empresario Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 He probably didn't choose to break if off with you in the best way...but be thankful he did at all. The fact that he sent any type of closure over is more than a lot of people get. Second issue...how do you trust someone again? There's a difference between being guarded and being cynical. If you're going to be sexually active, you have to realize that people no longer attach sex to affection/love. It's just not the world we live in. Knowing that allows you to be guarded. Guard your emotions and your pride, as those things he can't get from you even if he did get your body. 2
stillafool Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 then I got a faceless, voiceless, cowardice text message telling me that he didn't think to would work very well between us and that he wasn't looking for a relationship. I agree a text is bad but the guy was being honest and did tell you how he felt. He didn't just disappear and never contact you again. Did you know before you had sex that he wasn't looking for a relationship or did he lie to you and say he wanted one but changed his mind after sex? If so, you were used. If not, he just wasn't feeling it and has every right to say so and not waste your time. I guess it's been so long since I've felt skin to skin contact and I realise how much I missed that. And kissing ! I thought because I felt I was really rusty, seemed effortless, natural and great. I really surprised myself. I thought I was going to be horrible at it. So the sex was something that you wanted/needed at the time and you enjoyed it. Don't feel that you were used because you weren't. I'm just trying to work out what went wrong that I wish I could make better. I thought the sex between us was great, he even told me I had talent which is good despite I don't get a lot of action. I always though that the more practice you have the better lover you become. Well obviously he lied. If he thought it was that great wouldn't he at least want to do it one more time? I though the text message was horrible and rude of him. How would you have preferred he handled this? I didn't waste any time. I have already organised a few dates this week so that I don't miss a beat. But for some reason, I feel so sad despite the fact that there was very little I could do I guess. Good for you. Look you didn't do anything wrong it's just that sometimes these things don't work out. You are smart to put this behind you and start dating others. Good luck.
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) I agree with this Redhead and I would like to add. Sometimes men mean it when they say they're looking for a relationship and they mean it when they say they like you THEN you're intimate with them and they realize that NO they're not ready and they run away. A man like this will stick around for weeks even without sex because he truly believe he's in for the right reason but once that great sexual tension is consumed that's when he realizes it was just the chase and the sex. No matter how we look at it, we can't win. It's a risk. Wait for sex or not, it's all a big risk we have to be willing to take. This is all true. Which is the reason for observing for a while how the man dates you before and after you have sex with them and when you do, you simply need to accept that you have the right to sleep with anyone you want to without expectations and when you do, assume it will be a one-night stand and continue to observe him afterward. Some men will tell a woman that he's looking for a relationship because he knows that's what most women want. So, even if he says that, she needs to observe how he dates her anyway. And, the biggest misunderstanding by a woman occurs when she has an early conversation with a man about dating goals. He says he's looking for a relationship and, in her mind, it's going to be her when, in fact, he doesn't know it whether it will be with her yet. How could he? Having that conversation early is simply to determine if both parties at least have the same overall goal, not that it will actually be with each other. It happens alot. Edited September 1, 2015 by Redhead14
jam.over.jelly Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I disagree with this. I've had three LTRs in my life, ranging from 2 years to 10. All three of them, we slept together before or on the 4th date. I've also had a few 'first night stands' where we ended up going out for a few weeks/months. Sure I've had ONSs/ second date ones that didn't lead to anything, but generally that was because of circumstance, or because the sex just wasn't that good (not necessarily anyones fault, just didn't really click) or we just weren't super compatible. And I'm thinking of the married friends I know - I don't know for all of them, but the ones I do, I know a couple of them that were first night and another few that were definitely within a couple of weeks. Maybe it's different in the states? Maybe? Or maybe it's different with you. And you fall in to the *rare* category. I have so many guy friends and only one of them would ever consider dating a girl that sleeps with him soon. The rest of the guys Im friends with would still hang out with the girl if she's cool and have sex with her but would never consider her gf material. And they even advised me if I really like a guy, by all means hold off on the sex.
SSJROMANCE Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I feel for you. There are many guys out there just to up their numbers. Their main goal is to bed you. If they were really into you they would bed you and continue the relationship. If they weren't they just wanted to hit the home run and leave you on the side of the road. I'm afraid that is what happened to you. My wife had low self-esteem and people pleasing issue's all her life. Before she met me she would meet guys who just wanted to **** her. In her mind she thought she had to do the dirty deed and if she did maybe they would like her enough to date her. WRONG WRONG WRONG. So she did this - having sex on the first or second night and couldn't figure out why she was always being dumped. She was used and abused because of her thinking. If a guy isn't willing to commit his time and effort to court you for a couple of months before having sex then he is one of those guys. Don't bother - dump him before he gets what he wants and dumps you first.
joseb Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Maybe? Or maybe it's different with you. And you fall in to the *rare* category. I have so many guy friends and only one of them would ever consider dating a girl that sleeps with him soon. The rest of the guys Im friends with would still hang out with the girl if she's cool and have sex with her but would never consider her gf material. And they even advised me if I really like a guy, by all means hold off on the sex. Yeah, but as i pointed out almost all of my *married* friends back home slept with their partners pretty quickly. My last flatmate over here just got married, they were together first night. So thats why i dont think its rare at all.
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