Told friends about sex and girlfriend found out after promising to keep it private

[Coollaxer]

We're both 17 and lost our virginited to one and other, it's very sacred to her to know that she only wanted me and her knowing about our sex life and I pinky promised we would only discuss it outside of eachother if we were ok with it, well for one I never really discussed it, one friend and my brother I told, but that's it, I didn't wanna let anyone else know, my friends asked me if I had sex and I couldn't keep a straight face and I blew it, I refuse to tell any details and always will, but now my girlfriend went through my phone and found the convo of me and my friend saying how I told him, I said "I have somtbinf to tell you that's finally happend" and I only wrote it like that bc he always tries to get me laid but I wanted it to be special and I explained that, now she says it hasn't been the same, she doesn't have any trust in me that she used to have, and she thinks it may never be the same. We both LOVE each other. I will go to the end of this ****ing earth for her and I always tell her that, I just want her to feel better and I want the trust back and I need to know how to build it back up again. She also says we used to be sexual every day or every other day and now it's lucky if i finger her once a week, she said she has no desire to want to have sex anymore, is she over reacting, or am I just a ****ing *******, keep in Mnd she has a rough sexual past and boyfriend past. Help..

[Got it]

You really violated her trust, there is no two ways around it. You promised her you wouldn't say anything and you reneged on the promise. So whether you can earn back her trust is really dependent on time and whether it's a deal breaker for her. Right now she can't trust you will do what you say and say what you will do. So you will need to be able to show that and it doesn't happen right away.

 

So sex may need to be shelved for right now, don't push for it. Ask her what can you do do regain her trust, repeat it back to her so she knows you really heard her, and then do them.

 

Sorry kiddo but it's an early lesson for you on how important your word is.

[CarrieT]

You can't get her trust back so it is no wonder she won't let you do anything other than finger her.

 

Don't try to keep having sex with her. Show her that she is more to you than a sexual partner and don't push that issue.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if she ultimately broke up with you over this and other issues.

[Coollaxer]

Never said I was just trying to have sex with her or push her for that, I NEVER. Do that, I'm just telling you were in at, I've told her 100s of time the sex doesn't matter till I have toe trust and that's all I'm working towards, I don't mean it as I just wann get in her pants, I genuinely LOVE HER

[Got it]

Never said I was just trying to have sex with her or push her for that, I NEVER. Do that, I'm just telling you were in at, I've told her 100s of time the sex doesn't matter till I have toe trust and that's all I'm working towards, I don't mean it as I just wann get in her pants, I genuinely LOVE HER

 

Okay, that is great. So just remember it's a marathon, not a sprint, so getting her trust back, especially with her past baggage, is going to take time.

 

Just keep asking what you can do and doing them.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

In all reality, in 20 years you probably won't even remember her name. You're 17, she should be happy that you didn't make a video & post it. The big reason that you should shut your suck about it is that you both probably committed a crime. In a lot of states, a minor having sex with a minor is still statutory rape. In most states the age of consent is 18. You wanna be a registered sex offender for life?

[Coollaxer]

That would never happen, we love each other... It's not like that and she will be 18 in 2 months lol I'm just looking for my girlfriends trust back that need, I need it to go back the way it was. I love her and I'm gonna try my hardest to make it up to her

[d0nnivain]

I will go to the end of this ****ing earth for her and I always tell her that, ..

 

 

You LIED to her. You said you would keep it between you & you immediately told all sorts of people

 

 

You always tell her you would go to the end of the earth for her which is another LIE. Forget the big gesture, you blew keeping your mouth shut.

 

 

At this point all you can do is repeatedly apologize & kiss her butt. I'd start with sending her flowers.

 

 

When your buddies talk about sex, you need to say out of respect for my GF I'm not going to talk about it. Repeat as often as necessary.

 

 

You didn't do that. You bragged to improve your standing with your buddies without any regard to how violated she would feel after you ran your mouth.

 

 

Imagine she was your sister. How would you like it if your sister's BF was going around telling people about how she was in bed? You'd want to punch that guy.

 

 

Next time think before you speak.

[elaine567]

That would never happen, we love each other... It's not like that and she will be 18 in 2 months lol I'm just looking for my girlfriends trust back that need, I need it to go back the way it was. I love her and I'm gonna try my hardest to make it up to her

 

NO, but you told friends, and friends tell friends, and it all gets back to her family and before you know it, her parents are mightily upset and contact the police...

[Coollaxer]

I never bragged about it, I never really WANTED to tell anyone it was a horrible horrible mistake and I regret it all so ****ing much. I do truley love her and will go to the end of this earth for her. THATS not a lie. That's the only time I've lied and it was the worst I know. Sooner or later we have to get past it correct? Sooner or later it's gonna be so far in the past it's just gonna be one of those things that happened and you just have to move on right? I'm not saying I want it to all go away because it's what I did under my actions. The only person I wanted to tell was my brother and I don't know what or why I did it but I make the biggest mistake of my life.

[Coollaxer]

And I never said how she was in bed I didn't give 1 detail and I never will

[whichwayisup]

keep in Mnd she has a rough sexual past and boyfriend past. Help..

Are you sure she was a virgin when she was with you?

 

Also, I don't know of too many girls who keep their first time to themselves, my friends and I talked about our first time after it happened. IN detail!! Ask her to look you in the eye and tell you she didn't tell her best friend or a close friend about her first time having sex.

 

Anyway, she's upset, all you can do is hope that she will come around and forgive you, you've apologized enough.

[Coollaxer]

She told her friends but asked me before she told them if it was ok with me first

[Coollaxer]

And I'm positive she was a virgin

[Keenly]

This is a mistake all men make early on. That's when you learn who you can trust to confide things in.

 

 

If you keep being a good boyfriend, this will blow over.

 

 

Plus I bet you ANY amount of money that she has told her friends About it. At least 1.

 

 

She doesn't get to demand your silence but it's okay for her to tell people? No. Just No.

[Coollaxer]

She asked me before she told anyone, I told people first and then she did, but she did the right thing and asked first

[Keenly]

Is she really so ashamed for people to know you had sex?

[SoleMate]

Most men learn very quickly that keeping their mouths shut and being discreet is the best way to keep the relationship going. You're 17, high time to learn that right now. Anyone who encourages you to blab does not have either your or your gf's best interests at heart.

[Coollaxer]

It's not that she's ashamed but she feels that only we should share that kind of pribacy, which we do, I didn't tell anyone any details and I'm sure people were gonna know we had sex sooner or later, I'm not saying I should be completely forgiven but I don't know if she is overreacting because it is just sex, and only we know what goes on behind closed doors you know? I have never said 1 detail and never will

[d0nnivain]

No she doesn't have to put it behind her. She could simply dump you & some women would for that kind of a violation of her trust.

 

Since she hasn't kicked you to the curb yet, go back to my suggestion: apologize profusely & repeatedly; kiss her butt & send her apology flowers.

[Lois_Griffin]

...keep in Mnd she has a rough sexual past and boyfriend past. Help..

 

Give me a break. How does a 17 year old teenage kid have a 'rough' sexual past?

 

You did what every kid your age does. Told some of his buddies that he finally had sex. Big deal. The sky isn't falling, for God's sakes.

 

The whole thing is so damned childish and your 'punishment' for this oh so heinous crime is no more sex. She's learning young. So her whole stance is that she checked with you first before telling her little girlfriends but because you DIDNT check with her first, you're some kind of monster? Oh brother.

 

I'm sure she'll find some other silly little childish thing to pout about a week from now. As you'll soon learn if you haven't already, there's NEVER a shortage of world-stopping drama when it comes to teenage girls. Pffft.

[autumnnight]

Is she really so ashamed for people to know you had sex?

 

This is not the point. TheyBOTH agreed to keep it private. SHE asked him BEFORE she talked to someone. He just talked.

 

I'm sorry, there really isn't any way to spin this to make him good and her bad. He broke his word.

[Got it]

Give me a break. How does a 17 year old teenage kid have a 'rough' sexual past?

 

You did what every kid your age does. Told some of his buddies that he finally had sex. Big deal. The sky isn't falling, for God's sakes.

 

The whole thing is so damned childish and your 'punishment' for this oh so heinous crime is no more sex. She's learning young. So her whole stance is that she checked with you first before telling her little girlfriends but because you DIDNT check with her first, you're some kind of monster? Oh brother.

 

I'm sure she'll find some other silly little childish thing to pout about a week from now. As you'll soon learn if you haven't already, there's NEVER a shortage of world-stopping drama when it comes to teenage girls. Pffft.

 

Really? I am shocked you have to ask this question. A 17 year could definitely have a "rough" past. It really only takes on relationship/occurrence to give one some major baggage especially if there is abuse involved.

 

I feel this is a very flippant response.

[whichwayisup]

She told her friends but asked me before she told them if it was ok with me first

 

So it was OK for her to tell her friends but not okay for you to tell your friends? It is because she asked for permission and you didn't? I am telling you, even if you had told her NO, keep it between us, I can guarantee you she still would have told her best friend.

[whichwayisup]

It's not that she's ashamed but she feels that only we should share that kind of pribacy, which we do, I didn't tell anyone any details and I'm sure people were gonna know we had sex sooner or later, I'm not saying I should be completely forgiven but I don't know if she is overreacting because it is just sex, and only we know what goes on behind closed doors you know? I have never said 1 detail and never will

 

Again, so it's okay for her to tell her friends but not you?

 

She needs to forgive you and accept that since you two are a couple, eventually people will assume you're having sex. Because, that's what couples do!

 

Make her understand that you're not going into details with your friends and that you respect her and wouldn't ever betray her by sharing intimate details..