Tried semi-LDR and broke up a bit unexpectedly, is there any way to fix it?

[kayla235]

We met at the same college as seniors and really clicked. He initially broke up with me a month before graduation because of worries of what would happen after college and because we were both stressed and not communicating well, but about a week after he broke up with me we got back together and talked about ways to communicate better.

 

We're both living at home, about 1.5 hrs from each other. This summer, I've been pretty stressed. I was applying for jobs, taking the MCAT, and writing med school apps. I'm still finishing up applications. I also started a new job and my parents are having a lot of marriage/money issues, so living at home and working and everything has been stressful. My MCAT came back well, but my bf mentioned this past week that he thought I'd been putting a lot of my stress on him this summer and that i was focusing on the negatives rather than the positive parts of my situation.

 

He doesn't have a job yet and has been pretty depressed about it, and I haven't been able to say anything to cheer him up. This all came to a head last night. We were both feeling down about the relationship for these reasons. He also felt like I wasn't planning enough for us to do together, that we weren't seeing each other enough (we were seeing each other about 1-2x a week), and that he didn't have the energy to fight his own depression and work on the things we'd need to do to fix our relationship. He felt like the least busy point of our lives was over this summer and that it would get worse and more busy. We also didn't have a place to hang out and he was feeling depressed that we could only see each other for a few hours and then he'd have to leave to drive back home. He said he felt like he has this great girlfriend he sees sometimes who lives far away. I tried suggesting that we skype and call more and plan our schedules more in advance and that I try to be more positive, but he wasn't on board to try to fix the relationship. Over the summer, sometimes he wouldn't be up to calling or seeing each other because he was too depressed so I started feeling uncomfortable asking him to hang out. I had just recently been trying to make these changes when I noticed how my actions were affecting his depression (complaining about my job when he doesn't have one) but I didn't have enough time to really follow through with those changes. I wasn't able to see him for the past week and a half because our schedules were misaligned for that time. I also noticed that when he got sick/depressed and felt he was on the back burner was right when my mcat scores came back and I started my job, so maybe he felt like I didn't have enough time and was moving forward without him.

 

He didn't even expect to end it last night, he said. Even a couple hours before this conversation, he was talking about plans for our birthdays and a trip we were hoping to take. I don't know what I'm looking for. Is this relationship just unsalvageable? Will he change his mind? He was in a pretty bad mental state when he said all this, so I just wonder what could have been.

 

But also: How can I move forward? I'm living with my parents in a suburb and it sucks. I'm trying to invest more in my job and volunteer at a couple places and I have a couple friends an hour away to see occasionally, but I feel like this is going to be such a lonely and stressful year.

Tl;dr: processing the end of relationship, wondering if there's any hope

[d0nnivain]

Throw yourself into your work & MCAT prep. When med school starts you won't have time to worry about him

[Samuel_22]

We met at the same college as seniors and really clicked. He initially broke up with me a month before graduation because of worries of what would happen after college and because we were both stressed and not communicating well, but about a week after he broke up with me we got back together and talked about ways to communicate better.

 

We're both living at home, about 1.5 hrs from each other. This summer, I've been pretty stressed. I was applying for jobs, taking the MCAT, and writing med school apps. I'm still finishing up applications. I also started a new job and my parents are having a lot of marriage/money issues, so living at home and working and everything has been stressful. My MCAT came back well, but my bf mentioned this past week that he thought I'd been putting a lot of my stress on him this summer and that i was focusing on the negatives rather than the positive parts of my situation.

 

He doesn't have a job yet and has been pretty depressed about it, and I haven't been able to say anything to cheer him up. This all came to a head last night. We were both feeling down about the relationship for these reasons. He also felt like I wasn't planning enough for us to do together, that we weren't seeing each other enough (we were seeing each other about 1-2x a week), and that he didn't have the energy to fight his own depression and work on the things we'd need to do to fix our relationship. He felt like the least busy point of our lives was over this summer and that it would get worse and more busy. We also didn't have a place to hang out and he was feeling depressed that we could only see each other for a few hours and then he'd have to leave to drive back home. He said he felt like he has this great girlfriend he sees sometimes who lives far away. I tried suggesting that we skype and call more and plan our schedules more in advance and that I try to be more positive, but he wasn't on board to try to fix the relationship. Over the summer, sometimes he wouldn't be up to calling or seeing each other because he was too depressed so I started feeling uncomfortable asking him to hang out. I had just recently been trying to make these changes when I noticed how my actions were affecting his depression (complaining about my job when he doesn't have one) but I didn't have enough time to really follow through with those changes. I wasn't able to see him for the past week and a half because our schedules were misaligned for that time. I also noticed that when he got sick/depressed and felt he was on the back burner was right when my mcat scores came back and I started my job, so maybe he felt like I didn't have enough time and was moving forward without him.

 

He didn't even expect to end it last night, he said. Even a couple hours before this conversation, he was talking about plans for our birthdays and a trip we were hoping to take. I don't know what I'm looking for. Is this relationship just unsalvageable? Will he change his mind? He was in a pretty bad mental state when he said all this, so I just wonder what could have been.

 

But also: How can I move forward? I'm living with my parents in a suburb and it sucks. I'm trying to invest more in my job and volunteer at a couple places and I have a couple friends an hour away to see occasionally, but I feel like this is going to be such a lonely and stressful year.

Tl;dr: processing the end of relationship, wondering if there's any hope

Excuses! excuses! and yet again excuses! Tell me somethin! unless you wanna tell yourself lies, didn't he know he was entering a Semi-LDR? When I love someone, I don't care if I see this person everyday, every other day, every week, every other week, every month or every other month!!! You see what I mean? When I love someone, I love that person, I will never leave this person alone, problems? anxiety? I love to text, phone that person day in and day out to talk about my problem, that person's voice will be enough for me to jump out of my skin...I don't want you to look at me as Mr. Hopekiller... but none of these makes sense! listen to me! trust me on this....leave this guy alone for some time, go NC...this is the only way to make him think and make up his mind...the outcome? either he will come back fullheartedly and the relationship takes off or he decides not to come back! either way congratulations! you don't want to stay in a relationship in which that person's heart is not beating, so give him the shock he will either come back to life or dies for good...

[adiamond]

Dude... same thing just happened to me.... except I'm going to dental school instead of medical school. He broke up with me 1.5 weeks ago because he was uncertain where our futures will take us. He said he couldn't give me what I deserve with the fear that we're going to break up in the future.

 

Honestly, he hasn't come back to me nor have we talked and it has been almost 2 weeks now. I think he's trying to move on and I don't think he's going to contact me (but I can't help the stupid hope that he will in my heart). If you're going to be in a relationship and you want to try LDR for the future, both of you are going to have to be in it together 100%. I would say, try to move on and stay busy. If he comes back then he doesn't, but if he doesn't that's okay. You want someone who will be there for you and is willing to work it out together.