Jet8419 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 (edited) There was a co-worker who was giving really mixed signals last year and we never met again after our last date (we went out a few times, plus he was asking what kind of guy I'm looking for, whether I'm dating anyone, my past relationship etc) in July 2014. There was no contact (he ignored me after agreeing we should hang out more) since other than we are on each other’s FB. Early this year, I moved to another state for work and he suddenly messaged me asking how I’ve been. There was a short exchange between us, ending with him saying he’s been the same and nothing’s changed. Then no contact for 2 months other than a birthday meme he posted on FB for my birthday (which he’s never done in the years we’ve known each other). Fast forward to last week. I texted him regarding some work stuff and he asked about how i’m holding up in reference to something I posted on FB 2 days before and he brought up things from long ago like how he remembered I was unsure about moving, things about my apartment etc and teased me about some random stuff from ages ago that I didn't even remember. It was as though he was picking up from where we left off last year. He knows I’m shifting back end of the year but hasn’t said much else. I just can’t figure him out… Why would he bother to remember small details from so long ago, yet not communicating much with me? when i email him some work related documents, his email reply would be "Thanks bud" or "Thanks mate". Friend zone ? Co-worker? Edited August 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs ~ V
elfamale Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 i think guys don't normally remember details about girls unless they are really close friends or someone they are interested in.
Zippy2000 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Nah! I disagree with elfamale. The reason why that is if a man was interested in you. He would have been sniffing around for another date or hounding you for sex. Im a bloke. If I'm Luke warm in interest with a girl. I'd still be polite and make conversation and flirt a little for fun. Its called ATTENTION WHORING! As men. We all do it. One girl I dated who called me "mate" and "pal". I called her up on it and replied. " Mate? I was hoping to be more than that!" And she replied back saying to not to take things literally. If you want to know about him them ask him! Doesn't serve you any purpose for coming to a forum and someone reads your post and reads it the wrong way. Id say if you're moving back to your state. Ask him on a "date". Flirt with him a little by saying " AW, I missed you" so he has an idea you like him. You need to escalate this if you want more and take risks. If you don't then you all be back on here 6 months to a year still not knowing. Just do it!
Author Jet8419 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 If you want to know about him them ask him! Doesn't serve you any purpose for coming to a forum and someone reads your post and reads it the wrong way. Id say if you're moving back to your state. Ask him on a "date". Flirt with him a little by saying " AW, I missed you" so he has an idea you like him. You need to escalate this if you want more and take risks. If you don't then you all be back on here 6 months to a year still not knowing. Just do it! Thanks Zippy, I'd actually tried asking him out last year after our last date cos he mentioned he wanted to know everything about me, however when i did ask him out and he'd agreed, he suddenly stopped responding when it came to arranging a specific time and day. So I left him alone and went no contact, even moving interstate. So it didn't quite make sense he now suddenly contacted me and is friendly/polite again...
kendahke Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Thanks Zippy, I'd actually tried asking him out last year after our last date cos he mentioned he wanted to know everything about me, however when i did ask him out and he'd agreed, he suddenly stopped responding when it came to arranging a specific time and day. So I left him alone and went no contact, even moving interstate. So it didn't quite make sense he now suddenly contacted me and is friendly/polite again... He may have thought since you asked him out that you were going to arrange it, not him. I'd point blank ask him why he was contacting me after all this time and exactly what was it he wanted from me.
travelbug1996 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 He doesn't want anything with you. He may be looking for some attention due to other prospects being low. Don't bite the bait. Ignore Ignore Ignore. 1
Author Jet8419 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 He may have thought since you asked him out that you were going to arrange it, not him. I was arranging it, he just didn't tell me a date when he could make it, so after asking him twice, I gave up. Wasn't gonna push it and just let go.
Zippy2000 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Thanks Zippy, I'd actually tried asking him out last year after our last date cos he mentioned he wanted to know everything about me, however when i did ask him out and he'd agreed, he suddenly stopped responding when it came to arranging a specific time and day. So I left him alone and went no contact, even moving interstate. So it didn't quite make sense he now suddenly contacted me and is friendly/polite again... I would read too much into it. People are sometimes curious how you are and whats been happening. They also want to know if your still single and if you still like them to validate their own feelings. I ve done that before when I was younger. I d like a girl only to have second thoughts but hadnt heard from her or seen her or months to a year. One of the reasons why I went back as they always left me at my own devices. So it was like catch up when we did speak. May this is what he is doing. I would NEVER ignore someone. If they contact you then reply. Thats how relationships form. No contact works if you are dumped but you havent. Why would anyone ignore someone they are interested in? Its like a form of self torture!
Author Jet8419 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 I would read too much into it. People are sometimes curious how you are and whats been happening. They also want to know if your still single and if you still like them to validate their own feelings. One of the reasons why I went back as they always left me at my own devices. So it was like catch up when we did speak. May this is what he is doing. I would NEVER ignore someone. If they contact you then reply. Thats how relationships form. No contact works if you are dumped but you havent. Why would anyone ignore someone they are interested in? Its like a form of self torture! Ok sorry, maybe "no contact" was the wrong term to use. I meant I stopped initiating conversations but would reply only when he texted me, which isn't often. But yes, you are right that he's curious if I'm single, cos in the last few years that I've known him, every time we meet up or when he decides to start a conversation, he would always ask if I'm dating anyone, if I want a boyfriend etc, then tells me he's single or broke up with someone. I just thought he's really hard to read cos the guys I've come across are usually very clear in expressing themselves such that I don't need to second guess. While he's like in-your-face direct about those questions, yet actions don't match.
Siquijor Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 One girl I dated who called me "mate" and "pal". Nothing worse than getting referred to like that. A sure fire candidate for the dumpster!
Zippy2000 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 No need to apologise. I understand. Your situaton is quite similar to mine. I had a girl who I liked and when I added her on Facebook I found out she was in a relationship. I had to mention to her why she hadnt told me and she siad it was ok for us to be friends. Disappointed I let her go and did my own thing and dated some other girls. I found out in December last year she ended up in hospital for glandular fever. I text her to see if she was okay and after like an hour of texts she tells me she is single. No one would tell you that unless they were interested in you. Looking back now I should of just said to her, "Why dont we become a couple"? I ve now learnt through time. SOme people like to keep their options open or not sure what they want. They ALWAYS come sniffing back.
Author Jet8419 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 I text her to see if she was okay and after like an hour of texts she tells me she is single. No one would tell you that unless they were interested in you. Looking back now I should of just said to her, "Why dont we become a couple"? I ve now learnt through time. SOme people like to keep their options open or not sure what they want. They ALWAYS come sniffing back. Maybe you are right about him keeping options open or not sure what he wants. Well, I'd made myself pretty clear last year I think, when I asked him out and he disappeared, so I just thought I shouldn't embarrass myself again. Surely he can't expect a girl to keep asking him out if he's "rejected" her once before?
Zippy2000 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Same with me. I've asked this girl more than 3 times to out for a drink. She eventually agreed and I went out with her but its like pulling teeth and trying to get her out for a second date. She never says "no" but says we'll do something and I all let you know. Some people also like someone to be always there like a back up girl or guy. I've decided to do no action for now. She hasn't replied to my last text message on Saturday 29th August. Just like you. I can't figure her out. Im starting to lose interest now and feeling a bit neglected. Its time for me to date others who know and want me and not for me to second guess them. I think !maybe you should !move on too. Clearly he's not that interested.
kendahke Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Maybe you are right about him keeping options open or not sure what he wants. Well, I'd made myself pretty clear last year I think, when I asked him out and he disappeared, so I just thought I shouldn't embarrass myself again. Surely he can't expect a girl to keep asking him out if he's "rejected" her once before? I agree. I'd let him go. Block him so he can't contact me ever. If he shows up in the future and asks what's up, don't play that with him. There is no point in telling him anything about you because he keeps demonstrating that he's really not genuinely interested. He just needs to keep following through on that disinterest and just stay gone.
Author Jet8419 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Same with me. I've asked this girl more than 3 times to out for a drink. She eventually agreed and I went out with her but its like pulling teeth and trying to get her out for a second date. She never says "no" but says we'll do something and I all let you know. Some people also like someone to be always there like a back up girl or guy. I've decided to do no action for now. She hasn't replied to my last text message on Saturday 29th August. Just like you. I can't figure her out. Im starting to lose interest now and feeling a bit neglected. Its time for me to date others who know and want me and not for me to second guess them. I think !maybe you should !move on too. Clearly he's not that interested. hmmm... in your case, i would think if you have to ask a girl out so many times before she agrees, it's probably she was trying to hint in a nice way that she wasn't interested and hoping you would take the hint. esp if she keeps saying "we'll do something" yet doesn't follow through. For me, I'm different in the sense I am very direct when rejecting guys so they don't waste their time on me and let them move on. I would tell them "thanks for asking, but sorry I will have to decline" and if the guy is a really nice person, I'll just diffuse the awkward situation by saying "well at least you were brave enough to ask and get your answer. if you didn't ask, you'd never find out" and that usually works well for me and for the guy (as in I know it takes a lot of guts for them to ask girls out, so I try to acknowledge that so their ego won't get too busted). As for my current situation with this guy, I have always agreed when he asked me out, without giving any excuse. I'd go "sure, just let me know which day and time suits you". and when he asked me to contact him once i returned from a month-long work trip last year cos he wanted to have dinner with me, I also did contact him when I returned. So I don't think a guy can interpret that as I'm not interested? I think I have shown him enough about my interest. It's more like he's the one that's odd cos he disappears after every occasion we went out, then reappears after a long period of silence.
Author Jet8419 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 I agree. I'd let him go. Block him so he can't contact me ever. If he shows up in the future and asks what's up, don't play that with him. There is no point in telling him anything about you because he keeps demonstrating that he's really not genuinely interested. He just needs to keep following through on that disinterest and just stay gone. Yeah maybe i should really let him go and see if he resurfaces yet again. He's already done it 2x anyway.
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 There was a co-worker who was giving really mixed signals last year and we never met again after our last date (we went out a few times, plus he was asking what kind of guy I'm looking for, whether I'm dating anyone, my past relationship etc) in July 2014. There was no contact (he ignored me after agreeing we should hang out more) since other than we are on each other’s FB. Early this year, I moved to another state for work and he suddenly messaged me asking how I’ve been. There was a short exchange between us, ending with him saying he’s been the same and nothing’s changed. Then no contact for 2 months other than a birthday meme he posted on FB for my birthday (which he’s never done in the years we’ve known each other). Fast forward to last week. I texted him regarding some work stuff and he asked about how i’m holding up in reference to something I posted on FB 2 days before and he brought up things from long ago like how he remembered I was unsure about moving, things about my apartment etc and teased me about some random stuff from ages ago that I didn't even remember. It was as though he was picking up from where we left off last year. He knows I’m shifting back end of the year but hasn’t said much else. I just can’t figure him out… Why would he bother to remember small details from so long ago, yet not communicating much with me? when i email him some work related documents, his email reply would be "Thanks bud" or "Thanks mate". Friend zone ? Co-worker? If you can't figure him out, he's not being clear about his intentions. If he's not being clear, you should assume he's just a co-worker because that's all you really actually know about him. Don't read into things because you have interest in him. If he has that kind of interest in you, he will become clear about it. Why would he bother to remember small details from so long ago, -- Some people just have really good memories. They don't have to make a special effort. I remember the phone number my grandmother had when I was 5 years old - HE6-2174. That's 51 years ago . . .
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