Day 12 NC does it get better, Left me for Ex and Undignified Exit by me

[MINDSHIFT]

Hi guys, I met what i thought was the love of my life, we were gonna be together forever and talked about marriage and kids blah blah blah. We had an argument one night and what do you know she went back with her ex in less then 24 hours. This happened almost 2 months ago !!! I was shocked and devastated at how quick it took her to go back to her ex.

 

I ofcourse did the worst thing possible, I wish I found these forums long time ago could probably saved my relationship or helped me not look like a fool post break up. The support and advice here is great.

 

I stalked her, went to her exes house scared the hell out him, she got me arrested, I later on got her arrested both based on lies. We managed to be civil and both dropped charges. We began to be civil and funny enough she started to throw me breadcrumbs which I was surprised at. there was even a point when she told me how she missed our sex, bare in mind she still seeing her ex. If i would have known about this forum I would of ignored it.

 

I wanted my things back couple of silly items, and we had a massive blowup we said the most nastiest things to each other this happened about 11 days ago.

 

I have now gone NC on her arse and it is Day 12. Its been a rollercoster of emotion. One minute I'm on top of the world next minute Im drinking depressed.

 

I occasionally glance at her whatsapp pictures and I must admit I did change my pictures and status alot in the first month to catch her attention, I cant be sure but I believe she was doing the same thing to me.

 

I also have her facebook password which I must admit to login and see her recent activities and yesterday she did a search for my sister. I dont have facebook and she never met my sister before, what does this mean. I admit my activities are not healthy and is setting me back. I just dont know how to get her out my mind. I want to focus on me and I actually don't want her back cause of the pain she caused me and my pride. But I would love to know she still thinking about or misses me. Her ex according to her they both have nothing in common sex is bad and non existence.

 

Im consumed by wanting revenge I want the worst for both of them. I want him to leave her.

Edited September 1, 2015 by MINDSHIFT

[Satu]

You should practice NC, in its strictest and most watertight form:

 

 

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

For whatever reason, you bring out the worst in each other, and are both better off apart.

 

I'm I right in suspecting that alcohol played a part in this sequence of events?

[MINDSHIFT]

 

I'm I right in suspecting that alcohol played a part in this sequence of events?

 

No alcohol played no part. I only recently starting drinking mainly to forget about her, or to numb that feeling in your gut when you think about what she doing with her life. That feeling is the worst I cant eat sleep or think straight I hate it. I need to occupy my time on something constructive. The mental energy I spend on this girl makes me hate her even more. I know I sound bitter probably cause I am.

 

If she left me to be single I wouldn't hurt so much but to leave me for an ex is the worst feeling. Even though I dont want her to take me back I know if a ex is around my chances of her sniffing around me again is slim to none.

[PegNosePete]

Stop stalking her. This is not NC at all. Sorry but you're on NC day 0 if you're checking her FB and whapsapp.

 

Go onto facebook, change her facebook password to a random string of 20 characters. Then lose it. Let her go through the password recovery process and choose one that you don't know. Block her from your FB.

[Satu]

Point taken about the alcohol, but try not to use it as a way of coping with your feelings, because in the long term it makes things worse.

 

Do you have someone you can talk to about what happened, a family member, or a friend?

 

Coming here was a good move.

 

 

Knock of the Facebook spying - it will only upset you more.

 

 

 

Here are some tips which might be useful:

 

 

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

 

 

Take care.

[rngrl12]

You've got to quit the facebook stalking. You have to completely cut her out of your life. I'm 2 or 3 weeks in of doing as much NC as I can with my ex. Granted I still see him every day but I try to mitigate that as much as possible. It helps.

 

Go NC. Focus on yourself.

[MINDSHIFT]

rngrl12 and Satu, your absolutely right. This is destroying me and it has to stop today. Im gaining so much strength from reading the threads on the forum. There so many people in similar situations.

 

This was my first ever break up. and it shocked me to see how weak and needy Ive become. Ive always be a strong independent **** the world sort of guy. So i am surprised and embarrassed looking back of how I handled the break up situation. I went from begging to making threats to stalking, then to pestering. I might add she did engage.

 

For some stupid reason I thought, if I fought for her like the movies show you she would think im manly. I thought i was in Bridget Jones diary. Looking back i wish I said "**** you" and started NC from then. But you live and learn.

 

And PegNosePete I agree im actually on day 0 of NC for looking at her facebook and whatsapp.

Edited September 1, 2015 by MINDSHIFT

[MINDSHIFT]

Day 2 of Strict NC. I must say not stalking her social media is very hard. Its makes me think about her even more. But im staying strong I refuse to login in to her fb and to look at her whatsapp. I refuse.