Blanco Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I broke up with her but honestly there was no clear cut reason for breaking up. I just got bored with her I guess. She didnt want sex as much as me, she's not the most affectionate person, etc. I just felt like friends rather than a couple. I feel as though those are issues that can be addressed though with some work though? Can they, though? Some people are just not affectionate by nature. It's just how they are. Maybe she could make efforts to be moreso, but the truth is, she would probably never feel totally comfortable acting that way, because it's just now who she is. She isn't wrong, and neither are you. My last girlfriend was not very affectionate, and it only got worse as the relationship went on. It wasn't an attraction thing, either. She's just not the "hold hands" sort of gal. I don't need tons of affection, but I eventually realized I needed more than she was capable of giving me (which was very little). Ultimately, one of us was compromising. Relationships call for compromises, but too much of it and you have to question if it's a good fit for either person.
louxor Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I'm going through this now. My ex broke up with me because she said had lost romantic feelings for me. Initially I accepted to be friends but I came to realise after about a week that this wouldn't work while I still had feelings for her, so I messaged her and explained the situation. I got a reply and judging from what she said, she was annoyed by it - The whole "If that's what you want then fine, but I'm disappointed that you don't even want to try and be friends". But that doesn't really matter. I chose to do what was best for me and she was probably upset cause she was so used to me getting down on my knees at her every request so when I actually stood up for myself it annoyed her. I think the same goes for your situation. You know what you have to do in order to properly heal, who cares what she thinks - I'm sure as hell not changing my decision just cause it pissed my ex off, I'm no longer about putting all her needs before mine. 1
mightycpa Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 OP, having read the entire thread, I think this is an easy one. You have a couple of choices about going NC, but I get the sense that you want to avoid the cold, hard-ass route if you can. So my suggestion is this: Matilda, I've been thinking about this whole friends thing. On the one hand, I'd really like to be friends with you and hang out, and go do things and all of that stuff. But I also think that given the way we still feel about each other, that might lead to us hurting each other, or maybe just one of us hurting the other. One of us might want to get back together and the other doesn't. Or one of us will introduce the new person we're dating and it might cause heartache and friction. So as much as I hate to do this, I think we're going to have to make a deal to stay away from each other for a while. I'm not crazy about the idea, but I don't know what else to do. Then broken record technique to deal with the objections. If the objections become too much, then you go the hard-ass route. It seems pretty straightforward. In addition, I'll simply share that your relationships with exes are just as unique as are your relationships with girlfriends. Some will want to be pals, and some will ghost on you. Some will actually introduce you to girls, some will want to bang your friends, and some will even be your wingman when you when you want to go sport****ing, and they'll serve as your "ace in the hole" if you can't find anybody to pickup. Some will visit you only occasionally for a little sex, and others will beg to get you back on a daily basis, offering sex if they can just spend another night with you. The NC formula is for protecting yourself. You won't always need protection, and just like everybody else, you'll have to find a unique way of dealing with each of them. At least that is my experience.
neowulf Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Any thoughts? Sure. This feeling, completely normal after a breakup. People often minimize the "bad" and fixate on the "good" they lost after breaking up. She does miss you. Does that mean you guys are great partners, destined to spend your lives together? No. Not it does not. This is why non-contact is so important for many people. You both need the chance to *heal* and just get over each other. She clearly still has feelings for you. That doesn't mean she wants to come back to you, nor does it mean she should. In the end, we're just a bunch of randoms on the internet. Both of you are in the relationship. If you guys want to take another chance on it, that's between you both. But your experience? Completely normal.
Protec Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I managed to be a friend with one of my exes. After breakup there was 7-8 months of silence, then we started talking again, finally met and stayed "friends". We saw eachother once a while but we never were like real friends are. She bought me birthday presents and even xmas presents, and i even spent a nice summer day with her few years back until she called me from another country and said she cannot talk to me anymore That was one of the weirdest moments in my life.
theredpill Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Do what other guy is suggesting, tell her to shove her friendship up her ass, you didn't sign up for "just friends" and if that's all she's offering, you simply don't want to talk to her. Obviously be kind and loving about it, but this and getting on with your life, dating other women is your best chance of ever getting her back or finding someone better. Every woman in the world would get jealous if you started dating someone prettier, your ex is no different, she's just a woman and as amazing as every woman in the world is, there's feckin millions of em! You've got this one on a pedestal, she got over me in a week "she's amazing" the reality is she wasn't that into you because you'd probably done so many things wrong she didn't see you as a long term option. Ya gotta man up, listen to the advise and take action, go watch some life coaching video's on YouTube around relationships.
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