QueenDeath Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 As the dumpee, for some reason I want the dumper to contact me. Even though I doubt he will ever contact me, I just want him to for some reason. I blocked him on pretty much everything I can think of, though. I removed him as a friend on Facebook and realized I should block him as well because we are part of the same group on Facebook for this forum that we are apart of and of course I don't wanna see his post on the group so I blocked him and I have this urge to unblock him. I even deleted him from being a friend on Steam and blocked him there too and then I felt bad doing it because he shared all of his games with me and I just felt bad doing so. Granted we both made our fair share of mistakes, a part of me is hoping that going no contact makes him contact me. However, being on this forum long enough I know that no contact isn't for the hopes of the dumper coming back, it is for the dumpee. But like ..how can someone dump you and I mean literally dump you because it really did felt like I got tossed out the way and on the curb and not like...even think about you? How can someone not care about someone? How can they just forget you like that and the dumped is sitting here thinking about their dumper a lot. I don't get it. Screw me. I want him to contact me even though I doubt it will happen and if it did it's probably him putting me on the back burner or something for his ego.
mightycpa Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I can't imagine that you'd really want him to dump you a second time. That's what would happen, you know. 2
stillafool Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 It's because the Dumper has already checked out of the relationship before they dump you. They have disconnected emotionally and sometimes already has someone else waiting in the wings. People fall out of love all the time. It doesn't mean they are bad people it's the way they handle the breakup that shows what type of person they are. 2
Satu Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I think that just about everyone who ever went NC has felt like this at some point. It's not wrong or stupid to feel like that. It's a station on your journey. Soon you will leave that station and move on to the next. That is as inevitable as the changing of the seasons. Take care.
PandaSongs Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Hey QueenDeath I hope you stay strong! I know NC is tough and seems almost impossible. I was in your shoes (as most of us here were) and all I can offer is my support. I too decided to go NC after being dumped by my SO of 4 years. I wont go into the details but it crushed me for a month or two. What I can tell you is that I went NC for about 3 months. In that time I found a new job, lost some weight (sadly because of not eating much and not exercise - although i am running now!) and rediscovered some relationships with my good buddies. My Ex did contact me after 3 months with a text.. and you know what was one of the worst decisions i made? I TEXTED BACK. This led to a long term, we can be friends (but don't know exactly what we are) type of deal. - A lot of this is my fault: -texting back (even though i still was not over her) -not setting the record straight regarding relationship status (I wanted to ask but was afraid of her saying it will never happen) -receiving mixed signals from her and not questioning or acting on it. We hung out for a good bit of time (seeing each other 3-4 times a week). At the present moment she has been distant (working on herself and trying to become a better person). And you know what i learned about myself in the week she hasn't been around? - I"M ONE PATHETIC PERSON. I didn't realize for the entire time i started talking and hanging out with her again that I did nothing to improve myself. I fell back into that "safety" net and let myself be complacent. This has really opened my eyes. It is time for CHANGE. I'm talking about SELF IMPROVEMENT. At this point I'm not going to bother texting or calling her. I'm not going to extend an olive branch. I'm going to start a period of "ME" time. What I will do is what I'm going to suggest you do too: -Start a hobby for dead times (IE times where you will miss her most). Schedule activities with friends after work. Go for a run. Learn a new skill. Anything to keep your mind occupied. YOU SHOULD BE EXHAUSTED by the end of the day. You have to push. It will be hard at first and you will be acting like a robot. However, sooner or later you will learn to live life again. You WILL see the fun in everyday life. -Put in more time at work/studies. If you're working, see what you can improve. See what needs to be accomplished to move to the next level. Throw your anger into your work and SUCCEED. GO BEYOND. If you're currently studying, work hard at getting perfect grades. Have something that you can strive for and say, "I'm proud of myself for that". Dedicate yourself. -Talk. Find someone to talk to. Friends, family, strangers. Find someone who is happy to listen and talk about you situation. Don't forget to let them talk too. Do not over talk someone, this may just push them away. You can have time to be sad. You should have time to be sad. But limit yourself for 15-20 minutes a day. Push yourself to overcome that sadness. Unfortunately I don't have more time at the moment. Just remember," You dont HAVE to do things in life. You GET to do things in life. Hope you stay strong and I'm rooting for you! PSongs- 3
Oregon_Dude Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Trust me, they don't have anything positive or helpful to say to you. Fortunately, there are so many other people out there that we still have yet to meet. Love is possible again. 2
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