cheatersrsad Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Record Producer: You responded to my original posting: Originally posted by cheatersrsad... Vero, I had your back until you said "I don't hate OW/OM, some of my best friends are OW". If I am mistaken, then I apologize. If I am right, and you honestly mean that you have friends who are out there having relationships with married man...than SHAME on you. You just finished telling us how that affected you and your life and yet you consider someone a friend who does the very same to others? At some point in life, don't we owe it to ourselves to decide who we should have in our lives and if they represent what we don't like, then why share a friendship with them? It screams of hypocracy. Originally posted by Record Producer... What does that have to do with her firends who are OW? Would it be better if she was judgemental and ditched her best friends because they are OW? It's not hypocracy. Her friends are not killers, they just sleep with other wives' husbands. YES, that's EXACTLY what I was saying. It would be better if she ditched her friends who were OW. How can she not and stay true to herself? It's okay to know your friend is breaking peoples' hearts and families up after having it done to yourself...and not have a problem with her actions? My friends are my heart, but they got that close to me by being trustworthy, respectable and kind-hearted. If they change and start hurting people by having an affair, then I would imagine that they are not the same person I befriended.
Author veronese Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by cheatersrsad Record Producer: You responded to my original posting: YES, that's EXACTLY what I was saying. It would be better if she ditched her friends who were OW. How can she not and stay true to herself? It's okay to know your friend is breaking peoples' hearts and families up after having it done to yourself...and not have a problem with her actions? My friends are my heart, but they got that close to me by being trustworthy, respectable and kind-hearted. If they change and start hurting people by having an affair, then I would imagine that they are not the same person I befriended. I cant be their judge and jury as they can't be mine. I have never met any of their married lovers and support them through their turmoils as friends should do. All I'm want to stress is that whatever wives have to say on the subject of OW doesn't come close to what they have said to their husbands. We know who is to blame and it's not the OW. That said, I still maintain that we are entitled to have opinions on OW and hope that in time people will understand that what we say about them doesn't mean we are focussing all our anger at them. I for one blame my husband for hurting me, but I also despise those women for apparently developing feelings for my H as their friend, especially as they were aware of the probable damage their friendship would have on my marriage if they were discovered. If he's married, leave him alone. Have some respect, it's not kind to the children.
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 I could be friends with women who sleep with other women's husbands or cheat on their own husbands. It doesn't mean I justify their deeds. But I couldn't be friends with her husband if she is my good friend and I know he is cheating on her.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 I think the fact that people get vindictive towards the incumbent spouse reflects a need to justify their actions - nobody wants to continue doing something that they feel is wrong. Agreed. It's Kindergarten 101: you don't try to take something that isn't yours. Doesn't for a moment excuse the cheating spouse, of course. But I do know that I feel perfectly justified in hating the OMs in my situation. When you act in full knowledge that your actions will hurt somebody else, as far as I'm concerned you intend that consequence.
newbby Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 veronese, its natural that wives would be angry at ow and its natural that ow would be angry at mm. its also natural that ow would be defensive towards the wives and want them to understand the truth of the situation. i think both the ow and the wives in these forums are as bad as each other. i think the difference is that in the real world the wives get sympathy and the cs get forgiveness and both usually end up with the love, whereas the ow get none of these. for this reason ow view this as a safe place to come to talk about their feelings, in most cases the ONLY place to come. dont forget that alot of ow dont have a strong support network in the real world which is many times part of the reason they got involved with a mm. that is probably why ow get angry with people coming into their space here, because they feel it is all they have. does this make sense?
justathought Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by littleflowerpot the best of all worlds would be for we other women/former other women and wives to find a way to come together and learn something from each other. Ok, here's a start. My husband cheated on me. I hate the OW because she was a complete stranger who messed up my life. A lot of the time I hate my husband for being a liar, a cheat and a user. The OW hates me for stepping in and wrecking her relationship with my husband. She hates my husband for being a user. Who does my husband hate? Nobody. He feels sorry for us both. This is the key. He is the one with the power. The OW and me are powerless, waiting for him to make his decision.Why? If I'm honest my husband has treated me crappily for years. I am too frightened of being alone so I make do with a marriage which is not great for me. The OW was unhappily married, desperate for love and attention. We both had 'holes' that my husband could fill - be 'there' for me, 'be there' for her. He had two women who were desperate for his love. Now its all out in open we are both let down. The OW feels what it is like to be suddenly dropped from a great height when she is no longer required. I have a husband who is a known cheater and liar. The worst is that i know that some point I will turn into the OW. I will live a life with someone who doesnt give me what I need. A kind man will come along who is 'loyal to his family but so much wants to make me happy'. I will fall for it. The OW might some day turn into me when her husband realises that she deserves no respect so its ok to cheat on her. She will stay with him just like she did when he told her that he didnt love her. What is missing with the wife and the OW is a respect for themselves. We look for other people to fill the gaps that we cant fill ourselfes.
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