GemmaUK Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 There always seems to be a big divide in what being b**chy means. There is a 'B' who is really a B. An outright B and just mean. Then there is woman X who ignores her phone when it rings at 11pm as she went to bed at 10.30pm and she needs sleep as she is up at 6am and then she tells him 'please don't call for a chat so late'. Is she a b**ch too guys? I was informed I was a B by a man for not picking up for a call at that time. Me, I was just knackered and he seemed inconsiderate to me. I would never call someone that late unless there was an emergency.
pleasedtomeetyou Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 There always seems to be a big divide in what being b**chy means. There is a 'B' who is really a B. An outright B and just mean. Then there is woman X who ignores her phone when it rings at 11pm as she went to bed at 10.30pm and she needs sleep as she is up at 6am and then she tells him 'please don't call for a chat so late'. Is she a b**ch too guys? I was informed I was a B by a man for not picking up for a call at that time. Me, I was just knackered and he seemed inconsiderate to me. I would never call someone that late unless there was an emergency. No, that guy is just an *********.
deadelvis Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 well there have been countless threads about how "nice guys finish last" and only jerks get attention from women. Are you surprised that it works both ways?
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 There always seems to be a big divide in what being b**chy means. There is a 'B' who is really a B. An outright B and just mean. Then there is woman X who ignores her phone when it rings at 11pm as she went to bed at 10.30pm and she needs sleep as she is up at 6am and then she tells him 'please don't call for a chat so late'. Is she a b**ch too guys? I was informed I was a B by a man for not picking up for a call at that time. Me, I was just knackered and he seemed inconsiderate to me. I would never call someone that late unless there was an emergency. That is exactly the type of thing I was referring to in my earlier post. My boyfriend did stuff like that to me a lot when we first started dating, and would actually be pissed off at ME if I did not answer his call or text at any given moment. His demand that I always be available pissed ME off...and I think rightfully so. That is when I had to maintain my boundaries and let him know that he can't expect me to jump like a puppy whenever HE decides to call me.... I have a life. Or fell asleep, or whatever. I was assertive when I let him know this , some would say "bytchy" but I made my point, HE got it....and all was well. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Also, totally agree with the people who say being playfully mean is fine, but actually mean is not. Case in point. I was talking to a woman on Tinder a few days ago and we had made tentative arrangements to see each other this week. I asked her yesterday if we were still on for later. Her response? she unmatched me. That's crossing the line from being assertive to straight up disrespectful. If she had written back saying, "Hey, i've had a change of heart and I don't think we should see each other" that would have been totally cool but her actual response sucked. I agree, sh**ty response. To be honest I know a few women who I would think of as b**ches. But it's less than a handful. Same with men, less than a handful. Normal human standing up and setting boundaries for either gender is not being mean nor b**chy. Controlling is a different matter but that is a whole other subject and identifiable by it's unreasonableness. 1
jen1447 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Being a bitch is indeed a heavily contextualized thing. No one definition can cover all the nuances. 2
neowulf Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 I have been getting quite a bit of success with a better quality of man recently. Sadly its not quite worked out and I am not there yet but one thing has struck me. They seem to get keen when I get a bit mean. The power in a relationship lies with the person who cares the least. That's really what it comes down to. By showing a willingness to "walk away" you trigger approval seeking behaviour in people. It plays into our innate fear of rejection. As soon as people start to reject us, there's part of us that immediately attempts to mollify them and draw them back. You see the same thing with men treating women like "options". Some women just go nuts for being treated like they're a dime a dozen. It's just human psychology. That said, I made a promise to myself. Never invest in a woman who's willing to just walk way. If she's willing to do that, she never cared much in the first place. So yeah, being "mean" doesn't work on me anymore. I just shrug and wish them a nice life. 1
edgygirl Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 I would love real examples on how to do that without sounding either a demanding crazy biatch or needy, lol. It's hard for me to place this kind of boundaries specially in new relationships, when I finally meet someone I'm interested in... I secretly envy women who know how to do it in a classy way that works out. I am not sure I have that in me, yet. I am trying to learn. Some men (myself included) get bored very quickly by women who are always willing to acquiesce to what we want. It's a welcome change of pace when a woman stands up to us and expresses what they want in a clear, respectful, appropriate manner. 1
edgygirl Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 That makes sense except I don't want to have a busy life... is it okay to prefer to spend my free time reading about things I'm interested in or so? Because these days I'd have to change the very essence of who I am as a person to be able to do that. And I also don't want someone who has a full busy life to be honest. I like calm. So respectfully I am not sure how that principle applies universally. There is a difference between playing hard to get and actually being hard to get . . . If you are hard to get, it's because you have a full, rich, busy life and the man needs to demonstrate enough to her to make it worth fitting him into it.
edgygirl Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Yes I agree with all this but soon someone will come here and say "only insecure people get triggered" by someone willing to walk away. I disagree, I think it's pure human behavior to get triggered like this. Most of us do. I've been noticing that when I don't care that much, the person is usually much more into me. Ugh. Dating is a sad thing. I hope I somehow get off it soon! The power in a relationship lies with the person who cares the least. That's really what it comes down to. By showing a willingness to "walk away" you trigger approval seeking behaviour in people. It plays into our innate fear of rejection. As soon as people start to reject us, there's part of us that immediately attempts to mollify them and draw them back. You see the same thing with men treating women like "options". Some women just go nuts for being treated like they're a dime a dozen. It's just human psychology. That said, I made a promise to myself. Never invest in a woman who's willing to just walk way. If she's willing to do that, she never cared much in the first place. So yeah, being "mean" doesn't work on me anymore. I just shrug and wish them a nice life.
Timshel Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 The power in a relationship lies with the person who cares the least. That's really what it comes down to. By showing a willingness to "walk away" you trigger approval seeking behaviour in people. It plays into our innate fear of rejection. As soon as people start to reject us, there's part of us that immediately attempts to mollify them and draw them back. You see the same thing with men treating women like "options". Some women just go nuts for being treated like they're a dime a dozen. It's just human psychology. That said, I made a promise to myself. Never invest in a woman who's willing to just walk way. If she's willing to do that, she never cared much in the first place. So yeah, being "mean" doesn't work on me anymore. I just shrug and wish them a nice life. True...to a point. A person can become a professional at 'walking away.' One of the most difficult lessons for me has been not walking. Still learning...... It's a balance of knowing yourself and acceptance of differences. For me, compassion is always present, I can never not be. My snark is laughable. That said, I don't compromise about who I let close to me and who I will trust. I have cared and walked away. I think it's the perfect storm that made me this way and it is not anything that I can explain. I value kindness and decency highest but my ability to walk comes as easily and is not separate from being kind.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 If he was as "good" of a man as you say, would you really have to work that hard and play games? A worthwhile man would be consistent and not need any prodding. Anything less than full interest is a waste of you time Tood.. Just my .02 2
neowulf Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 I have cared and walked away. I think it's the perfect storm that made me this way and it is not anything that I can explain. I value kindness and decency highest but my ability to walk comes as easily and is not separate from being kind. I believe it in part comes down to the attachment style of the people involved. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship I believe some people just naturally treat every relationship like it's the last relationship on earth. Others are simply not wired that way and willing to accept that many relationships simply have a lifespan, then it's time to move on.
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 That makes sense except I don't want to have a busy life... is it okay to prefer to spend my free time reading about things I'm interested in or so? Because these days I'd have to change the very essence of who I am as a person to be able to do that. And I also don't want someone who has a full busy life to be honest. I like calm. So respectfully I am not sure how that principle applies universally. But can't you have a full life and be calm?
katiegrl Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 But can't you have a full life and be calm? Perhaps edgygirl is interpreting "busy" as meaning *hectic* or *chaotic*. 1
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Perhaps edgygirl is interpreting "busy" as meaning *hectic* or *chaotic*. Maybe you're right. I try to be a calm person despite the fact that my life is hectic.
William Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 As reminder, the directive moderation shared prior still applies, regarding language. It applies everywhere on our forum. I'm mentioning it because I'm seeing some of the same names on this thread that were on that thread so, well....thank you and please continue.
anduina Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 It's all about honest responses, rather than being mean. If you're not happy about something you don't have to look as if you are. Of course it works the other way around. If you're happy about something its good to let that show.This. Acting like someone won't make you happy and if you revert to your normal self, these guys won't be happy. It's a no win situation.
Author Toodaloo Posted September 3, 2015 Author Posted September 3, 2015 It's not about being mean. It's about valuing yourself. If you don't chase after them like a rabid dog & make them show you some appreciation, they see more value in you & want to work to make you happy. After you see that they are willing to pamper you, then you can pamper them. I hope so D0nnivain... I hope so... This being "mean" is really not me at all. I am not good at it and I don't like it at all.
Author Toodaloo Posted September 3, 2015 Author Posted September 3, 2015 I think half my problem is that I am naturally a very "gregarious" person. It doesn't matter who. I will talk and be friendly to all. That doesn't mean that I am going to take any crap from them but I am naturally a very friendly, happy person. Example on Sunday had a date I am bored of coffee etc so booked a segway tour. Before I mat up with my date I met a few other people who were going to be on the same tour (they wanted directions so I gave them and we chatted for a bit). So when we all met up to actually go on the tour naturally I started speaking to them again and also tried to include a man who was doing it on his own. My date was shocked by this. He came out with "I thought you said you are not local" because the intercourse between the others and I was so natural - it must have seemed as though we knew each other well to an outsider. That is how I am with most people. There are only a very select few who know my quiet side. I can count those on one hand and still have spare fingers. So my natural state is to be forward not backward. I can see how some would take this as my being too nice. I do not however take any crap these days from anyone. I don't shout about it - I just get up and walk. Simples. So still no fuss or drama just a simple put my feet where my mouth is. I am happy to speak up and say what I think. I am often very blunt and forthright. Of course I am wanting to please the people I care about. However I think some of these men don't realise that you can be a "people pleaser" that has respect for themselves and also has their own life. I just don't like being mean. Its like sacking someone at work. Sometimes it has to be done - doesn't mean I enjoy doing it when I have to even if they are pillocks... As for the possibility of these guys being lesser "quality" if they are more attracted to a "bitch" I don't think that is the case. Most of those that I am talking to recently own their own businesses or are career men. They come across as responsible but fun adults. The conversations are better quality and more diverse and I haven't seen a penis picture for a while now.
Celeste.Carol Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 I have found men do not like it when you are mean but love it when you are assertive and will not put up with their BS. All (maybe a small minority who do not) will either subconsciously or with intent test a girl with BS. I have always let them know in an assertive but charming way and not in these words but it translates: Hey Buddy it is not about you, what you think about me, but how I perceive and like about the way you are with me. I do not have expectations/demands/changing you, but I do have limits and BS I am willing to accept and BS I am not willing to, so play and tread carefully. You are taking a chance with this but a man who really likes you is going to love this and respect it. The ones who do not are the ones not circling you for the right reason.
madjac74 Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 *** Results may vary depending on the quality of the woman's rack. Do not expect this technique to work as directed if your nipples are below your knees. Please make all attempts to just be nice before using this technique. Possible side effects include being labeled a B word, drama queen or appearing in some spin off of jersey housewives or bridezillas.
Teraskas Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 There is some truth to this. Especially for younger men. I think maybe it's the same emotional trigger that makes men enjoy things like bull riding. Perhaps it might appeal to some 'younger men', but it certainly doesn't to me. Despite being one of the 'young 'uns'.
todreaminblue Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 i think good hearted stable men understand boundaries that are in place with women..women who aren't shy to say how they feel.....are respected by the right type of men....but in that respect, real men who have good hearts respect all women....... as far as being mean...and being dominant...if i have to dominate a man to make him like me..put him in his place to attract him..his place isnt with me......i want to give what i get...and thats honesty patience and understanding ...and gentleness......to me to keep a guy interested means you have to be mean....then he is a fickle guy anyway....not strong hearted at all....deb 3
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