Oregon_Dude Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Look, you're gonna react how you react. Sometimes we feel stupid for how we acted in the aftermath of getting dumped (begging, pleading, stalking etc.) but what's done is done and we were only doing what we thought we could at the time to save the r/s. I did the opposite - accepted being broken up with, went NC and dealt with all of it on my own, and talking to friends and my counselor. I wonder if I could have saved us by DOING the begging stuff. So, either way, you're going to wonder if there's something you could have done. Fact is though, you cannot convince someone to want to be with you. In the way my b/u went down, it was so weird and surprising that I have since concluded there was someone else. Fine. I have no answers though, and it remains to this day the most frustrating b/u of my life (and trust me, there have been several). "At the end of the day" (hate that cliche), though, I am still me; I haven't changed; I do still believe in love, and I'm not going to analyze this dumb thing to death anymore. Likely scenario is that she saw a new, shiny thing that looked better than me, but that will likely lose its luster when she realizes that he, too, is incapable of perfection. Beg, plead, or don't. It makes no difference. You won't have to do any of those things when you meet someone who truly wants to stay with you, b/c they like you AND love you. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 In my own experience, I don't think people really remember it much. I broke up with a guy, and there were some talks and he wrote me a letter and stuff. Years later when we were both with other people, we were talking about how it ended, and he used the word beg. I said, No you didn't. I really don't remember he begged, or maybe I didn't see it as begging but more like arguing with me? I also don't remeber what was in his 4 page hand written letter. Another example, a guy breaks up with me, and because of the way he did it, I went a bit Glenn Close. Later on, he still wanted to get back together. I think the dumpee is usually much too critical of himself. As for me as Glenn Close, ha ha, I didn't actually hurt any bunnies. I didn't even key his car! I wanted to...
theredpill Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Well I bumped into my ex of nearly two months after 18 months together out drinking with friends this week, she was quite taken aback and asked if we could talk again about being mates because she misses me in her life, which of course the answer was absolutely ****ing no chance. She went on say to how she could of been more supportive with my intense workload, which to be fair was the cause of me neglecting her and everyone else for nearly 6 months, said she lost her emotional connection to me over this time... but wants to be friends?!!! Explained as the saying goes, you find love by chance, stay in love with work and fall out of love by choice. Told her I ****ed up and I'm sorry but she chose this path and everything that makes me, me... everything I bring to the table, including my friendship ended on that day, there is no "friends" dynamic left and unless she's going to work on us and get naked in my bed there's nothing to talk about. Yet she still tried, using an example of another ex who stayed friends. I know this dude, through her and he's awesome, she treats him worse than her other mates at times and I know it's the reason why he hasn't moved on, or least what I'd call moving on with someone equally as good or better. Anyway, after that shenanigans I said just kiss me and go back to your mates and you know what, she did... then I unfriended her on FB the next day, checked what I could see and all her public photo's are me an her together, WTF arrrghhh lol?!!!! At least it's good being able to go on without getting reminded that you're both going to the same event or one of my friends liking one of her pictures, so all's well that ends well ) I suspect some contact around the time I start dating again, the last time 6 weeks after I met the most recent ex, the previous ex came back with the "I've made a huge mistake" spiel... talking about getting the "go **** yourself" power back! Seriously though, all the advice you can read everywhere meanders through the minefield of what to do after a breakup and the only thing you really need to do is live your life, accept these things happen, appreciate the moments, state what you want and don't accept anything less. That's it, live your ****ing life, have fun - don't wallow in pain, we know it hurts and it takes a little time, but the faster you get back out there after authentically feeling the pain, the better. Just don't go dating while you're hurting, you'll hurt someone and yourself. 1
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