Calma Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I have been seeing a girl (Z), 22 from a traditional family on and off for exactly a year. We met online and at that time I was going through a weak/confised phase, and had made out that I didn't want anything serious, which she agreed to. And so it began and we were sleeping with each other from the second time we met. I didn't see anyone else during this time. A few months in, she fell deeply in love with me and wanted me to marry her - not only out of love but because this would get her out of her family house where she has to constantly lie about what she is doing because they are very conservative. I treated her like a queen throughout the entire relationship, but I was always detached because I wasn't crazy about her. For this reason, I never completely committed to her for a long period. Eventually I wanted to end the relationship with her and even had another relationship with another woman which I told her about to encourage her to move on. I tried a number of times to end the relationship with Z but she kept finding a way to get back into my life because she wanted only me. Sometimes I would cut off and block her (politely) and she would just turn up at my house, and we'd be back to square one being intimate, etc. We get on very well, and I am incredibly sexually attracted to her - we never argue, although I don't have much of an intellectual connection with her. I have always suspected that she was flirtatious and had jealousy issues throughout the relationship but had no real basis for it. Recently she came back into my life and (perhaps her persistence paid off) I took her seriously regarding a relationship. I then said that I didn't feel comfortable with all her social media activity and video skyping guys etc. (I myself don't have any social media) This girl oozes sexuality - and everyone who sees her can see it. She said she would deactivate all of it to be with me and even just have a 2-bit phone if that's what it took. I asked her to be honest about the stuff she had done with other men over the year we've known each other and she said she kissed one new guy during an off period, nothing else. The day she came over to deactivate her Facebook with me, she invited me to go through all her messages. It was pretty clean. Then, the phone accidentally logged out and on signing back in it showed another account which she hadn't mentioned. She was stressed that I saw it. I said that I wanted to see the messages on this other account. She freaked out. I told her that she is free to take her phone and leave, but I never want to see her again because I already had trust issues with her. She then felt that she had no choice if there was any chance I would be with her. And so, I looked. What I saw was shocking. She had endless streams of messages over the past 2 years since the account was activated of men just in contact to hook up with her. I'm not talking 5 or 10, I'm talking 70+. They were all just random guys, some pursued her, and she entertained, some she pursued, there were many number exchanges, arranges to meet up at houses and sex talk as well. It was going on throughout the entirety of our relationship - not just the off periods. Her defense was that I never claimed her and never once guaranteed her that she was mine. I was so hurt but I lovingly said that this type of behavior wasn't good for her and would add to her depression, and that I was heart broken because she had made out that she wasn't this type of girl. She kept saying she was sorry and that she was stupid and lost and that she doesn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to end it there. However, for some reason I was still drawn to looking out for her. I asked her to be honest with me about everything she did again as I really didn't trust her. She then told me that she went back to both her exes allegedly "during off periods" had phone sex with one, and went to the other's house and was intimate with him but said she couldn't go through with sex. She also said she met up with 3 new guys in total and kissed them. She said she hated doing it all and only wanted me. I personally think she did more but is still holding back, despite revealing more this time. I care for her so much, and she's saying she will commit to me. But she did flat out lie to me and deceive me regarding this private alter ego and FB hook ups. And she was most probably seeing other men while she was saying she was in love with, and wanted only me. I already have trust issues regarding her, now they are confirmed and I just don't know if I'll ever be settled with her. My thoughts about trusting her and what she has done are killing me. Do I give this girl a chance or not?
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I have been seeing a girl (Z), 22 from a traditional family on and off for exactly a year. We met online and at that time I was going through a weak/confised phase, and had made out that I didn't want anything serious, which she agreed to. And so it began and we were sleeping with each other from the second time we met. I didn't see anyone else during this time. A few months in, she fell deeply in love with me and wanted me to marry her - not only out of love but because this would get her out of her family house where she has to constantly lie about what she is doing because they are very conservative. I treated her like a queen throughout the entire relationship, but I was always detached because I wasn't crazy about her. For this reason, I never completely committed to her for a long period. Eventually I wanted to end the relationship with her and even had another relationship with another woman which I told her about to encourage her to move on. I tried a number of times to end the relationship with Z but she kept finding a way to get back into my life because she wanted only me. Sometimes I would cut off and block her (politely) and she would just turn up at my house, and we'd be back to square one being intimate, etc. We get on very well, and I am incredibly sexually attracted to her - we never argue, although I don't have much of an intellectual connection with her. I have always suspected that she was flirtatious and had jealousy issues throughout the relationship but had no real basis for it. Recently she came back into my life and (perhaps her persistence paid off) I took her seriously regarding a relationship. I then said that I didn't feel comfortable with all her social media activity and video skyping guys etc. (I myself don't have any social media) This girl oozes sexuality - and everyone who sees her can see it. She said she would deactivate all of it to be with me and even just have a 2-bit phone if that's what it took. I asked her to be honest about the stuff she had done with other men over the year we've known each other and she said she kissed one new guy during an off period, nothing else. The day she came over to deactivate her Facebook with me, she invited me to go through all her messages. It was pretty clean. Then, the phone accidentally logged out and on signing back in it showed another account which she hadn't mentioned. She was stressed that I saw it. I said that I wanted to see the messages on this other account. She freaked out. I told her that she is free to take her phone and leave, but I never want to see her again because I already had trust issues with her. She then felt that she had no choice if there was any chance I would be with her. And so, I looked. What I saw was shocking. She had endless streams of messages over the past 2 years since the account was activated of men just in contact to hook up with her. I'm not talking 5 or 10, I'm talking 70+. They were all just random guys, some pursued her, and she entertained, some she pursued, there were many number exchanges, arranges to meet up at houses and sex talk as well. It was going on throughout the entirety of our relationship - not just the off periods. Her defense was that I never claimed her and never once guaranteed her that she was mine. I was so hurt but I lovingly said that this type of behavior wasn't good for her and would add to her depression, and that I was heart broken because she had made out that she wasn't this type of girl. She kept saying she was sorry and that she was stupid and lost and that she doesn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to end it there. However, for some reason I was still drawn to looking out for her. I asked her to be honest with me about everything she did again as I really didn't trust her. She then told me that she went back to both her exes allegedly "during off periods" had phone sex with one, and went to the other's house and was intimate with him but said she couldn't go through with sex. She also said she met up with 3 new guys in total and kissed them. She said she hated doing it all and only wanted me. I personally think she did more but is still holding back, despite revealing more this time. I care for her so much, and she's saying she will commit to me. But she did flat out lie to me and deceive me regarding this private alter ego and FB hook ups. And she was most probably seeing other men while she was saying she was in love with, and wanted only me. I already have trust issues regarding her, now they are confirmed and I just don't know if I'll ever be settled with her. My thoughts about trusting her and what she has done are killing me. Do I give this girl a chance or not? Any one who brings me to the point of writing this much and about a relationship/person that is so convoluted and tangled, would be dumped before I finished the first paragraph. 1
nescafe1982 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 So you're not that into her. Don't be with her. If you're seeing other people, what's it to you that she may have done the same thing?
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 You have already tried a number of times to end this before you found out about these 70+ men. That info to me makes it more imperative that you seek a more compatible mate. I suspect she would marry / be with anybody she thinks could get her out of an unhappy home life. Unless you are a social worker, don't try to fix her at the expense of your own life.
angel.eyes Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Any one who brings me to the point of writing this much and about a relationship/person that is so convoluted and tangled, would be dumped before I finished the first paragraph. Agreed. Just move on already and put yourself out of whatever misery prompted your tome on trust.
ImmortalDracula Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Nothing of coherence – so you are not confused I mean you - wanted something honest and offered nothing at all. And yet you whine this tasty morsel is running schizoid accounts. Perhaps she should hit me up on my singular account, and see how far it gets. Perhaps neither of you has a clue what you are looking for. To clarify matters I am looking for the one. I concede, and lie no ground, ever, unless delicious plate of muffins are at stake – and for cake frankly I will lie and pilfer in ways you would never understand. Find another monster. Leave her be, the fact she runs two fb is not a good thing, and many people do run 2+ accounts on fb so they can sneak on eg tinder etc. You can never be sure if you are getting Jekyll or Hyde. But part of it may claim to want you just not all of it.
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