Wayne27 Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 I know many of these stories are similar, and as I write this I am still in tears. My girlfriend Christina and I have been together for 3 years this month. We broke up valentines day - well, she broke up with me. We always had a good relationship, but we tend to argue to an extreme at times. I am irish and she is american italian. Some combo. Her reasons for breaking up with me were that we did not seem like a good match since we were different, however she still confirms that I am her best friend and that she loves me. She felt I put pressure on her too which made her feel guilty when she could not see me or have something else to do. She works quite often and weekends..and I could not quite understand it at times. I just missed her! Also, she has been wanted to get married (never discussed it though) for the past year, and it was only when we broke up did I tell her my plans. This of course just made her mad! “why now of all times” Well after a week of the breakup, she calls to see how I am. At this time I was spending some time with another..and that upset her. She would call now and then confirming that she loves me, and at times we would get together for dinner. She also would question my status - if I were dating or not. In april, she turned up at my doorstep with some beer out of the blue, and we spent the night together. It was unexpecting! End of April she calls out of the blue again to go out to dinner, and we do. She tells me that she is dating. I asked her why she would tell me..and it seemed to be a combo of guiltiness and loyalty. It upset me but I tried to be strong - until I discovered that she went out on a second date. It was then things become complicated. That night I turned up on her door, and just kissed her..saying I could not deal with her seeing other men and that it would be best to stay apart. Of course, I was weak, and ended up not following through and staying the night. She dated another guy on weekend, and called me the next day as she felt lonely. Again, I gave in and had her come to see me. I realised that she was confused, but since I love her so much, I always gave in. For 2 weeks things seemed better, we went out to movies dinner etc and joked about the people that she dated. She would refer to us as a 'whatever we are' Meaning not together or a 'no label' I was happy...but worried that she would turn again…but then it happened This past Tuesday I asked her if she wanted to get together to cook. She hesitated, and said she had plans. I asked her, “You have a date don’t you” She did of course, and replied ,” Wayne we are not together, and I have been very honest with you, what have I done to lead you on about this” I was shocked..and was in a state of panic all day, and of course did the worse thing – call her all day ( she was a work ) until at 9.30 she picked up the phone (on the way to her date) and tole me not to call her again and that sh e would call me next day. Of course I made things worse and did not listen…I called her after midnight and she did not pick up. I got though at 7am next day..and it appeared as if she stayed over..but she said she did not. I believe her as she is a very trusted person. She called me in the night howverm and put her foot down and told me never to call again and that it was over and she never wants to talk again. She threatened saying if I did not listen and respect her wants (which apparently I do not ) she would change her number. She was so mean on the phone..and said things like she was tired of feeling guilty over the past 2 years and now she was free to do whatever she wants. I was in tears, and said to her how she could just erase 3 years, and she replied that she had forgot about most of it already. It was horrid….”I want you to think of me as a bitch wayne, so you will let go..its over, don’t call me again!” That was that..and now here am I …..so sad in tears. I lost my best friend and souldmate!! What should I do. I have not called her ..and its so difficult. In the past and over the last 3 months she would call me. Perhaps weakness? I never have heard her so serious now. I am afraid I will never see or have a chance with her again!! Please help!
Dream_iz_36 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I just read you posting and it broke my heart (all over again). I wish the best for you, what ever happens. I recently learned from the same type of thing, that life really is about changes, nothing stays the same. Best of luck to you, she just don't know what she is missing. ----Brandi[color=indigo][/color]
wayne27 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Thanks Brandi for your kind words. I went out last night trying to keep my mind of it and avoiding my appartment. She bought be so many things, I just break down when I walk in. i know we have all been there, but shes making such a mistake and I know I have to give her space to miss me again. I am so afraid though she will move on...how can she when i know that i am her best friend and thats she still loves me! I am such a mess... She told me last week that dating is good for her, it makes her realise things about us and what she likes in other men..it hurt though to hear... Sigh. Wayne
Dream_iz_36 Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 I just had to say hello again! I was wondering how you are doing. I also waited for a guy to decided what he was going to do. I think he just wanted to have me in the background just in case something else fell threw. It is so hard on the heart and your soul. Especially when you know it would be so perfect between the two of you, if they would just realize it. Try to keep yourself busy and not be there every time she calls. Let her know you have a life too, even without her. I know it is easier said than done. I will keep you in my thoughts. Take care of yourself first! ---Brandi ~ [color=indigo][/color]
wayne27 Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 We are meeting tonight (I hope) to exchange our things. I am so nervous, I am oping for perhaps a small window of opportunity. We are meeting for dinner first. If anyone has any advise, please let meknow..I really need it!
wayne27 Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Everyone : We went out last night and I kept up my walls to protect myself emotionally. She could see I was moving on with my life since I was dating which she did not like at all. She knew it was selfish, but she did not want anyone else to have me. The night went one and it turned out rather well. I was honest with my feelings and we ressured each other of our love. She told me not to push her away and simply give her the space. Dating other guys apparently makes her realise more about me.... to be continued it seems!
notmakingsense Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Wayne -- I've been through something similar. Don't repeat the mistakes I made. Accepting that she's going off to date is just fine -- as long as you are internally assuming that it is over and you are out there dating as well. The whole "I love you but I need to date to learn more about myself" is just another way of saying that she is not sure about you -- so don't sit around and wait!
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