Calidude6 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I'm always questioning myself asking why did she leave me for someone else? What was I doing wrong for her to fall out and fall in for someone else? Was this supposed to happen, were we meant to fall apart? I don't want to think that because the relationship was great. Didn't fight much but little things. I guess I didn't do much since she said she didn't feel wanted. So I guess her so called best friend she left me for made her feel wanted. Will she regret her choice for leaving me for him? Did I not love her enough? I'll never know the answer.... Just gotta improve on myself.
Knight23 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 The thing is....with relationships, you never really know if there's 'forever.' People come and go from our lives, and feelings change like the seasons. If you were really meant for each other, then it will eventually happen somewhere down the road. That time just isn't now. From what you've said, there wasn't anything you could've done. She was the one who left you. Try re-evaluating your relationship if you haven't done so already. Maybe there were moments where she thought you were un-attentive. Whatever attention she wasn't getting from you, she was getting from her "best friend." Who knows, maybe that guy was making moves on her for a while, and eventually got her hook-line and sinker. Either way, it was her call, her loss. Like you said, just work on yourself, and say that you loved her as best you could. Stay strong good sir, if not her, then you'll find someone else. Better than her even. 2
Author Calidude6 Posted September 4, 2015 Author Posted September 4, 2015 The thing is....with relationships, you never really know if there's 'forever.' People come and go from our lives, and feelings change like the seasons. If you were really meant for each other, then it will eventually happen somewhere down the road. That time just isn't now. From what you've said, there wasn't anything you could've done. She was the one who left you. Try re-evaluating your relationship if you haven't done so already. Maybe there were moments where she thought you were un-attentive. Whatever attention she wasn't getting from you, she was getting from her "best friend." Who knows, maybe that guy was making moves on her for a while, and eventually got her hook-line and sinker. Either way, it was her call, her loss. Like you said, just work on yourself, and say that you loved her as best you could. Stay strong good sir, if not her, then you'll find someone else. Better than her even. Thank you! I definitely agree with you. I evaluated myself and the relationship. The good and the bad and what to improve. The sadness isn't there as much, more just on missing her, our friendship, and having that someone around. I just keep repeating questions into my head and asking myself why did I do this or why did she do that? Honestly thought I was going to eventually marry her but one thing might be right was not the right time. Wrong timing maybe... I think that guy was trying to get at her when she was dating her ex before me and I didn't know that till after the break up. I wish I knew that but she shouldn't of let a door open for him while with me. If it happens that we reconnect then it will and if not then hopefully someone better comes my way. 1
Popsicle Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I am sorry you are feeling pain, but I have to say that I am always a bit surprised when one spouse is happy and thinks everything is really great, and the other spouse is miserable. It just leaves me baffled, like how does that happen? Does the unaware spouse just not listen (what I suspect sometime) or is so disconnected emotionally from their spouse that they don't even notice that they are unhappy or is it that the spouse that left was a fantastic actor and never let on that they were unhappy? I'm sorry to ask such a probing question but I am truly curious. Edit: sorry I didn't realize you weren't married but the question still applies. 1
Knight23 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Thank you! I definitely agree with you. I evaluated myself and the relationship. The good and the bad and what to improve. The sadness isn't there as much, more just on missing her, our friendship, and having that someone around. I just keep repeating questions into my head and asking myself why did I do this or why did she do that? Honestly thought I was going to eventually marry her but one thing might be right was not the right time. Wrong timing maybe... I think that guy was trying to get at her when she was dating her ex before me and I didn't know that till after the break up. I wish I knew that but she shouldn't of let a door open for him while with me. If it happens that we reconnect then it will and if not then hopefully someone better comes my way. Good on you man! And some women are just like that: they want the attention. That guy gave it to her. Sometimes that's all there is to it. I've known women like that. Hell, I've dated women like that. They're...flighty, if you will. Doesn't mean they're bad people, they just aren't right for you specifically. But there's also a ton of lovely ladies out there who are worth every bit of effort you can give them. And I'm sure they'll reciprocate the love just as much, if not more. Good luck to you man! 1
Author Calidude6 Posted September 4, 2015 Author Posted September 4, 2015 (edited) I am sorry you are feeling pain, but I have to say that I am always a bit surprised when one spouse is happy and thinks everything is really great, and the other spouse is miserable. It just leaves me baffled, like how does that happen? Does the unaware spouse just not listen (what I suspect sometime) or is so disconnected emotionally from their spouse that they don't even notice that they are unhappy or is it that the spouse that left was a fantastic actor and never let on that they were unhappy? I'm sorry to ask such a probing question but I am truly curious. Edit: sorry I didn't realize you weren't married but the question still applies. Well I will say my regret is not fully listening to her concerns. I put that blame on me. Things like calling her more, showing her a little more affection, and changing up the sex life. So yes, I do put blame on myself for not taking action but they weren't as bad as she complained about. I still did a lot of things for her and I. I did get complacent and comfortable which could of left her bored of me? Who knows.... Either way, don't think it's right to let another dude involved probably telling him our problems so he can come in and swoop her underneath me you know? Again, I take responsibility for my mistakes for not truly listening and caring for her needs that's my fault. I just thought we were so good together and took her for granted. I'm no perfect man, I'm growing and learning and I wanted to do that with her. To grow together but I guess not. That's why I ask questions to myself like why didn't I really listen and change for her needs? Why did I do that or didn't do that? I ask and I don't know the answer. Some say I wasn't truly in love with her but don't think I can agree with that. Who knows... Edited September 4, 2015 by Calidude6 1
Methodical Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I'm always questioning myself asking why did she leave me for someone else? What was I doing wrong for her to fall out and fall in for someone else? Was this supposed to happen, were we meant to fall apart? I don't want to think that because the relationship was great. Didn't fight much but little things. I guess I didn't do much since she said she didn't feel wanted. So I guess her so called best friend she left me for made her feel wanted. Will she regret her choice for leaving me for him? Did I not love her enough? I'll never know the answer.... Just gotta improve on myself. In some cases you'll never really know why your SO left. In this case tho, she told you she didn't feel wanted. As for your question, "did you not love her enough?" The bottom line is she didn't feel loved in a way that was meaningful to her. OR, that was just an excuse she used to "pass the buck" so she wouldn't feel guilty about moving on. Who knows, she may have a change of heart and want to reconcile once the dust settles.
BriNyc82 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I am sorry you are feeling pain, but I have to say that I am always a bit surprised when one spouse is happy and thinks everything is really great, and the other spouse is miserable. It just leaves me baffled, like how does that happen? Popsicle I wish I knew. I always wonder how I could have been so freaking happy and he must have been either unhappy or doubtful. How does that make sense? Makes me feel like all my happiness wasn't even real. I think some people are really good at faking it and hiding who they really are. In my case he never phased me out or showed any signs of doubt. I'm a pretty intuitive person too. Sorry to hijack the thread. I always questioned it too bc usually you can sense someone pulling away but after being in this kind of situation it really leaves you floored! 1
Oregon_Dude Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 This question is natural in the aftermath of a breakup. I think it's wise to reflect on things you could have done - showed her sufficient affection and attention - but be careful not to obsess about it. It's possible and even likely that she would have left you regardless. Some people are at the stage in their life where they're simply not ready/willing to commit to a r/s, no matter how well we treat them. Fact is, you'll never know, OR get a straight answer, so let this go and resolve to be the best partner you can be in your next r/s. 2
Xiomn Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 This question is natural in the aftermath of a breakup. I think it's wise to reflect on things you could have done - showed her sufficient affection and attention - but be careful not to obsess about it. It's possible and even likely that she would have left you regardless. Some people are at the stage in their life where they're simply not ready/willing to commit to a r/s, no matter how well we treat them. Fact is, you'll never know, OR get a straight answer, so let this go and resolve to be the best partner you can be in your next r/s. I showed my ex that I loved her numerous times through both actions and words, I felt like I showed her to the best I could and yet it wasn't enough in the end. My only problem now is, you say 'resolve to be the best partner you can be in your next r/s' Well, given all I did to show my ex that I loved her, (and I also spent a lot of money on her) Right now I feel like why should I bother as much come my next relationship if I fear the same thing might just happen again? I guess that's just a risk I have to take? 2
Oregon_Dude Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Right now I feel like why should I bother as much come my next relationship if I fear the same thing might just happen again? I guess that's just a risk I have to take?There are no guarantees in love. It's not a risk you "have" to take. If you're so afraid, I'd step out of the game for a good couple of years. Fact is, we survive heartbreak. You have to determine if the highs are worth the lows. Many conclude that they are not.
casey.lives Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 she never loved you.. or else her heart would have been full with you in it. sad fact. 1
BriNyc82 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I showed my ex that I loved her numerous times through both actions and words, I felt like I showed her to the best I could and yet it wasn't enough in the end. My only problem now is, you say 'resolve to be the best partner you can be in your next r/s' Well, given all I did to show my ex that I loved her, (and I also spent a lot of money on her) Right now I feel like why should I bother as much come my next relationship if I fear the same thing might just happen again? I guess that's just a risk I have to take? I know it can feel defeating. But maybe the next person WILL be deserving of your love and appreciate everything you have to offer. If you hold back you are setting yourself up for failure. I feel that way too sometimes. Why bother investing in someone who will do what your ex did? We feel this way most likely b/c we still feel burned and haven't fully healed. It's always a risk to put yourself out there. But in the end I think the reward will be worth it.
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