Piddle Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Can your soulmate be wrong for a relationship with you? I have a friend, let's call him guy 1. We're just so similar it's unbelievable, all conversations are like 'you think that? Me too!' We can talk for hours, it's all very even, no disagreement ever. We never argue because there's nothing to argue about ever. Although sometimes we can be a bit too philosophical and deep together. We're both totally relaxed people, chilling in the same way, spending hours just hanging doing nothing and chatting, sharing life thoughts etc. He's often said that he's never met someone like me - in terms of the connection. And I feel the same way. If there is such a thing as kindred souls then this is it. We definitely have a deep connection which I haven't experienced with anyone, male of female and one he hasn't experienced either. (I'm in my early 30s and he almost 40 - so we've been looking for a while lol) I guess it's what I think is a text book definition for a soulmate. Now let's bring in guy number 2. Also a friend - for way longer than guy 1. He's very early 30s - a little younger than me. We have practically nothing in common but that's superficial, all the main stuff like values, intelligence, same page on family life etc etc we share. When we talk we bicker all the time. EVERYTHING is a disagreement, but in a fun way. We've been friends for almost 10 years and I'm not fed up of the bickering . I walk away or close the phone feeling stimulated. At other times he makes me so mad, madder than anyone else can. He tells it to me like it is but I can tell him anything, even if he isn't particularly helpful or sympathetic, most times he just tells me to get a grip and stop whining. He's very different to me, driven and a doer. This can get frustrating as both of us are constantly compromising when we're together but at the same time it gets me to do stuff I would have been too lazy to do and he relaxes more around me. I have a sneaky suspicion both guys want more, a lot more. Guy 2 has made it a little clearer. Guy 1 I'm not so sure of (that's a whole separate post to be written :roll eyes:), but let's go with he does want more. Is guy 1 too similar? He may be my soulmate and kindred spirit but is he wrong for me in a relationship? I wonder if it would get a bit boring and that we just wouldn't push each other. If I want to know what he will do next I just ask myself, what would I do - and it's alway right lol. With guy 2 it's more stimulating, I never know what he's going to do. It keeps me on my toes. Both are super nice, faithful, attractive guys. I guess I'm just wondering, is a soulmate right or wrong for you as your life partner? And is what I have with guy 2 actually a lot healthier?
pteromom Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I would hate a relationship with guy 2. Think into the future... when you are pregnant with his baby and he tells you to quit whining. Is it as cute then? I would go with #1. I don't think it would be boring. You say that you have deep philisophical conversations. That sounds like a foundation to build a very deep meaningful relationship, whereas a relationship with #2 would be founded on contention and bickering. I think #1 offers more potential for growth and true intimacy. You don't need someone to push you. You need someone to support you while you push yourself. 3
losangelena Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I would try and get away from the idea of a "soul mate." I think there are definitely people who are more compatible with each other, but that there isn't that ONE, DEFINITIVE person who you're "suppose" to end up with in the end. My advice, because you seem to have these intense platonic relationships with both of these men, is to go and find someone totally new, so that you're not comparing the two of these constantly in your mind if you pick one of them to date. 1
vanillacupcakes Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 While I think that it is an incredibly rare and special thing to have absolutely everything in common with someone, I agree that things might get a little boring a little too quickly. I think sharing the same values is crucial, but sharing all of the same interests is not necessary. It keeps things interesting if you don't have everything in common- That way, you can learn from each other and explore new things you wouldn't have normally gone out of your way to do on your own. I think learning from a significant other brings a lot to the table in a relationship. If you share absolutely everything in common, there is nothing really new to be experienced or exposed to. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Guy 2 might be playing devils advocate in this just to get to you. Sometimes you can fnd someone you connect with but for whatever reason the timing is off and there isn't much you can do.
Recommended Posts