Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 a week ago, I finally met a guy that I liked and who liked me. Sure he was surprised that I was single for a really long time ( I mean what kind of guy wouldn't be suspicious of that?) but for the most part, he didn't seem to care. On the first date, we were attracted to each other ( first time for me that there was a mutual attraction) and connection. The conversation was great and he wanted to kiss but I refused. The second date, we had dinner and then by the end of it we made out. Third time, we watched a movie, we almost ended up having sex and fourth date we did. I felt ridiculous and letting my guard down so quickly but he wasn't rejecting me he really seemed to like me. Then in the morning after we had sex, he went to work and I went to study and for three days straight I did not hear from him. Usually he would initiate all the time for everything and now I was. I was thinking why on earth hasn't he called? then I got a faceless, voiceless, cowardice text message telling me that he didn't think to would work very well between us and that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Naturally, I've been pretty angry at myself since. I think I should have not let my guard down or give into his affections so early. I guess it's been so long since I've felt skin to skin contact and I realise how much I missed that. And kissing ! I thought because I felt I was really rusty, seemed effortless, natural and great. I really surprised myself. I thought I was going to be horrible at it. I'm just trying to work out what went wrong that I wish I could make better. I thought the sex between us was great, he even told me I had talent which is good despite I don't get a lot of action. I always though that the more practice you have the better lover you become. I though the text message was horrible and rude of him. But all my fears of rejection are coming flooding back to me. I guess I'm use to getting rejected and when someone does actually like me, it's a real shock to the heart. I didn't waste any time. I have already organised a few dates this week so that I don't miss a beat. But for some reason, I feel so sad despite the fact that there was very little I could do I guess. what's a girl to do?
clia Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 what's a girl to do? Next time, slow your roll. Meeting a guy, going on four dates, and having sex all within a week is way too fast. 7
kendahke Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 what's a girl to do? Pace yourself. What's the hurry? 1
joseb Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I was about to reply that four dates wasn't that quick, but I missed the bit about 1 week - you had 4 dates with him in a week? WTF????!!! 3
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 sorry I made a mistake. A week ago, I got dumped! through a text message we were seeing each other over about three weeks. I tried to tell him that we were going to fast and to slow down but he said that if two people are attracted each other, why think too much? 1
jam.over.jelly Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 sorry I made a mistake. A week ago, I got dumped! through a text message we were seeing each other over about three weeks. I tried to tell him that we were going to fast and to slow down but he said that if two people are attracted each other, why think too much? and that's when you fall into that trap. Of course he would say that! But we all know guys don't usually value what they don't have to put a lot of effort into! There are very rare cases where the guy ended up being in a LTR with the girl after sleeping with her soon, but I cant stress enough, it is RARE! More often than not, we' re not as lucky. I mean for me to sleep with someone I would have to feel like I know where it is going, or at least where I stand with him, or have some type of reassurance from him that there could be something potential. 4
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 he said he wanted a relationship. Naturally I trusted him and now I am scared to trust any a man out there. I mean this may sound pathetic to most people, but I have only slept with four or five people in my life time and in this day in age, men prefer it if a woman has slept with more people than not because it's that whole " experience" thing that guys are attracted to, inexperience is a real turn off and only had one long term relationship. So I was surprised that this guy wasn't turned off by my inexperience, instead it seems he capitalized on it and made a meal out of it. Now I feel ashamed and a bit cynical. However, I think it's important to continue to date for the experience, to make up for lost time and to perhaps find someone more compatible. He was the first person that I felt a "connection" to and now I'm kind of tentative. I wish I wasn't so stupid and naive.
BluEyeL Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 he said he wanted a relationship. Naturally I trusted him and now I am scared to trust any a man out there. I mean this may sound pathetic to most people, but I have only slept with four or five people in my life time and in this day in age, men prefer it if a woman has slept with more people than not because it's that whole " experience" thing that guys are attracted to, inexperience is a real turn off and only had one long term relationship. So I was surprised that this guy wasn't turned off by my inexperience, instead it seems he capitalized on it and made a meal out of it. Now I feel ashamed and a bit cynical. However, I think it's important to continue to date for the experience, to make up for lost time and to perhaps find someone more compatible. He was the first person that I felt a "connection" to and now I'm kind of tentative. I wish I wasn't so stupid and naive. Do not trust men until you know them pretty well. 4 dates is not enough to know a man's intentions and true values/character. Next time, pace yourself. This guy would have left anyway if you didn't give it up, but I would just have the satisfaction that he didn't fool me. In fact, for me, this is the number 1 reason I didn't sleep with men early. I just didn't want a liar to be able to fool me! If they left without getting any, I'd feel much better. Otherwise, you could just tell yourself tht at least you got some action and refuse to feel rejected. He wasn't honest, you learned something, moving on to the next! 1
Satu Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 This might sound prudish to some, but: Once you've given everything, what else is there to give? In my world, a person has to deserve that degree of intimacy. They get to deserve it by demonstrating good character and sincerity. You did it in reverse and ended up finding out that he didn't deserve it... 5
jam.over.jelly Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 he said he wanted a relationship. He does! I don't even know the guy but I believe he could be looking for a relationship. But that doesnt mean he would jump into one with you. There could be potential there, but quite frankly, chances of him wanting anything serious with you now after u slept w him is very slim.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 He does! I don't even know the guy but I believe he could be looking for a relationship. But that doesnt mean he would jump into one with you. There could be potential there, but quite frankly, chances of him wanting anything serious with you now after u slept w him is very slim. So what's wrong with me? why is love so conditional? why do men reject me so easily? why is it than when you like someone they don't like you back and when someone likes you it's super confusing because it's weird to think why on earth would they like you? There must be something weird and wrong with me if this seems to be the norm.
Ami1uwant Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Going out with someone snd sleeping with them on date 4 is perfectly fine...... If I felt I really connected and didn't sleep with her by date 4 I'd be concerned. Sure there could be concern about something going to fast thorn burning out quickly. I slept with a woman by date 4 and the relationship lasted for 3.5yrs.
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) Daisy-Olivia: There is nothing wrong with you. You are not being rejected more often than any other women. I have been rejected 100 times more than you have, and nothing is wrong with me either. Same thing happened to me last month. Saw a man 5 times over a month. The second time he stayed over night (date 4-5) we had an amazing time. He told me what a special woman I was, we had breakfast together, we laughed, we had long embraces and kisses before we left for work. He said 'talk to you later'. I never heard from him again. Ever. I am left there thinking 'was I the only one feeling this chemistry!'. I don't know what I should have done differently. I was myself through it all just like you did. No reason to blame yourself. We just need to be more careful next time. Edited September 1, 2015 by Gaeta 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Daisy-Olivia: There is nothing wrong with you. You are not being rejected more often than any other women. I have been rejected 100 times more than you have, and nothing is wrong with me either. Same thing happened to me last month. Saw a man 5 times over a month. The second time he stayed over night (date 4-5) we had an amazing time. He told me what a special woman I was, we had breakfast together, we laughed, we had long embraces and kisses before we left for work. He said 'talk to you later'. I never heard from him again. Ever. I am left there thinking 'was I the only one feeling this chemistry!'. I don't know what I should have done differently. I was myself through it all just like you did. No reason to blame yourself. We just need to be more careful next time. I don't get it!? you're amazing! 1
Gary S Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Well I'm glad to hear you are dating again, that's actually smart.......nothing can take your mind off the old flame like a new man can! Also, time heals. Good luck to you.
Maggie4 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Some men are more promiscuous than others. I think when a guy sleeps with a girl too soon, that means he is not really in tune with his body and not protective of his body because he is detached. These factors make him a less sensitive lover. He is just going through the motion, believing that's what he's supposed to do as a guy, and then waking up lonely. That's why afterwards he has to run, run away from the emptieness. So get over it, OP, you didn't miss much! There are plenty of men out there who are not easy. 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Going out with someone snd sleeping with them on date 4 is perfectly fine...... Yeah, but she did this all within a week. Met a guy and believed all the loving BS he fed her and by the end of the week she's naked in bed with him. Does that sound like the cornerstone of a lasting relationship to you? He does have some mad skillz though. 1
joseb Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) There are very rare cases where the guy ended up being in a LTR with the girl after sleeping with her soon, but I cant stress enough, it is RARE! More often than not, we' re not as lucky. I disagree with this. I've had three LTRs in my life, ranging from 2 years to 10. All three of them, we slept together before or on the 4th date. I've also had a few 'first night stands' where we ended up going out for a few weeks/months. Sure I've had ONSs/ second date ones that didn't lead to anything, but generally that was because of circumstance, or because the sex just wasn't that good (not necessarily anyones fault, just didn't really click) or we just weren't super compatible. And I'm thinking of the married friends I know - I don't know for all of them, but the ones I do, I know a couple of them that were first night and another few that were definitely within a couple of weeks. Maybe it's different in the states? Edited September 1, 2015 by joseb 2
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 a week ago, I finally met a guy that I liked and who liked me. Sure he was surprised that I was single for a really long time ( I mean what kind of guy wouldn't be suspicious of that?) but for the most part, he didn't seem to care. On the first date, we were attracted to each other ( first time for me that there was a mutual attraction) and connection. The conversation was great and he wanted to kiss but I refused. The second date, we had dinner and then by the end of it we made out. Third time, we watched a movie, we almost ended up having sex and fourth date we did. I felt ridiculous and letting my guard down so quickly but he wasn't rejecting me he really seemed to like me. Then in the morning after we had sex, he went to work and I went to study and for three days straight I did not hear from him. Usually he would initiate all the time for everything and now I was. I was thinking why on earth hasn't he called? then I got a faceless, voiceless, cowardice text message telling me that he didn't think to would work very well between us and that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Naturally, I've been pretty angry at myself since. I think I should have not let my guard down or give into his affections so early. I guess it's been so long since I've felt skin to skin contact and I realise how much I missed that. And kissing ! I thought because I felt I was really rusty, seemed effortless, natural and great. I really surprised myself. I thought I was going to be horrible at it. I'm just trying to work out what went wrong that I wish I could make better. I thought the sex between us was great, he even told me I had talent which is good despite I don't get a lot of action. I always though that the more practice you have the better lover you become. I though the text message was horrible and rude of him. But all my fears of rejection are coming flooding back to me. I guess I'm use to getting rejected and when someone does actually like me, it's a real shock to the heart. I didn't waste any time. I have already organised a few dates this week so that I don't miss a beat. But for some reason, I feel so sad despite the fact that there was very little I could do I guess. what's a girl to do? what's a girl to do? -- Manage her emotions and expectations for a long time when dating someone new and don't have sex with them early if you are unable to simply accept the fact that you have the right to sleep with anyone you choose to sleep with and do that without expectations. If you sleep with a man early, there's no way to know for sure that he will call you again or tell you he's not interested. So, when you do, you should always just assume it will be a one night stand and observe what happens after that. It's just a fact of dating. If you can't accept that these things happen, then don't date. It's a good idea to have a conversation early about what each new dating partner is looking for out of his dating journey. That will at least minimize these kinds of situations. A man could, in fact say he's looking for a relationship because he knows that's what women are usually looking for, but then you don't sleep with them for a while anyway until they at least demonstrate consistently that they have a deeper interest. But if they say they're aren't looking for a relationship, believe them. It appears you two didn't have that conversation. You didn't do anything wrong except to not try to make sure the two of you were on the same page. And, yes, this man should have had a face to face conversation with you about it. But, he just showed you who is he is and you are dodging a bullet
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 what's a girl to do? -- Manage her emotions and expectations for a long time when dating someone new and don't have sex with them early if you are unable to simply accept the fact that you have the right to sleep with anyone you choose to sleep with and do that without expectations. If you sleep with a man early, there's no way to know for sure that he will call you again or tell you he's not interested. So, when you do, you should always just assume it will be a one night stand and observe what happens after that. It's just a fact of dating. If you can't accept that these things happen, then don't date. It's a good idea to have a conversation early about what each new dating partner is looking for out of his dating journey. That will at least minimize these kinds of situations. A man could, in fact say he's looking for a relationship because he knows that's what women are usually looking for, but then you don't sleep with them for a while anyway until they at least demonstrate consistently that they have a deeper interest. But if they say they're aren't looking for a relationship, believe them. It appears you two didn't have that conversation. You didn't do anything wrong except to not try to make sure the two of you were on the same page. And, yes, this man should have had a face to face conversation with you about it. But, he just showed you who is he is and you are dodging a bullet I agree with this Redhead and I would like to add. Sometimes men mean it when they say they're looking for a relationship and they mean it when they say they like you THEN you're intimate with them and they realize that NO they're not ready and they run away. A man like this will stick around for weeks even without sex because he truly believe he's in for the right reason but once that great sexual tension is consumed that's when he realizes it was just the chase and the sex. No matter how we look at it, we can't win. It's a risk. Wait for sex or not, it's all a big risk we have to be willing to take. 1
kendahke Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 So what's wrong with me? why is love so conditional? why do men reject me so easily? why is it than when you like someone they don't like you back and when someone likes you it's super confusing because it's weird to think why on earth would they like you? There must be something weird and wrong with me if this seems to be the norm. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you. Women do the same thing to men. It's a human tendency. People get rejected because each of us is entitled to our preferences in a mate. Just because you like someone doesn't mean they owe you a relationship. If you seek internal validation from an external source, you will always be left wanting. The only unconditional love is between parent and child. Do not expect there to be no conditions--and 4 dates in, how can it even be love? You don't know him well enough to love him. What you love is who you think he is, not who he actually is. Is he lovable right now? I'd say not. Next time, you need to ask the guy what his intentions are when he tells you to "damb the torpedos, full steam ahead". No, that's when the smell of asbestos should waft heavily through the air as you apply heavy breaks to his rapid advancements. 1
lino Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I've never understood the mentality of guys who go to all that trouble then just run off after one screw? What is the point? Next time, slow your roll. Meeting a guy, going on four dates, and having sex all within a week is way too fast. Yes, definitely too much too fast. Can't see much benefit of doing things so quickly.
Gus Grimly Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 The only unconditional love is between parent and child. Do not expect there to be no conditions--and 4 dates in, how can it even be love? You don't know him well enough to love him. What you love is who you think he is, not who he actually is. Is he lovable right now? I'd say not. Glad you pointed this out. Trust takes time to build, it doesn't happen overnight. The same goes for learning about who a person is. People sometimes mistake lust for love. Building a relationship is something you savor, like fine wine. What you don't do is chug the bottle of Pinot Grigio down like some college freshmen trying to get wasted a house party.
SawtoothMars Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 he said he wanted a relationship. Naturally I trusted him and now I am scared to trust any a man out there. I mean this may sound pathetic to most people, but I have only slept with four or five people in my life time and in this day in age, men prefer it if a woman has slept with more people than not because it's that whole " experience" thing that guys are attracted to, inexperience is a real turn off and only had one long term relationship. So I was surprised that this guy wasn't turned off by my inexperience, instead it seems he capitalized on it and made a meal out of it. Now I feel ashamed and a bit cynical. However, I think it's important to continue to date for the experience, to make up for lost time and to perhaps find someone more compatible. He was the first person that I felt a "connection" to and now I'm kind of tentative. I wish I wasn't so stupid and naive. This is very untrue. Most guys do not mind "inexperienced" women. The men who do are usually the user types. 1
mike_89 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I am sorry but the reason he might not want to see you any more might be something about you. If he really liked you before sex, and didn't contact you any more after sex, it's way too easy to say he was just a player who didn't want anything other than sex with you. Perhaps you had not showered before the date and smelled a bit iffy, perhaps you had not shaven and he is really not into the hairy type of girl. There are so many other things that might have gone wrong there. For example some girl accused me of the very same thing: I didn't want to see her any more after having had sex, one of her friends contacted me about how I had been a dick and a player. I simply explained this friend that she had smelled like old sweat down below and she could not have showered before our date (perhaps not even that day, yuck). Just think it all through, something simple like being shaven or being showered might seem small to you but can actually be huge to guys, and a deal breaker. 2
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