veronese Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 I am a wife who has been through the pain of discovering a husband's infidelity. It was a shock. I loved him very much. I hated him. I hated them. I didn't know any other women were having their own separate friendships with him. I'm getting over the shock now. It still hurts. It's been over a year. I still love him. I know the OW (pl) aren't personally to blame for my marital problems, they were another side-effect to deal with. I do know what the score is.....Me and my husband have problems... better sort them out fast!!!! The women? Left wherever he found them no doubt, but significantly of no interest or significance to me and my family. That doesn't negate the fact that I'd still quite like to slap the bitches in the face a few times. But I'm grown up to realise that it would never happen or be a good idea! Doesn't stop me occassionally wondering who they were, why he needed them blah blah blah. Then I continue my journey, through life, in this way that's it happening. Can't any of you get of your high horses just for a moment and put yourselves in our shoes? Do you really believe that his wife doesn't understand him, is ill, frigid, neurotic, fragile, a nag and helpless? Do you really believe he doesn't make love to her and love her more than anyone else? Doesn't make the wife the lucky one does it? We've been fooled quite obviously just like you.. more so really, us silly wives went and bloody married him and a lot of us gave birth to their babies. Give us a break girls. Please don't condemn us for getting angry and vindictive. A lot of you say you never imagined becoming another woman. I know lots of you don't want to hurt anyone. So why don't you extend much empathy to us wive? Seems to me like you're expecting an apology from us?? It would be wonderful to hear more from you Can we call a truce please?
quankanne Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 vero, I hate to point this out, but just like wives are only told part of the story ("we're just friends"), a married man's lover is only given part of the information. And like the wives, their whole response and attitude is based on that little bit of info. I read somewhere that the only winner in an extramarital affair is the married person because neither the lover nor the spouse gets 100 percent from a relationship with cheating spouse, and I believe that. I don't see how an extamarital lover sees him or herself in a winning position because that relationship is based on lies that the married lover tells, all designed to get only that person what he or she wants, period. Frankly, I'd figure someone in that situation would have a lot more sense of self to put up with that kind of BS – why do things in halves? Because getting involved with a married individual automatically means you're only ever going to get half of him or her ... and on his or her terms.
Mz. Pixie Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Actually, in the beginning you really don't think about the wife as much because you're in the midst of an addiction. You do think of her later or at least I did, and I especially thought of the kids. I hated to think I'd hurt anyone by what I did after the fact.
BrotherAaron Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 I think the fact that people get vindictive towards the incumbent spouse reflects a need to justify their actions - nobody wants to continue doing something that they feel is wrong. When my "friend" started seeing me ex girlfriend (before she was my ex) he started telling people that it was OK because I didn't treat her well (which is bullcrap), and made up progressively worse stories about me neglecting her, emotionally abusing her, hitting her, sexually abusing her, etc. in order to make his actions look justifiable. He's sort of a worse case scenario example, I don't think most OW demonize the wife to that extent, but they do tend to let themselves believe that the spouse is only "getting what she deserves"
laRubiaBonita Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Actually, in the beginning you really don't think about the wife as much because you're in the midst of an addiction. You do think of her later or at least I did, and I especially thought of the kids. I hated to think I'd hurt anyone by what I did after the fact. IF you even know this is a married man you are with. people do not tell you things they do not want you to know.
SweetSerenity Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 At first I didn't think about the wife either because like one poster said it was because I was in the midst of something more exciting and addicting than my own marriage. I think I really thought about her when I went over to his house the second time and he forgot to take all their pictures off their entertainment center. I looked long and hard at their wedding pictures, her smile, the way she looked at him in their honeymoon pictures, her pictures of her pregnant and at her baby shower, they are about to have a baby girl. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is going to sound weird but I replaced both of their faces with that of myself and my husband and immediately began to feel the pain not only of his wife, but of my husband. I got sick immediately! It really turned me off. He came towards me to of course kiss me and I seriously pushed him away and I told him I had to go and I would contact him in a few days. A few days later we met at the park and I called the whole thing off. He wasn't happy. ex MM has tried repeatedly, and still does, to contact me. He is clearly a sad case. I chose to stop it all and never do it again because they aren't pawns to be played with. When I first came to this forum I felt no guilt whatsoever, I even rationalized having sex in their marital bed, and please no bashing I got that the first time around so I don't need another round. I hate to break it to her, he won't stop at me, he has a lot of sexual deviant fantasies in which I wouldn't even fulfill for him and he seems to be a porn addict as well. I feel sorry for his wife and this child that is going to be born to them soon. He never said anything real deviant about his wife really. I mean he did say that she wouldn't masturbate for him cause she was taught it was dirty, raised in a strict catholic household all her life and she is a devout catholic. Then he told me he couldn't have sex with her cause she was having a girl and it was a pure turn off, then he said that they were having some problems. I mean it just never stopped. I myself had the affair after many years of boredom. I have also elected not to tell my spouse ever. I'll live with what I've done and thats all I need to do. I vow to never repeat it and instead spice up my own life in more constructive ways. I can understand the wife's hate for the OW, but you must realize that your husbands are more deviant and players than you want to believe. Even if the OW pursues them like crazy they have the responsibility to hold fast and say NO! All the responsibility does not belong with the OW. And of course in some instances the wife needs to look deeper at the marriage, more often than not she knows that the marriage is in a rut. I'm not making up excuses to excuse in excuseable behavior but its not all black and white and it's not cut and dry either.
quankanne Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I told him I had to go and I would contact him in a few days. A few days later we met at the park and I called the whole thing off. serenity, I admire your strength of character to quit cold turkey after realizing what you'd been involved in really wasn't a winning situation for anyone. Ideally, yes, you'd not have had to experience that, but sometimes those hard-learned lessons are the ones that make the deepest impressions on a person. I can understand the wife's hate for the OW, but you must realize that your husbands are more deviant and players than you want to believe. Even if the OW pursues them like crazy they have the responsibility to hold fast and say NO! All the responsibility does not belong with the OW. And of course in some instances the wife needs to look deeper at the marriage, more often than not she knows that the marriage is in a rut. I'm not making up excuses to excuse in excusable behavior but its not all black and white and it's not cut and dry either. I think marriage is the hardest thing a person has to deal with in life because often, one doesn't realize that it's a living, viable thing that needs to be fed and cared for on a daily basis – it's not going to stay in an ideal state forever!
easyrider Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Vero---I've been the OW a couple of times but only because I thought he was separated/divorced prior to our relationship----and it was after I was totally hooked, found out differently. And yes, I desperately wanted to believe that she was frigid, cold, unloving, uncaring and that they haven't slept together for a long time. Both times, it's taken me a little while to get out of the relationship only because I kept hoping and kept wanting to believe the lies; knowing in my heart that the sleazy bum is lying to everyone!! I think the women in his life should get together and kick his butt to the curb--and we surely don't want you to hate us.....it's not our fault and it's not yours-----sometimes we've just fallen so hard it's tough to get up and walk away for a while.
littleflowerpot Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 you want us to not condemn you for getting angry and vindictive? how do you expect anyone to react to anger and vindictiveness? and then you say you'd like to slap the bitches in the face a few times. i'm assuming the "bitches" you wanna "slap in the face" are the OW. how would anyone react to that? and get off our high horses? i'm assuming you are talking about the OW in this forum that sometimes get pissed about the wives coming in here and talking down to us and telling us all what horrible people we are in less diplomatic terms. but honey, please think about this. do you know you're in the "other man/other woman" forum? we come here to discuss our situations with other people in similiar situations. we try to talk our problems out. we are here most often to support each other in trying to end something we know is bad for us and bad for other people in our lives. we don't come in here to be preached to. we can go to church on sunday for that. so please...please...please know that we aren't so much on our high horse (as one could also say of the wives) but instead are trying to defend ourselves from attacks. try to remember that we are probably not the same exact women your husband screwed around with. and if we are, try also to remember that if your husband lied to you he probably lied to us as well.
izzybelle Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 lfp, i agree completely with your statements. we are in many cases just trying to discuss our situations. and i do find some of the original statements to be ironic and somewhat puzzling. i have not posted in a while, because my split with MM just passed its one year mark and i'm far enough removed that the pain, while not completely gone, has faded considerably. but still, when i read things in the infidelity forum where BSs are calling the OWs scum, immoral, and all around "bad" people ... it still hits a sore spot. MM had assured me that his marriage was over that she was the one who had said it was over. that she'd been to an attorney, real estate agent to sell the house, etc., etc. etc. their situ. changed and they are supposedly trying to work things out. so i'll admit, when she discovered the A and was upset, i was somewhat surprised, and so was he. because she had made the decision that the marriage was over, we both assumed that that was the case. even though their kids are both now gone, they ultimately agreed to try again becuase their youngest is in transition and didn't want to add more stress to his life. was i angry with her? yup, no doubt. may not have been justified but as stupid as this will sound, because he and i had talked about OUR future together, i felt like she was stealing him from me. i know that may not make sense, but that's the way i felt. i'm still in touch with him, although, for the most part it's just friendly conversation, i'm not expecting more and still trying to sort through what's truth and what was an outright lie. and honestly, if it hadn't been for his son's plans changing, i'm pretty sure that he and i would be together right now! as i said, i'm far enough removed to be able to look at things more objectively, but i do find it ironic that a BS asks us to not be vindictive when many, not all, place the lions share of the blame at our feet. thye may say that they know that their H is to blame, but many times the words and insults that come our way, show that they're looking for someone else to blame for their problems. we have a part in that, no doubt. that we should have known better. and yes, we should have, they are married but the fact remains, MM is the one who broke his vows. we were perhaps naive enough to get involved and believe the lies, but they are ultimately the one's who wronged their spouse. a friend of mine's H was recently discovered cheating so i've got to witness first hand her pain and anguish through this all. BUT ... i've known her for years and know of the problems that have existed in her marriage for years ... now, she's refusing to focus on the problems, which were in large part her issues ... all her energy is going into how this is all the MWs fault and what she and her friends want to do to this woman.... izzy
littleflowerpot Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 you are absolutely right. and we all have friends or have been the one that's been cheated on too. we ALWAYS blame the other woman. we get mad at our man too but it's the other woman that gets the majority of our scorn and vitriol. and maybe that's as it should be in some cases because no doubt there are some women that truly get off on taking other women's men and it gives them a power rush. but the married women forget that this is the other woman's forum. there is an infidelity forum for them to share their pain and situations. oftentimes we other women/former other women understand their pain and it gives us fresh insight. but this is our forum and this is the designated place for us to go to share our pain, our feelings and our situations. that's what irks me when i see the wives come in here and spew anger on us for their own personal situations. the best of all worlds would be for we other women/former other women and wives to find a way to come together and learn something from each other.
Mr Spock Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 The best of both worlds would be if the wife realized that a ring on her finger doesn't mean she's won a prize and the OW realizing that when a relationship of any kind has to be secret, you're settling for less than you deserve. And for both of them to make HIM answer for his choices. I'm certainly tired of hearing women running around saying "Why do you keep humping my husband" when they need to be asking their husband "Why are you throwing our relationship down the toilet?" The fact of the matter remains that there will always be a head to head on this topic because you'll never get an honest answer out of a cheater. If you did, you'd be talking to him and not to us.
Mr Spock Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 PS-I would also like to tell you Veronese that the title "Girls?" implies that you're lumping us all into the category of nubile barely legal morons, which simply isn't true. Women...ladies...chicks....b*tches...housewives....lawyers....
Author veronese Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 First of all - I don't think all OW/OM are alike, have experienced identical relationships, are all bad, good, cruel, kind, young, old, beautiful, ugly......if I touch a raw nerve in any of you, so be it. But I hope that any OW/OM reading my posts can appreciate that it's impossible to put a provisor on every comment or thought one makes. When an OW/OM has been lied to and is being conned as much as a spouse, I have the greatest sympathy and understanding for their predicament. I don't hate OW/OM, some of my best friends are OW. That doesn't mean I condone, approve or agree with their decisions to knowingly conduct illicit relationships with people who are already married or committed. We are all individuals, free to make our own choices, have our own beliefs. Those decisions all have their consequences. Some of us have strong views on morality, loyalty, committment, some of us don't. If OW/OM knowingly become attached/involved with a married person, that's up to them. But they should also understand that when their affairs get discovered they will most likely be loathed and blamed to some degree by the betrayed spouses. The betrayed partners usually blame BOTH their spouses and the OW/OM, but if you read the threads you will see that most blame their partner the most. If OW/OM don't want to feel animosity, hostility, anger and vengance, maybe they shouldn't get involved with married people. littleflowerpot Yes, I do know I'm in the OW/OM forum....I'm not completely stupid. Are you saying wives like me (who have been cheated on by men they love very much) are not allowed to come here and post? If so I apologise for my thread, I didn't realise there were such restrictions on the site. Many betrayed spouses post on the 'infidelity' forum to share their thoughts and seek advice and support. We also pop in here to try and get a better understanding of the feelings of the women and men who give an insight into their situations and emotions. Until there is a separate, (exclusive?) forum for the betrayed spouses we tend to post under 'infidelity'. So using your logic does that mean OW/OM shouldn't make posts under 'infidelity', especially when they already have their own place to give each other support? It's just that all too frequently when the betrayed spouses sound off in 'infidelity', they frequently find themselves on the receiving end of unsympathetic, critical, disparaging comments from OW and OM who freely attack them for describing their hurt, pain and anger towards them. I wasn't spewing my anger on OW for their personal situations. You do seem to get irked so easily LFP, I wasn't actually talking directly to you. I have learned a lot from reading the threads here maybe you should try to learn something about the wives' perspectives sometime? If you were a wife who loved her husband enormously, were raising a family with him, were under the impression he was faithful to you, were devestated at discovering the deceit and disloyalty.... how would you feel? Or is that concept too alien for you to imagine? If you were in my shoes would you have had no bad feelings about the OW? Would you be indifferent to the woman/women you suddenly found out about? Would they be insignificant, unimportant, irrelevant details of your marital crisis, so much so you didn't give them another thought? Would the revelation of an affair only affect your relationship with your H and exclude any reference or emotion towards his lover? If so, your capacity to ignore the OW's part in your H's affair is truly remarkable. If your H has an affair it is with someone else, not just him on his own. Therefore, LFP, wives tend to have issues with whoever it was their husband was shagging. Maybe being an OW like you are though enables you to recognise the insignificance of the relationship you have with a married man. You presumably have something so superficial with him if you were his wife you wouldn't give you another thought?? The high horse I mentioned incidentally was the one you were on when you replied. The 'bitches I would like to slap in the face' are indeed the OW in my H's life. I'm surprised my words cause offence to you, if this desire offends you maybe you should avoid MM forever. You may encounter an angry wife who wants to do a whole lot more than just slap your face. Some wives won't just fantasise either, some will come hunting for you. Just because you don't think wives should get angry with their husband's mistresses doesn't mean that the wives will share the same sentiment. OW get pissed off with wives coming in here? So what? Wives get pissed off with OW shagging their husbands. I didn't post with the intent of antagonising anyone. It wasn't an attack on you or anyone else, just an attempt to make OW acknowledge and accept that our hurt and anger is a natural emotional reaction to being lied to and that many of you would feel exactly the same if it happened to you. The wives get hurt, do you believe OW should not LFP? Obviously my request for a truce isn't an option for everyone here, but for those of you who can emphathise with us wives it would be most welcome to hear your thoughts on the subject. Do you think wives are unreasonable to direct anger in the OW's direction, or do you view their vitriol as kind of predictable? Spock, asking women "Why do you keep humping my husband"? doesn't mean we aren't asking our men "Why are you throwing our relationship down the toilet?". We do both sometimes - weird isn't it?! So many questions, so few answers.... None of us will get honest answers from cheaters, they lie to their spouses and lovers in equal measures, surely good enough reason for us all to talk even more? It's not a competition between you and us. We don't 'own' our husbands but we have made vows to them, have a life with them, families with them, history with them. They aren't our possessions but to me my H was (is???) so precious to me I treasured our marriage and life together. Routine, boring, mundane and miserable at times, but also full of love and joy for so many simple things. Each year brings it's own problems, dealing with them isn't much fun, that's life. Being married means dealing with all the crap when it comes, I don't think any of us can avoid it. If OW eventually settle down with their MM their lives will encompass the crap as well as the fun too. I'm sorry I said 'Girls' Spock, I didn't think 'Girls' meant 'nubile barely legal morons'. That's the bloody problem with these forums, just one word as innocuous as 'girls' can piss someone off. Honestly Spock, there was no offence intended by it. It's like treading on eggs shells around here sometimes! Hope you're keeping well by the way Spock, how's life with you? Take care Veron
Author veronese Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 I have no idea why the text formatted like that - I know it looks bloody silly! Sorry everyone x
FolderWife Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I SERIOUSLY believe that these married men really honestly think their wife is a nag/frigid/ungrateful/money grubbing/sex witholding biotch. I work with a guy. I've met his wife. I love her to death. This guy is the biggest PIG you'd ever want to meet. Yet she sticks by him. He's now having an affair. She just found out. He tries to tell us, "She's a nag! She spends all my money!" at one point, he actually turned to me, and said, "You saw how she was...tell them!" I was like, "......YOU WERE A JERK!!!!!" and he was! But he really thought that SHE was the one with the problem!
SexKitten Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by littleflowerpot you want us to not condemn you for getting angry and vindictive? how do you expect anyone to react to anger and vindictiveness? and then you say you'd like to slap the bitches in the face a few times. i'm assuming the "bitches" you wanna "slap in the face" are the OW. how would anyone react to that? and get off our high horses? i think she is referring to the fact that she feels wives have the right to feel angry and vindictive towards the OW because they have been wronged, whereas the OW wasn't wronged by the wife. it's like the whole "i did something to you and you're mad at me, so i am going to get mad back when i don't have a right to" concept. so when you say "how would anyone react to that", it's the same point that the original poster is getting at...that you have to expect that someone being wronged will get angry, just like people don't like to hear thet will get slapped. one causes the other causes the other...the cycle won't stop until the catalyst is eradicated, whatever that catalyst is.
alphamale Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by Monday But he really thought that SHE was the one with the problem! she does have a problem....she sticks by her hubbie. some womens capacity to take abuse from men never ceases to amaze me.
RecordProducer Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Regarding the MM: it's them who cheat on their wives and not the OW. Regarding the OW: if no one wanted to use drugs, there would be no drug dealers in this world. Regarding the wives: I am with Alpha on this; why live with the pain and humiliation when you can rip him off and walk away like a queen, and let the OW have the lying scum? Cheaters ain't any prize for women, ya know?
quankanne Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I SERIOUSLY believe that these married men really honestly think their wife is a nag/frigid/ungrateful/money grubbing/sex witholding biotch. … But he really thought that SHE was the one with the problem! it's called "justification," my dear. How else can a cheating spouse make his or her bad judgment seem right or worthy? It's pretty much the same mentality a junkie has: all they see is their need for their next fix, and to hell with whoever they hurt. In this case, though, the cheating spouse easily has the upper hand, because (s)he can lie to the person (s)he's married to, and (s)he can lie to the person (s)he's f*cking on the side. No real love involved there, IMHO ... why live with the pain and humiliation when you can rip him off and walk away like a queen, and let the OW have the lying scum? because at somepoint in our lives, we feel we have such an emotional investment in a relationship we don't want to just chuck it away ... even when walking away would be the smartest thing to do!
cheatersrsad Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Vero, I had your back until you said "I don't hate OW/OM, some of my best friends are OW". If I am mistaken, then I apologize. If I am right, and you honestly mean that you have friends who are out there having relationships with married man...than SHAME on you. You just finished telling us how that affected you and your life and yet you consider someone a friend who does the very same to others? At some point in life, don't we owe it to ourselves to decide who we should have in our lives and if they represent what we don't like, then why share a friendship with them? It screams of hypocracy.
littleflowerpot Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by veronese littleflowerpot Yes, I do know I'm in the OW/OM forum....I'm not completely stupid. Are you saying wives like me (who have been cheated on by men they love very much) are not allowed to come here and post? If so I apologise for my thread, I didn't realise there were such restrictions on the site. Many betrayed spouses post on the 'infidelity' forum to share their thoughts and seek advice and support. We also pop in here to try and get a better understanding of the feelings of the women and men who give an insight into their situations and emotions. Until there is a separate, (exclusive?) forum for the betrayed spouses we tend to post under 'infidelity'. So using your logic does that mean OW/OM shouldn't make posts under 'infidelity', especially when they already have their own place to give each other support? It's just that all too frequently when the betrayed spouses sound off in 'infidelity', they frequently find themselves on the receiving end of unsympathetic, critical, disparaging comments from OW and OM who freely attack them for describing their hurt, pain and anger towards them. I wasn't spewing my anger on OW for their personal situations. You do seem to get irked so easily LFP, I wasn't actually talking directly to you. I have learned a lot from reading the threads here maybe you should try to learn something about the wives' perspectives sometime? If you were a wife who loved her husband enormously, were raising a family with him, were under the impression he was faithful to you, were devestated at discovering the deceit and disloyalty.... how would you feel? Or is that concept too alien for you to imagine? If you were in my shoes would you have had no bad feelings about the OW? Would you be indifferent to the woman/women you suddenly found out about? Would they be insignificant, unimportant, irrelevant details of your marital crisis, so much so you didn't give them another thought? Would the revelation of an affair only affect your relationship with your H and exclude any reference or emotion towards his lover? If so, your capacity to ignore the OW's part in your H's affair is truly remarkable. If your H has an affair it is with someone else, not just him on his own. Therefore, LFP, wives tend to have issues with whoever it was their husband was shagging. Maybe being an OW like you are though enables you to recognise the insignificance of the relationship you have with a married man. You presumably have something so superficial with him if you were his wife you wouldn't give you another thought?? The high horse I mentioned incidentally was the one you were on when you replied. The 'bitches I would like to slap in the face' are indeed the OW in my H's life. I'm surprised my words cause offence to you, if this desire offends you maybe you should avoid MM forever. You may encounter an angry wife who wants to do a whole lot more than just slap your face. Some wives won't just fantasise either, some will come hunting for you. Just because you don't think wives should get angry with their husband's mistresses doesn't mean that the wives will share the same sentiment. OW get pissed off with wives coming in here? So what? Wives get pissed off with OW shagging their husbands. I didn't post with the intent of antagonising anyone. It wasn't an attack on you or anyone else, just an attempt to make OW acknowledge and accept that our hurt and anger is a natural emotional reaction to being lied to and that many of you would feel exactly the same if it happened to you. The wives get hurt, do you believe OW should not LFP? Obviously my request for a truce isn't an option for everyone here, but for those of you who can emphathise with us wives it would be most welcome to hear your thoughts on the subject. Do you think wives are unreasonable to direct anger in the OW's direction, or do you view their vitriol as kind of predictable? Veron whoa, for a person who lectured me about being irked too quickly you sure do protest too much. lol. hon, i responded to what you said. i sure wasn't as antagonistic as you. you asked questions and i responded as honestly as i could. i'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear. you wanted me to say i understood your position but you didn't want me to dissent. well, sweetie, i HAVE been in your shoes before. so i do understand your position. i also have been on the other side of the fence so i've seen the other side. i don't think i told you that OW get pissed off that you come in here. i welcome public discourse. i just won't tell you what you want to hear if i don't think it's honest for me to do that. i told you that by some of the things you said in your own post, it's no wonder we take offense. you talk about wanting to smack the bitch but then in the same thread want us to say we understand you. what i was saying to you is that this forum is for us to come in here to discuss our personal situations and most often we end up feeling attacked for trying to be honest and open and talk about the **** we're going through. in short, as i've already told you, i've been on both sides of the issue so i don't really need to be told to learn something from the wive's perspective. to say this: "The 'bitches I would like to slap in the face' are indeed the OW in my H's life. I'm surprised my words cause offence to you, if this desire offends you maybe you should avoid MM forever. You may encounter an angry wife who wants to do a whole lot more than just slap your face. Some wives won't just fantasise either, some will come hunting for you. Just because you don't think wives should get angry with their husband's mistresses doesn't mean that the wives will share the same sentiment." and then to say this: "Obviously my request for a truce isn't an option for everyone here, but for those of you who can emphathise with us wives it would be most welcome to hear your thoughts on the subject. Do you think wives are unreasonable to direct anger in the OW's direction, or do you view their vitriol as kind of predictable?" is a bit ironic. your first statement was passive aggressive and i'm really not afraid of my ex-attached bf's girlfriend. i'm a big girl. i think he should be more concerned about that than me. do i have no care for her feelings? of course, i care. i wasn't with him with the express intent to hurt her. that's one of the main reasons i ended the situation when he was still with her. i loved him very much but i had no desire to hurt anyone. in short again, i think it's more productive for wives to be more concerned with their cheating partner than the OW. and frankly, i'm quite surprised that you don't recognize how much bashing the OW takes in this forum at times from angry wives. i'm surprised you don't understand that it makes it difficult for these OW to be able to express honest opinions and feelings when they fear the backlash. you sound very angry. have you thought about counseling at all?
RecordProducer Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by cheatersrsad Vero, I had your back until you said "I don't hate OW/OM, some of my best friends are OW". If I am mistaken, then I apologize. If I am right, and you honestly mean that you have friends who are out there having relationships with married man...than SHAME on you. You just finished telling us how that affected you and your life and yet you consider someone a friend who does the very same to others? At some point in life, don't we owe it to ourselves to decide who we should have in our lives and if they represent what we don't like, then why share a friendship with them? It screams of hypocracy. What does that have to do with her firends who are OW? Would it be better if she was judgemental and ditched her best friends because they are OW? It's not hypocracy. Her friends are not killers, they just sleep with other wives' husbands. And regarding her statement that she felt like slapping the OW in the face, OF COURSE she hates her husband's mistresses!!! Why is it normal for the OW to have feelings and not be able to let the MM go, but the wife should be an angel and feel compassion for the OW and not hate her? Where is the OW's compassion for the wife? She doesn't hate ALL OW, but only the ones who slept with her husband. What's so unusual about that? She's a normal woman. And more than that, her post is rather positive and optimistic and she forgave her husband for being a jerk.
cmsara Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 I am not sure how to go about this. However, there is this woman who, in sisterhood, was having a long term affair that suddenly never heard from her lover even though they spoke to each other daily before. One day he told her he loved her and then she never heard from him again. They were both a bit older that me, 55. Yet, obviously they were the loves of their lives. If any one has knowledge of this couple, I would be most grateful to hear how the story unfolded. I think of her daily since I have been in a loving relationship for 7 years. I wonder what happens when the phone no longer rings. What do you do when this fabulous, smart, sexy man that you can't keep your hands off of, dies...and you don't know until the phone no longer rings. What do you do? Who was she and did this happen?
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