fitnessfan365 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 When my GF and I first started dating, we went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Rides, games, etc.. Also, a large part of The Lost Boys was filmed there and it was showing for free on the beach. So overall it was a great experience and we both agree that it was the best date either one of us had ever been on with anyone. So tonight we'd planned to go in remembrance of our special night. Earlier today her friend asks to join us. My GF asks me if her friend can come w-us. This bothered me. I've been very supportive of my GF spending time w-her friends. Also, her friend is a cool girl and I wouldn't mind if it was a normal activity. But imagine having an anniversary night/celebration planned, and your s/o wants their friend to tag along. It's completely inappropriate right? I'm bugged because I never should've had to say "no" to her friend in the first place because that was my GF's responsibility to do so. So am I overreacting, or would you be upset too?
h0000 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Why dont you tell your gf you want to spend the special night with no one else but her? Is it too hard to ask?
losangelena Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 It's funny, the first anniversary of mine and my BF's first date is this Sunday. We actually have plans to go to a fancy cocktail bar that evening, and two of our friends are also coming along! I can totally see you being upset, and I don't think that's weird. But, I think saying "no" should suffice. I would let it go with your GF, thinking that she was "responsible" for telling her friend no. It was an innocent question on her part, probably; so be annoyed and then let it go. I doubt very much it was an effort on her part to trample on y'all's memory. Everyone is presumably on the same page now, so the two of you should go and just enjoy yourselves. Or do you think this will now taint the experience?
losangelena Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Why dont you tell your gf you want to spend the special night with no one else but her? Is it too hard to ask? I think he has already. FF is upset because he feels as if he shouldn't have HAD to tell his GF "no." She should have thought of that and told her friend herself. Am I reading that right? 1
vanillacupcakes Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I feel you are justified; I would be annoyed too. Any other night, that wouldn't be a big deal, but this should be a special night shared between you and your girlfriend. I'm a little puzzled as to why she wouldn't think the same. Perhaps she's just a really nice person and has a difficult time saying no to her friends? Maybe her friend is going through a difficult time and your girlfriend felt bad for her? I hope she understood when you let her know it wasn't appropriate. She needs to be able to put herself in your shoes and imagine how it would feel if you invited one of your buddies along to a night that was significant/intimate that she felt should be shared with just you. I just realized that you had responded to a post I wrote earlier today! I replied to your response
Author fitnessfan365 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Why dont you tell your gf you want to spend the special night with no one else but her? Is it too hard to ask? Oh trust me. I already told her that. She said she's happy I said no because she wanted it to be just us and was simply asking as a formality to be considerate to her friend. However, if she wanted it to be just us, wouldn't she have told her friend that in the first place? As I said before, I like the fact that my GF is independent and spends times w-her friends. Also, I get along w-her friend well and wouldn't usually mind. But based on what the night is about, I'm bugged that my girlfriend would even ask me in the first place. She should have just told her friend no to begin with.
h0000 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I think he has already. FF is upset because he feels as if he shouldn't have HAD to tell his GF "no." She should have thought of that and told her friend herself. Am I reading that right? Oh..ok. Well dont sweat on it she probably just didn't think through when she allowed her friend to come. Some people don't value anniversary/ birthday /valentine as much
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 When my GF and I first started dating, we went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Rides, games, etc.. Also, a large part of The Lost Boys was filmed there and it was showing for free on the beach. So overall it was a great experience and we both agree that it was the best date either one of us had ever been on with anyone. So tonight we'd planned to go in remembrance of our special night. Earlier today her friend asks to join us. My GF asks me if her friend can come w-us. This bothered me. I've been very supportive of my GF spending time w-her friends. Also, her friend is a cool girl and I wouldn't mind if it was a normal activity. But imagine having an anniversary night/celebration planned, and your s/o wants their friend to tag along. It's completely inappropriate right? I'm bugged because I never should've had to say "no" to her friend in the first place because that was my GF's responsibility to do so. So am I overreacting, or would you be upset too? Is there something special going on at the Boardwalk tonight that would compel your gf's friend to want to go with you? Or does she just want to be a budinski for the hell of it? I mean if there was concert going on or something, then I could understand, if she did not want to go alone. But to intrude on your date for no reason? I just find that so odd, and no I don't think you are over-reacting at all! I can't even imagine doing that myself...I would feel like such a "third wheel" -- it would be one thing if it was a double-date, but this is not...it's just her imposing herself on YOUR date with your girlfriend....on your anniversary no less! You know what, if my boyfriend did that, I would probably tell him to go with his friend and I would find something else to do... Probably not the best response...but I'm being honest...I think that is precisely what I would do. What did you end up saying to her? Did you agree?
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Oh trust me. I already told her that. She said she's happy I said no because she wanted it to be just us and was simply asking as a formality to be considerate to her friend. However, if she wanted it to be just us, wouldn't she have told her friend that in the first place? . Because she didn't want to be the "bad guy" ....she made YOU the bad guy by telling her friend "well I asked fitnessfan and he said no...sorry!" See how that works? 3
Author fitnessfan365 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 I feel you are justified; I would be annoyed too. Any other night, that wouldn't be a big deal, but this should be a special night shared between you and your girlfriend. I'm a little puzzled as to why she wouldn't think the same. Perhaps she's just a really nice person and has a difficult time saying no to her friends? Maybe her friend is going through a difficult time and your girlfriend felt bad for her? I hope she understood when you let her know it wasn't appropriate. She needs to be able to put herself in your shoes and imagine how it would feel if you invited one of your buddies along to a night that was significant/intimate that she felt should be shared with just you. I just realized that you had responded to a post I wrote earlier today! I replied to your response She was completely fine w-me saying no and claims she was even happy that I did. It was simply a matter of wanting me to be the one that said no to avoid awkwardness w-her friend. But at the same time, it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal w-her friends. Because she didn't want to be the "bad guy" ....she made YOU the bad guy by telling her friend "well I asked fitnessfan and he said no...sorry!" See how that works? Oh I definitely get the rationale behind it. I just don't like having to be the one responsible for her friends. It's up to her to have a backbone with them when appropriate. 1
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 She was completely fine w-me saying no and claims she was even happy that I did. It was simply a matter of wanting me to be the one that said no to avoid awkwardness w-her friend. But at the same time, it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal w-her friends. Okay well... it's over, it's done...try and move on and enjoy your date tonight! Try not to dwell on it... don't let it ruin your night. Oh and Happy Anniversary!
losangelena Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Oh trust me. I already told her that. She said she's happy I said no because she wanted it to be just us and was simply asking as a formality to be considerate to her friend. However, if she wanted it to be just us, wouldn't she have told her friend that in the first place? As I said before, I like the fact that my GF is independent and spends times w-her friends. Also, I get along w-her friend well and wouldn't usually mind. But based on what the night is about, I'm bugged that my girlfriend would even ask me in the first place. She should have just told her friend no to begin with. Honey bunny, read the bold. I think that's all you need to keep in mind. OK, in Perfect Version of Reality Land, she would have just looked at her friend and been like, "pffffftttt," but she didn't. She probably DID NOT think it was going to upset you so much, that probably was not her intention. So, like I said, I think you're justified in being annoyed or feeling disrespected, but I would also try and keep in mind that it wasn't intentional on her part. Just calmly explain how you feel and ask that she not do that again. I feel AWFUL when I realize something I've done unintentionally hurts my BF or makes him feel disrespected, and try to keep that in consideration. If your GF cares about you, she'll do the same.
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 She was completely fine w-me saying no and claims she was even happy that I did. It was simply a matter of wanting me to be the one that said no to avoid awkwardness w-her friend. But at the same time, it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal w-her friends. Oh I definitely get the rationale behind it. I just don't like having to be the one responsible for her friends. It's up to her to have a backbone with them when appropriate. Are you going to talk to her about it? I think you should eventually since it's really bothering you. Do you think you can get past it for tonight though? So you can enjoy your anniversary?
h0000 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 She was completely fine w-me saying no and claims she was even happy that I did. It was simply a matter of wanting me to be the one that said no to avoid awkwardness w-her friend. But at the same time, it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal w-her friends. Oh I definitely get the rationale behind it. I just don't like having to be the one responsible for her friends. It's up to her to have a backbone with them when appropriate. While you are right about shouldnt have to deal with her friend, I really don't think you need to make it to the level of "no backbone" or "take responsibility" .. I mean it's just a pity little thing and you really don't need to make such a huge deal out of it. 2
losangelena Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 She was completely fine w-me saying no and claims she was even happy that I did. It was simply a matter of wanting me to be the one that said no to avoid awkwardness w-her friend. But at the same time, it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal w-her friends. This I totally agree with, by the way. That's annoying.
angel.eyes Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Some people are people pleasers and have a difficult time saying no. Have fun on your anniversary date!
Author fitnessfan365 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Are you going to talk to her about it? I think you should eventually since it's really bothering you. Do you think you can get past it for tonight though? So you can enjoy your anniversary? Yeah I'll be fine. It's not something that will make me extremely upset or anything. If anything I was just really surprised and disappointed by it. Even though it wasn't her intention, it came off like the night meant less to her than it does to me.
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Yeah I'll be fine. It's not something that will make me extremely upset or anything. If anything I was just really surprised and disappointed by it. Even though it wasn't her intention, it came off like the night meant less to her than it does to me. Awww ((hugs))....you really are a big softie deep down aren't ya. Maybe not even so deep down.... 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Awww ((hugs))....you really are a big softie deep down aren't ya. Maybe not even so deep down.... Haha.. Takes the right woman. The funny thing is that my GF is the same way. Some bad experiences, some walls, etc.. But I've been the one to make her break a lot of them down and be completely herself. So with me, she's got a big soft side she's not used to having. We click in a lot of ways. This I totally agree with, by the way. That's annoying. It also gave me an eerie moment of deja vu. An ex of mine did the same thing where she'd get pressured from her friends and it would cause drama. Ironically I like when a woman has a life of her own outside of me and I encourage time w-friends. But I also hate when I'm made out to be the bad guy because a woman doesn't want to ever say no to anyone.
losangelena Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Well, hopefully her friend can understand WHY you wanted to say no and you won't have to be "the bad guy."
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Haha.. Takes the right woman. The funny thing is that my GF is the same way. Some bad experiences, some walls, etc.. But I've been the one to make her break a lot of them down and be completely herself. So with me, she's got a big soft side she's not used to having. We click in a lot of ways. It also gave me an eerie moment of deja vu. An ex of mine did the same thing where she'd get pressured from her friends and it would cause drama. Ironically I like when a woman has a life of her own outside of me and I encourage time w-friends. But I also hate when I'm made out to be the bad guy because a woman doesn't want to ever say no to anyone. I am trying to put myself in this situation and what I would do (if I were your girlfriend). Personally I would rather be the fall guy...because by putting it all on my boyfriend....then I take the chance of her not liking him, thinking he's controlling, possessive and god only knows what else she might think....then me having to hear about it ad nauseum...lol I mean seriously how hard is it to say "that would be fun, but tonight is our anniversary so it's kinds special...but another time, yeah sure, definitely!"
Ami1uwant Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 You need to explain to her ehey it's important to you and why it really gets to you. It would bother me too.
losangelena Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 By the way, how'd the anniversary go?
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