I can't believe it......its been one year

[OneConfuzedGuy]

Well guys and gals, its been one year for me. I can't believe it. It has been probably the most interesting year I have had. I won't rehash my story completely but it was a 4 and 1/2 year relationship with us traveling and living abroad for 6 months at the beginning and then pretty much lived together the whole time. Met at the end of college and continued through adult life, living together, full time job etc. She broke up with me a year ago today.

 

I know everyone here and who is reading this has gone through the same thing. Especially if you have been broken up with, that crushing black hole feeling that is so hard to explain or comprehend you pretty much go crazy. The hopelessness, stress, anxiety about the future and the pain, torment, and self doubt that you feel within yourself. Trust me I know, you tell yourself no one knows what it's like but there are people who feel the same way. It's okay because it means you clearly loved and have the ability to truly love and care about someone. I went through hell and I feel like I owe it to myself and to others to type it out. Sort of therapeutic.

 

Now I will try not to write a book. Lets just say for people who are coping right now might want to hear how someone goes through the process especially if this is new to you. The first month was odd because I did not seem to have any emotions. I was in shock, whenever I talked about the situation it was calm and no emotion. Had no interest in anything even though I kept a normal schedule. Then a month later when it sunk it I fell hard. I had started NC and it was some of the worst times of my life. Waking up in the morning was torture. I never thought it would get better, I thought I would always feel like this. The amount of thoughts you have during this time is incredible and you think out a million scenarios filled with regret and what ifs, if onlys, shoulda coulda woulda, blah blah life is ruined. It's your mind playing tricks on you. This is probably the hardest part, it is almost like the person died. You fall so hard.....................but...........

 

IT does get better I promise but you have to work towards it. I made some steps to get to this point. I realized I was in a bad spot and didn't want to burden my friends so I started seeing a therapist. Very good idea it has been a huge help. I took a class for work and passed. I joined a boxing gym. I started playing my guitar more. I was hanging out with my friends and family more. I said yes to invites even if I didn't feel like going. I reconnected with old friends. I made new friends. I went out on some casual dates that weren't really even my doing they pursued me but I tried it anyway even though I didn't feel like dating. I hooked up with a girl. I joined my basketball team at work. I joined my softball team at work. I traveled to multiple countries in Europe. I traveled to Chicago, DC, Charlotte, Virginia, and have a trip planned for New Orleans. Me and my buddy went to a strip club on Christmas. I got more involved in my work. Not in any particular order but that is a summary of what I did in one year.

 

The point is when I realized I was down in a deep hole I realized I had to take action. NO ONE will do this for you. They can give you advice or tell you to do this or do that but YOU have to actually do it and give it a try. There were times I didn't want to go somewhere in the early months but you know what, I would have felt worse staying home and not even trying. And you know what? Maybe it wasn't the best time ever obviously at the time but I was glad I went because eventually it was a good time. Then a great time..... then an awesome time.

 

I am a different person than I was a year ago. Go ahead, if you are bored go read my old posts and tell me I don't sound different. And I am not some special person. Just a regular confuzed guy. But I had to take action and take responsibility and gain control. You can do it. Did I still get upset during all of this? Yes. Did I still think about her? Yes. Did it come in waves that I couldn't control? Yes.

 

For everyone here its a process. It takes time. Some of you 6 months, some of you a year or maybe more. For me I don't know because it just kind of happened. And you won't realize it right away but if you get back to doing the things you like and making yourself happy then one day you will wake up and realize that you are doing great and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I just wanted to write this for everyone out there because I have been through hell and back, but most importantly I'm back and you will be too! You are a strong individual and if you set your mind to it you can get over it. You will have another chance at love, even if you can't see it right now.

[Reels]

Yes you have to work towards it, sometimes it is much harder than being dedicated to someone but still, you can do it.