wayne27 Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 I know many of these stories are similar, and as I write this I am still in tears. My girlfriend Christina and I have been together for 3 years this month. We broke up valentines day - well, she broke up with me. We always had a good relationship, but we tend to argue to an extreme at times. I am irish and she is american italian. Some combo. Her reasons for breaking up with me were that we did not seem like a good match since we were different, however she still confirms that I am her best friend and that she loves me. She felt I put pressure on her too which made her feel guilty when she could not see me or have something else to do. She works quite often and weekends..and I could not quite understand it at times. I just missed her! Also, she has been wanted to get married (never discussed it though) for the past year, and it was only when we broke up did I tell her my plans. This of course just made her mad! “why now of all times” Well after a week of the breakup, she calls to see how I am. At this time I was spending some time with another..and that upset her. She would call now and then confirming that she loves me, and at times we would get together for dinner. She also would question my status - if I were dating or not. In april, she turned up at my doorstep with some beer out of the blue, and we spent the night together. It was unexpecting! End of April she calls out of the blue again to go out to dinner, and we do. She tells me that she is dating. I asked her why she would tell me..and it seemed to be a combo of guiltiness and loyalty. It upset me but I tried to be strong - until I discovered that she went out on a second date. It was then things become complicated. That night I turned up on her door, and just kissed her..saying I could not deal with her seeing other men and that it would be best to stay apart. Of course, I was weak, and ended up not following through and staying the night. She dated another guy on weekend, and called me the next day as she felt lonely. Again, I gave in and had her come to see me. I realised that she was confused, but since I love her so much, I always gave in. For 2 weeks things seemed better, we went out to movies dinner etc and joked about the people that she dated. She would refer to us as a 'whatever we are' Meaning not together or a 'no label' I was happy...but worried that she would turn again…but then it happened This past Tuesday I asked her if she wanted to get together to cook. She hesitated, and said she had plans. I asked her, “You have a date don’t you” She did of course, and replied ,” Wayne we are not together, and I have been very honest with you, what have I done to lead you on about this” I was shocked..and was in a state of panic all day, and of course did the worse thing – call her all day ( she was a work ) until at 9.30 she picked up the phone (on the way to her date) and tole me not to call her again and that sh e would call me next day. Of course I made things worse and did not listen…I called her after midnight and she did not pick up. I got though at 7am next day..and it appeared as if she stayed over..but she said she did not. I believe her as she is a very trusted person. She called me in the night howverm and put her foot down and told me never to call again and that it was over and she never wants to talk again. She threatened saying if I did not listen and respect her wants (which apparently I do not ) she would change her number. She was so mean on the phone..and said things like she was tired of feeling guilty over the past 2 years and now she was free to do whatever she wants. I was in tears, and said to her how she could just erase 3 years, and she replied that she had forgot about most of it already. It was horrid….”I want you to think of me as a bitch wayne, so you will let go..its over, don’t call me again!” That was that..and now here am I …..so sad in tears. I lost my best friend and souldmate!! What should I do. I have not called her ..and its so difficult. In the past and over the last 3 months she would call me. Perhaps weakness? I never have heard her so serious now. I am afraid I will never see or have a chance with her again!! Please help!
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 You're gonna have a long, hard road ahead of you, but it will get easier if you make an effort. If you don't, you'll remain in purgatory forever. Breaking up sucks, but she doesn't want you anymore. Three years be damned.
ErinErinErin Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 The best thing to do would to be to have NC NC NC with her...let her have time to cool down and miss you...she will wonder what the heck is going on with you- what you are doing- who you are seeing etc...
Author wayne27 Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin The best thing to do would to be to have NC NC NC with her...let her have time to cool down and miss you...she will wonder what the heck is going on with you- what you are doing- who you are seeing etc... Thanks Erin...thats what happened the first round. I left her alone and she calls out of the blue curious what is going on in my life. Will she do that again? I dont know. How long is enough time though... Wayne
Illusion24 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Well what can I say, this is the end of your relationship, whether you want to except it or not. I don't want to be cruel but you need to think about yourself and put your feelings first. She was very honest with you and never lied to you about dating other guys. You should have given her the time to date, meet new people, and explore her world without you in it. Sometimes you need to let things go and see if they come back to you. Honestly the reason she would call you is because of the comfort level you have with each other. You've been together for so long and you're all she knows for the past couple of years. If she was your soul-mate so to speak...she'll always be your soul-mate. You can't pressure someone or make them feel something they don't. It's very clear the love she had for you faded...you need to let go and except it. I know it's hard...all break ups are, but don't let her bring you down to the point of no return. I was in a relationship for 2 years and he made me feel guilty about wanting out. He told me no one would ever love me again and that I was worthless. He would stalk me and see where I was going, with who and why?? It was horrible. Don't do this to her. Let her live her life, and find closure in order to move on. NC will definitely work. When she calls you, if she ever does, put your foot down and don't answer. You're giving yourself pain for nothing for the words you said in the forum show no signs of her ever wanting to get back. Be brave and strong...You'll cry, you'll hurt but in the end whether you believe it or not...You'll get over it. When you do you'll realize she was never your soul-mate and theirs someone else out their for you. Don't give up on love, pick your head up and remember life goes on...She did!
Author wayne27 Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Neversaynever. Thankyou for spending the time to reply. I want to believe your words..and I know they are true, but its hard to accept. Perhaps you are right, it was the comfort that she missed. When she came over she would want to do things we enjoyed, drink beer, watch a movie, play cards etc. I really did push her Tuesday and I deeply regret it. I want so bad to call her for some kind of better closure. I know thats wrong. Again, throughout our relationship and our fallouts, she always came back or called just to say hello. This stops me from believing its truely over. I mean, how could she for two weeks be great with me and then a few days later just turn! Even though her excuse was that she'f''d up, i cannot quite understand it. God, shes reading that ridiculous book too 'Hes not all that into you'...sure shes getting plenty of ideas! Wayne
Marshbear Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Wayne27, You need to realize that she is not your friend. She was your lover and ex lovers cannot be friends. A friend would not have spoken to you as she did but an ex lover would. She has changed her mind about your relationship and you will have to accept it. Whining and being desperate will not win her back. She is mad at you now because you are invading her space. You need to do the NC thing and see how things go. I think the thing about she "didn't lead you on" was pretty cold because you had sex. Friends do not have sex. She just doesn't want to wow up to any responsibility. I think that in time you will realize that you can function without her and you will find someone else. Just remember that she is not your friend. Peace...
Author wayne27 Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Marshbear. Yes, I thought it was pretty cold too, the only responsibility she owned up for was 'f' ing up. Thats no excuse. I did invade her space, and on that Tuesday I even asked her not to see that guy. She was pissed at that, and said I had no right. To be curious is ok, but to make a request like that was uncalled for. I was hurting though...I could not help it. Its hard to accept thats shes not my friend when she has been my best friend for 3 years. It just said to me that she was she was weak. She'd call me up and tell me about her day like nothing had ever happened. This was the girl I thought would be walking down the 'isle' ith me. Shes 27 and I am 30..and I screwed it up by waitig too long when thats what she has been wanting! I just cant understand how she can live with herself right now after her words. Shes not normally like that.. I am going to share with you a email she wrote on that Tuesday 'anyway, i know that we've been getting together a lot and speaking more frequently over the past 2 weeks. you know that i care for you and enjoy your company since you've been my best friend for 3 years but i haven't hidden the fact that i've been seeing other people. i already made plans for this evening and it seems out of line for you to ask me not to see someone. being slightly inquisitive about who i am seeing is fine but telling me what to do is definitely not. if this is going to be a problem, we should stop seeing one another b/c i don't want to hurt you any further than i already have. i know that there is soo much is going wrong personally and professionally right now and i want to be there for you. i just don't want to confuse things b/c you know where i stand at the moment. love, christina'
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