How should I let him know I want him and him only?

[kendahke]

If your goal is to spark some emotion out of him so he fights for you and takes charge then you'll be waiting forever.

 

Exactly!!! That is my biggest pet peeve---- "fight for us" BS. It's a game playing tactic and it's usually so obvious that it's embarrassing when it's being employed.

 

You can play naive all you want.... But asking your ex boyfriend who you still flirt with and have some unresolved feelings still present, what his thoughts are on someone else wanting to go out with you? We both know that you're not dumb enough to think that's something an ex BF would be thrilled about.

 

But he probably sees how pointless and baiting that question is. You might be a showing body language when you ask that makes it obvious you're just trying to get him to reveal his feelings for you.

 

If you and him hadn't seen each other in a while and then hung out one day and were playful and having fun, and then he asked you "soo... Would you be mad or upset if I went out with another girl or was seeing someone?""

 

- Um, no f^#*in ****. Is he supposed to be thrilled and jumping for joy?

 

Your ex did the neutral thing and just simply said "do what makes you happy". That answer clearly didn't satisfy you and you wanted more so you then asked again which you outlines in your Op.

 

I get what you're trying to do and it's not the worst thing in the world, but if you think guys are that blind or can't see through that kind of discussion their ex gf brings up, then you're gonna be let down a whole lot more in the future.

 

Sexiest thing a girl can do to get a guy back..... Disappear. Go out with other guys, or be single or do anything to occupy your time. But if an ex gf hangs around even as friends after I ended things with her, that just tells me I can get her back if I really felt like it by turning in a little charm and emotion. But you've lost the allure and mystery of a challenge to him at this point.

 

^^^^all of this! On point.

[kendahke]

 

I feel like, I never get any answers from him and I just needed to know for sure.

 

I dare say that he did give you answers, but they were not answers you wanted to hear because your goal is to be in a relationship with him. If that wasn't the case, you'd be happy with the new guy because he is willing to be for you/give you what you need.

 

I waited around from him so much in the past and I know I cannot do that again this time. I need to know how he felt about us.

 

When he broke up with you, that told you how he felt about "us". Perhaps he was hoping that you would get the hint that he doesn't have time for a relationship with you on your terms without him having to get into a protracted conversation to spell it all out to you and hurt your feelings again.

 

If he's not coming to you saying "amkxoxo, I made a huge mistake letting you go. I never should have done that. I am so sorry. I want to be back with you; I want to make everything right and be who you need and want. Can we please try again?", then he's not trying to get back with you. Grown men know how to directly ask for what they want--they don't need to have it teased out of them.

 

I understand you saying I should just move on and that should be how I appear confident and sexy. I feel bad not talking to him. When I don't talk to him, he barely reaches out because of him being insecure and then he thinks I'm mad at him or I don't like him.

 

If you think remaining his friend is going to flip him into a state of gratitude where he comes out of his stupor and realizes that he wants to be your lover, you're going to be in for some really painful years. Right now, he doesn't have time to invest in anything with you. You texting him isn't going to make his life straighten out; what it will do is remind him that you cannot take "no" for an answer; and while he may not go the rude route by never taking your call or returning your text, he's showing you by his lack of initiative that he's not in the same head space as you on this relationship you seem convinced that he wants to be in with you.

 

Like his roommate, who is a friend of mine, is having a birthday in a month. I will most likely be invited. I want to go. But do I go at all? Do I go single? Do I go with the guy I am still casually kind of seeing?

 

I'm curious as to how you think the scenario would play out if you did that? What do you hope to gain by doing this?

 

What if he texts me? Should I respond? I feel bad not responding.

 

Get over it. If he doesn't want to be your man, then it's time for you to move on. He's too busy in his life to be what/who you need, so let him go. He'll get over himself soon enough. He probably needs to learn to do that anyway--might build some character and confidence.

[Diezel]

You're still messing around with both of these guys at the same time?

 

Every single thread washes away your "sweet and innocent" act.

How about you just be single for a while and stop playing with these guys?

 

Seriously. At some point something is going to give and you'll lose both. And in a way, I kinda do hope that happens.

 

Because this has been going on for a while... and you are not "oblivious", no matter how hard you try to convince yourself of that "fact".

[amkxoxo]

I broke things off with the new guy because I didn't think it was fair to be with him and have such strong feelings for someone else. The new guy will not take no for an answer. He called me a week after the break up begging me to be with him. I again told him I did not know and that it wasn't fair to him that I did not know and that we couldn't be together because if it.

 

We didn't talk for many days and last night he started talking to me about plans for the weekend and how he likes me and so who cares if we are in a relationship and all this stuff about doing stuff with me all weekend long etc.. He is acting like nothing is wrong and we are together, when I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about a relationship. He is persistent. He is there. He wants me to go shopping with him to pick out new clothes. He wants me to host a party with him. He wants me to come watch him play sports. I like him, but I feel pressured into a corner.

 

But then I think that this guy is giving me all that I wanted. My ex did not.

 

I do not think I was asking for a lot from my ex. I keep blaming myself inside that I was asking too much from him etc...

 

But all I want is what a lot of my girl friends want. The guys they date text them and make plans with them and want to do fun things with them. That's dating. I feel like my ex can do all that stuff, but his life prevents it, but he isn't doing a whole lot to change his life around to be able to do that stuff. It is hid fault his life is the way it is.

 

For weeks now my ex and I have been hanging out, flirting, cuddling, kissing, and seeming to be interested in each other. But when you don't hear from someone for days on end in between, it does make you question their feelings for you. When I am with him, I don't question as much. When I am not with him, I feel like I have no idea how he feels.

 

I know he has a lot going on. I know he is busy. Sometimes I question if I should have said anything to him at all, and just gone about and been happy with what I was getting from him in his hectic life. I feel bad. I want him to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to be with him. This is what happened years ago. He wasn't sure. We kind of saw each other for months on end and then it just never went anywhere. I was always waiting and wondering. I think any girl would have been.

 

Here I am telling him what I need, and his life is in shambles. But it is his own fault. He knows it. He says it.

 

We didn't talk for close to a year because I backed off. I said I am going to move on and do new things in my life, and make friends, and see other men, all of which I did.

 

With this new guy, I never really questioned. He showed me and told me he liked me and did things to show me he wanted to be with me. My ex only does that half of the time, so you can see how I would be confused. I feel bad that I criticized his lack of caring though. He told me how he talks to me more than any of his friends, and he sees me more than his own roommate. he almost always jumps to hangout with me when I ask, but alas, he never asks, even when he has a free moment. That was one of things I mentioned to him. He will get out of work early some nights last minute or he will have a random day off and he won't call me or text me to do anything.

 

Here I am beating myself up for saying what I did to my ex, when it was just how I felt.

[Diezel]

Aren't you glad you went back to your ex? Sounds like a great decision overall.

 

Again, glad the "new guy" is going to be with someone, eventually, who will appreciate his efforts.

[kendahke]

You want who you can't have and who doesn't want you.

 

There is no pretty way of stating that fact.

 

The new guy doesn't need renovating. He is "move in ready".

 

Your ex is a shabby fixer-upper that is going to take 30 lbs of flesh off of you before you see anything remotely like improvement and it may be years before you see any appreciable return on your investment in them. But you luuuuuuuuuuuurve him.

[RoseVille]

I just hope it might happen one day. Maybe if he gets his life together. I don't want to believe that there's not chemistry and feelings between us. There is, we have acted on them in the last few weeks. He has acted on them. He has told me in the past that he has a hard time staying away from me. Just the other night he told me he would love for me to curl up with him in his bed.

 

He's attracted to you. He enjoys your company.

 

That does not mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. It's clear he doesn't. Don't blame his work. Don't blame his issues, or whatever else he's got going on. A guy who wants to be with you, who's ATTACHED to you, won't let you go, will move heaven and hell to be with you.

 

But he cannot give me more than random acts of that. Random dinners every other week and random texting because of his job. I want to be enough. I want him to fight for me and be there for me. To see that I am a great girl and he needs me in his life. He has issues. I accept them, but I realize that I don't want to get involved in them until he gets some of them in check, because I will end up hurt.

 

I don't think I want anything unreasonable. I want to date and see where it goes. I realize he has a lot going on. I don't want to scare him away. He is a good guy.

 

He doesn't need you in his life. No matter how much you want that to be, it's not the case and it isn't going to happen.

 

If he wanted what you want, he'd make it happen. You cannot talk him into it.

[Versacehottie]

I don't know if I know a nice way to say this. All these posts from the beginning of your dilemma until now, I said it then and it is playing out just like this: you like the drama. Baby drama girl in training. It couldn't be more clear that your ex (was it even a relationship that got off the ground?) is not going to be with you.

 

What is the debate about the other guy?!? You let him go already. You clearly have a lot of growing up and sorting yourself out to do. Do the human thing and just let new guy go. It's like you created a whole melodrama in your head that only half-way exists. Ex is marginally interested in you (for a cuddle a month and has time and time again told you not now). New guy is only interested in you because you've been stringing him along and jerking him around and guys are competitive. That relationship was never solidified and when he was only one in picture, you were already having major insecurity problems that will likely derail anything you got started with him. Stop with the fantasies that you are choosing between two guys. It's simply not true. Somehow I feel like you won't do the fair thing with new guy but I hope he figures it out. You are not ready for a real relationship. Sorry to be harsh. But you gotta stop.

[smackie9]

Just keep the dream alive that one day things will come true with you ex.....this will keep you out of circulation, because dating others isn't what you are ready for. Eventually you will wakeup one day and be able to move on emotionally.