Lady2163 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 So....I have a lot of first and second dates. And you're a few years younger than I am. Bad sign that you and he got that drunk on a first date. I NEVER drink more than one drink on a first date - and never something unfamiliar. You're lucky you didn't end up doing the walk of shame the next morning. When I date men in their late 30s and early 40s, the subject of children usually comes up early. Not only do I not want children, I CAN'T have children. This is a major difference. If this man knows you want kids, he's been single for six years, chances are he has had a vasectomy. By saying you want kids when he doesn't has sent you to the casual zone. If you really want kids, you are kind of wasting time with him that could be spent dating someone who wants kids. If a man waited one week to make a follow up date....or by now it will be 11 days on Tuesday, I don't know that I would be in a hurry to date him again. But, I probably would have steered the conversation that direction a lot earlier. One question I try to ask on a first date (if I want a second date) is what his favorite type of food is. Then, if he hasn't initiated something after a couple of days, I may text and say, "I'm craving beef. Have you tried that new place on X street? Are you free for supper on Thursday or Friday?" It isn't always food, sometimes I ask them about activities and interests, just to get an idea. "Sheesh, my week has been awful. Want to go to the batting cage after work? I could use the chance to hit something..."
LilaMarie Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I know I'm late to the party I think there are so many fish in the sea. If the guy isn't interested enough to see you the following day or the next weekend, forget about him. Lately I've been lucky though. Last two guys I've dated asked for a second date the next day. I don't even have time to analyze or think how the first date went. I'm just enjoying it 1
Recommended Posts