quattrob Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Because in this world people don't mean what they say alot of the time. And even if they meant it, it was just at that moment.. people say and exaggerate things when they feel happy (when they are into the moment). This is the sad truth, there are alot of people who are out looking for better instead of appreciating what they have. You just haven't found the right one that would appreciate your efforts, sacrifices and love. I can tell you come on pretty strong and pretty much go all in from the start with someone, this is one reason why people or girls rather treat you the way they do. Perhaps you shouldn't be so pushy and come on so strong and take it slowly. I hate that about dating, if you like someone so much why can't you show and do things based on how you feel? Why do you need to restrict yourself? Alas that's how this society works, at least generally speaking.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Her not saying much about the cause of walking away makes me definitely feel like someone else is in the picture. She is very forward on things and a very strong minded woman. She doesn't put up with **** usually which is what attracted me to her. I even told her that is what intrigued me about her, is that I would never have to worry about her cheating on me or being aloof. She is the type of person that will tell you like it is up front. So by her not saying anything about why her change in feelings in 24hrs of being with me is very odd to say the least. And it is not like her to just ignore me or anybody for that matter. She is very direct in her manners. I mean she actually told me about her FWB she had when we first met and that she broke it off once she saw where we were headed together. He actually told her he loved her when she broke it off. She said it was nothing but it was fun. She could have kept that a secret and I would have never known. Thats what I'm talking about. I have specifically asked her if she was seeing or sleeping with someone else and she said no. So I don't know what to believe. I will take your advice and stay NC until she contacts me and I still don't know if I would respond. Nothing worse than a pity call or an invitation to ease my pain. It's embarrassing ! What should i do about the diamond necklace ? Wait to see if she leaves it in my locker, ask for it back or just let her keep it ? Last time she tried to break up it was her priority to give it back to me but kept it an extra day because she was second guessing her decision. But she had it in her car. This time she hasn't mentioned it .
Author Jackson1 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Posted September 3, 2015 I just need some input. I have been no contact like you said and it has been about 4 days. Today I went to work at 6am. She was there and I have avoided her at all costs. When she has been near me I haven't even looked at her or acknowledged her presence. She actually for some strange reason about mid morning was in my department straightening boxes which she never does nor should be. I still avoided her. About and hour ago , I walked by the front desk and noticed she was there so I paid no attention. As I walked back in the store in the aisle , next thing I know she is rubbing her arm against mine as I was walking with her head down. She said " Hey " in a weak voice. I said " hey " . She still was rubbing and bumping her arm against mine. I noticed she still had her head down, so I made it a point to look her straight in the eyes until she picked up her head and looked at me. She said " Are you doing ok ?" I said " I'm trying " in a positive voice while looking her dead in the eyes. A customer then said something to me and she immediately turned around and walked away. What do you think she was doing by all of that ? It was more of a " I'm sorry I made a mistake " moment more than a friendly check up. Is she second guessing things do you think or just trying to deal with her own guilt ?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Diamond necklace!? I think you showed way too much interest which can be a huge turn off. "I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly." -Scrubs
Author Jackson1 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 I totally messed up ! I have been NC for more than a week now. Today she stood off to the side while I was waiting on a customer. She waited there until I was done . I went over to her because it seemed like she wanted something. She had a very sad distraught look on her face and just stared in my eyes. Then she said " are you ok ? " I said " do you really want to know, because I told you before I promised i would never lie to you !". I said " are you ok ? " . She said " I never made that promise ". I replied " no but you made many others ! ". She then slowly walked away and said " that was a good one " . After that I texted her to find out why she was so distraught ? I said " are you missing me or something ? " She replied " I'm fine " . I really screwed that up didn't I ? Uhhg. She lured me into more embarrassment !
Blanco Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Oh my gosh, man, I didn't get my first real kiss until I was in college and even I'm looking away in embarrassment for you. If there was ever a time to play it cool, this is it. Also, this is wildly unprofessional behavior unless you're working at, I don't know, Applebee's or something.
disbelief Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 the reason she canned you is because your basically acting like a woman. when a guy starts buying gifts like that early on she senses your weakness and that you will do anything to have her in your life. her challenge is gone. she initially liked you but soon found out how weak you are. you dont buy gifts for woman until they are in love with you. she knew you would do anything for her and she could completely have her way so you became extremely boring. if you have any chance with her you need to be indifferent from here on. never contact her and if she reaches out to you then it means she wants to see you and is wondering why you haven't been the little bitch she knows you were. you need to check out coach corey waynes youtube videos and read his book. you need it badly. time to be a man and grow a set of balls. sorry if this was blunt but i did the same thing! educate yourself.
Survivor12 Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 You said that you gave her the necklace as a birthday gift. If that is true, why would you expect her to return it? If not, why DID you give it to her? Were you trying to buy her affection? Either way, lesson learned.
Blanco Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I think this is spot-on. My uncle is a great guy, very funny, intelligent, well-spoken, charming, runs his own business. He's done a lot of dating in the 20 years since his divorce. A couple relationships, but mostly a lot of first and last dates. It dawned on me years ago why this might be: He's way too nice to women he's interested in. That sounds piggish, so I'll elaborate. He becomes a different person when talking to someone he likes. He's way too interested and fascinated by her; too amenable. It's like he doesn't have his own personality because he's too focused on making the woman feel like she's this incredible person. There's a time and place for that, but it's creepy when you're doing it as you're getting to know the person. How can you think so highly of someone when you're still learning who they are? It reeks of insincerity.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 You said that you gave her the necklace as a birthday gift. If that is true, why would you expect her to return it? If not, why DID you give it to her? Were you trying to buy her affection? Either way, lesson learned. No I certainly don't want the necklace back and have told her that. She left once before and that was the first thing she wanted to do was give it back. I just found it odd that this time she hadn't mentioned anything about it. I have known her for a very long time and she has been going through a lot of personal issues with her health and finalizin her divorce , so the necklace was more of a nice gesture than an item to win her over ! I don't see the harm in buying something nice for someone you care about at any level .
Author Jackson1 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 the reason she canned you is because your basically acting like a woman. when a guy starts buying gifts like that early on she senses your weakness and that you will do anything to have her in your life. her challenge is gone. she initially liked you but soon found out how weak you are. you dont buy gifts for woman until they are in love with you. she knew you would do anything for her and she could completely have her way so you became extremely boring. if you have any chance with her you need to be indifferent from here on. never contact her and if she reaches out to you then it means she wants to see you and is wondering why you haven't been the little bitch she knows you were. you need to check out coach corey waynes youtube videos and read his book. you need it badly. time to be a man and grow a set of balls. sorry if this was blunt but i did the same thing! educate yourself. Very well said and very well understood ! Although she was on the same level as me through it all , but I do know she wasn't in a good place for everything going as quick as it was. I think we got lost in the passion of it all. Now , like today she sends mixed signals, by coming to me with her depressed look and feeling the need to ask me if I'm ok . Its like she gets off on knowing I'm in pain. Its gotten to a point that I don't even want her back. I have a date with a beautiful Hungarian woman Sunday and another locally this week. So I guess I am going to get back on that horse and ride. Its just not going to be riding into the sunset anymore ! LoL ...
disbelief Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 she is coming back like that because she is testing you. she wants to see if you fold into the weakling she thinks you are. be indifferent and soon enough she will be chasing you. let her initiate all contact and just play it cool. don't be a dick but don't be chasing after her like some puppy dog. she wants you she just doesn't want that needy insecure behavior you were exhibiting earlier. let her do all of the contact for the first while and just play it cool like your good either way.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 she is coming back like that because she is testing you. she wants to see if you fold into the weakling she thinks you are. be indifferent and soon enough she will be chasing you. let her initiate all contact and just play it cool. don't be a dick but don't be chasing after her like some puppy dog. she wants you she just doesn't want that needy insecure behavior you were exhibiting earlier. let her do all of the contact for the first while and just play it cool like your good either way. Yeah , that's what I've been doing and it seems to be working. I just don't know what to do when she comes up to me for no reason and just looks at me ? Other times it's like she is intentionally ignoring me while I'm ignoring her anyway. She always has a look like she is pissed off with me and I haven't done anything wrong. She is not the type to just be alone, so I'm sure there is someone else she calls to get off. I think thats all she wanted to begin with anyway. She already had a FWB when we started hanging out so I think she just wanted variety or some ****. But she wanted reassurance 3 weeks ago that it was not just about the sex which I replied it wasn't. So very confused. She was always the one that said it was so special and great and was the best sex she ever had , so why leave it ?
disbelief Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 woman love the chase, they will say **** to see if you will fall for it. its there way of testing you. they want that guy they can never put there finger on so to speak. if she comes up to you for no reason just say somthing cocky like " either get over here and slap thoes sweet lips on me or ive gotta run, lots of things to do" or something like that. let her know you not interested in being friends. lovers or nothing. if you let her put you in friends zone your done anyway.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 Hell she won't even put me in the friend zone ! We were such great friends before and now she doesn't even talk to me and doesn't even respond to text messages. She was sick today and had an important doctor visit. I was very tempted to text her to see how it went, but decided not to because she probably would hate it if I did. I feel like my hands are tied right now .
Blanco Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Hell she won't even put me in the friend zone ! We were such great friends before and now she doesn't even talk to me and doesn't even respond to text messages. She was sick today and had an important doctor visit. I was very tempted to text her to see how it went, but decided not to because she probably would hate it if I did. I feel like my hands are tied right now . She doesn't talk to you now because you're probably making her uncomfortable with your behavior. You have to consider the possibility that she just isn't really interested in continuing on. Maybe you don't think it's fair, but I can promise you that ANYTHING you say or do aside from NOTHING regarding this matter is only going to creep her out. I mean, c'mon man, even I feel annoyed by the behavior you're describing. Let her be. You're flirting with harassment at this point.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 But I don't go near her or even look at her. Whenever she comes near me , I go the other way ! She is the one coming to me when I ignore her at work. That's what I can't understand. If she wants nothing to do with me, then why does she keep approaching me periodically with her saddened looks and ask me how I'm doing ? One day while I was avoiding her she walked beside me and started rubbing her arm on mine. These are mixed signals I didn't ask for ! I just thinks she feels guilty of all the loving ****t she brainwashed me and my son with and ditched us for no reason. I wasn't in this passionate scenario by myself. She was fueling the fire too if not more. She was making future plans for us all and making promises she didn't plan on keeping. That is harassment !
Blanco Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I think it's pretty clear that she has not had sufficient time to heal from her divorce. They say it's unwise to get involved with someone who's separated or recently divorced unless you're cool with something casual or fleeting. It doesn't sound like that's the case for you. You need to take a step back and assume that this woman is in no condition to build another serious relationship right now so soon after the breakdown of her marriage. And please keep your son away from her. There is absolutely no reason you should be letting him get attached to a woman you weren't even serious with.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) Funny thing is is that as soon as she separated , she hooked up with her friend of 30yrs. He eventually got aggressive with her and smashed her phone and put a hole in her door wi ty h his fist. So she threw him to the curb . 4 months later when we started hanging out , she was screwing some guy that was a FWB to her. She called that off when she saw where we were heading. So why call that off and get involved with me if she already had someone casually ? I imagine she has hooked back up with him , since I don't think she can be alone for long. I let my son around her because she insisted it was serious ! She said she was overwhelmingly happy with everything and loved being around my son. I'm telling you , she was 100% into everything. When you tell someone " I am gonna show you what it feels like to be loved for a very long time ! " , I would assume she was serious about us. She was making plans for Christmas with my son and talking about moving in together. And with the twinkle in her eyes when she said it , I would have been a fool to think otherwise. She was saying things I have never heard before. It was like she was infatuated and memorized by everything about me. I think that's why this hurts so much . I have never been put on a pedestal so high and been ripped down off it so quickly for no reason at all ! I am fkn crushed mentally now ! Absolutely no closure to it . Now I have to see her every day . Its like reliving a nightmare and can't wake up. Edited September 12, 2015 by Jackson1
Blanco Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I've never been married, so I've never been divorced, but just read around a bit, man. It sounds like most people don't have their head on straight for at least a year or two after divorce, even if they think they do. The behavior you're describing sounds like this woman isn't really sure what she wants. She's all over the place emotionally, and no one should be putting much stock in what she thinks she wants and what she thinks she'll want a month or year from now. She just doesn't know. As for her insisting it was serious; dude, it's YOUR son. Doesn't matter what she says, the responsibility falls to you to protect your son. I'm not saying this woman is a bad person, but a lot of recently divorced people are like the walking wounded, and so you cannot take everything they say at face value. The onus was on you to hear her and then look at the facts: Recently divorced woman already bouncing around to guys very soon after separation/divorce. It just sounds like you let her future fake you.
Author Jackson1 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Yes , you are right ! I should have not gotten so emotionally invested with her and especially her. I knew deep down inside she wasn't going to stick around. I think I had been alone for so many years, that the thought of a future with her just slapped me in the face with stupidity. There really was a connection though, but it's gone now and I know for a fact she's not coming back in the future. Sucks , but that is life I guess . Thanks for your help with this , I really appreciate it !
Author Jackson1 Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 Well just a quick update ! it seems that my boss has left me for another coworker so I found out today. This man also has a girlfriend at home of 10 or 15 years. I let it be known that I knew about this and that other coworkers also know but it didn't seem to phase her in the least. I did ask for my jewelry and my house key back at this point and received it the very next day. Thanks for all your help with this. You guys are great !
Recommended Posts