drseuss Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 (edited) After 6 weeks of not talking to my ex gf I wondered what people on here think about her situation with regards to our break up , after all there is 2 sides to ever story , im hoping it helps me move on further even tho I still miss her She was on off for 12 years with a guy , I don't know details of their breaks over the years , he Is 30 and she 34 now , he had a sudden death in his family a couple years back and wasn't happy , ended leaving to live in Australia for 1 year in march 2014 and left her behind hoping she would follow but she didn't want to go , they met up for a month abroad in august 2014 , after she came home she met me a couple months later , she said he was a total ass while they were away together, we hung out had sex then she said she had a boyfriend buy was gping to break up with him .... she said she didnt want anything and wanted to be single , she broke up with him and our relationship just developed and we ened up having the most amazing intamate time . Things were great until he came back in March 2015 and they met , she had alot of guilt about how they broke up and told me not to worry she was just meeting up to finalise things and bury the hatchet, next thing she called me saying he was staying at hers that night because he had to far to go home ,when we met the next day we broke up and she said meeting him totaly rocked her world and knocked her pretty hard , 1 week later she was back at mine and with me she said she missed me and didn't want him , he lives 80 miles away from our town BTW , he has kept in contact with her and she has seen him a few times at events , ultimately we broke up after 10 months since the first time we has sex ,she wanted to 'just be single' and that's what she had told me before we originally got together , and needed to sort her life out , she still lives at home and has no real career, she is a worrier and a day dreamer, I saw her best friend 2 weeks after the break and she said she missed me and can't see her getting back with her origonal ex because she didn't feel the same and wasn't happy in the last two years of their r/s , I told my ex the day we broke up I didn't want to hear from her unless it was to try and work it out and I did not accept her offer of friendship .... it takes her a long time to make her mind up on stuff, she said she's spent along time unsure if she wants me or him or neither and I still don't think she knows ...... I just feel I should be making an effort to get her back , I'm interested to see what people think about this from her point of view as If she was asking for advice Edited August 30, 2015 by drseuss
salparadise Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 I'd ask her why she's only making two guys miserable when she could probably wiggle her ass a little more and have a dozen orbiters in the rotation. 3
Satu Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 If she can't decide between the two of you, she deserves neither. She should spend some time on her own, and sort herself out. 2
Author drseuss Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 (edited) Ithink tour right It's an odd thing because as soon as I posted this on felt back to being ok and knew the answer to this and I guess at the time these things are posted hoping someone will say , yeah she will be back , but nobody actualy knows ,I just like some other minds to have an input I'm can't work out wether them being together so long means they are more or less likely to ever make it work ..... she ust to say things like I still want him in my life and 12 years is such a long time ..and that she does love him and will always be friends with him , I never heard her say he was a good guy or anything like that , made me think it was a habit and attachment me thing Edited August 30, 2015 by drseuss 1
salparadise Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 ...she use to say things like I still want him in my life and 12 years is such a long time ..and that she does love him and will always be friends with him Attraction and attachment are powerful things that can override logic. The logical part is pretty easy... if you keep hoping and dreaming about this woman it will preclude other possibilities, so why not move on and find someone who's willing and able to make you the center of her world? Maybe if you accept what she told you (quoted ^) and get clear in your own mind as to whether that would be tolerable, then you could move on. Personally, I can't imagine being in with a woman who can't let go of her former lover, is determined to keep him on the string and expects me to accept it... ensuring that I would never see a minute's peace. Are you not able to see the obvious cause and effect outcome as inevitable, and make a decision to both protect yourself and create the possibility for something real and lasting? 1
Author drseuss Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 Your right and I definafly don't want to be part of that love triangle anymore and looking back i don't know why I put up with it , I like to think that if she ever got hold of me I would be able to say sorry I don't want to go back to that life ..... at the same time I hope she doesn't ever get hold of me so I don't have to make that choise , and I think that's what hurts the thought of never seeing or talking to her again when I felt so much for her 1
salparadise Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Your right and I definafly don't want to be part of that love triangle anymore and looking back i don't know why I put up with it , I like to think that if she ever got hold of me I would be able to say sorry I don't want to go back to that life ..... at the same time I hope she doesn't ever get hold of me so I don't have to make that choise , and I think that's what hurts the thought of never seeing or talking to her again when I felt so much for her Yea, I understand. Been there before too. I tried a variety of mental gymnastics to figure out what would work. It didn't help that she was determined to keep me on the string as the backup was constantly trying to keep in touch while offering nothing but titillation, frustration and misery. For me it was reframing it and constantly reminding myself of the reasons I must cut her out of my life completely... and going NC (no contact). If she's willing to go away when you tell her to you're lucky. 1
Maggie4 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Probably the reason she can't let go of her ex, is the same reason you can't let go of her. You can see why she should not be with him. In your post, I can see why you should not be with her, right now. Years later, maybe, when she's ready. 1
Author drseuss Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 Thank you for that , I think that's the best piece of advice I've had so far , a really good angle to look at it from , the thought of her feeling like I do about her makes me feel like leaving her well alone And years later is right , it seems to take her so so long to come to a decision on anything and even when she does I'm not convinced
Seth0194 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Never play second to anyone, because someone else wants you as yheir #1.
Author drseuss Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 I totaly agree I'm just so tired of my fluctuations in mood going for feeling strong and great to missing her and wishing we we back together. ....
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