UPDATE ** My bf dumped me & got angry when I said okay & walked away

August 24, 2015

OP, you've really helped me. A long time ago, I got dumped by the then love of my life. It was out of the blue, no emotion, no explanation, no warning. It was horrible, and many people have described how they feel after that, so I won't rehash it.

That night, I put on a brave face, I didn't object, I didn't ask any questions, and I certainly didn't beg or humiliate myself otherwise. I simply turned to her and said goodbye. She got really angry, it was all over her face, and she refused to say goodbye to me. It wasn't premeditated, this was a very genuine reaction to my reaction to her. I left without another word. I wasn't happy about the breakup, but that reaction broke my heart. I was confused by it, and it made me feel like I had done something wrong. I haven't talked to her since.

For years, that bothered me the most. I couldn't figure out why she would react like that. It made no sense whatsoever, and even though that was a long time ago, and even though I got over it, and fell in and out of love a couple more times until the real love of my life came along, it still bothers me to this day if I think about it. I never could make any sense of it, even though, intellectually, I knew there was really only one answer as to why she did that.

I didn't have the cheating, and we didn't have texting back then, so that helped both of us maintain our distance, but when I read the account of your experience, it reminded me of my experience, and because it was so clear what happened to you, it made me realize what probably happened with me. Maybe "finally believe" is a better way to phrase it.

You turned the tables on him, and he wasn't expecting it, and he didn't like that at all. It was a reaction to not being in control, no longer being able to manipulate or call the shots. It was also a reaction to not finding out that he isn't the center of your existence. Obviously, the only correct response to what you did is for a dumper is to thank their lucky stars that they don't have to fight a clinger, to offer a warm farewell, and to let the dumpee leave with their dignity intact. What he did instead was to betray a graceless and manipulative side to his personality, and now, he wants nothing more than to share that side of himself with you as a parting gift. Disheartening, isn't it?

You've helped me re-frame that nasty old memory in my mind. I'm not sure why, but you made me feel just a little better today. Thank you.

By the way, stick to your guns. You'll be just fine. Good luck.

Aww, I'm glad I made you feel better. In the past we fought, but I would always always go back to him. Even if he was angry at me or vice versa. For the first time, he wasn't in control. I accepted him dumping me, even if he didn't mean it and I walked so gracefully. No begging no pleading as I probably did in the past on a few occasions. I cringe at myself then. It's all power and manipulation. She couldn't manipulate you hence she got angry at you.

You were so brave and strong to walk away the second she dumped you.

Stay happy.

August 24, 2015

He's realised that he's lost a good thing in you and regrets it, but I think him dumping you was good ' because you can see that he was a user. He is also jealous of your sucess. The thing is that most men's ego can't handle a woman earning more than them or being in a better financial position than them.

He had you, then he went and cheated!! You guys didn't deal with his cheating properly and he just got away with it.

As you've experienced a cheater, be sure to tell any future BFs that cheating is a dealbreaker for you. Don't tolerate it. If they want out..you are not holding them back, but you won't put up with a cheater.

There's too many cheaters about these days. They feel so entitled. You are worth more and you need to demand more. You really sound like a kind and loving person. You'll find a good guy in time.

I'm not saying a guy with kids is unsayable, as one of my brothers has 3 kids and got divorced. He is remarried , BUT, he earns a lot of money and he does not need his wife to pay a single penny for the kids. He would never ask her to contribute anything for them. If she buys anything it's her choice.

Not that I'm biased but even with the kids, my brother is still a catch. Your Ex is not.

You need to let him know it's over, you don't wish to get back with him, he should please stop contacting you and you wish him and the kids all the best for the future.

If he persists, tell your IT department to block him if possible.

August 24, 2015

I feel partly responsible for him cheating and him not feeling the same.

I know they say it takes two to tango but if someone loves you they're not gonna throw themselves at the first person they meet. You and I probably made many mistakes in the relationship, that doesn't mean our Ex's aren't accountable for their own actions. In every relationship, there is a give and take, but I think it's safe to say since we've had similar experiences, that our Ex's expected far too much from us without extending to us the same courtesy.

My Ex did something to me that's worse than cheating and I (foolishly) still took her back (even though it's what really did the relationship in the end). Still, I feel so dumb for returning to such a toxic person.

Cheating is tough for many of us and painful to wrap our head around. My Ex told me the guy she slept with while we were taking a 3-week break was to help "get over me". That she didn't 'love' him, that is was just sex. Some people see Sex and Love as black and white. While others view Sex as the most extreme and intimate connection you can have with a person. That's why it's important to discover these things before getting in too deep.

The one thing you should be proud of is the way you handled the breakup. You've got so much strength that not a lot of us have. I admire you for that.

Edited August 24, 2015 by Gus Grimly

August 24, 2015

Talking about cheating exes...

Mine cheated on me with his ex. This girl cheated on him multiple times, even with a friend of him.

Still, he loved to have sex with her.

I mean, it is not like he ever told me, lol. But I guess it really was that way.

I had a hard time after the relationship with this guy...

And after reading your story today.... I feel like I'm on the right way, so thanks for sharing it.

You made the right choice.

August 24, 2015

you sound like you made a choice and are handling it as best you can.

I'll reserve any opinion since there are three sides to a story.

Keep being an inspiration for others, we need positive folks here.

August 26, 2015

This story is amazing! I wish all dumpees were this strong. Its all about how we

handle the break up..and how u feel internally..the moment u let go..they want u back. He couldnt handle the fact that you decided to move on and not mope

over him. He is pathetic. I hope you do not take him back..but by the sounds of it, u seem done!

My ex did the same thing to me..kept disappearing and wanting space, bc he wasnt sure how he felt. Finally i decided to let go because i realized i deserved way better, well..he is back...but hes pretty much talking to himself now!

August 26, 2015

Pleasee do not respond to him. If u do, tell him to take a hike!

How long has it been since he sent u the break up text..

p.s...hes a coward for breaking up over text too and he cheated on u..so he has

NO right to be mad at u!

September 2, 2015

Pleasee do not respond to him. If u do, tell him to take a hike!
How long has it been since he sent u the break up text..
p.s...hes a coward for breaking up over text too and he cheated on u..so he has
NO right to be mad at u!

Hi, this happened on 24th August so just over a week. There has been an update in this whole week, so im going to make a new post about it and see what everyone thinks x

September 2, 2015

Thanks for explaining. I think that he doesn't know what he wants, but he doesn't want to let go of you. I am proud of you for standing up and clarifying the situation with him and then making your decision. It sounds like it might be time to move on and find someone who can commit to love you and stand by you and be sure of his love for you.

Hi, thank you for the reply. Ive had no contact for a week but there has just been an update to this story, so I am going to make a new post now x

September 2, 2015

Hey everyone, this is an update on my previous thread. ** BF cheated, was nasty abusive, then came back apologising. I forgave him, he continued to ill treat me, dump me. I simply said ok-smiled, blocked/deleted him and carried on. This lead to him harassing me**

So after I started NC by blocking/deleting him, I got a few emails that I ignored. A few days passed and he stopped. I heard nothing. I finally thought yes with a sense of relief. On day 4 of NC, he turned up at my work. He was parked in the car park waiting until I finished and was walking to my car.

My heart sank when I saw him. He asked to speak to me and that he was so sorry for everything. To prevent a scene at my work, I agreed to go for a coffee. We sat and spoke. He said he was sorry, and that he respected my decision now. He just wanted peace and to be friends. He told me his kids missed me and wanted to say goodbye - but be able to keep in touch.

I agreed that if they wanted to speak to me, it would be ok. We hugged and parted ways. He agreed to be friends and wished me the best.

It is now day 10 since we broke up - He rang me this morning saying the kids wanted to speak to me before they start their new year at school. I spoke to them and wished them well. A few hours later, he text me asking for another chance and that he loved/missed me. I told him no.

I explained we are friends and that he knew and agreed to be friends. Ten mins later, he started to verbally abuse me via text.

''I hate you, your are horrible, I don't love you anymore. I am glad we are over because i can do so much better than you. You were my biggest mistake. My ex wife was better than you (his ex wife was abusive to his step daughters - she used to hit them and punish them by starving them- hence the marriage broke down). I will meet someone else soon so you will soon be forgotten''

I have now blocked him and if he continues to harass me in any form, I will report it to the police.

He used his kids to speak to me and then abuse me because I refused to get back with him.

I no longer feel anything for him. I feel so sick and ashamed of myself for ever allowing a man that can call a child abuser a better person than me.

My life is great, good job, health and family, but I feel like I have hit the lowest point in my life today. I feel really horrible and I don't understand how anyone can hurt/abuse someone to make them feel like a bad person?

Edited September 2, 2015 by Karen855
spelling error

September 2, 2015

''I hate you, your are horrible, I don't love you anymore. I am glad we are over because i can do so much better than you. You were my biggest mistake. My ex wife was better than you (his ex wife was abusive to his step daughters - she used to hit them and punish them by starving them- hence the marriage broke down). I will meet someone else soon so you will soon be forgotten''

I have now blocked him and if he continues to harass me in any form, I will report it to the police.

He used his kids to speak to me and then abuse me because I refused to get back with him.

I no longer feel anything for him. I feel so sick and ashamed of myself for ever allowing a man that can call a child abuser a better person than me.

My life is great, good job, health and family, but I feel like I have hit the lowest point in my life today. I feel really horrible and I don't understand how anyone can hurt/abuse someone to make them feel like a bad person?

As tough as it sounds: it happens. It happened to me as well, if you find relief on it. I was awesome to my girlfriend. She dumped me, but continued to call me. When I was kind-of over her, she called to "apologize" for being rude (but she still didn't want to come back). After I told her that I did not accept the apology (because she admitted she hurt me on purpose so I could realize I had to go away), but that I wished her well and that we both would find someone new and better, she did the exact same thing. Told me I was horrible, destroyed her, that she had already found someone new, that we were never meant to be, that she was glad it was over, that I was a mistake and whatnot. She's now gone back to her first boyfriend after being with another guy after me (she broke up with her first boyfriend to be with me, after he treated her pretty poorly for over a year, told her she was ugly and fat almost every single day, that he didn't want to listen to her cry to her childhood problems because it wasn't his job, he didn't let her go out with friends because he didn't trust her, and a large etcetera), he accepted no questions asked, and I'm betting she now has all the power in that relationship. Shame on her, and shame on him too.

I'm glad you did what you did. What happened to you happened to me and probably to many others. Do I miss her? Yes, a lot. But if she ever comes back, I don't want to be the 'easy man' like her first boyfriend was. I don't want her or anyone to have that much power over me.

You made that decision. You should be proud. Congrats.

September 2, 2015

As tough as it sounds: it happens. It happened to me as well, if you find relief on it. I was awesome to my girlfriend. She dumped me, but continued to call me. When I was kind-of over her, she called to "apologize" for being rude (but she still didn't want to come back). After I told her that I did not accept the apology (because she admitted she hurt me on purpose so I could realize I had to go away), but that I wished her well and that we both would find someone new and better, she did the exact same thing. Told me I was horrible, destroyed her, that she had already found someone new, that we were never meant to be, that she was glad it was over, that I was a mistake and whatnot. She's now gone back to her first boyfriend after being with another guy after me (she broke up with her first boyfriend to be with me, after he treated her pretty poorly for over a year, told her she was ugly and fat almost every single day, that he didn't want to listen to her cry to her childhood problems because it wasn't his job, he didn't let her go out with friends because he didn't trust her, and a large etcetera), he accepted no questions asked, and I'm betting she now has all the power in that relationship. Shame on her, and shame on him too.

I'm glad you did what you did. What happened to you happened to me and probably to many others. Do I miss her? Yes, a lot. But if she ever comes back, I don't want to be the 'easy man' like her first boyfriend was. I don't want her or anyone to have that much power over me.

You made that decision. You should be proud. Congrats.

Thank you for the reply. I don't ever want to know him again. Never mind a relationship, I don't want to know him as a person. The very fact someone can stoop so low and become nasty is scary and worrying.

September 2, 2015

ok, Karen, here's what I think: he got you to pay for stuff. He got you emotionally involved - a LOT. He managed to cheat, told you about it and still got you back. More, he got you to make a seriously expensive gift to him - the trips to the USA.

The guy was 200% sure he had you in his pocket and felt that he is the only one allowed to have doubts, but felt that you'd always be there... well, tough luck, you're not married to him nor are you bearing his children. You owe him nothing and there's nothing that links you to him - a child or finances. He was just too sure of himself and it backfired. I think he didn't expect in a million years that you'd just say "ok".

He then tried all the tricks in the book to break you and further manipulate you. You are right, he is an ABUSER. Abusers are always nice to their victims, after they've aggressed them. But guess what, they return to being abusers later. It's what they are. It's whom they are.

I am not at all surprised at his reaction. Please keep a pepper spray at all times with you and consider reporting him, if he approaches you anywhere. He is mentally unstable and dangerous.

Please work on yourself because you've immediately accepted the victim's role. Such submission is not normal, I strongly invite you to read about mental games and abusers, because you seem to fit the pattern. You are smart and mentally strong, but you lack strength on the emotional side. Is this how you want to be treated? Is this how you want or deserve to be loved?

Use this opportunity to work on your sense of self worth, so that you identify manipulators and weed them out before falling for them.

Best of luck!

candie

PS As a dumper myself, I was also shocked when my ex shrug his shoulders and let me go just like that. Mind you, the RS was going really well, there was no cheating involved so yeah, that break up, also impulsive and totally my decision, did came up from out of nowhere. I understand his anger and disappointment, but he had done massive mistakes, so he cannot be surprised or disappointed. All I did was get really mad at my most recent ex for stringing me along and future faking for 5 months, only to tell me he didn't think he ever wanted to remarry, 5 days before flying to meet my parents . So I woke up and left . And yet I was the disappointed one when he didn't even make one move to stop me from leaving. Now, I think he's an idiot. His loss. Everything happens for a reason. It just wasn't meant to be, taught me to open my eyes wider and check every little stone before believing any bs any man tries to sell to me - from his emotional investment level to his commitment level.

September 2, 2015

ok, Karen, here's what I think: he got you to pay for stuff. He got you emotionally involved - a LOT. He managed to cheat, told you about it and still got you back. More, he got you to make a seriously expensive gift to him - the trips to the USA.

The guy was 200% sure he had you in his pocket and felt that he is the only one allowed to have doubts, but felt that you'd always be there... well, tough luck, you're not married to him nor are you bearing his children. You owe him nothing and there's nothing that links you to him - a child or finances. He was just too sure of himself and it backfired. I think he didn't expect in a million years that you'd just say "ok".

He then tried all the tricks in the book to break you and further manipulate you. You are right, he is an ABUSER. Abusers are always nice to their victims, after they've aggressed them. But guess what, they return to being abusers later. It's what they are. It's whom they are.

I am not at all surprised at his reaction. Please keep a pepper spray at all times with you and consider reporting him, if he approaches you anywhere. He is mentally unstable and dangerous.

Please work on yourself because you've immediately accepted the victim's role. Such submission is not normal, I strongly invite you to read about mental games and abusers, because you seem to fit the pattern. You are smart and mentally strong, but you lack strength on the emotional side. Is this how you want to be treated? Is this how you want or deserve to be loved?

Use this opportunity to work on your sense of self worth, so that you identify manipulators and weed them out before falling for them.

Best of luck!

candie

PS As a dumper myself, I was also shocked when my ex shrug his shoulders and let me go just like that. Mind you, the RS was going really well, there was no cheating involved so yeah, that break up, also impulsive and totally my decision, did came up from out of nowhere. I understand his anger and disappointment, but he had done massive mistakes, so he cannot be surprised or disappointed. All I did was get really mad at my most recent ex for stringing me along and future faking for 5 months, only to tell me he didn't think he ever wanted to remarry, 5 days before flying to meet my parents . So I woke up and left . And yet I was the disappointed one when he didn't even make one move to stop me from leaving. Now, I think he's an idiot. His loss. Everything happens for a reason. It just wasn't meant to be, taught me to open my eyes wider and check every little stone before believing any bs any man tries to sell to me - from his emotional investment level to his commitment level.

Thank you for the great reply. Yes, I can now say for sure, he was an emotional manipulative abuser in the relationship. One min so so nice, the next nasty and putting me down. I guess, it's just months and years of him treating me like such that it has affected me to a degree now.

I know what he did was wrong but he did it but to an extent I allowed it by always accepting his apologies. This then allowed him to think his behaviour was acceptable/ and or right towards me.

September 2, 2015

Karen

It's a new school year, lots of expenses and he needs your money.

He's a big fool and he used his kids to try and get you back. What a loser. He's a sorry excuse for a man my dear.

You're kind hearted and thought he was being genuine. Just shows you how nasty he is.

Continue with NC and don't loose faith in mankind. He really is a nasty piece of work isn't he. Good riddance I say.

ever settle for a guy who can't support his kids. You made so much happen for them and he goes and cheats on you.

Good luck to the next woman he hooks up with.

September 2, 2015

Karen

It's a new school year, lots of expenses and he needs your money.
He's a big fool and he used his kids to try and get you back. What a loser. He's a sorry excuse for a man my dear.

You're kind hearted and thought he was being genuine. Just shows you how nasty he is.
Continue with NC and don't loose faith in mankind. He really is a nasty piece of work isn't he. Good riddance I say.

ever settle for a guy who can't support his kids. You made so much happen for them and he goes and cheats on you.

Good luck to the next woman he hooks up with.

Thanks Sandylee1! Just been a bad few weeks. I feel so emotionally drained atm. I don't ever want to know him or know of him again. I just wish he wouldn't latch onto me then think it's okay to abuse me because I no longer am interested in him.

It's wrong to play with people's emotions and a sad way of life. I'm just glad I'm out of all their lives now. Tbh, his life was pretty boring and depressing, I just dragged myself down this last year.

I will take every day to remember how lucky I am to be away from him and now have the chance to a better life x

September 2, 2015

Thanks Sandylee1! Just been a bad few weeks. I feel so emotionally drained atm. I don't ever want to know him or know of him again. I just wish he wouldn't latch onto me then think it's okay to abuse me because I no longer am interested in him.

It's wrong to play with people's emotions and a sad way of life. I'm just glad I'm out of all their lives now. Tbh, his life was pretty boring and depressing, I just dragged myself down this last year.

I will take every day to remember how lucky I am to be away from him and now have the chance to a better life x

it is normal to feel emotionally drained, because the RS you were in was not a healthy one, it was a toxic one...

I apologize if I seemed to blunt in my previous post, you are going through a horrible time right now and it's gonna be terrible for the next few weeks, even months... just hang on there and whatever happens, don't give in, ok?

He may try harder to break you, so try to be prepared for that. Have a few good gfs around, ok? Watch out for yourself... The first few months are the worst, really. After the break up, I kept telling myself - just keep NC for the first 60 days. I can break NC after 60 days... in the end, around day 60, it really didn't matter that much anymore.

Try to do the same thing... and post here. a Lot!!

September 2, 2015

it is normal to feel emotionally drained, because the RS you were in was not a healthy one, it was a toxic one...

I apologize if I seemed to blunt in my previous post, you are going through a horrible time right now and it's gonna be terrible for the next few weeks, even months... just hang on there and whatever happens, don't give in, ok?

He may try harder to break you, so try to be prepared for that. Have a few good gfs around, ok? Watch out for yourself... The first few months are the worst, really. After the break up, I kept telling myself - just keep NC for the first 60 days. I can break NC after 60 days... in the end, around day 60, it really didn't matter that much anymore.

Try to do the same thing... and post here. a Lot!!

There is no need to apologise, I appreciated everything you said and I have taken it on board. It's been a great help. Can I ask what you mean by he may try harder to break me?

September 2, 2015

There is your sweet, kind, caring heart again. This guy doesn't deserve those things from you. Sadly, there are people in the world who are not well, angry, cruel, aggressive & manipulative. What we have to do is weed them.out. one chance, maybe a second... But that's it. Have you made a list of boundaries, I suggested?

I'm sorry he snuck his way in again. But please, from now on fall for nothing this man says or does. I can relate to your story, I naively thought nobody that was close to my heart could hurt me so cruelly & callously. I managed to get by 27 years without being really hurt by someone else. It happens. These people do not belong in your bubble. You need to strengthen your boundaries and cut those that cross them. (Cut them out, not actually cut them)

Block him and work through your hurt. You'll get there, this too shall pass.

September 2, 2015

There is your sweet, kind, caring heart again. This guy doesn't deserve those things from you. Sadly, there are people in the world who are not well, angry, cruel, aggressive & manipulative. What we have to do is weed them.out. one chance, maybe a second... But that's it. Have you made a list of boundaries, I suggested?

I'm sorry he snuck his way in again. But please, from now on fall for nothing this man says or does. I can relate to your story, I naively thought nobody that was close to my heart could hurt me so cruelly & callously. I managed to get by 27 years without being really hurt by someone else. It happens. These people do not belong in your bubble. You need to strengthen your boundaries and cut those that cross them. (Cut them out, not actually cut them)

Block him and work through your hurt. You'll get there, this too shall pass.

I feel like a complete fool, agreeing to speak to the kids for him. Eurgh. I will use that as the last lesson learnt and move on. What do you mean by a list of boundaries?

He's a mentality unstable man, I can start to see it as a doctor, removing my emotions of how I felt about him. He has very bad mental issues that he needs to seek help for. Not my problem anymore, quite frankly, I'm so done!

I think he was a serial cheater. Looking back now without being "brainwashed and manipulated", I know he cheated more than more. I don't understand why people cheat, then carry on with the relationship. Surely cheating means you want that other person.

Cancelling the holiday too showed his true colours I guess. He abused me for cancelling the holiday as well.

September 2, 2015

There is no need to apologise, I appreciated everything you said and I have taken it on board. It's been a great help. Can I ask what you mean by he may try harder to break me?

More pressure, more contact, more doubt and guilt trips... You need to be ready for this, because these people can smell weakness from a mile away.

I'm not saying that he will, but you will need to be ready or have a support system in place, just in case he does...

September 2, 2015

More pressure, more contact, more doubt and guilt trips... You need to be ready for this, because these people can smell weakness from a mile away.

I'm not saying that he will, but you will need to be ready or have a support system in place, just in case he does...

Oh definitely! I'm sure he will crawl back after he's bored with some poor girl he is chasing about now. God keep her safe.

September 2, 2015

I dated a toxic guy once. We Had a pretty ****ed up dynamic, Towards the end, I kept breaking up with him & he kept chasing me like a maniac. It took me a really long time to get him out of my system and make him stop trying. Maybe I am projecting, but he only stopped when I was convinced it was over over.

September 2, 2015

These guys don't like to chase after new women, they go After the easiest kill... He knows you, make no mistake, chances are he will try again with you than go after someone new... Give it a month or so ... Only then can you tell he's out - understood it and stays away...

September 2, 2015

Why don't you proactively block him? If he's going to do stuff like this, don't make it easy on him.

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UPDATE ** My bf dumped me & got angry when I said okay & walked away

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