ypcyrl Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I have had a crush on this guy who works at a local coffee shop for several years. I get too nervous to say hi but he really seems to flirt with me. I hadn't been in for months and when I walked in this weekend, he lit up when we saw me. I was pouring cream into my coffee and I look over and he's watching me then he smiles and waves. I am 98% sure he is attracted to me. So, I knew he was on a social media site, not Facebook. So I sent him a message basically saying that I think he's really attractive but I always chicken out when I want to talk to him. Here's is response: Your message is very flattering! Certainly made my day I do feel like I have seen you around the coffee shop. I am terrible with names, good with faces. I better get back to homework. I'm sure I will see you around. Its nice to meet you! He knows who I am, I was in the shop yesterday reading a book and he kept smiling at me. So I think he is playing it cool. Should I just leave it at that? I am afraid that I won't have the courage to go to his shop for a while. BTW, we are both around 30.
Maggie4 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 No, no, you built it up too much over time. He might have a girlfriend, he might be gay. You know nothing about him. His reply sounds diplomatic, and he doesn't say he knows who you are.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 After all these years you are still afraid to just say hi to him? Since you already messaged him on whatever social media site, why not just muster some courage and ask him out via the site?
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 You are 30, not 15, just say hi to him and make light chit chat fish to see if he is single and ask him out.
vanillacupcakes Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 What's the worst that could happen if you said hello to him? His response could go either way. He could be letting you down easily or he could simply be shy. But you'll never know for sure if you don't actually talk to him. If things don't work out, just pick another coffee shop to frequent instead.
Author ypcyrl Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 I should have added that I have severe social anxiety. Plus he does seem really shy. There is no doubt that he knows who I am.
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I should have added that I have severe social anxiety. Plus he does seem really shy. There is no doubt that he knows who I am. Wait, I'm confused. You have social anxiety but were bold enough to send that message?? That's a bold message and forward. Ok, next, I'm not sure about his response, not particularly enthusiastic if you ask me. I think it's because he DOESN'T know who you are. Because if he did, it sounds like he's blowing you off a bit. Or maybe he's very very shy but then why reply. don't mean to scare you more when I know you are probably anxious for what comes next. Look at it this way you did the hardest part. Now you just have to go forward with your head held high and see what happens. Act confident. good luck
Qboro90 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Honestly by his reply to you I don't really think he knows who you are. It's possible that you're making too much or thinking too deeply into his "smiles" or "looks" your way when you go there. How do you know he doesn't act like that around a lot of female patrons? You're unable to see how he acts throughout the day and observe what he does or says around others. If he did have a crush on you or liked/felt attracted to you he wouldn't have said "I feel like I have seen you around the coffee shop". He would absolutely know who you were after several years. The attendant at my gas station knows my name and I've only been going to that location for 6 months. So if this guy doesn't know your name or face yet then it's not looking good, I'm sorry to say. He also wouldn't have said "nice to meet you". If you've been going there for several years you've already met even if it was informally as a customer. And finally... "I better get back to my homework, I'm sure I'll see you around". His homework wasn't defusing a bomb at a elementary school. If he wanted to pursue you or the conversation he could've easily replied with something that would require you to reply. Because it was a fb message he could've sent it and gone back to doing his homework without any interruption. Him telling you that he better go and finish his work was his way of saying "that's for the compliment, I don't want to take it any further than that, see you when I'm working, take care". Best to move on and not get your hopes up on this guy. And also, in the future. If you haven't met someone formally and don't know them at all, it's not a good idea to send a Facebook message where you tell them "you're really attractive and I just chicken out when it comes to talking to you in person". That sounds wayyyyyy to forward of you and reveals too much about how you feel towards him too fast. He has the complete upper hand now because he knows you like him and can exploit that. 2
Author ypcyrl Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 I know, it was bold and out of character. Plus I had a couple of glasses of wine so that helped with sending it. I am starting to think that maybe he was never really showing interest, maybe just being friendly. But I know when a guy is interested and it seemed like there was attraction but maybe it was just wishful thinking. Ugh, I am even more confused!
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I know, it was bold and out of character. Plus I had a couple of glasses of wine so that helped with sending it. I am starting to think that maybe he was never really showing interest, maybe just being friendly. But I know when a guy is interested and it seemed like there was attraction but maybe it was just wishful thinking. Ugh, I am even more confused! Well don't get all freaked out. The best thing to believe is that he is not sure who you are and that's why he didn't want to carry the conversation further because he has no idea what to say because he really doesn't know who you are for sure. When you are in the coffee shop, he can think you're attractive etc but not realize you are the same person messaging him. That's why you need to be confident and just go in there and say hi and continue the conversation. We have to think of something to say to bridge the undoubtedly awkward transition of "hey i'm that girl that messaged you". I'm drawing a blank right now. Anyone have any ideas? In the future, as someone said above, I think you have to work on getting past your anxiety and do some light flirting in person. That will be less risky, a good way to gauge interest and easy to have them pursue you rather than this where it's all laid out on table and is kind of overwhelming. Don't worry though. Dating is making mistakes and taking risks. This should help your anxiety because you should be able to say to yourself "what is the worst that can happen?" Not too bad, right? 1
Qboro90 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Well don't get all freaked out. The best thing to believe is that he is not sure who you are and that's why he didn't want to carry the conversation further because he has no idea what to say because he really doesn't know who you are for sure. When you are in the coffee shop, he can think you're attractive etc but not realize you are the same person messaging him. That's why you need to be confident and just go in there and say hi and continue the conversation. We have to think of something to say to bridge the undoubtedly awkward transition of "hey i'm that girl that messaged you". I'm drawing a blank right now. Anyone have any ideas? In the future, as someone said above, I think you have to work on getting past your anxiety and do some light flirting in person. That will be less risky, a good way to gauge interest and easy to have them pursue you rather than this where it's all laid out on table and is kind of overwhelming. Don't worry though. Dating is making mistakes and taking risks. This should help your anxiety because you should be able to say to yourself "what is the worst that can happen?" Not too bad, right? Is he the guy that takes the orders for coffee? And when they do, is it like Starbucks where they ask for your name? If so then maybe a playful way to let him know who you are (if he hornestly doesn't know based off your fb profile) then when he asks for your name, say something like "random and forward Facebook Megan" (put your name instead of Megan lol), that's a playful and self teasing kind of way to let him know who you are. Or just say to him "think you'll remember my face and name now or should I come back tomorrow and try again?" In a humorous/semi sarcastic tone. That should have him react like "omg... That was you!?! Ahh of course I know your face, I'm so sorry I don't know why I didn't put 2 and 2 together" That's best case scenerio reaction btw. If you don't want to put yourself out there then it's up to you. Also If you really think that he doesn't know who you are then that also gives you the chance to start from scratch. He won't know you sent him the message if he doesn't know you to begin with. So no need to feel awkward if that's the case. 2
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Qboro, perfect and confident sounding ideas for next time she sees him at the coffee shop. Both of those are great!! Can't do better than that. Good luck 1
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