neowulf Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 That little niggling doubt in the back of your mind that tells you things aren't right. The small disagreements that become arguments. The sense that deep down, you're just not a great match. It all slowly builds, dawns on you, one moment at a time. Then one day, you're sitting across from this person who you tried so hard with, only to realise, it's just not going to work. No matter how many times I go through this, no matter how many breakups, it never hurts less and it never gets easier. I'm getting too old, too tired for this. I should have been raising my children, instead the cycle looks to be starting anew. I wonder why it seems so easy for some to find a partner in life, why is it so hard for others? 2
Oregon_Dude Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I wonder why it seems so easy for some to find a partner in life, why is it so hard for others?I know. I'm tired of it too. I think that people like you and I would do best to simply stop trying for a year or two, and truly learn to be OK with being alone, as the memories of our exes slowly become less painful by the day. I feel for you and understand. 3
Meli22 Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 (edited) Yup I've been there. My last relationship actually, but it wasn't because I didn't feel we were a good match, or because arguments were building. It's because he had been withdrawing for months and withholding affection and basically not putting any effort in whatsoever. He actually told me himself he didn't WANT to put effort in. His reasons were that he didn't feel passion for me anymore. I have no idea why still. Things became boring, routine, but he didn't want to go out or do new things. I was going out of my way to please him whilst I suffered in silence. Every time I tried to talk about it he'd tell me I was making things worse. There was a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation going on during this time, and he became very possessive and paranoid because he wasn't giving me affection or attention, so assumed I'd be getting it elsewhere (again, his actual words). So I cracked, I'd had enough and walked away. He was shocked and devastated (I have no idea why). I struggled for months afterwards of low self worth, not feeling good enough, wondering why he changed towards me. But now (5 ish months later) I feel a lot better. My confidence has returned (although I still have the odd moments of feeling low self esteem) and I'm able to see our relationship without a clouded head - that he was selfish, arrogant, insecure, controlling, possessive and very distrusting. All the while making me believe I was a bad girlfriend. I feel like I've come out best because I've learnt so much about myself, I've earned the career that I've worked SO hard for for years, and I know that it's his loss and not mine. He lost someone who was there for him through thick and thin, who put up with his cra**y behaviour, who would have done anything for him, who tried and tried and fought for our relationship even when he had long stopped trying. I'm know he realises this deep down. Sorry if I went off track a bit there! But I guess it's a bit of hope for anyone thinking that things won't get better, I felt it myself just a few months back. But things definitely change. And I always find that the one who initially hurt the most is the one who usually comes out better. Edited September 4, 2015 by Meli22
Recommended Posts