drewdude Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) Hello LS. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 months but known her for about 9 months. I am 30 and she is 26. She just recently got her AA and throughout summer has been bombarding UCs with applications. Thing is, she applied locally but some she applied to are up north(we are from SoCal). The conversation never really came up till she texted me saying that she noticed something was wrong with me when we were out on a date the other day. Before our date, she had me print something out from her email account and I saw applications to a few UCs up north. She mentioned if that was the problem and I said yeah. (I really don't know why she never told me or brought it to my attention that she was applying up there). I told her how I felt, that I'd hate to see her go but I also respect her goals. She thanked me for that but also said she was sorry and that she was bummed, due to the fact that what if she gets accepted. We have been having a great relationship so far. She is very affectionate, caring, etc. She's even told me how lucky she is to have me and how I treat really good and not used to the gentleman gestures I do for her. She really is a gem compared to the many others I've dated. Our relationship has begun to progress really well as of late. I genuinely do respect her goals/future. But, I can't help starting to feel really bummed/depressed since yesterday. Is there even a point to put my heart in this anymore? She seemed unsure/bummed but possibly wanting to go up there if she got accepted. if she does, it would be in the Spring and for 4 years...Would appreciate any advice. Thanks Edited September 1, 2015 by drewdude
La.Primavera Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Only you can decide if it is worth it. It certainly sounds like you are really keen on her. Just wait and see what happens. She might end up being accepted somewhere local. If not, you will need to discuss where you stand with each other and see if you can make it work somehow. Don't give up hope just yet.
giblesp Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Your in the very early stages with this girl, 4 months is still in the honeymoon /try out period. She's putting her career first, which is sensible. She's not saying, lets plan this next step together which is fair enough. To know if she's a long term partner you really have to just let her do as she pleases, and enjoy the ride while you're getting to know each other. At 4 months it can be the ultimate experience, or it could break off just like that. Wait for her to factor you into her long term plans. Don't rush the process. Make your own goals also about you, building your 'castle' and place in life. A few women may come and go before one stays.
Author drewdude Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Your in the very early stages with this girl, 4 months is still in the honeymoon /try out period. She's putting her career first, which is sensible. She's not saying, lets plan this next step together which is fair enough. To know if she's a long term partner you really have to just let her do as she pleases, and enjoy the ride while you're getting to know each other. At 4 months it can be the ultimate experience, or it could break off just like that. Wait for her to factor you into her long term plans. Don't rush the process. Make your own goals also about you, building your 'castle' and place in life. A few women may come and go before one stays. Thank you for this advice, I was thinking too along the lines if maybe shes still trying me out. I will agree, we are still in that honeymoon phase. If feelings get deeper maybe she will have a change of heart/plans?
usernametaken Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Thank you for this advice, I was thinking too along the lines if maybe shes still trying me out. I will agree, we are still in that honeymoon phase. If feelings get deeper maybe she will have a change of heart/plans? Or maybe you could move?
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 At 4 months, you don't get to have an opinion about where she goes to school unless you care enough to pay her tuition. It's school not forever. Yes, California is a big state but there is social media, phones, roads & airplanes. You can still see each other. Back off. Support whatever choice she makes & don't try to pressure somebody you have known for less than 1/2 a year structure her future based on you. Her educational decisions are not a referendum about your relationship. All of this is hypothetical at this point because you don't know where she will be accepted. 1
Author drewdude Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) At 4 months, you don't get to have an opinion about where she goes to school unless you care enough to pay her tuition. It's school not forever. Yes, California is a big state but there is social media, phones, roads & airplanes. You can still see each other. Back off. Support whatever choice she makes & don't try to pressure somebody you have known for less than 1/2 a year structure her future based on you. Her educational decisions are not a referendum about your relationship. All of this is hypothetical at this point because you don't know where she will be accepted. It's 4 years so its technically forever as a lot can happen even a month apart in this state. Most people know this. I do support her and all but damn, I am human too. I am not pressuring her. I'm just asking for advice. Feelings are at stake too. Edited September 1, 2015 by drewdude
coryreply Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Dude, that distance is not that big of a thing. What are we talking, a 5 or 6 hour drive at the most? LDR's can be challenging, but if you love each other, and you're committed to the relationship, they're totally doable.
PogoStick Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 She will likely get accepted but that doesn't mean she will go. If she does, why can't you move up there to be close with her? Also, in 3 more months she will likely feel even closer to you and will be more likely to either ask you to join her, or she may choose to stay in socal anyways. The important thing is to talk with her now and find out what she's thinking. How much does she want to go to nocal? How much does she want to keep the relationships? Tell her she needs to be direct and upfront with you. If she knows she will leave you then it would be best to back off asap, even start dating other women.
Qboro90 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Whatever you do, no matter how sad you'll be if she gets accepted, you MUST support and even encourage her to do what's best for her and her future career. Even if encouraging her to go is a complete lie, you have to be a good guy and do it. Trust me, if you even imply that she shouldn't go or she should go to a school closer to home and that influences her she will subconsciously resent you for that. Her decision has to be hers and hers alone. Anything else and you risk that resentment affecting your relationship and perhaps later on leading to more problems and deeper seeded issues.
Tobin Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 She applied to a college far away. She applied knowing that she might get accepted and go there. She knows if she goes there the two of you are probably finished. Her priorities are clear. I'd be careful about not investing too much in this relationship. Even if she doesn't move far away.
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