janetl Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I had a long difficult marriage, it ended several years ago. Sometimes when I read posts here, I question if I was abused or I was abuser. It was an arranged love-less marriage. He claimed he loved me. I could never get myself to love him. I never had any enjoyment in sex. That frustrated him a lot. But he did not give up; kept asking for it and I kept giving in: which made me despise it even more day by day. Eventually I became dead and going through it mechanically. I never initiated sex, and many times refused. He complied sometimes, but always showed frustration. Sometimes he still forced himself on me. It was kinda ugly. But I got used to even that. He used to watch porn and then come back to bed, wake me if I was asleep and demanded sex. Did I push him there by refusing to have sex? To this day, I don't know. I have never coped with all of that. I have not had a normal relationship after divorce. I am fine otherwise, have built my career, am financially independent, have healthy set of hobbies, not super busy social life but a few friends including married couples, families etc. I still cringe and cry thinking of the pain and dead heavy weight used to feel when I was with him. Do I need counseling?
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Everybody needs counseling once in a while. You go to the doctor when your body doesn't feel well. This isn't different. I don't think you were wrong to refuse sex to a man who woke you up. But that's me.
redrock1 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I definitely think that it could be a good idea to seek some counseling. You don't want to continue struggling with these painful memories. And you also don't want these feelings affecting any future relationships you may have. So, I hope you're able to find someone good to talk with. When you have the right therapist, they can make a huge difference in your life!
Mr Scorpio Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I don't think you are to blame for not enjoying sex with a man whom you not only didn't love, but were arranged to marry (I assume that means you did not want to marry this man either). Nevertheless, since you're financially independent, there is nothing wrong with seeking out some counseling. There is no shame in it.
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