adiamond Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) Hi guys... I want some advice.. so my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago because we're both (possibly moving) after we graduate uni (me for dental school, him for a job). He broke up with me because he couldn't give me the commitment I needed (meeting families, making long term plans, talking about our future together) with our futures being so uncertain and him 100% unwilling to try long distance. I started crying and ask him to at least considering TRYING long distance and he said no and he couldn't give me what I wanted now. He also told me he loved me a lot, being with me felt right, etc. We haven't talked/texted/called or anything for the past 2 weeks. Would it be a dumb idea to ask if he wants to be friends (watch netflix together and eat dinner together sometimes no sex) I think we probably couldn't really have done long distance, like our relationship probably couldn't have handled it and we're young. Doesn't mean I don't love him... The cons of this would be, I would feel like i'm not worth trying the ldr (give him a ton of power, feel embarrassed if he doesn't want to do this, i want him to try to win me back lolol though i'm sure he won't try because he won't try ldr at all) I'm not sure how it would work. I'm pretty sure we're both not planning to date anyone anytime soon as we're both graduating in like 4 months. I wouldn't be willing to try this if he starts dating again so basically exclusive dating stage again lol I'm scared it would hurt again but I do miss him, and I think he misses me too... Edited September 3, 2015 by adiamond
pidgeon1010 Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Friendship with an ex doesn't work because one party always wants more, which in this case is you. As of now, you are broken up so you can't speak to what his plans are and when he will start dating again. He may decide to "wild out" these last few months of undergrad now that he is single and free. You don't sound like you are at stage where you can handle a purely platonic relationship (you should be honest with yourself). Respect his wishes and try and move on. Don't try to fake it as friends to make it. It's not going to make him change his mind any quicker, if at all.
Author adiamond Posted September 3, 2015 Author Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) Friendship with an ex doesn't work because one party always wants more, which in this case is you. As of now, you are broken up so you can't speak to what his plans are and when he will start dating again. He may decide to "wild out" these last few months of undergrad now that he is single and free. You don't sound like you are at stage where you can handle a purely platonic relationship (you should be honest with yourself). Respect his wishes and try and move on. Don't try to fake it as friends to make it. It's not going to make him change his mind any quicker, if at all. I mean, I think we probably couldn't make it through long distance... and if we both do move away, we would have to separate (and to be honest, I knew this was going to happen but I was being emotional cuz someone was breaking up with me) and I wouldn't want to do this unless we don't date other people right now so I would have to ask him about what he's thinking and what he wants cus he might feel the same as me? I don't think we're right to get back together in a serious committed relationship Edited September 3, 2015 by adiamond
pidgeon1010 Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 He has broken with you now because he doesn't want to delay the inevitable. If he wants to be with you in any way, he would let you know that. You can't contact him and give him ultimatums on whom he can and cannot date and when he can/cannot date. That's not a friendship. That's you still trying to hang on to a relationship that is no more. He has told you what he is thinking and I know it's hard but you have to accept it. If he wants to be with you in any way, he will let you know. You've already made the case of long distance and he rejected that idea. Let it go. This new pseudo-friendship you are trying to present to him sounds like a recipe for disaster and the person who is likely to get hurt is you. You are essentially asking him to get back in a relationship until school ends. What's the point?
quattrob Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 I think this is not a good idea, because honestly you just want to be friends and hope that you can keep him around in your life and that he'll change his mind to be with you again... never a good idea to be friends just for that. I think you should just let it go for now. I know you desperately want to try but it takes 2 to try not just you.
Author adiamond Posted September 3, 2015 Author Posted September 3, 2015 He has broken with you now because he doesn't want to delay the inevitable. If he wants to be with you in any way, he would let you know that. You can't contact him and give him ultimatums on whom he can and cannot date and when he can/cannot date. That's not a friendship. That's you still trying to hang on to a relationship that is no more. He has told you what he is thinking and I know it's hard but you have to accept it. If he wants to be with you in any way, he will let you know. You've already made the case of long distance and he rejected that idea. Let it go. This new pseudo-friendship you are trying to present to him sounds like a recipe for disaster and the person who is likely to get hurt is you. You are essentially asking him to get back in a relationship until school ends. What's the point? When we first broke up, he was the one who suggested the pseudo relationship but I was like , aw heck no. Idk I guess might be a recipe for disaster that might end up with me getting hurt again... but idk...
pidgeon1010 Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 So he breaks up with you but proposes friends (with more than likely benefits). My dignity and self-respect would never allow me to agree to something like that but that's just me. Tread cautiously. You know what you can handle.
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Break ups don't have to be nasty but friendship is probably off the table. The new people in your lives don't want to deal with EXs. Until you both leave for your next steps in life -- dental school & life . . . yours is one of the few times I would endorse sort of a more then friends with benefits while you are still in the same location. You can have fun & enjoy each other's company now while you are in the same location but don't expect to try to continue the closeness once you start on your next adventure.
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