UPDATE ** My bf dumped me & got angry when I said okay & walked away

August 24, 2015

Hi everyone, Quick background information. Been in a relationship for 1.5 years. Live in our own houses but saw each other most days (due to work and living 45 mins away). My bf is 35, divorced, 3 children (under 10). I am 29, single and no kids.

My bf pursed me at the start. He totally chased me about to even date me, I was hesitant as he had kids, ex wife, lived 45 mins from me. I agreed to be friends and in time, this blossomed into love and I started to fall for him. He and the kids became my little family. The big change in my life was overwhelming at times, three children were demanding. Our relationship was great at the start, we spent time as a couple and with the kids.

About 7 months into the relationship, we hit a rocky patch. I was busy training away in Scotland for weeks at a time. He couldn't visit me as he had works and the kids on his days etc. We did grow apart and weren't getting on as we didn't see each other for weeks. We were planning a holiday to the USA for New York Dec 2015 as a surprise to show much I loved him, I booked and paid for it all.

Within a week of giving him the tickets as a surprise, he cheated on me(one night stand). After many weeks of him pleading for me (via text) Idiot didn't even send me flowers haha, I forgave him as I truly did love him and believed it was the distance and breakdown of not seeing each other.

We got back together and he made zero effort with me. No texts, no dates, no going out, nothing. I asked him if he loved me. I said he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore as thing weren't great for a while etc.

One morning, I asked him, are you in love with me? He looked at me and said, he doesn't know anymore. I got dressed and went to work.

He text me after a few hours- "one of us needs to say it so lets leave things and end the relationship as it hasn't worked for a long time, I cant and wont marry you because you wouldn't commit properly at the start (to moving in with him) and now he doesn't feel the same anymore, I just don't know if I am in love with you anymore so good luck for life". He said to tell my family. So I guess he DUMPED me.

I replied "ok". I changed my number, deleted him and smiled. I was hurting so so much but he CHEATED on me, pleaded me back and then DUMPED me as things haven't been right for him for months and months.

Now he is hassling me, emailing me, dropping letters to my house. Calling me names, saying he is so angry, upset and saying I broke his heart that I just cut him out. That I was the love of life. That he was talking to me and I did not give him a chance!

What bloody chance is he on about?! He dumped me and I simply said ok. Now he is acting the victim!

I have ignored him and will do but can I ask anyone, am I fault???? Is he right to be angry and abuse me after he DUMPED ME? Should I be texting him????

August 24, 2015

No no no no. You are not at fault my dear. You gave so much, in fact, too much. You forgave him for cheating?!!! Damnit! Treated you poorly, dumped you, because you couldn't commit at the start? What a blanker. I commend you for saying OK & disappearing. High five!!!! Stay no contact please. Block his number, and any other ways he can contact you. Don't feed him. It will fade, he will fade out.

I had a similar experience with my ex. After 6 years he dumped me, after years of begging me to give him another chance (he was a right annoying, poor self esteem knob when he drank)/I gave him these chances, it hurt me to do so. Then he dumped me because I didn't want to sit in a beer garden, drinking all day at a music festival (I did the day before, I wanted to enjoy the bands) he angry drove home that day. I was so scared. I accepted the break up as its not going to work if one pulls out. From that moment for about 5 months he harassed me, bullied me....

I don't know why they do this. Hurt, anger... I don't know. All.I know is that it wasn't my feelings. And obviously he was way to immature to cope, instead pushing his hurt on me. In the firm if aggression. I begged him to stop. He didn't.

Please, take my advice, stick to no contact, he will fade out quicker.

Take care of your own healing

August 24, 2015

Phew, bullet dodged there. Being 35 he certainly seems like someone who does not quite have much maturity and composure. While there may be another side to this story as well, his, no matter what, if someone can't treat someone else with clarity, honesty and respect, then I don't think you've lost much by HIM ending it.

All that drama you can avoid with someone else, a relationship isn't supposed to be that difficult, yet humans have an incredibly ability in being very unclear and unsure about what they want, and as such problems arise.

Some people when they dump you will want you to still fight for them, so you replying "ok" was perhaps the best/worst thing you could do to an individual such as him. The worst part being that he now harasses you and insults you, but the best part in seeing his true character. Yeah I think you dodged a bullet here by ending it, especially because he made zero effort once he got you back again. Don't go back to a dud.

August 24, 2015

No no no no. You are not at fault my dear. You gave so much, in fact, too much. You forgave him for cheating?!!! Damnit! Treated you poorly, dumped you, because you couldn't commit at the start? What a blanker. I commend you for saying OK & disappearing. High five!!!! Stay no contact please. Block his number, and any other ways he can contact you. Don't feed him. It will fade, he will fade out.

I had a similar experience with my ex. After 6 years he dumped me, after years of begging me to give him another chance (he was a right annoying, poor self esteem knob when he drank)/I gave him these chances, it hurt me to do so. Then he dumped me because I didn't want to sit in a beer garden, drinking all day at a music festival (I did the day before, I wanted to enjoy the bands) he angry drove home that day. I was so scared. I accepted the break up as its not going to work if one pulls out. From that moment for about 5 months he harassed me, bullied me....

I don't know why they do this. Hurt, anger... I don't know. All.I know is that it wasn't my feelings. And obviously he was way to immature to cope, instead pushing his hurt on me. In the firm if aggression. I begged him to stop. He didn't.

Please, take my advice, stick to no contact, he will fade out quicker.

Take care of your own healing

Hi, thank you for the reply. Yes, he dumped me and is angry at me because I simply said okay and walked. Did he expect me to plead?! He wishes.

I think because I took him back after cheating, he thinks I am weak and can manipulate me, which was true. To be honest, he was in control of me as he was able yo manipulate me back, He broke me when he cheated, he broke me after I took him back and he didn't change, if anything he had face on with me for being angry/upset with him! He dumped me quite clearly in that text so I'm accepting it and moving on. He doesn't want me, he just doesn't want anyone else to have me.. Selfish and mentally disturbed. I wished I left when he cheated but at least I can say to myself he had that chance and blew it so I'd never wonder what if........

August 24, 2015

Karen

Good on you girl. I wish more people would do that. Let's face it, with no ex husband and kids, you're more of a catch. No baggage.

He cheated and then pulls this crap. I think you were wise not to shack up with him as well. He's saying he won't marry you and I doubt he had any intention to.

Well done. The more you show you won't be snivelling for him , the better. Another woman can take him on. Cheating just because you were away is a pathetic excuse. I wonder why he's divorced.

Don't look back. Plus you don't need a large part of your joint income going on child support.

August 24, 2015

Phew, bullet dodged there. Being 35 he certainly seems like someone who does not quite have much maturity and composure. While there may be another side to this story as well, his, no matter what, if someone can't treat someone else with clarity, honesty and respect, then I don't think you've lost much by HIM ending it.

All that drama you can avoid with someone else, a relationship isn't supposed to be that difficult, yet humans have an incredibly ability in being very unclear and unsure about what they want, and as such problems arise.

Some people when they dump you will want you to still fight for them, so you replying "ok" was perhaps the best/worst thing you could do to an individual such as him. The worst part being that he now harasses you and insults you, but the best part in seeing his true character. Yeah I think you dodged a bullet here by ending it, especially because he made zero effort once he got you back again. Don't go back to a dud.

Thank you! I was by no means perfect. I can be difficult at times, moody etc and get in a strop, throw my dummy out but it never lasted more than one hour. I'd always apologise, cook a meal, spoil him with nice wine (his fav)and cuddle up so we sleep on a happy note. Sometimes being forgiving and good natured, mean you get the worst of someone and they take the best of you.

I think he did mentally brainwash me, I feel like an idiot

August 24, 2015

Karen

Good on you girl. I wish more people would do that. Let's face it, with no ex husband and kids, you're more of a catch. No baggage.

He cheated and then pulls this crap. I think you were wise not to shack up with him as well. He's saying he won't marry you and I doubt he had any intention to.

Well done. The more you show you won't be snivelling for him , the better. Another woman can take him on. Cheating just because you were away is a pathetic excuse. I wonder why he's divorced.

Don't look back. Plus you don't need a large part of your joint income going on child support.

Sandylee your a legend! You really lifted me up reading your message. I think he mentality brainwashed me. He abused me for months because I refused to move in with him after a few months. Within a few months of dating, he said I should be moving in. I was not ready. I had a job 1 hour away, exams whilst working, I'm a GP now ( just qualified). Amongst all this, I was having a relationship, seeing him to an fro, looking after the kids and him. He couldn't travel to me as much as he had the kids (50 shares) so was constantly picking dropping them( 2 different mums) after school things etc. And yes, even though I didn't live with him, I paid 50 percent of all kids holidays, toys,books, food, clothing every month which came to about 200 pounds.

He bought me nothing, just a lovely perfume for my bday and a book for Christmas lol. He said he didn't have much money As he was raising 3 kids and a mortgage etc. I never wanted anything anyway and as I worked I could afford my own lifestyle. I'd pay for meals when we all went out, pretty expensive with 3 kids. Oh and they constantly needed clothes. They just grew so because I was the "woman" I knew about shopping, he'd ask me to go with him to help pick clothes. He'd always say, oh it's expensive, think il have to leave some stuff until next time, can't afford to get as much now. I'd feel really bad and offer to pay and somehow I was buying everything.

5 months into the relationship, he wanted to take his kids Florida Disney, he said he can't manage to take them alone so would I go too? I said ok. He booked it and said can you deposit half the money into my bank as I asked you if you wanted to come, meaning I can't financially take them on my own. I was so embarrassed and immediately transferred the money.

I think I was emotionally brainwashed/abused. Always made to feel guilty if I was unhappy or wanted out.

Being a good person sometimes means you get taken advantage of. It's heartbreaking but maybe one day he will remember me for the good I did.

August 24, 2015

Texting sometimes is confusing. Maybe he was trying to get a "reaction" with his breakup statement. And the "ok" was totally unexpected by him. It is never a good idea to make life changing decisions over text. Can you meet with him and get things out in the open and resolved?

Screw that. He cheated on her and treated her like crap. She doesn't owe him that, or anything. He overplayed his hand and busted out.

August 24, 2015

Texting sometimes is confusing. Maybe he was trying to get a "reaction" with his breakup statement. And the "ok" was totally unexpected by him. It is never a good idea to make life changing decisions over text. Can you meet with him and get things out in the open and resolved?

Hi, I'd seen him the same day before the text.. He told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me anymore as he didn't feel the same. I said are you sure, he said he didn't know if was in love with me anymore. I hugged him and told him, thank you being honest. I left for work. He text me a few times as I was driving to work, I didn't reply as I was driving. I said to him if you don't feel the same then you can't force yourself to be with me. He said one of us needs to say it out loud and he said " he wants to end things now and said good luck goodbye etc"

August 24, 2015

Do you make more money than he does? It's a little weird to just decide as the woman that you're going to plan and pay for a trip you're both talking about. Without consulting your boyfriend at all. And the thing about spoiling him with his favorite wine. Why does he need you to spoil him with it?

You might have totally emasculated this guy without realizing it. If that's the case though he should have explained that to you, rather than dumped you in the hopes of winning a power struggle.

August 24, 2015

Sandylee your a legend! You really lifted me up reading your message. I think he mentality brainwashed me. He abused me for months because I refused to move in with him after a few months. Within a few months of dating, he said I should be moving in. I was not ready. I had a job 1 hour away, exams whilst working, I'm a GP now ( just qualified). Amongst all this, I was having a relationship, seeing him to an fro, looking after the kids and him. He couldn't travel to me as much as he had the kids (50 shares) so was constantly picking dropping them( 2 different mums) after school things etc. And yes, even though I didn't live with him, I paid 50 percent of all kids holidays, toys,books, food, clothing every month which came to about 200 pounds.

He bought me nothing, just a lovely perfume for my bday and a book for Christmas lol. He said he didn't have much money As he was raising 3 kids and a mortgage etc. I never wanted anything anyway and as I worked I could afford my own lifestyle. I'd pay for meals when we all went out, pretty expensive with 3 kids. Oh and they constantly needed clothes. They just grew so because I was the "woman" I knew about shopping, he'd ask me to go with him to help pick clothes. He'd always say, oh it's expensive, think il have to leave some stuff until next time, can't afford to get as much now. I'd feel really bad and offer to pay and somehow I was buying everything.

5 months into the relationship, he wanted to take his kids Florida Disney, he said he can't manage to take them alone so would I go too? I said ok. He booked it and said can you deposit half the money into my bank as I asked you if you wanted to come, meaning I can't financially take them on my own. I was so embarrassed and immediately transferred the money.

I think I was emotionally brainwashed/abused. Always made to feel guilty if I was unhappy or wanted out.

Being a good person sometimes means you get taken advantage of. It's heartbreaking but maybe one day he will remember me for the good I did.

Unbelievable. Huge red flags all over this.

He sounds like a manipulative loser.

August 24, 2015

Do you make more money than he does? It's a little weird to just decide as the woman that you're going to plan and pay for a trip you're both talking about. Without consulting your boyfriend at all. And the thing about spoiling him with his favorite wine. Why does he need you to spoil him with it?

You might have totally emasculated this guy without realizing it. If that's the case though he should have explained that to you, rather than dumped you in the hopes of winning a power struggle.

We both make the same money roughly, but I don't have kids or a mortgage. My house is paid off, I inherited it so I only pay bills hence I have less expenses than him.

He loves wine but so I'd buy him wine as a little cute gesture ( buying something he enjoys) suppose like someone buying me chocolate every so often.

Are you talking about the USA holiday I booked for dec? We both planned it verbally dates etc and booked time off work but as a surprise and being a gf that loves him, I decided to pay for it simply because it seemed like a nice loving present as he does constantly say he never has much money because of the kids and house. I never thought I'm the woman hence I should only be spoilt. Then again he never spoilt me at all. Either he doesn't know how to treat a lady once in a while or he sat back and enjoyed it.

August 24, 2015

Unbelievable. Huge red flags all over this.

He sounds like a manipulative loser.

Do you think that was bad of him to ask or presume/ or put me in that situation? Some people have said that because I was in a relationship and part of their lives, it's expected standard for me to have paid half.

Edited August 24, 2015 by Karen855
Spelling error

August 24, 2015

i'd report his harrassment to the authorities if i were you.

August 24, 2015

Sandylee your a legend! You really lifted me up reading your message. I think he mentality brainwashed me. He abused me for months because I refused to move in with him after a few months. Within a few months of dating, he said I should be moving in. I was not ready. I had a job 1 hour away, exams whilst working, I'm a GP now ( just qualified). Amongst all this, I was having a relationship, seeing him to an fro, looking after the kids and him. He couldn't travel to me as much as he had the kids (50 shares) so was constantly picking dropping them( 2 different mums) after school things etc. And yes, even though I didn't live with him, I paid 50 percent of all kids holidays, toys,books, food, clothing every month which came to about 200 pounds.

He bought me nothing, just a lovely perfume for my bday and a book for Christmas lol. He said he didn't have much money As he was raising 3 kids and a mortgage etc. I never wanted anything anyway and as I worked I could afford my own lifestyle. I'd pay for meals when we all went out, pretty expensive with 3 kids. Oh and they constantly needed clothes. They just grew so because I was the "woman" I knew about shopping, he'd ask me to go with him to help pick clothes. He'd always say, oh it's expensive, think il have to leave some stuff until next time, can't afford to get as much now. I'd feel really bad and offer to pay and somehow I was buying everything.

5 months into the relationship, he wanted to take his kids Florida Disney, he said he can't manage to take them alone so would I go too? I said ok. He booked it and said can you deposit half the money into my bank as I asked you if you wanted to come, meaning I can't financially take them on my own. I was so embarrassed and immediately transferred the money.

I think I was emotionally brainwashed/abused. Always made to feel guilty if I was unhappy or wanted out.

Being a good person sometimes means you get taken advantage of. It's heartbreaking but maybe one day he will remember me for the good I did.

What an absolute user!!!!

My word. I didn't know this stuff and I still thought he was no good.

You shouldn't ever pay for half his kids stuff as a girlfriend. Unless it's a gift, leave that till you are the stepmother. He's not a catch at all.

He and the kid's mother should share the cost of the kids, not you. Please don't ever do this again. You would end up impoverished if you married him.

He wanted you to move in to share his living expenses , not out of love. If you do want to get married in the future, do not move in with a guy and just hope it will transition into marriage. If a guy is getting you acting as a wife, he won't be in a hurry to get married at all.

I'm not totally against living together, but don't move in without the mention of marriage and have some kind of time lines in place. It's true that you don't fully know someone till you live with them, but don't be a live in GF forever.

I know that the A level grades to get into Uni in the UK are really hard (A*s), so you must be really smart. Don't settle for a guy like this. You can do way better than him. If a guy has kids they are HIS financial responsibility and not yours. Paying for books and clothes .......no way.

What a lucky escape you had there. You have it all going for you .....you can be picky and you can find a guy without baggage. If he had kids..he MUST be able to support them WITHOUT your financial assistance. If he can't, then drop him.

August 24, 2015

What an absolute user!!!!

My word. I didn't know this stuff and I still thought he was no good.
You shouldn't ever pay for half his kids stuff as a girlfriend. Unless it's a gift, leave that till you are the stepmother. He's not a catch at all.

He and the kid's mother should share the cost of the kids, not you. Please don't ever do this again. You would end up impoverished if you married him.

He wanted you to move in to share his living expenses , not out of love. If you do want to get married in the future, do not move in with a guy and just hope it will transition into marriage. If a guy is getting you acting as a wife, he won't be in a hurry to get married at all.

I'm not totally against living together, but don't move in without the mention of marriage and have some kind of time lines in place. It's true that you don't fully know someone till you live with them, but don't be a live in GF forever.

I know that the A level grades to get into Uni in the UK are really hard (A*s), so you must be really smart. Don't settle for a guy like this. You can do way better than him. If a guy has kids they are HIS financial responsibility and not yours. Paying for books and clothes .......no way.

What a lucky escape you had there. You have it all going for you .....you can be picky and you can find a guy without baggage. If he had kids..he MUST be able to support them WITHOUT your financial assistance. If he can't, then drop him.

Yes! He made me feel that it was my responsibility as his girlfriend to share everything including chores, money, kids, cars, houses.

He was always insecure about my job. He said being a doctor meant I had a great future, money, stability, etc. I think his insecurity lead to him manipulating me for sooo long. I have great empathy and a big soft heart, hence why I wanted to be a doctor, so I'd always fret and worry to do the best by him.

He wanted me to move in to share everything, he said its what happens when you live together. He'd spoil his kids and himself and just forgot about spoiling me ever, ha ha. I said I had a great job and could better than what he could give me hence he never did anything for me.

I just loved him because he was loving, said all the right things, got me hooked and then I just got deeper and deeper.

He is still harassing me through my work email server which I'm trying to block him from. May need to contact work for that. He is now crying to me, saying he can't live without me, can't eat, can't sleep, and that he can't survive without me. I know he's just trying emotional blackmail, but the empathy and love I had for him wants him to just be okay and not hurt anymore.

August 24, 2015

Do you think that was bad of him to ask or presume/ or put me in that situation? Some people have said that because I was in a relationship and part of their lives, it's expected standard for me to have paid half.

I mean it is a personal opinion, but I certainly don't think it is expected to pay half of the cost of a trip for FIVE people unless you are living together as a family.

It would be a lovely gesture but it should not be mandatory and he should not have pressured you.

August 24, 2015

Yes! He made me feel that it was my responsibility as his girlfriend to share everything including chores, money, kids, cars, houses.

He was always insecure about my job. He said being a doctor meant I had a great future, money, stability, etc. I think his insecurity lead to him manipulating me for sooo long. I have great empathy and a big soft heart, hence why I wanted to be a doctor, so I'd always fret and worry to do the best by him.

He wanted me to move in to share everything, he said its what happens when you live together. He'd spoil his kids and himself and just forgot about spoiling me ever, ha ha. I said I had a great job and could better than what he could give me hence he never did anything for me.

I just loved him because he was loving, said all the right things, got me hooked and then I just got deeper and deeper.

He is still harassing me through my work email server which I'm trying to block him from. May need to contact work for that. He is now crying to me, saying he can't live without me, can't eat, can't sleep, and that he can't survive without me. I know he's just trying emotional blackmail, but the empathy and love I had for him wants him to just be okay and not hurt anymore.

LOSER.

Run. Don't look back.

August 24, 2015

Oh gosh!

Stay strong. Don't respond. This man does not sound well. Keep a note of all these messages coming through. If I were you, I'd inform someone close to you of what's going on. Incase he shows up. Don't be afraid to contact the police. Here's a good place for friendship & advice.

You gave too much. He completely took advantage of you. He is definitely byrying to manipulate you as he is finally realising you and your supplies are gone.

Stay strong!!

August 24, 2015

I mean it is a personal opinion, but I certainly don't think it is expected to pay half of the cost of a trip for FIVE people unless you are living together as a family.

It would be a lovely gesture but it should not be mandatory and he should not have pressured you.

Very true. I agree. I wasn't living there and I was just getting to know them and start bonding. I felt stupid when he asked me but I gave him half - I know deep down, he shouldn't have asked. PS, he had the money to fund it. Evidence proved so but I never mentioned it ever

August 24, 2015

LOSER.

Run. Don't look back.

I'm running. I just need to stop feeling sorry for him when there is no need for it. I can't believe how some people can manipulate persons good nature. It's scary.

August 24, 2015

Oh gosh!

Stay strong. Don't respond. This man does not sound well. Keep a note of all these messages coming through. If I were you, I'd inform someone close to you of what's going on. Incase he shows up. Don't be afraid to contact the police. Here's a good place for friendship & advice.

You gave too much. He completely took advantage of you. He is definitely byrying to manipulate you as he is finally realising you and your supplies are gone.

Stay strong!!

I am worried he may ring my work/ and or come. It is so unprofessional and I don't want my seniors to think I bring trouble to the practice. As well as highly embarrassing.

I will just continue to ignore him. As this will the very first time I have cut contact EVER, he might know I am serious and that it is over. The longest I've ever gone without speaking to him is 2/3 days so I need to really stick this out and cut him out. I do feel stressed from worrying but I'm going to ignore him and hope he meets someone else ASAP so he stops chasing me!

Edited August 24, 2015 by Karen855
Spelling

August 24, 2015

I wish more people would do that. Let's face it, with no ex husband and kids, you're more of a catch. No baggage.

That's the truth.

I was engaged to a 35-year-old woman with 3 kids. She had a lot of baggage. Divorced her husband to be with me which, unfortunately, inflated the baggage. In the looks, personality department, I was out of her league. I say this without ego or pride. I try to look beyond appearances and all that. All my close friends and family thought I lost my mind.

I changed her life, she got healthy, started to eat right and exercise, she lost 20 lbs, got her to wear sexier clothes, put on makeup. Her looks were enhanced exponentially. Was awesome to her kids, I looked past her body issues (pretty bad stretch marks, she had 3 surrogacies on top of her own). I brought the best out in her and I tried to be a super boyfriend. Not to get into details, bad stuff happened. She ended it, now she's going out with her young 20 something co-workers, hitting up bars, getting tattoos, going on date hookups. You name it, she's acting like she's in her 20's.

I found a few of her recent OLD profiles. It's weird, but in the "What she's looking for" part, pretty much describes me to a 'T'. I dunno whether to be flattered or pity her. But as you said sandylee1, I'm single, never been married, no kids, NO BAGGAGE. Karen, you and I will be juuust fine.

He wanted me to move in to share everything, he said its what happens when you live together.

My Ex's divorce settlement was all kinds of dumb. She's only recently going after child support (after 5 years). The kids started to drain us financially at one point we had to go on food stamps! It wasn't until years later she realized she had to do things differently than what she was used to in her marriage.

Trust me, both of us are frigin lucky. I think I need my head examined for tolerating such a trainwreck relationship. I read stories like yours and I can sympathize with you more so because I know the horrors you had to deal with. lol

I can't believe how some people can manipulate persons good nature. It's scary.

Our Ex's should hook up, they're perfect for each other.

August 24, 2015

OP, you've really helped me. A long time ago, I got dumped by the then love of my life. It was out of the blue, no emotion, no explanation, no warning. It was horrible, and many people have described how they feel after that, so I won't rehash it.

That night, I put on a brave face, I didn't object, I didn't ask any questions, and I certainly didn't beg or humiliate myself otherwise. I simply turned to her and said goodbye. She got really angry, it was all over her face, and she refused to say goodbye to me. It wasn't premeditated, this was a very genuine reaction to my reaction to her. I left without another word. I wasn't happy about the breakup, but that reaction broke my heart. I was confused by it, and it made me feel like I had done something wrong. I haven't talked to her since.

For years, that bothered me the most. I couldn't figure out why she would react like that. It made no sense whatsoever, and even though that was a long time ago, and even though I got over it, and fell in and out of love a couple more times until the real love of my life came along, it still bothers me to this day if I think about it. I never could make any sense of it, even though, intellectually, I knew there was really only one answer as to why she did that.

I didn't have the cheating, and we didn't have texting back then, so that helped both of us maintain our distance, but when I read the account of your experience, it reminded me of my experience, and because it was so clear what happened to you, it made me realize what probably happened with me. Maybe "finally believe" is a better way to phrase it.

You turned the tables on him, and he wasn't expecting it, and he didn't like that at all. It was a reaction to not being in control, no longer being able to manipulate or call the shots. It was also a reaction to not finding out that he isn't the center of your existence. Obviously, the only correct response to what you did is for a dumper is to thank their lucky stars that they don't have to fight a clinger, to offer a warm farewell, and to let the dumpee leave with their dignity intact. What he did instead was to betray a graceless and manipulative side to his personality, and now, he wants nothing more than to share that side of himself with you as a parting gift. Disheartening, isn't it?

You've helped me re-frame that nasty old memory in my mind. I'm not sure why, but you made me feel just a little better today. Thank you.

By the way, stick to your guns. You'll be just fine. Good luck.

August 24, 2015

That's the truth.

I was engaged to a 35-year-old woman with 3 kids. She had a lot of baggage. Divorced her husband to be with me which, unfortunately, inflated the baggage. In the looks, personality department, I was out of her league. I say this without ego or pride. I try to look beyond appearances and all that. All my close friends and family thought I lost my mind.

I changed her life, she got healthy, started to eat right and exercise, she lost 20 lbs, got her to wear sexier clothes, put on makeup. Her looks were enhanced exponentially. Was awesome to her kids, I looked past her body issues (pretty bad stretch marks, she had 3 surrogacies on top of her own). I brought the best out in her and I tried to be a super boyfriend. Not to get into details, bad stuff happened. She ended it, now she's going out with her young 20 something co-workers, hitting up bars, getting tattoos, going on date hookups. You name it, she's acting like she's in her 20's.

I found a few of her recent OLD profiles. It's weird, but in the "What she's looking for" part, pretty much describes me to a 'T'. I dunno whether to be flattered or pity her. But as you said sandylee1, I'm single, never been married, no kids, NO BAGGAGE. Karen, you and I will be juuust fine.

My Ex's divorce settlement was all kinds of dumb. She's only recently going after child support (after 5 years). The kids started to drain us financially at one point we had to go on food stamps! It wasn't until years later she realized she had to do things differently than what she was used to in her marriage.

Trust me, both of us are frigin lucky. I think I need my head examined for tolerating such a trainwreck relationship. I read stories like yours and I can sympathize with you more so because I know the horrors you had to deal with. lol

Our Ex's should hook up, they're perfect for each other.

You sound great. I can totally relate to you, it broke me when he cheated. I felt so unworthy, unwanted, ugly, and a total doormat. Yet, he got back into my heart and head by just lying again! And I bloody fell for it. I feel so stupid! I'm glad it's over, but he's messed with my head to the point where I feel partly responsible for him cheating and him not feeling the same.

I know it's just months of metal abuse and I will eventually overcome this feeling of being "a failure" and feeling I made things so crap.

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UPDATE ** My bf dumped me & got angry when I said okay & walked away

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