scooby-philly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Hey, As numerous comments suggested, it comes down to the line between being yourself and coming off as offensive. Relationships should let each person shine through and open up. If that includes sarcasm as a form of humor no problem. I was a HS for six years and sarcasm was a great way to engage kids in higher ordered thinking and also be funny without disrupting the student-teacher relationship. However, I can pour it on too thick at times so I try to self-monitor in specific situations. As you said yourself, you know your level/type serves more as a defense mechanism and that it contributed to a certain degree over to a past relationship failing. I'll admit, a lot of "nice" guys can't take joking all that well - usually because they grew up with it at home and/or in school where it was anything but "friendly". But, again the other person should feel as open and comfortable as you. Early on, if it's a trend you know and recognize I'd lay off of it as much as possible till you start to get to know each other. And keep asking yourself what type of sarcasm you use....no one, no one likes the type where you come off sounding like an ass or as a debbie-downer or know-it-all. However, you can learn to deploy it more appropriately.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I am very sarcastic. The more I like someone, the more sarcastic I am. I am usually overly polite with people I am not comfortable with or am indifferent to. Having said that, when I read that someone is hurt or offended by it, I tone it down. My best friendships and relationships are with people that can match playful sarcastic banter with me though. When something goes wrong, my current boss often jokes "You are fired!" and then we both laugh. It's all about the intent, the context of your general relationship and the situation, the tone of voice. I dunno, I always found that I read better what isn't being said to what is being said. I can sense the insincerity behind very complimentary words in both my professional and love life. The only times when it gets tricky is when something happens that changes the usual nature of your relationship. Then I start to doubt and wonder if what's being said is playful anymore. It doesn't last long because I tend to pull away and completely ignore someone when things go cold. I don't take it out on them by being sarcastically cruel. I am aware that everyone is different though so I can sense when others are being hurtful and pull away from them accordingly. It's such a huge part of my personality and I have to say that women more often get offended by it than men.
mrldii Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 "Is sarcasm a turn-off?" Gosh, I sure hope so. When I use it, especially in the dating arena, it's intended to be. 1
JustGettingBy Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 A little bit of sarcasm can be a good thing, but excessive sarcasm would be a turn-off for me.
carhill Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 OP, I would tend to align with moderation being healthy. Also, sarcasm has many forms and directions.... as an example of that which pokes fun at self, watch a master at work, the inimitable Phyllis Diller: Note how the sarcasm is directed primarily at herself, then she slides a bit in regarding 'Fang', the fictitious husband loosely patterned around her exH, Sherwood. I think one aspect you touched upon, that you don't know the people well and sarcasm being a defense mechanism when these apparent situations occur, could bear scrutiny, in general. Another aspect is, in general again, men are used to other men ribbing them and cutting them down; we deal with that every day with our male peers. In some ways we, in the emotional sense, look to women to be a safe haven of sorts from that everyday milieu and, while we certainly may enjoy good natured humor with a woman we love and have established trust with, a veritable stranger coming at us like a fellow man often does can be disconcerting. IMO, try some different approaches and see how things go. Good luck!
Zagan Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I like sarcasm, it's often very humorous and I'm sure in some cases it may be rude of passive aggressive but that's certainly not why I use it. If sarcasm is part of someones personality then it's just an aspect of who they are, doesnt mean they are passive aggressive. There are plenty of rude and passive aggressive people that have plenty of personality traits that may or may not include a sarcastic nature. 1
seekingluck Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 I'm sarcastic with a dry sense of humor. Basically if you are the opposite of that, it doesn't lead to success with me. Sarcasm doesn't always need to be mean spirited. There are plenty of levels. I find if someone doesn't get my humor it doesn't really work. You should test the waters with lighter stuff in the early phases, not the full version of your personality. But it is a little worrisome if you use it due to feeling uncomfortable. 3
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Sarcasm is a turn on for me....but, it depends on the guy who's using it...how he uses it...and what things he says that are sarcastic in nature. Basically, if a guy I'm dating has zero sense of humor, uses zero sarcasm and his sense of humor is pathetically dry (to the point of boredom), then I won't date him again. I joke around a lot, I have a good sense of humor and I'm sarcastic whenever a situation presents itself for me to be. Um yeah...I want to date and be around a guy who is sarcastic and funny! Not sarcastic in the way of being insulting, condescending or passive-aggressive, but sarcastic in the way that it's funny (which I realize is subjective to each and every person), derpy, silly and goofy! I DON'T want to be around a guy who's a wet blanket - who's too serious and who only jokes around or is sarcastic once every leap year. No thanks! .
writergal Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Sarcasm itself isn't the problem. The problem is the intention behind the sarcasm. And there's a difference (I think) between sarcasm and wit. I like witty guys , not sarcastic guys . The intention of being witty is to entertain and be charming. Whereas the intention of being sarcastic is to present a false sense of reality as though it were factual. Witty Banter: I'm so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here. Sarcastic bite: I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 2
PogoStick Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Expert sarcasm is subtle and leaves the person unsure of the meaning. Most people do not understand this art. Occasional sarcasm is fine but people who do it nonstop are just annoying. It means you NEVER know when they are telling the truth or not. It's not cleaver to always say the opposite of what you really mean. So yes, frequent sarcasm is a major turn-off.
jam.over.jelly Posted September 4, 2015 Posted September 4, 2015 Occasional sarcasm is fine but people who do it nonstop are just annoying. It means you NEVER know when they are telling the truth or not. It's not cleaver to always say the opposite of what you really mean. So yes, frequent sarcasm is a major turn-off. And this is why OP just have to find someone who doesn't find frequent sarcasm a turn off. If being sarcastic, and being sarcastic most of the time is just how you are, then by all means be that way, OP. Someone will GET you, and will find you hilarious. I myself joke around a lot and I find it hard to turn my sarcasm off. You either get it or you dont. However, there are times to be sarcastic, and there are times to not be, like in a professional environment, or at an important event, etc. But I'm sure you already know this. Other than that, just be yourself, embrace your sarcasm. And as to that second date, I wouldn't go on it. He seems pretty boring without a sense of humor.
WomenWubber Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Apparently you don't share the same sense of humor. Chances are you're incompatible in other areas as well.
HereNorThere Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Too much sarcasm comes off as a defense mechanism and overly passive aggressive. It just screams low self-esteem to me. It's kinda like saying "I know everything is going to reject me, so I'm going to beat it to the punch and reject everything first."
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