joshuamathew Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 I have a tough relationship with a girl i've been with for 8 months now. It started off great she agreed with all my views and we never argued for the first couple months. But as time went on she started disagreeing with my views on things. She was in an abusive relationship with her previous boyfriend he verbally and physically abused her, he cheated on her. He was her first love and she cheated on her next two boyfriends with him. She still talked with him on the phone when she got with me and i didnt like this naturally because he's a jerk and she cheated on her last two boyfriends with him ya know? So i told her i didnt want her talking to him anymore because he asked her to have sex with him while we were going out and she said she wouldnt and i thought that would be the end of it. Well, one day i had a suspision she had been going behind my back to talk to him so i checked her call history and sure enough she had dialed and recieved calls to his number. I talked to her about it and she denied lieing to me and said she never said she wouldnt talk to him anymore. So she continued to text and talk to him on the phone until one day he told her he would give the money he owed to her if she had sex with him. Then she finally stopped talking to him. I feel i have grown insecure because she has cheated with him in the past and i fear it will happen again. I think she doesn't talk to him anymore but i still have that fear because she lied to me in the past. Sometimes i feel dumb and controling because i get mad when she talks to certain people just in fear that she'll hurt me. She is also a flirtatious person which doesnt bother me normally but in these circumstances it doesnt help. She does the common flirting things like touching guys when she talks to them stares at people etc. etc. I know alot of my feelings are invalid but it's hard to let the fear go. Also i feel that she's very immature because she shuts down when i talk to her about things, i don't cuss at her, i dont raise my voice i just try to talk calmly and lovingly but she still gets defensive and makes excuses and denies everything when she will even talk to me. I just feel like i'm doing all the work in the relationship. We love eachother very much and wanna stay together but we find ourselves unhappy. I tell her the things i want her to change and she says she will try and change them but i barely see her trying anything. She says when i get on her about her shortcomings which i don't believe i nag i just tell her about the same things but she refuses to fix them. The plot thickens.... we found out last month that she's pregnant and this has just caused more stress and makes us fight even more. What should i do?!
Cecelius Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Honestly, my advice was going to be to dump her till I read the last line. I forget where I read it (and it is crass) but my thought is that "your woman in my opinion shouldn't be talking to an ex. It's ok to have men friends but friends whom she used to **** their **** is not in my picture. “ *She used to date him and still talks to him more than a couple times a year (and where she does not initiate). *She cheated on past b/fs with him. *He asked her to bang him while she was going out with you (and she didn't shut him down, tell him to get lost and never talk to her for the insult, etc.) However, now you've got a HUGE situation, and I hate to say it but there's some chance the baby isn't yours. You should politely take an enormous step WAY back. Tell her you have a lot of stuff to think about. Then get your head together. Like it or not, I think you need to talk to her about paternity, since the ex has been in the picture. If its not yours, then fine, walk. If it is, you just got yourself long-term associated with a girl who has some enormous emotional issues.
blackchild Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 i agree. i was in a relationship with someone that i was unhappy with, and it hurt like hell to let him go because he was my first love and we had so much together. but i felt like my heart was the only thing that i had and that i had to protect it. you should treat your heart in the same way. i am not saying that she isn't the one for you, because it seems like she's been hurt and she's scared to love someone in the way that she loved her ex. sometimes taking a break or deciding to be friends temporarily until problems are worked out is the best way to rebuilding a relationship. sometimes leaving shows someone that you mean what you say! trust me if she cared she'll come around.
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Is she pregnant with your baby? Better make sure (of course you'll have to wait until the baby's birth... don't take her word for it if she claims it's yours).
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