BluEyeL Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I'm 29 and will be 30 in October. Like you, as I've gotten older I also have given chances to people I might not have in the past, I do not think I am "too picky" in the slightest. I have a small "deal breaker" list, but other than that it depends on the guy. However, despite having become a lot more relaxed in my choice of men (chemistry and common interests are the primary make or break for me), the past three guys I've dated have been a jerk disguised as a nice guy (while dating me he hit on my friend, and she told me), a guy who wasn't over an ex who cheated on him multiple times (and he's dating her again currently), and most recently a commitment phobe. All were very different men but all ended up being the same in a way because they were all on different wavelengths as me. It's a bit discouraging! That's because chemistry and common interests shouldn't be the main criteria for a relationship. Instead, please look at VALUES and CHARACTER.
BluEyeL Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) Except it goes both ways and both genders do it. In essence, it is because everyone wants to date the "hottest" people, so it ends up that everyone is chasing about 5-10% of the opposite gender, and for attributes that don't actually matter fundamentally, such as looks. Edited August 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
stillafool Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 What I never understand about men and these types of rants is: It's completely fine for men to want a woman that they find attractive but when women think this way they are wrong. Why is that? 1
Diezel Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 If you have only 50 people available to meet over the course of your life, your chances are higher than if you have 500 people available to meet over the course of your life. The second scenario means you are more likely to meet lower quality people, although it doesn't guarantee it. What do you think the internet, phone dating, etc... does to your chances? It increases them. So yes, both men and women are more likely to meet someone who will just gloss them over because there is 499 people they could meet within the next week.
Got it Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 If you have only 50 people available to meet over the course of your life, your chances are higher than if you have 500 people available to meet over the course of your life. The second scenario means you are more likely to meet lower quality people, although it doesn't guarantee it. What do you think the internet, phone dating, etc... does to your chances? It increases them. So yes, both men and women are more likely to meet someone who will just gloss them over because there is 499 people they could meet within the next week. Studies have shown that the more options one has, so with internet dating where there are a plethora of options, individuals are MORE dissatisfied and less likely to be satisfied in their choices because there is a constant feeling of "someone better" out there. So the exact issue of having a lot of options leads to perpetual discontent in a relationship. When you options were the boys/girls in your neighborhood or even city, there showed to be a higher level of satisfaction in one's choice.
Diezel Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Funny you say that... "studies". Aziz Ansari's book "Modern Romance" is one of those that addresses the issue through actual studies. 1
Just a Guy Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) Hi Green Eyes, People here have all contributed some good ideas as to why men and women do not find the partners that they desire. I have to add that in my opinion most people these days have some kind of a template for the kind of person that they want in their life. Of course human beings do Not fit into templates. That said the rejection rate is therefore quite high. Fact is when a woman like you brings something substantial to the table as per your own estimate, guys out there will be bringing their own standards to measure you with. So suppose you find a guy who fits your bill and you start dating him, you find that he has taken the opportunity to size you up and he feels that you do not measure up to his standards. So he gently or otherwise lets you down and goes on his way. Sadly when he finds the woman he likes she does the same thing with him that he did with you. This goes on in a never ending circle. I had started a thread on this sub forum which had the title ' Are there any Good hearted Women .....'etc. In a way the topic of that thread is related to your one and I'll explain how. You have talked of Good men who women like you would be happy to date and marry These men would be reasonably attractive, well qualified, holding well paying jobs and would be on the up and up. Great, but nowhere do you specify anything about the guy's nature. Is he a man of good temperament ,light hearted, fun loving, jovial and so on. Fact is such guys would be hard put to fit the bill of Good men specified by you as those guys are hardly likely to incorporate these qualities. Success in life is a demanding mistress and these qualities would be considered frivolity and an impediment to their rise up the corporate ladder. Good hearted men and women on the other hand would probably incorporate these qualities but would probably not be as successful in life as the Good men and women. If you have seen the movie 'The Note Book' you know that the man the heroine married was a man of average means with a Good heart. However she had the choice of marrying her former fiance who was a Good man in that he was good looking, came from a rich, well connected family and occupied a position of power in his family business. Of course that was a romantic tale but I used it to illustrate a point. You have Good people and Good hearted people. You may find a Good hearted man just down the street where you live, whereas you may search for years and not find a Good man who fits your bill and if you do find him he may be looking for his own definition of Princess Charming! One other point I wanted to make and that is that if you are really serious about finding a mate do not delay too much. You will notice that as you grow older living alone, you become more set in your habits and your likes and dislikes. You start enjoying your single and independent status and it keeps getting more and more difficult for you to adjust with someone else. Beyond a certain point it would be impractical for you to settle down with anyone. Also as someone pointed out your biological clock is ticking and the more you delay the less chances of your being able to have children. Just somethings to think about! Cheers! Edited September 1, 2015 by Just a Guy
Just a Guy Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Hi Green Eyes, As an addendum I wanted to say that sometimes when guys come up against a successful woman, they get intimidated by her and do not go anywhere near her. In a way she becomes her own worst enemy. Only a guy who is better placed in the corporate or business field than you are will feel really comfortable around you. Of course there will be exceptions but these may not be very common. Warm Wishes!
Got it Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Funny you say that... "studies". Aziz Ansari's book "Modern Romance" is one of those that addresses the issue through actual studies. Fantastic book! I second the recommendation. And that book was actually what I was referencing.
MoreAmore Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 [/i] I had a hard time with this because I personally am NOT one of the girls depicted, and actually in my experience it's harder to find a man who doesn't end up being a jerk, commitment phobic, or who can't cease the cat and mouse game with exes. I'm curious about everyone else's opinions. Is it harder to find a good woman these days or is it harder to find a good man? Keep in mind, I realize that there are bad seeds of each sex, but as I said, as a woman who has my life together and has a lot to bring to the table, finding equally good men (who are on the same wavelength!) seems awfully difficult. I'd say that man has a loose definition of coherent. It's not harder to find a good woman or a good man. People are what people always have been. Some of the "ugly" is just more publicized in the age of instant information. If anything, we have a better chance of meeting someone wonderful (and maybe higher standards as a result) because we have so many more chances to interact with so many more people. My standards for compatibility that I have had no trouble finding would probably have been completely laughable were I a woman in the 50's. Finding a good provider would be at the forefront ahead of a guy who shares my interests, intellect, and humor.
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Yup. It sounds like what they call a 'nice guy' rant. The 'nice guys' are usually nice because they're not popular with the ladies and haven't had the chance to turn into d*cks like some guys do when they have no problem scoring women. I think if a lot of these 'nice' guys suddenly became popular and had women all the time, they probably wouldn't nearly be so 'nice.' Actually they are just pretending to be "nice" guys. They are usually total pricks who haven't had the chance to be... As for who finds it harder. This 30 yr old guy is right in many ways but also wrong in many ways... Women are getting pickier, men are getting more and more stressed. Its called a complete lack of communication skills and personal interaction. While it disappoints me greatly I am never shocked these days when someone I have messaged for a while or texted for a while is nothing like the person they have been pretending to be. These days most people are fine with email and text but they just can't talk on the phone or face to face. Blame computers and the internet age. It skews peoples perceptions...
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