Goodbye Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Ok, now I'm just venting. I should be done with this guy, but I guess part of me is lonely and a little desperate, part of me really loves him. He isn't right for me. He isn't ambitious and he has a low sex drive. I FINALLY have my house to myself tonight. My kids rarely go to their dads. I took bf out for a nice dinner, go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, come out and he is snoring on my bed. Seriously, am I that boring? No...his job isn't challenging, he isn't exhausted, he wasn't drinking...he is just blah. Sex isn't important to him and it is to me. So I didn't feel like laying there listening to his snoring in MY cozy bed...sleeping in the freaking guest room on my one night away from my kids. This sucks. Note to self: get some self esteem and find someone new. Why do I love him? Because he is very sweet and kind and has been through a lot of the same **** in a horrid divorce...feel like we are both survivors in a way...kindred spirits. but that isn't enough to keep us together for me. Plus I pay for everything as he is broke, and that just isn't romantic for me. Maybe if it was just one thing...but taking him out to dinner only to have him snoozing away at 8:30 pm...f-that. I'm too emotionally worn out to even deal with it. I will break up with him soon. But for tonight, I sleep alone. Sucks.
MrBojangles Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Plus I pay for everything as he is broke, and that just isn't romantic for me. Maybe if it was just one thing...but taking him out to dinner only to have him snoozing away at 8:30 pm...f-that. Wow... and I have trouble meeting decent women like you... WTH?? Perhaps life has turned him into a terminal cynic when it comes to romance? 1
angel.eyes Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Broke, mooching, and asleep from a very busy day of doing nothing while on a date. Quite appealing! Wake him up. Explain that his snoring is disturbing you, and it's best if he heads home for the night. 4
Jj66 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Damn. Sorry you've fallen for someone who obviously isn't a good match for you in all the ways that matter. 1
Author Goodbye Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Damn. Sorry you've fallen for someone who obviously isn't a good match for you in all the ways that matter. Thank you. That is the thing. I'd tell him to get his snoring ass home (to his parent's home...yup) but I care for him. But, I have enough pets. I don't need one in the form of an adult human male. I get sad, really sad, ending things when I've connected...but it is clearly time. When being alone in the guest room is more comfortable than being pissed off beside a snoring dude...time to muster some self esteem and move the hell on. thanks for listening. 1
LostOnes05 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Has he been checked for depression? I had a friend that pretty much gave up on doing anything. Went to bed early but was always tired, lost any kind of ambition, and didn't want to go out at all. Turns out they were depressed. He got the right meds and now he seems back to his old self. It's worth a look.
Author Goodbye Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Why is he so tired? Probably because he drinks coffee all day and doesn't exercise. The only time he eats anything remotely healthy is when I feed it to him. I've added another child to my brood, and he is 50. 2
Author Goodbye Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Has he been checked for depression? I had a friend that pretty much gave up on doing anything. Went to bed early but was always tired, lost any kind of ambition, and didn't want to go out at all. Turns out they were depressed. He got the right meds and now he seems back to his old self. It's worth a look. No. He doesn't see a therapist. He should though. Suggested it many times. He wanted me to check his insurance and find someone in his network. I will...because well, he should be evaluated. But, I also have 3 kids and a flock of pets I need to care for. Not sure I can take on another dependent. 1
Author Goodbye Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 He is also really into his phone. And his tablet. 1
Gary S Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Hmm........I usually try to stay away from sex posts, but my girlfriend would just initiate sex with me if she wanted it, even if I was sleeping. Your partner has rights to your body.
Satu Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Hmm........I usually try to stay away from sex posts, but my girlfriend would just initiate sex with me if she wanted it, even if I was sleeping. *Your partner has *rights* to your body. You're on very shaky ground there. Legally speaking, you've fallen into a bottomless sinkhole, and will probably pop out in China. In the absence of consent, nobody has the *rights* to anyones body. Anyway, this is a bit off-topic, so I'll say no more. 8
shet Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I'll leave the rest alone but the sleeping thing... get off the guys back. Nobody can fake sleeping - least of all in someone elses bed, on a date. Whatever the reason, he's ****ing exhausted regardless of your opinion of how he spends his time. I have friends who fall asleep on my couch in the middle of TV shows they came round to watch. I've had dates fall asleep in the car. I've cancelled plans because I'm falling asleep in my chair before I get ready. Falling asleep is a legit thing to do.
Gary S Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 You're on very shaky ground there. Legally speaking, you've fallen into a bottomless sinkhole, and will probably pop out in China. In the absence of consent, nobody has the *rights* to anyones body. Anyway, this is a bit off-topic, so I'll say no more. - I love that line, very funny! I'm suggesting most lovers would go along with what I said. Let's not go off the deep end and fall to China here 1
angel.eyes Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 He lives with his parents. Let them deal with his narcoleptic tendencies! If he can't cope, it's their responsibility (not OP's) to deal with his exhaustion (from doing nothing), feed him a hot meal, and tuck his snoring 50-year old butt into bed at night. Goodbye, your dynamic with him borders on mothering. It's practically parasitic. It's not two equal peers who are dating. I'm guessing the situation has slowly devolved to what you got tonight because you've tolerated the lack of effort on his part for some time? When someone's life is in disarray, he (or she) should focus first on getting things in order, not dating. He needs a therapist, not a girlfriend. Sorry. 1
Els Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I don't see how him falling asleep is a huge deal - people fall asleep sometimes if they are in a comfy bed waiting for something. That being said, the rest of your grievances about him are totally legitimate and I agree that you should leave. It's just really odd that after staying with a guy like that for so long, the one straw that breaks the camel's back is him falling asleep of all things. Whatever works, I guess...
RecentChange Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I am all about waking my partner up for sex - I mean really, haven't met a man who would refuse a BJ - problem with OP's story is that he doesn't sound like e is worth waking up. As for rights to another's body, just no. Waking someone so that they can consciously participate is one thing- thinking you don't need consent is another
angel.eyes Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 No. He doesn't see a therapist. He should though. Suggested it many times. He wanted me to check his insurance and find someone in his network. I will...because well, he should be evaluated. But, I also have 3 kids and a flock of pets I need to care for. Not sure I can take on another dependent. He already lives with his mother. Why are you snatching her job from her??? 9
highseas Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 He is 50 and still lives with his parents? and he is broke? Has he ever held respectable, decent paying jobs? Did some life events break him down? He might be depressed and might have lost drive and motivation. You shouldn't have to be a "mom" to him, but insofar as you're his gf you should try to help him somewhat. If it's too much, then of course, you may have to leave him. Help him to help himself. If that fails, you should head to the exit as you can't help him. I would suggest that you sit him down and discuss these things frankly with him and register your displeasure with him so no one is left in doubt why you leave if and when you leave. At least he should learn some lessons from this.
MissBee Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I don't see how him falling asleep is a huge deal - people fall asleep sometimes if they are in a comfy bed waiting for something. That being said, the rest of your grievances about him are totally legitimate and I agree that you should leave. It's just really odd that after staying with a guy like that for so long, the one straw that breaks the camel's back is him falling asleep of all things. Whatever works, I guess... I think sometime's it's like that. I find that if you've put up with A LOT for a long time, sometimes you become extremely intolerant of small things or literally what breaks the back is a straw (a seemingly insignificant thing) and not a boulder, because that one seemingly tiny straw is really an accumulation of everything else just epitomized in that moment. I've been there. It wasn't with a guy with these particular problems, but it was a situation of kind of mulling along with a guy I spent most of my time annoyed with, he wasn't right for me, but like OP, at the time I just wanted company so took him....then I remember one day he was over my place eating something, and for some reason his chewing just REALLY bothered me and I just snapped and had enough! It would seem like I was freaking out over something silly, but in reality, that moment of chewing was the last straw in an accumulation of other grievances that I never addressed, and that straw was it. Goodbye, you already admit the reasons why it isn't working and why you've found yourself here. Many of us have been there. I wish you the strength in cutting him loose so that you can find someone that you're actually excited about and thrilled to be with instead of some "blah guy" who isn't adding much to your life. I don't even think you love him. Like you said, loneliness and desperation might have you feeling like you do, but it's clear you don't and I wish you well in being brave enough to be alone instead of hanging on to a man you mostly resent. 3
Popsicle Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 It sounds like you'd be better off being friends, rather than lovers. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Wow.. Mooches off you because he's broke, no sex drive, and he lives w-his parents? Talk about a "winning" combination. Then again, you're the one that's choosing to stay w-the guy. If you don't like the way things are, and I doubt most women would, only YOU can make the decision to leave. 1
HereNorThere Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Does he have a low sex drive or do you just have a high one? Plus, dude, he's 50. Sorry, but that's pretty old for a guy. I hope when I'm 50 my sex drive has decreased and I have more important things to do. Look at it on the bright side, at least if you go out early, you can probably get a senior citizens discount. Go for the early bird special, make sure he drinks some coffee, have him pop a Viagra, take his fiber and heart meds, and you'll be done in time for you to catch the news next time. He's 50. I'm not exactly sure what you want from him. Statistically, he's in the last quarter of his life. Get over it.
Siquijor Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 He is also really into his phone. And his tablet. Sleeping tablet by the sounds of it. 1
Siquijor Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I'll hazard a guess at he can't motivate himself because of the divorce. Maybe that's why he's broke and he just can't be bothered to put the effort in again. Some guys are like that at that age.
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