First long term relationship ended a month ago, no contact since

[dray95]

I am going into my sophomore year of college, and recently broke up with my girlfriend of close to a year. I never had a serious relationship in high school, and fell harder for her than anybody before her. We had started dating a few weeks into college, and everything seemed great until midway through the summer following our freshman year. We had a few issues, but thinking back on it, I'm beginning to realize that most of the tension between us probably stemmed from sexual tension. Sex always hurt my ex, and for about half of our relationship she really downplayed the issue until one night where she cried after and told me she didn't understand why it still hurt. Being relatively inexperienced, I figured that the issue would resolve itself as my ex had only been with one guy prior to me and I thought the issue just stemmed from being too tight. Thinking back on it, its probably something she should have consulted a doctor about.

 

Going into the summer, everything in our relationship really seemed to be working out, and we picked rooms in the same building for the upcoming semester. We talked every day on the phone, but as we lived two hours away from one another we only got to see each other every few weeks. We were happy for the most part when we visited one another, and had some amazing times, but the sexual tension still seemed to be the elephant in the room, and when we would attempt sex, it would usually end in failure (the problem seemed to get worse the longer it had been since the last time we had sex) and either lead to both of us feeling dejected, or one of us snapping at the other. Although I never tried to make her feel bad about the lack of sex, I feel as though I wasn't always able to hide my disappointment and in the process hurt her.

 

A couple of weeks before we broke up, we had a conversation where we basically said to each other that there were things in the relationship not working out. I felt that she didn't always tell me when something was bothering her, and let small issues escalate into big ones by not communicating earlier, and she felt that I was often too emotional when difficulties came up in our relationship making me unapproachable. She had also told me on an earlier occasion that she had felt that I could be manipulative (sometimes I would convince her to go to parties when she'd rather stay in and things to that effect. we had talked about this issue towards the end of the school year, and it had seemed resolved on both ends). At the end of the conversation, I had told her I'd give her space if she needed it and to let me know what she wanted to do. She called me the next day and told me that she wasn't worried anymore and felt that we both wanted the same things. For the next few weeks over the phone everything seemed as it had been before.

 

She visited me for a few days a couple weeks after that conversation. There was definitely an odd tension between us. We got along the first couple of days, but on the night before she left sex came up again. She told me she was scared of it hurting. Stupidly, I told her I just wanted to try, and if it hurt we could immediately stop. During foreplay, I felt her pulling back so I stopped and asked her if she was alright and where she felt we were after our previous conversation. She told me she still wanted to be with me if that's what I was asking, and asked where I was at. I told her our relationship stressed me out and I felt it might be broken. The day after she left, she called me and broke it off with me. She said she felt I'd become clingy and she needed space and asked for a break. A couple of days after I called her to see if a break was really what she wanted, and she said she felt she wanted a break up. I apologized for everything I had done, namely pressuring her towards sex, and suggested it might be time to consult professional help. She agreed with me and said that that had played a role, but she couldn't make the relationship work anymore. She also told me she hadn't met anybody else at that point. We ended the conversation by saying we would miss each other.

 

Since that conversation, we haven't spoke (its been close to four weeks). I'm nervous about seeing her in a couple weeks when we move in, and I just found out that we will be working together as tutors this upcoming school year. I still feel that if I had just said something different during our last visit and told her I still wanted to be with her too, we'd still be together. Logically, I know this probably isn't true, but I still have some hopes for a reconciliation. From what I posted, do you think theres any hopes for a reconciliation, and what is the best way I could go about this OR should I just cut my losses and attempt to move forward?

 

I apologize in advance for the overly lengthy post, and I really appreciate anybody that actually put in the time to read it.

[d0nnivain]

Cut your losses & move forward. Dorms are big places. You can avoid her. Set your tutoring schedule opposite hers. Join a new group on campus.

[dray95]

Yeah that's kinda what I'm thinking but its hard to let go. Anybody else give me some insight?