tacoman Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 My best friend / girl friend broke up with about 5-6 weeks ago, i have been on total no contact for about the last 14 days. We had been going out for about 6 days shy of 5 years. About 2 weeks later i caught her with what i assume is the rebound guy. (I am confident nothing happend before she broke with me, 1 - because she flat out said and i still trust her and 2 - because her dad screwed around on her mom and that DEEPLY effected her and that was the first thing she said when i asked, so i knew) Well i was freaking out over the course of all this and got the hell out of town (drove from ontario-virginia-atlanta-alabama-4 days in new orleans- nashville - and home......got the hell out, felt pretty good. But as soon as i got home, it has been one long spiral back down to the same or worse state i was in before i left. What makes it harder is that we are moving for the first time in 18 years and everythign i touch in my room, etc....has her written all over it. But i have no choice, we move in like a week. I have almost caved on the no-contact thing because of this..but have held off and am really trying to give her the 'space' she asked for atleast till the end of may. We where insanely close.....all the marriage stuff, etc..everythign was cool and then BLAM. Big time for us both....end college, work, home,etc......and she got confused and now that i think about it, this has been the best thing for me right now, no matter how much it hurts. It woke me up to things i would have never changed without this happening. I still want her back and we have an incredable foundation to go on. She has always been head over heels for me every moment of the last 5 or so years, thats why it threw me for a loop. The relationship problems are very fixable and i have been growing everyday. Things like routine over the last few months because of school, work, etc.....and just a few small little things that i have learned about myself since she broke off. It is inevitable that we will speak again. We were way to close not to. I know it, and even when i confronted her about the guy, she doesnt have a clue why it is happening, etc....she is confused and needs to be on her own IMO. To figure out what she wants. Also, there is something i need to get her to sign. A movie that i made is being broadcast on national lampoons in the U.S and i need her to sign a release form for being in the movie. But i want to hold out on no contact as long as i can, but things like that need to get done. I know that i am growing into the person she wanted me to be and that i wanted to be, but whether i like it or not, the 'comfort' zone we hit would not have allowed me to do it within our relationship. It rips me apart, because all i hear is people in shock saying that she would always brag about marrying me, etc........that kills me and was just a few weeks before we broke up.....everything was cool literally a couple days before it went down. I dont know how i should approach it, i know i cannot let go in any way with out atleast giving it one last attempt to be with her, but the timing is going to be everything. The weird part is, is that she said she wasnt liking out 'routine lately' (neither did i, but school, etc..made it hard) and when i talked to her a couple weeks after we broke up, she was complaining about she was in an even bigger routine with full time work, etc......i think she thinks a lot of things may be greener on the other side and she is realising that they are just the same or worse pretty quickly. But it makes it a whole new ball game with this new 3rd wheel attached. Who i believe to be just something else she thought would be 'new'....i am not sure how long it will or will not last. I need a game plan of sorts, because when i get connected to someone like this, it stays in my heart and mind for life, so i know all i will have is regret if i dont give it a shot....maybe i am expecting things to quickly. I am confused as hell!!!!!!!!!! thanks for any help, if i get any.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 i am not really getting why you two slpit? cause school and the move?
westernxer Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Dude, she broke up with you and is now seeing someone else. There is no third wheel. Stop acting like you're still together, because you're not.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 You need to learn to let go. Make your own closure in your head. You love her, she loves you...No doubt about that. You had some wonderful times together - Very close and shared alot. Keep that close to your heart. BUT...Right now she isn't into you the way she used to be. Maybe she's moved on, maybe she's confused, maybe she's just plain scared! Either way, let her have her space. Try to concentrate on yourself and don't allow this is take over all your thoughts (yeah, easier said than done) cuz otherwise YOU are going to go nuts!!!! She's keeping busy, her focus is in other places...I suggest you try your best to do NC with her and hang with your friends. You got that move soon too - That will keep you very busy as well. Hang in there.
Author tacoman Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 We mainly broke because of a 'comfort' zone over the course of the last 3-4 months or so. No major anything. I have moved on and moved forward (hence - in the last 6 weeks i have gone on a 10 day vacation, started moving, maybe buying sail boat for a new hobby, hung out with friends and family all the time) It probably comes accross like i have been sitting in a corner in misery. I havn't been. Although the misery is still there when i am out, but i am out all the time and always busy. I don't think it is as cut and dry with her rebounding, etc....You would probably have to know her to understand, i am not banking on it, but onse that honey moon faze with the new guy wears off, i think she will have a better chance to know what she actually wants, whether its me, him or someone else. But contact must be made at some point, the broadcaster NEEDS release forms signed by everyone on camera (which is her), in which if i dont have her sign them, it wont get aired, or if i push it ahead without, it would be illegal without written consent. I know she will sign. But it doesnt have to be in until around mid-june, so i assume the best move would be to wait until as close as possible to that date to give her as much space as she needs. I on the other hand want nothing to do with a meaningfull relationship for the foreseeable future. But the closness we had and the confusion on both sides surrounding the whole situation, i am more than willing to let the **** it the fan for the next 2-3 months and go from there. Either i will be a better person and move on without her, or maybe get another chance, but like i said, i will not go out without a little bit of fighting. 5 years with NO major problems is worth fighting a little for IMO. It can't be easy to be with anyone for 5 years unless there was something strong in the first place. I could accept it as final (meaning forever, nothing down the road) if she would say it, which she wont (i'm am not being strung along as much as that comes across either)......if it happend at a completly stress free time i would know she was 100 % sure.but it happend in the middle of one of the most panic striken moments in anyones life. Ending college, etc......she doesnt have a clue what she wants and that may or may not be me in a few weeks or months, who knows, but that length of a relationship is worth holding out a bit for until she gets her head on straight.
niceguy69 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Well my gf dumped me after 1.5years a week ago becuase she met her 'dream guy', and I still feel like I'm living in hell. So I cant even imagine how 5 years would feel. I feel like you, that I have to at least try getting back together. If I don't try I might regret it forever. She said she wouldnt go out with me again for at least 2 months, then recently she told me her mom says she shouldnt go out with me again for 6 months. But her new bf might workout long term. So basically it probably will never work out again. I cant survive 6 months with so much stress. I have the same problem becuase she doesnt say its "final" so its like she has total control and Im on a leash. I'm not sure of any stories where people break up for that long and it eventually works out in the end. It feels like I have maybe a 1% to get her back, so I know its horrilbe odds, but I just have to try to throw the dice. Im thinking the best way is tell her about a new fake gf you have. Then a few weeks later say that you are both breaking up and you want to meet girls again. haha
ConfusedInOC Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by niceguy69 Well my gf dumped me after 1.5years a week ago becuase she met her 'dream guy', and I still feel like I'm living in hell. So I cant even imagine how 5 years would feel. I feel like you, that I have to at least try getting back together. If I don't try I might regret it forever. She said she wouldnt go out with me again for at least 2 months, then recently she told me her mom says she shouldnt go out with me again for 6 months. But her new bf might workout long term. So basically it probably will never work out again. I cant survive 6 months with so much stress. I have the same problem becuase she doesnt say its "final" so its like she has total control and Im on a leash. I'm not sure of any stories where people break up for that long and it eventually works out in the end. It feels like I have maybe a 1% to get her back, so I know its horrilbe odds, but I just have to try to throw the dice. Im thinking the best way is tell her about a new fake gf you have. Then a few weeks later say that you are both breaking up and you want to meet girls again. haha Many, many of us "dumpees" are going through the same problem. You will have good days and you will have bad days. I stress that NO CONTACT should be a PRIORITY in your life. I didn't stick to it and it nearly killed me. So I had to start back at square one. What made me feel better was to do my grieving, talk to my friends, pray and ask God for answers. Then I did the PRO/CON exercise, started remembering the mean, nasty things she did to me and realized that you know, I am a LOT better off with someone else. Once someone starts to take you for granted, you've become a friend with benefits - and that's all you'll ever be. Yes, you're going to have some days where the memories are bad. I figured I wouldn't get over her until I had someone else in her place. So, I'm going out on a date tonight and one on Sunday. And if I see any other good looking women who are interested in me, I'm going to ask them out. Eventually I'll find the right one for me. The one who I SHOULD have been with instead of stupidly wasting my time with the Ex. And let me make this clear. If the ex can move on quickly to someone else, she didn't love you for some time before the breakup. Women work slower than men. They want to be SURE they don't love you so they'll drag things out. Men, when we know we don't love someone, we cut them loose right away. It's a lot less painful for an immediate breakup than to drag it out. It's unfortunate that people will play with our emotions like toys. Love is a gamble and like most games of chance, sometimes we get burnt and lose it all. But if you don't gamble, you won't win. That's why we have to get back in the saddle as soon as we can. I was laughing at a friend who said "The quickest way to get OVER a woman is to get UNDER another one." While I don't condone unscrupulous behavior, I think the message is right. Find a new love and move on as soon as you can. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be happy again.
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